Pathways
by Lord Muffintops
Summary: The first heroine chose Ukyo's world for her happy ending, so the happy endings in all the other worlds were erased since they can't all exist at the same time. A new heroine is chosen to create happy endings in the rest of the worlds. A different take on a good otome, just with a new protagonist.
1. Chapter One: Musca

**SPIRIT WORLD**

 **~ Musca ~**

"Orion!"

The fellow spirit turned toward me wearing a sad smile. "Musca."

"Is it… is it true? Are you and lord Nhil really being made into mortals?"

"Yes. We leave at the end of the month."

Tears started streaming down my face. "But why? It's not fair!" I clenched my fists, knowing that being childish wouldn't help anything but unable to help myself, unable to do anything else in my powerlessness.

"It's alright, Musca," Orion ruffled my hair. "I don't regret anything. Ukyo and Kohana got their happy endings. It's what we worked so hard in all of those worlds for."

"All of those worlds…?" I echoed. "So you travelled through multiple worlds?"

"We had to. It was the only way to piece everything together in the end."

"But you know that once one world is chosen, the happy endings of all of the other worlds get deleted. What's happening to the rest of the worlds?"

"Well, all of Kohana's worlds revolved around a single person respectively. So, those people are simply not experiencing the happiness or the relief that she brought them."

"But… that's not…"

"I know, I know. Nothing is fair. But Lord Nhil's mission was to help Ukyo. I grew fond of the others too, well, _most_ of them, but the world in which Kohana and Ukyo attained happiness is the one that must stand according to Lord Nhil's will. He gave his everything, Musca."

"I know that, and I respect it, but don't you think that taking away the happy endings of others weighs on him?"

"Of course it does," Orion murmured. "But there's nothing we can do…"

"What if we get someone else to travel through the worlds then?"

Orion lifted his gaze from the ground, suddenly wide-eyed. "But, even then…"

"It's still one more happy ending. Don't you think there's someone that wants to leave their world for other worlds, someone that would be willing to fight though the worlds you did again?"

"Kohana's worlds are all dangerous in their own ways, Musca. It might not be a good idea."

"But if I could convince my master, do you think it's a worthwhile idea?" I pressed.

Orion closed his eyes, releasing a sigh. "… Yes. For Lord Nhil, I believe that it would be a solace beyond belief to complete the rest of the pathways. But I'm not saying that other than for his benefit it's a good idea. The person who does this may have to go through a lot."

"If it's for you and Lord Nhil, I don't think my master and I need any other reason."

"I know that your master Lady Faera is Lord Nhil's friend, but…" Orion shook his head. "Do what you think is best, Musca. But just be careful who you pick to do this, if you do decide to go through with it."

"Thank you, Orion," I dipped my head and ran off to my master's dwelling, a white cloud formation in the middle of the cosmos we resided in. "Milady," I bowed deeply once in her presence.

"Musca," she smiled warmly. "What is it? You seem troubled."

"It's Lord Nhil and Orion,"

Her face fell. "Yes, I am aware. I will certainly miss having tea with them… Orion was a good playmate of yours, correct? I am deeply sorry, Musca,"

"I'm sorry too… sorry doesn't even begin to describe it! I feel angry! I mean, I know that what they did is breaking the rules, messing with all of those worlds, and that's why, that's why…!"

"Calm down and have a seat, child."

I plopped down in front of her. "I have an idea for Lord Nhil's and Orion's sakes, if only you'll permit it. I don't know what the repercussions for us will be, but… I feel this is right in my heart."

"What is it?"

"I want to achieve happy endings for the rest of the center individuals in the worlds Lord Nhil and Orion travelled."

Lady Faera was silent for a long time. "I believe in the righteousness of your thought. We would likely be punished, though not to the extent that our friends are… Truth be told, I have been thinking of an act along the same lines and have already arranged a candidate, but was hesitant to go forward for your sake, Musca," she smiled at me gently. "It warms my heart to know we share the same thought."

Warm tears pricked at my eyes again. "I as well, Milady."

"Are you sure you're up to doing this? I cannot interfere with the mortal world so easily, but you, as a familiar, can be sent with relative simplicity."

"Of course I'm sure! I've got all the determination in the world, I'll leave right now!"

"Very well… You will have to traverse four worlds to complete your task. They are known as the Heart, Spade, Clover, and Diamond Worlds. The candidate I have chosen is very different from the first heroine, Kohana, but I believe that this is what makes her suited to the role."

"Are you sure that this new heroine will accept the role?"

"She is currently comatose with little time left to live due to a car accident that claimed the lives of her remaining close relatives. I can see less than a one percent chance that she will deny this opportunity."

"Okay, Milady. I'll be going now."

"Best of luck, Musca. You carry my hopes with you," Lady Faera opened a portal to the world in which the next heroine was waiting.

"What do I call her?"

"Her name is Michi Ohayashi."

"Michi," I nodded, throwing myself into the portal before I had a chance to question or feel fear. I ended up in a hospital room, where a thin form rested unmoving on a white bed, full of tubes. I bent over her, speaking through my mind. _Michi Ohayshi._

 _What…? Who's there?_

 _My name is Musca. I've come here with an opportunity for you. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's for the best though._

 _I'm dreaming… I'm in a coma, and I'm dreaming… What the hell… Can't I at least dream about mom and dad…? I know they're gone, but…_

 _I'm sorry for what happened to you, Michi. But my proposition for you is to go to another world, one where you haven't experienced this suffering, where you'll be alive._

 _What's the catch?_

 _You'll have to bring a few people who need it some happy endings. Maybe even find a happy ending for yourself along the way._

 _If I don't go?_

 _Well, then you'll die here._

 _…_ _Shit. Well that kind of makes my choice obvious, doesn't it? I'm not ready to die yet. Not anywhere near it._

 _I'm so glad you said that, Michi. My name is Musca, and I'll be helping you along in your journey. Now, are you ready to come with me?_

 _As I'll ever be, I guess._


	2. Chapter Two: Michi

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

"So," I blinked, tucking my hands in my pockets.

"Yes?" The weird kid in front of me raised her eyebrows. By weird I guess I meant different, so not like it's a bad thing, but I'd never seen a kid with floor length silver hair, a grey and black checkered dress, a pink shawl, and huge yellow eyes.

"Where are we, exactly?"

"Ah, of course. We're in the space between worlds."

"Uh-huh?"

She just looked at me.

"Wait, you thought I'd understand from just that? Sorry, but no."

"Okay then. I suppose that's to be expected. There are many different versions of your life that can appear at once, with things being dramatically altered each time. Someone who you're close to in one world could be just an acquaintance in another world, even a stranger. Like that."

"Alright, that makes a bit more sense," I nodded. "So, what _exactly_ am I going to be doing?"

"You're going to visit four worlds, known at the Heart, Spade, Clover, and Diamond worlds. Each of these worlds has a young man at the crux of it that needs help with some pain they have. If you help them all get a happy ending, then at the end you'll get your own happy ending as well. Sweet deal, right?"

""Kay…" I frowned. It mad enough sense, but I got the feeling somehow that Musca wasn't explaining everything, or like I was missing something important… but I was so dizzy, I couldn't think straight.

"I know you're in pain since you just got out of the hospital, but once you get into the first world you'll assimilate quickly. You'll gain memories and relationships with the people there."

"Wait, so these memories will be fabricated? It won't really be me?"

"No no, it's not like that. It will be the new you in each world. You'll know that you don't belong at first, but as you see things and question about them, you'll gain memories and your existence will feel natural."

"So I'm just inserting myself into someone else's world? Isn't that a little… ethically questionable?"

"Well, not the way Lady Faera and I see it. These people in the world all deserve happiness, and you didn't deserve to die. So, this seemed the best thing for us to do."

"Alright, guess I can't argue with that."

"Good! So, which world would you like to visit first?" Musca made a grand sweep of her arm towards four gates that floated before us.

"Huh…." I tilted my head. "I guess Heart," It seemed easiest to simply go in the order in which they were chronologically arranged and that they'd been explained to me.

"Alright… the Heart world," Musca looked up at me as we went into the gate. "I promise, I'll do all that I can to help you,"

"Thanks for that. I, uh… I'm glad I'm not alone in this after all…" And then everything went dark.

"Ugh…" I rolled over once and crashed to the floor. "Shit," I groaned, rubbing blearily at my eyes.

"Good morning," Musca laughed.

"Morning…" I lumbered to my feet, looking around. "Is this an apartment?"

"Seems so."

"So… Is my family alive in this world…?"

"I'd guess that they aren't," Musca grimaced. "I'm sorry, but it was your fate in the other world to be without family, so it's more than likely to be that way in this world, too,"

"Ah…" I sat back down on the bed, closing my eyes as grief had to reprocess itself in my brain.

"Do you want me to erase your memories or your prior existence? I mean, that would have been the easiest thing to do, but I wanted you to be sure and didn't want to do it without your permission first,"

"I guess… that'd be good," I nodded.

"Oh," Musca's eyes widened. "I thought for sure that you would want to keep your memories…"

"Well, it's not that I haven't had some happiness in life. It's just that my parents died when I was really young, and after that life was nothing special," I shrugged.

"Wait, I thought your parents had just died in a car crash that left you hospitalized. Was I wrong?"

"It was my grandparents that died in the car crash I almost died in. My parents died when I was seven when their workplace caught on fire," I explained.

"I… I'm so sorry I didn't know…" Musca put her hands over her mouth, eyes wide with horror and shocked sympathy.

"It's fine, I couldn't have expected you to. So yeah, I'd like to forget my first life. I mean, I still want to be myself, but I'd like to start over too."

"Alright. I can do that much. Milady seems to have lent me some of her power for this mission," Musca placed her hands an inch away from my cheeks.

"What are you crying for?" I asked, surprised when heavy tears started spilling down her cheeks.

"You wanted to dream of your parents before you died… you wanted to dream of that distant happier time… I… had no idea…"

"It's alright." I smiled softly, ruffling her hair.

There was a white flash in my vision, and suddenly it was light a thousand pound had been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Ah…" I blinked, amazed that somehow the world looked the same even though I felt so different. "It feels weird…" there was a newfound blur in my mind, but I didn't feel upset about it.

"Yeah, I can get that," Musca floated over me, staring intently. "Hmm…"

"What? You're creeping me out,"

"It's just that you're really different from the first heroine. And somehow, you're able to touch me… You've got a strong connection to otherworldly things."

"Is that first part a compliment?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yes…? I mean, you're not as delicate, or as cute. You're like a complete opposite."

"Keep it comin' Musca, it feels great."

"But my master, Lady Faera, said that that's a good thing."

"Alright, I guess I'll be happy with the vote of confidence," I shook my head.

"What should we do first?"

"I guess I should get my bearings…" I did the minimum to clean myself up and then started going through the room. "Oh."

"Oh, what was it?"

"It's a letter from a college, saying that since I've decided not to come to college this year, I can reapply for next fall. Huh. What's that all about? I'm smart, so why wouldn't I just go to college?"

"Really?" Musca arched an eyebrow.

"Why do you sound so skeptical?"

"I mean, you don't seem like you'd be good at concentrating in school."

"Come on, Musca, we just met. Calm down with the judgements."

"Sorry..." she blushed.

"Okay. Myouga University, it says…" I glance around and saw a cell phone on the floor next to the bed, checked the home screen. "It's August 1st."

"It makes sense. In the first heroine's worlds it was always August too. It's simpler that way, since schools are on break. You'll have the full month to concentrate on helping this world's crux."

"By the way, who am I supposed to be helping?"

"Oh, right. That'd be useful information."

" _You don't say_ …"

"Orion's incident report said that his name is Shin. I got to glance through it just a bit, so I know a few basics."

Just as I was about to ask who Orion was a spike of pain flashed in my head. "Oh, shit, what's that…?"

"Are you alright? Is it a memory?" Musca was wide-eyed.

"Ugh…" A vision danced in my sight, replacing the actual world in front of me.

The picture was of a hospital. I was pacing back and forth, pulling on my hair frantically, biting on my nails. My father was in the emergency room, right on the edge of life and death with no clear outcome to be told. My mother had died of cancer years earlier, beginning my father's descent into the world of alcoholism.

"M… Michi," A boy came towards me step by step, hesitance in everything he did.

"…" I stared at him. "Get away from me, Shin."

My coworker stopped walking. "I… My dad is so sorry, I…"

"Your dad is going to hell for what he did!"

" _Your_ dad is the one who attacked him in a drunken rage!" Shin retorted hotly, then shook his head. "I didn't come here to fight with you, I just came to apologize."

"Don't bother. I don't want anything to do with you or your dad."

"Michi-" We both turned when a doctor came out of the operating room.

"Miss Ohayashi," he began, then stopped. I held my breath, already knowing. "I'm very sorry."

I collapsed onto my knees.

"Michi…" Shin came closer.

"Stay away! Just stay the hell away from me, I never want to see you again! I hate you so much, I fucking hate you Shin!" I screamed, rocking back and forth.

When the memory stopped abruptly, fading on the image of Shin's stricken face, I had collapsed to my knees in the present as well.

"Michi! Are you alright?" Musca was floating around me in wild, panicked circles.

"Shin's father killed my father." I breathed, numb.

"Wh… what?"

"Shin's father killed my father in this world." I looked up at her. "How am I supposed to save someone if that's the case…?"


	3. Chapter Three: Fresh Start

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

"So… the son of the man who killed your father is the one you're tied to in this world…" Musca paled. "That's… awful."

"Just give me a minute, Musca, please." I curled up on the bed. Why had I done this? To escape dying, right. So, in the long run, whatever I was faced with, it would have to be worth it. I would have to keep going, make this world worth living in to justify the choice I had made.

"What are you doing?" Musca looked at me warily when I stood.

"Calm down." I smiled wanly. "Just a shower." I washed the stress away and then got dressed.

"What… what are you wearing?"

"Uh, clothes? Stop looking at me like that." A plaid dress with black and white checked tights and a jacket with big gold buttons was what I normally wore.

"How's anyone going to fall in love with you like that…? Then again, Orion mentioned that everyone here has their own unique sense of style…"

"Fall in love with me? What's that about?" No one had mentioned any mushy stuff to me.

"See, the person you're helping, you're uh, sort of bound to them by the fate of that particular world… Did I forget to mention that?" Musca laughed awkwardly. "It's called fate of love, haha…"

"More like you omitted it!" I gritted my teeth as I pulled my hair up into pigtails. "Fall in love, are you serious? Especially after what I remembered yesterday!"

"You can deny that fate if you want to, since it's not a fate that's a life or death situation. But your feelings will be swayed by your interactions, Michi. It's natural to fall in love with someone who you're going to be spending a lot of time with."

"No way in hell. I mean, I'm all for helping people… I'll hear Shin out, at the very least, but love is out of the question." Even if I didn't intend to bow down to any fate of love or whatever, it wouldn't do any good to be angry at Shin for what his father had done anymore.

"Suit yourself," Musca shrugged. "So, what are we going to do today?"

"Well, I guess it'd be best to get familiar with the town first and then concentrate on meeting people after that?" I suggested.

"Alright, that sounds good," Musca nodded.

"So, will the first heroine be in the world?"

"Yes, it's quite likely that she and her partner will exist in every world you visit."

"Good, I was hoping I'd be able to ask her for some advice on how to deal with all this."

"Well, I'm not sure that's possible. After she chose one person to be with, all of her memories were erased of the supernatural."

"Well that sucks… At least I've got you though. So, what was she like?"

"She lost her personality along with her memories while she was working through the worlds, so at first in appearance and action she was a bit like a doll. But she was a spirited person, caring and loving, in the end."

"So… in the end, she only got to stay in one world?"

"That's because she chose that one world to give all of her being to," Musca explained quickly. "It doesn't have to be that way."

I nodded. "Good. Ah, it's nice and warm outside." I locked the door behind me. Keys, check. Phone, check. Purse and wallet, check. Alright, slowly starting to feel like a normal person.

"When we're outside like this, you should talk to me using your mind. You're the only one who can see me, but other people will think you're talking to yourself."

"Alright…" _Um, like this?_

"Exactly!" Musca gave me two thumbs up.

"Hey, the town seems familiar," I realized with relief.

"See? I told you you'd assimilate quickly! Oh, there's a café that the first heroine worked at in each of the worlds, and so did a lot of other people you might end up having relationships with. Let's start there! It's called Meido no Hitsuji."

"Whatever you say…" I trailed off when the same feeling of pricks in my head hit me again. Another memory was coming.

"You… you're really quitting?" Right away I somehow knew that this person was Sawa, and we had been friends since childhood.

"Yeah. Sorry, but I just can't be in the same place as… you know." I had worked at Meido no Hitsuji for a year and Shin had been there for a year and three months, but I couldn't bring myself to work in the same place as him after what had happened.

"Well…" Sawa was trying not to cry, so I embraced her. "What am I doing, I should be comforting you…!" She laugh-sobbed and hugged me back tightly.

"Michi."

"Manager." I backed away from Sawa and bowed. "I'm very sorry to quit on such short notice, but -"

"There's no need to explain. I understand. But please, if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to come here." He placed his hands on my shoulders and pulled me into a paternal embrace.

I was trying my hardest not to cry. I'd been doing enough of that. "Thanks," I whispered, getting out of there as fast as I could through the back entrance.

Shin was coming in just as I was going out, and I jerked my gaze in the opposite direction and started running when his eyes widened with recognition and his lips parted as if to speak.

That memory had been of six months ago. I hadn't spoken to any of them ever since, not even Sawa.

"Michi? What did you remember this time?"

"I worked at Meido no Hitsuji up until six months ago around when my father was killed. I quit, and haven't gone back since." I felt all of the emotion from it, but it was still distant somehow since it felt like a different person was the one who was remembering that this had all happened.

"Oh… We don't have to go there, then. Maybe your university first?"

"No, I think I'll find more at the café. Maybe… maybe I'm here to help the person that I am in this world too, if that makes sense?" I felt like this was something I needed to do.

"It does make sense." Musca nodded. "Just remember, I'm here. I can't do much, but I'll support you no matter what. We're in this together!"

I smiled. "Thanks." The walk was about thirty minutes. I paused at the front entrance, feeling strange since I'd always gone into work from the back alley. "Here goes…" A bell rang when I pushed my way inside.

"Hello Madam, how…" Sawa began to greet me, but trailed off when she realized who it was. She just stared for a few moments, and then started shaking, fists clenched at her sides and face crumpled as she started bawling. "Michiiiiii!" She flew at me, making me stumble backwards when her body hit mine, her arms tight around my neck.

"Hey, Sawa…" I closed my eyes and held her back tightly, realizing that I'd missed her so damn much, every day, but had been too hollow to interact with others, drowning in my own misery. "Sorry it's been so long."

"You idiot! You never answered any of my texts or calls! I thought, I thought you were going to do something to yourself, I was so worried…!" She wailed.

"I'm okay. I'm so sorry," I apologized again. "The manager's here…"

Sawa let go of me, hurriedly wiping her face before turning back to the manager.

He was smiling. "Would you like a seat, Madam?"

I smiled back. "Yeah. I really would." He sat me down and I ordered a coffee, also known as joy in a cup.

The manager came back out with the drink and sat across from me at the table. "It's been six months. How are you doing?"

"I'm better now. You could say I had an epiphany recently," I chuckled weakly.

"Coming back here must feel like a big step."

"Sort of. I need to get back out with people, you know?"

"What have you been doing with yourself?'

It was a good question… I focused my mind, calling pieces of my life to the forefront of my mind. All I had to do was wonder with concentration, and I'd be able to remember… "I went through the motions at school, managed to pass the last semester with A's and B's somehow… I'm not making any money, though, I've been living off of… life insurance." I cleared my throat. "But I'm starting to come back to myself. How has the café been, and everyone here?"

"Business is as good as ever. Sales have gone up 8% since the summer began, but that's to be expected. We've lost two employees that graduated college and went to seek jobs elsewhere, but we simply had to tighten ship a bit in response,"

"Are you, um… looking for any help?"

"I would take you back in a heartbeat Michi, but Shin does still work here and I won't be firing him anytime soon. He doesn't deserve that."

"I know." I nodded. "I said I needed to get back out among people, and… well, Shin is one of those people, regardless of what happened. You know?"

The manager smiled warmly. "You're a good girl, Michi. When are you available to discuss hours?"

"Right now, if you are too." I shrugged.

"I will return momentarily, then." He took his long strides into the back of the building, probably going to get the schedule.

I was officially getting my life back on track. Good. I needed to shape my ass back up, get off the mope train, and live this new life that had been provided for me.

The door to the kitchen opened and closed, and an employee began to head over to my area, about to buss a table a few seats away from where I had been seated. He stopped walking when he saw me, staring open-mouthed. I froze up and stared back, a slight squeak coming out of my mouth as words failed me too.

Shin.


	4. Chapter Four: Encounters

Hi, Norraskka here. Shout out to Machiro for giving me some motivation/ reminding me to continue. Thanks friend. Anyways… I think most people when they play Amnesia like Shin and Kent the best… But Shin is my personal favorite.

 **HEART WORLD**

 **~ Shin ~**

What was she doing here? Six months of avoiding me at any cost, avoiding all of us, and then she shows up at the café? What the hell?

She was staring at me, eyes wide, unmoving, and I was mirroring her. I had to get away.

I swept the dishes off of the table, clattering carelessly, and fled back into the kitchen. My heart was beating so fast it hurt. Sawa had come into the kitchen having a meltdown a little while ago, but I had never even thought that it could possibly be because she saw Michi.

Michi. Whenever I'd thought of her in the past six months, which was too often, all I'd been able to see in my mind was her tearstained face, her screaming her hate for me and my father.

I didn't have the time to think about this. I was at work.

"Shin, you didn't finish bussing the table, you need to wipe it down," Toma reminded me. "Get to it, before the manager calls you out."

"I'm working on it," I snapped.

"Woah. What happened within the past thirty seconds that I missed that made you so mad?" he held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Michi's here," I spoke through clenched teeth.

"Oh, so that's why the manager went and grabbed the schedule," Toma brightened. "Is she getting her job back?"

"Oh, shit…" I groaned. Anything but that. Why was she doing this? Hadn't she quit just to make sure we never had to interact again? "Let me take over here in the kitchen, okay?"

"Shin, if she's coming back, then you need to get over it quick," Toma spoke sternly.

"Shut up," I snarled, then shook my head. "Just, please, just this once."

My childhood friend hesitated, studying me. "Just this once. I was about to make a tiramisu." He went past me, and I thanked him gratefully on the inside.

Of all the gazes I'd received from people because of what my father had done, hers had been the one I could never bear with my shoulders back and head held high. Was she doing this to torment me, or was that too conceited of a thought? Probably. But I wasn't sure I'd be able to bear being near her and remembering her hatred, despite how badly I wanted to talk to her again.

Either way, I just couldn't do it.

 **~ Michi ~**

I started breathing again when the manager left after we had worked out my hours. I started back at work the day after tomorrow.

Just the sight of Shin had brought back some surprising memories.

Sawa had introduced me to Toma in middle school, and we had become good friends then. By extension of Toma, I had met Shin, whom he treated as his little brother. We had all been rather close, but I had severed all ties after my father's death.

This mess was what I was trying to fix. But how was I supposed to even begin going about it? I couldn't think of anything. Just go up to Shin and be like, "Hey, I know your dad killed my dad, but this spirit told me to cheer you up about it?" Yeah. Like that'd ever do anything except land me in a mental institution.

"How are you feeling?" Musca's brow crinkled with concern.

 _Not sure. Seeing all of them again was a bit more shocking than I thought it would be._

"Do we need to go?"

 _It would be rude to not go back and say hi to everyone else before I go._

"If you're sure…" She floated next to me as I stood with a sigh and peeked into the back kitchen.

"Hello…?" I was mad at myself for being so timid about it, but there was no telling how any of them would react at seeing someone who had been avoiding them for a while.

"Michi! Is that you?'

"Hey, Toma. Uh, how've you been?"

"Good, good. I don't have a lot of time to talk now, but how would you like to catch up after ym shift? We can meet outside the front door."

"Oh. Sure thing."

"Psst! Michi!" Musca hissed at me.

 _What?_

"Spending time with Toma won't help you help Shin!"

 _But it might give me some more memories that'll help in the long run!_ I snapped at her mentally.

"You okay?" Toma was looking at me with raised eyebrows. "You look annoyed all of a sudden."

"Er, I'm fine. When do you get off shift?"

"At close, in an hour. Do you mind waiting that long?"

"I can just play a game on my phone, no problem. Where's Sawa so I can say bye?" Considering that we had apparently been good friends before, it wouldn't have been a great idea to tell him no. I had to take every opportunity I could to get more memories.

"She's getting off in a few minutes, so she went back into the employee room I think. Later, Michi." He hurried out to the front so he wouldn't get in trouble for slacking off.

"Sawa?"

"Michi! What's going on now, I mean, are you coming back out into the world?"

I laughed. "You don't have to make it sound so dramatic. I'm coming back the day after tomorrow."

"That's great…" Relief was flowing out of her. "I'm so happy to see you again. We have to make up for a lot of time and hang out as much as possible, okay?"

"Okay." I smiled, and she grinned back.

"What are you doing right now? Maybe we could go get dinner somewhere else."

"Sorry, I promised Toma I'd catch up with him after he gets off. How about tomorrow? You got any plans?"

"Nope. How about we meet at your house around noon and decide how to spend the day then?"

"Sure." Knowing her, she would probably wake up at eleven and have to rush to meet on time.

"Okay. Bye for now." She nearly crushed me in a hug before leaving for home.

"She's nice." Musca smiled. "I like her."

I nodded in response as I made my way to the front, peeking into the kitchen and catching sight of the back of Shin's head. My heart skipped, he made me so nervous. Geez, I'd have to get over that.

"Now what?" Musca asked as I just sat against the side of the building once outside.

I shrugged. "We just wait." And try not to think too much about Shin…


	5. Chapter Five: Shock

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Shin ~**

"Wow." Toma gave me an amused look as we prepared to leave after having finished closing the café up. "You're changing out of your uniform very… Furiously."

"You should know better by now than to keep messing with me when I'm mad," I muttered. "Leave me alone." All I wanted to do now was just go home.

"Fine. By the way, can you do me a favor?"

I heaved a sigh. "What?"

"I promised Michi I'd meet up with her and catch up after I got off, but I forgot I have something else to do. Can you walk her home and tell her I'm sorry? Thanks, bye!"

"Wait, hold on!" I grabbed onto the back of his shirt. "What is it that's so important you can't just do it yourself?"

"Uh… I have to go and… buy some milk! That's it."

"You're obviously lying. What are you trying to do?"

He grinned at me. "Nothing. Nothing at all. She's waiting out front, by the way." I let go of him, and he ran out. It was obvious now that he was trying to get me to spend time alone with Michi, but to what end? My head already felt like it was going to explode; I wasn't sure I could take much more of this craziness.

I took a breath before heading towards the front. Michi was muttering to herself, it seemed like.

"Stupid bombs, always messing me up… Argh!" She was staring intently at her phone.

"What are you doing?" The words slipped out before I could stop myself.

"WAH!" She leaped to her feet and stared at me, taking some sort of bizarre crane stance. "Don't sneak up on people like that!"

"… Sorry." If I actually tried to think about how to talk to her, I couldn't come up with anything besides an apology, for everything.

"I was playing Minesweeper. But I've never been good at games of logic, haha…" She laughed, an awkward and forced one, as she peered past me. "Is Toma off yet?"

She had been so engrossed in her game, she hadn't even noticed him leaving… "He had something to do that he forgot about, so he asked me to come and say he was sorry."

"Seriously?" She frowned. "Humph. He should have apologized himself. That would have been less rude, instead of forcing you to do it." Her cheeks had puffed out slightly in indignation, and I had to force myself not to laugh a bit at the sight. "Well, thanks for telling me I guess. See you at work." She started marching off.

I hurried to catch up with her. "Toma asked me to walk you home. Just in case. It's going to get dark, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, I know that. But I'll be fine on my own." She paused. "What I mean is that you don't have to force yourself to be around me."

"I could say the same to you." I kept blurting things out, instead of doing the safe thing and just saying nothing.

"Huh…" She frowned and narrowed her eyes, and for a second I was actually afraid she would blow up at me. "I guess that's true. But I'm coming back to Meido no Hitsuji because I want to, and walking beside you right now because it's not something I'm totally against."

For a long while I just couldn't think of how to respond, and we ended up back at her apartment building before I could even start to process how amiable she was being. "But why? What changed all of a sudden?" Her new attitude wasn't something I was comprehending.

She laughed and stopped walking in front of the steps that led up to the level her residence was on. "It's complicated, trust me. The bottom line is that I…" She stopped walking, so I stood tensely a few feet away from her. "Are you able to look me in the eyes and understand as I say this?" She was looking right at me with her chin tilted up, a fierce pride lighting her eyes that I had to force myself to meet head on.

"What is it?" Being around her was making me sick to my stomach, just the idea of her hatred for me and my father.

"I don't hate you. Not anymore. What happened isn't your fault, so… I guess that I… I'm sorry for everything I said. It's not true. I was just out of my mind with grief, but that doesn't excuse me lashing out to cause you even more pain too. Please forgive me, if you can." Even though she had wavered with her words here and there, she hadn't broken eye contact.

It was all too much. I just couldn't take it.

 **~ Michi ~**

Even after I had mustered everything up to say those words, he was just staring at me, his expression showing a sort of vulnerability his appearance usually hid. "Um. You don't have to say anything right now, I guess. I just wanted to apologize and – WAH!" I yelped as he just fell over, without warning.

"Oh my God you killed him!" Musca gasped.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" I yelled at her, forgetting to use telepathy in my panic. I crouched beside Shin, shaking him by the shoulder. "H-hey, are you alright?" Had he fainted? But no, he was moving around. He had put his arms up to cover his face, one mostly over his eyes and the other concealing everything but his mouth. "Shin, you're freaking me out over here."

"Sorry. You just… You really surprised me."

"But are you okay?"

"Sort of."

"Can you get up?" I tugged on his arm, but he shook me off.

"Just give me a minute." His teeth were gritted, his hands clenched into fists. I nodded and sat back down beside him, rubbing his arm without realizing it. He probably needed a moment to process things, yeah. After a few minutes he spoke again. "What are you doing?"

"Huh?"

"Your hand."

"Oh." I blinked down at my hand on his arm. "I guess I was trying to comfort you, in my own way…"

"By petting him like a dog?" Musca asked, tilting her head down at us.

 _Shut up, you._

"You're so strange… You always have been." Shin sat up and put his arms down, and I decided not to comment on how his eyes were bright with threatening tears that he had evidently been trying to contain.

"So, uh… You okay now?"

"… Don't know." He looked away from me, frowning.

"I think he's embarrassed…" Musca noted. "And he's still shaking a bit."

"Hey, you should come on upstairs with me until you're feeling better."

"What?" His gaze snapped back to me, shocked now.

"Unless you'd rather sit out here some more while it gets darker."

He hesitated, standing and brushing himself off slowly. "Alright then…?"

"Alrighty then." I took his arm to make sure he was steady. "Just until you're feeling better, okay?"

"Yeah." A bit, just a little bit, he allowed himself to lean on me.


	6. Chapter Six: Remember

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Okay, so now he's in your apartment. What now?" Musca was eyeing me with concern. "You leaped before you looked here."

I stared up at her. I hadn't even thought about that. She was completely right. What now? I mean, I couldn't have just left him alone after he'd just fallen over like that, but still... The situation hadn't yet improved all that much. Shin was sitting on the floor since there weren't even chairs or a table in the apartment, just a small kitchen, one bathroom, and two beds, one of which had belonged to…

"Michi!"

My head felt like it was about to split open as another new memory hit me.

"I know it's small," my father was saying. "But with just the two of us now, it's better to downsize."

"I know, Dad. It's fine. A smaller house just means it's easier to clean, right?" I knew we weren't exactly doing great financially, but I didn't care about living in a small apartment as long as we were together.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair. "That's my girl."

"I'll throw stuff at you when you snore though."

"I'm looking forward to it." He just laughed, happy despite the divorce he had just gone through. The memory ended there, on his dimpled smile.

"Michi, are you alright?" Musca's concern had doubled.

I nodded. "Shit, my head…" So I had moved here during middle school with my father after a divorce between my parents and then met Toma and Shin not long after that… The pieces were falling into place even more. But something was still missing. Where was my mother? Could she still be alive in this world?

"You have a headache?" Shin piped up, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Being deep into the memory had almost made me forget the present, that he was here. I would have to think about everything else later.

"Y-yeah, it's been hurting today," I lied, then looked down since my hand was wet. I had been getting a glass of water for Shin, and the water had been running and now overflowing while I had just stood there during the memory. "Oh man…" I dumped some of the water out, turned off the faucet and dried off before giving over the water and sitting across from Shin.

"Thanks." He sipped at the water slowly.

"Yeah." I stared at the floor as we lapsed into awkward silence.

"Michi, you have to say something. Even I'm starting to feel weird," Musca urged. "Come on!"

 _Okay, okay!_ "Um… So. Do you want a pillow to sit on, or something? Sorry there aren't any chairs or cushions."

"It's fine." I was starting to think he was drinking the water as an excuse to just not talk. I followed his line of sight towards the bed my father had used to sleep in.

"Yeah, I was thinking about trying to put out an ad for it, but I haven't gotten around to it quite yet."

"Oh."

"This is agonizing…" Musca groaned.

 _Well thanks so much for the advice._

"Okay, okay, I'll stop complaining. Ask him how he's doing. People find it easiest to talk about themselves, right?" She offered.

I nodded. It was a good suggestion, and way better than nothing. "So, how have you been?"

"Too broad." Musca jumped in.

"I mean, how's work?" I scrambled for something, anything.

"It's fine. We lost two people, but Ikki and Kent, you remember them, came back to work part-time for the break to help out. It's mostly Sawa, Mine, Toma and I."

"Mine?"

"Oh yeah, she's new. You wouldn't know her."

"What's she like?"

"Annoying."

I laughed. "You're blunt, aren't you?"

"I guess so."

I frowned. This was going nowhere, this tiptoeing and dancing around the issue. "I'm just going to stop beating around the bush… How are you really doing, Shin?"

"I'm fine."

"Now you're lying."

"Maybe I am. What's your point?"

"Wait, what?"

"My dad, though, he's a wreck. Drinking every day, all day, either that or just sleeping."

"Oh my God, Shin…" I got the urge to just hug him, I felt so bad.

"… That was a lie."

"What?!"

"He's freaking me out now…" Musca looked at the boy nervously.

"What the hell, Shin? It's not funny."

"I was just testing your reaction." He was giving me this steady gaze that felt like I was being dissected underneath it.

"But what for?" A moment ago I had felt like hugging him, but now I wanted to punch him.

"You feel sorry for me, I know that. And your forgiveness…" He shook his head. "I still don't understand your change of heart."

"I just… What happened isn't your fault, so I wanted to say I'm sorry. For saying I hated you, because I don't."

"I get it… But that won't change what happened, Michi."

"I know, I know… It's just that…" What was I supposed to say? Just telling him I forgave him wasn't going to be enough, but what else could I do? "I want to help you."

"Why?"

Why indeed? Because Musca had told me to? Because that was my only choice in this life? I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

"It's fine. I appreciate it, but I should go now." He stood to leave.

"This is bad…" Musca paled. "He's not making this easy at all…"

"Shin, please wait. Just give me a minute to think, please?"

"… Two minutes, then I'm heading home." He moved to lean against the door, one hand already poised on the knob to go.

"What are you going to do, Michi?" Musca was out of ideas now, it seemed.

I needed more memories. The me in this world had to have made some good memories with Shin. Maybe if I could just dredge something up, I could figure out what to say and what I wanted to do here…

I squeezed my eyes shut, thought only of Shin. Something had to be there. Musca had said this was fate, right? This world, the Heart World, was tied between the two of us, myself and this boy. It had to be somewhere, then, what my reasoning was supposed to be.

I felt small hands on my shoulders and could tell that it was Musca. "You can do this, Michi. You can remember everything!"

I had to do this, right here and now, to solidify my place and my purpose in this world.


	7. Chapter Seven: Link

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

The first memory I received went like this:

"There's someone I want to introduce to you today," Toma was saying.

"Why?" I hadn't had to look up at him when he talked back then. The middle school versions of the two of us were like cuter miniature ones, except Toma hadn't had a growth spurt yet.

"It's mostly because you've been at this school for five months now and I'm still your only friend."

"So what? All I need is you," I grumbled.

"Come on, Michi. It'll do the both of you good to meet someone new."

"Fine. You know what, you're always messing with my plans. I was going to get some frozen yogurt and ponder the universe later, but no. Not today, it seems."

"I'll treat you later, then."

"Yay! You're the best, Toma."

"Why do I get the feeling I've been taken advantage of…?"

"I was just kidding, you know. Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He took us to the park and we met a dark-haired boy near the pond there, the three of us sitting on the grass with Toma in the middle as the link between us. "Shin, this is my friend Michi. Michi, this is Shin. We've basically been friends ever since we could remember."

"Hi. Nice to meet you." I offered a wave and a tiny smile.

"Hi." Shin was frowning at Toma. "You said it'd just be us today. Why did you have to bring her?"

"Come on, don't be like that."

"Hey, no need to be rude. Toma's just trying to be nice." I glared at Shin.

"Well maybe I'm not in the mood to hang out with the girl who always smells like feet," he muttered in retaliation, glaring right back at me.

"You, you're…!" I sputtered. At times my dad and I had to choose between water and electricity, so I didn't always get to shower as much as I liked. Of course nobody else except Toma, and he had sworn not to tell, knew the circumstances, so… I guess my reputation had just preceded me.

"Shin, come on…" Toma jumped up as I started sprinting away, into the wooded area of the park. It wasn't my fault at all. I tried so hard, double layers of deodorant when we didn't have water, everything I could, but it wasn't easy.

"Forget them, just forget them…" I crawled under a bush and hid there, completely immersed in the foliage. Once it got dark I realized that my dad would start to worry even though I told him I'd be hanging out with Toma today. I wriggled back out and looked up to find Shin standing there. "What do you want?" I mumbled.

"I heard you crying."

I wiped at my face and sniffled. "Go away."

He sat down instead. "I'm… sorry."

"Shut up. It's not like you said something I didn't know."

"Toma told me."

"Ugh… I'll hit him later."

"Don't. He was only trying to help. Look." Shin looked away. "I'm… not good around new people. And I'm… sorry, okay?"

"It's fine." I guess I couldn't blame him…

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm…" I started sobbing again without warning. "A-afraid. Of being a-a-alone…"

"… Me too." Shin offered me his hand. "Come on. Toma's really worried about you."

I wrapped my fingers around his tightly. "O-okay."

That memory faded, and went on to this one:

"Shin! Shin!" I caught up to him, hopping around him in circles. It looked like we were in high school now, both taller and with less-rounded faces, new uniforms. It actually felt like a fairly recent memory… But when, exactly?

He plucked one headphone out, raising his eyebrows at me. "What?"

"Can I come over in the morning for the next week or so, maybe a few days more?" That day back in middle school, Shin had explained to his father what had happened, why he had gotten home so late. The arrangement of me taking showers at his place when I needed to had just happened somehow with both our parent's permission and had been going on for years now.

"Water off again?"

"Yeah, you know. It's better to have light than water. I guess?" I tilted my head, frowning. "Yeah, I think it is."

"It's fine. I'll just tell my dad ahead of time."

"Thanks."

"It's no big deal."

"No." I stopped walking in his path so he would have to stop too. "Really. Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

He looked away, face reddening a bit. "Cut it out, Michi."

"Fine, fine. Alright, cool. I'll be seeing you in the mornings, then." I ambled beside him, content to walk in silence.

"Hey, are you free this Saturday?"

"I should be. Why?"

"There's a meet for the track-and-field club. Do you want to come? Toma already has plans, so."

"Ah, so I'm your last option, huh?"

"It's not like that."

"I know, I know, I'm just teasing. Sure, I'd love to come. I've never seen you run, come to think of it…" No wonder he was skinnier than me.

He nodded. "Good."

And we went to the meet together that weekend, him driving in his dad's car.

"Haha, you look so funny not wearing red and black." The uniform for the track-and-field club was a white shirt with green shorts.

"You look funny today too."

"What, this?" I was wearing a pink skirt and a gray tank top. "It's too hot outside to wear regular clothes! I need to breathe. You should be appreciative, Shin. I shaved my legs for this."

"Please stop talking."

"But I'm excited, too," I said as we got out of the car.

"Why's that?"

"Like I said, I've never seen you run. I knew you were in the club, but I've never been to any meets. It's exciting. Aren't you feeling it too?"

"I guess so. Look, I have to meet the team beforehand. Can you find seating by yourself?"

"Yes, I can follow these huge signs with arrows on them with little problem."

He rolled his eyes. "I'll see you after then."

"Shin!" I threw my arms around him and squeezed him for two seconds in a hug before backing away. "Good luck, okay?" We'd been friends for a long time now, so hugs had become a normal occurrence. But it felt different, lately. Strange.

"… Yeah." He jogged off and I found a seat in the bleachers, playing Minesweeper on my phone until the race started. There were a few opposing clubs from other schools it seemed, and this relay race was a gateway into a much larger competition on the way to the nationals. I didn't really get it, but all that mattered was that I was here to root for Shin.

I waited on the edge of my seat until it came time for his turn. It was pretty much neck and neck between our team and one of the opposing, with the other ones being left behind by a few people who were just simply faster than others at some points. Shin seemed composed throughout, waiting patiently until the baton was passed.

"Go go go!" I yelled when his turn finally came. Man, he was fast… "Beat the other guy, go!" He actually ended up crossing the finish line pretty well ahead. I jumped up and down, laughing. "Hell yeah, Shin!"

From across the field. I could see him laughing at me making a fool of myself, smiling in a way that for the first time I realized was absolutely mesmerizing. This memory was a beautiful one.


	8. Chapter Eight: Rise and Fall

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Shin! Shin!" I ran up to him once the teams were dismissed from the field. "You won, you won!"

"You talk like I did it myself. It only looks impressive because I happened to be the last runner."

"Come on, don't be like that. You were like, woosh! That was awesome!"

"Cut it out, Michi." He suppressed a smile.

"Come on, I'll treat you to something as a reward."

"You don't have to."

"Shin. Shin. This is me, offering to spend money. Do not take this for granted."

"… You have a point."

"So what do you want?"

He took a moment to think. "We can go to that place you like."

"You like FroYo?" I was obsessed with it because, not being ice cream, eating it didn't make me feel guilty.

"I'm not against it."

"Come on, pick something you like. Today is about you."

"I just picked."

"Oh, come on…"

"Don't get in the car yet. I'm going to change in there."

"But aren't you supposed to change in the public restrooms?"

"With those lines? No way."

"Oh, okay then." I shall not look. I shall not look at the chest or the back of this person, whom I have no interest in seeing. "Rah!" I slapped myself in the face to banish impure thoughts.

"Uh." Shin poked his head out the window. "Did you just slap yourself?"

"No!" I crossed my arms once I had gotten into the shotgun seat and buckled up. I was just feeling weird, is all.

"… Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah." I smiled warmly. "You were really cool."

"… Okay then."

"So why couldn't Toma or your dad come?"

"Toma said he was studying, and my dad had work."

"Ah. Well, it all worked out pretty well for me, in the end. Sorry, if you'd rather have had one of them here."

"No. It turned out fine."

"Oh. Good…" What was this new sense of awkwardness? Had it been there before and I just hadn't realized it, or was it just all in my head? Probably best to just ignore it and be happy for Shin.

"What are your plans for after high school?" He switched up topics suddenly.

"Well… I figured the local university, Myouga. My grades are good enough to get some decent scholarships, and I can work a part time job while I'm at school too."

"Huh. That's where Toma was thinking of going too."

"Yep. What about you? You're a year younger than Toma and I, so you've got a little bit more time to plan."

"I guess it depends."

"On what?"

"The farther the club goes in competitions, the more likely it is that I can get a sports scholarship. It depends on what universities offer track-and-field."

"Huh… And you've been studying hard too, haven't you? You blow off hanging out with Toma and I more often lately."

"… Sorry, I guess."

"No no, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I'm just saying that… I respect that about you. How hard you work."

"You respect me, huh?"

"Yeah." I rummaged around in my purse, looking for chapstick. "Oh man!"

"What?"

"I left my wallet at home… Sorry."

"It's not a problem. I can buy."

"No, no way!"

"Then we can stop by your apartment on the way."

"No, the place is probably going to be closed by the time we get back to town anyways. Can I take you some other time? Please please please? I feel bad."

"Okay, fine. I won't say no if you're begging like that I guess."

"Thanks, Shin."

"But your stomach is growling right now."

"It is not!"

"Stop lying. Idiot."

"Ugh… You're mean, you bag of bones."

"We can stop at a drive through on the way."

"You can get something for yourself, but I'm determined for you to not buy me food."

"Whatever you say."

"Humph! My will is as strong as steel!" I clamped my hands over my ears when he stopped at a drive through, humming throughout the entire exchange.

"Michi. Michi!" He yanked one of my arms down so I'd listen. "Eat your food."

"I specifically told you. I warned you that I wouldn't eat anything you got me."

"Oh. I thought you hated to waste food though. Aren't you the same Michi that once ate five leftover parfaits at Meido no Hitsuji after we closed at work just so they wouldn't have to be thrown away? Now you're wasting this food and my money? That milkshake is going to melt, you know."

"Shin… You… You demon… You son of the devil… My weakness… Fine!" I grabbed up the food he had gotten me and tore into it. "I'm still mad at you, though."

"You're welcome to pay me back later."

"I probably won't."

"I thought so."

"Just kidding!"

"No you're not."

"Geez, Shin…" I grumbled. "So mean… But, thanks anyways."

"You're welcome." He glanced over at me. "Hurry and eat fast, okay? You usually don't hesitate to wolf your food down."

"You want me to hit you. I'm going to, and then you'll lose control of the wheel and we'll both die in a fiery car explosion."

"Calm down, will you?"

"Humph." I didn't speak again until I had finished eating. "Happy?" I wiped my hands on my skirt and kept them in my lap.

"Relatively." He kept one hand on the steering wheel while placing his other hand over mine.

I stared down at it. "Hah… Ahaha… You're being weird, Shin."

"… I get it." He took his hand away, and then my skin felt cold in comparison.

"N-no, I didn't mean it like that. Um… Geez." I grabbed his hand and held it tightly. "You can be melodramatic sometimes, you know."

"Hmph. You're one to talk." He twined his fingers with mine. The rest of the ride was spent in the comfortable silence I'd come to get used to, but now it just felt like it had a new layer to it, somehow.

"Well… Thanks for today. And I promise to treat you to yogurt later. Remind me if I forget. Or don't. Whatever you want."

"I'll surprise you."

"Okay. Good night." I looked at our hands one more time before pulling away and sliding out of the car.

"You need to be more careful when you're wearing a skirt, Michi."

"Shut up!" I ran over to the stairs that would lead up to the apartment I shared with my dad. "Idiot! You big bag of bones idiot!" It was a lot easier to heckle him from a distance.

"Wait, Michi." Shin got out of the car and approached me. "Sorry. I guess."

"… I'm not going to pay you back for the food," I mumbled. "Your payment was the unwarranted sight of my underwear, which I would like you to forget."

"Maybe." Shin swept my bangs back and pressed a kiss to my forehead before taking a step back. "Good night." He smiled.

"G-g-good… Idiot!" Geez, this was weird… I fell apart now just if he smiled at me.

The memory got fuzzy there, signaling its end. The pieces were there though, why that was the last bit of happiness I had to remember associated with Shin. That night, the one I had just remembered…

My father had been killed a week later. So of course, everything that had been built up had fallen apart instantly.


	9. Chapter Nine: Fault

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Michi! Are you okay?" Musca was gripping my shoulders, digging in with her small fingers.

"Yeah…"

"Shin left just a few seconds ago. You were stuck in your memories for almost five minutes."

"Oh crap…" I had to catch up to him, explain myself because I just knew now what I wanted to say. I jumped to my feet but fell back down with a gasp. The room was spinning, even my sight wavering in and out of focus.

"Michi, getting your memories back takes a toll on you. Maybe you should just wait and talk to him later. Rest now."

"No way! This is too important ." I made my way to the door swaying and unable to walk in a straight line.

"Michi please, I'm worried about you." Musca took my arm gently.

"I'll be fine. I need to do this, right? No worries." I burst outside and grabbed onto the railing for support, taking the stairs one by one. Shin hadn't made it far, only halfway down. "Shin! Shinshinshin! Wait up!"

He turned around and sighed at me. "What?"

"I, I just… I have to say…" I stopped moving to see if things would steady out a bit. Everything was getting topsy-turvy, and it was freaking me out.

"Are you okay?" He took one step back towards me, wavering in the face of my current state.

I felt everything going dark and grasped at something to say as warning. "Hey… Catch me, please."

"Michi!" Musca yelled, grabbing for my sleeve but missing as it slipped through her fingers.

"Ugh…" I woke up feeling groggy.

"Oh, you're awake." Shin looked down at me.

"Hwah!" I sat up, bumping heads sharply with him.

"Hey! Geez, calm down." He rubbed at his forehead, giving me a miffed look.

"W-why are you here?"

"Like I could just leave you alone after that."

"Right, right…" I glanced up at Musca.

"He didn't sleep, just kept watch over you all night." She blushed. "He stroked your hair…"

"That creep!" I gasped.

Shin stared at me. "What?"

"Uh… Nothing… I'm still out of it. But thanks… For watching over me."

"Yeah."

"Um… What I was going to say last night… About you asking me why…"

"You don't have to say anything. I'm really fine with leaving things as they are."

"But I need to say this! I want to."

He blinked, taken aback. "… Go on, then."

"I –"

"Michi, I don't mean to interrupt, but it's noon now," Musca was peeking out the window. "Sawa is here!"

"What?!" I hopped up. "Oh man…"

"What is it? You're acting strange." Shin frowned.

"I had plans with Sawa today, oh man…" I took a breath and assessed the situation. "But talking with you is more important. Let me just apologize to her and try to reschedule…"

"No, it's fine. We can talk another time. I shouldn't even be here. You should probably get cleaned up, too."

"Oh. Right." We stood there looking at each other for a minute.

"Just go. I'll get the door. Hurry up, already…"

"O-okay." Musca followed me into the bathroom after I grabbed some clothes.

"You need to be careful, Michi."

"Why?" I whispered.

"You keep talking aloud to me. Shin is going to start suspecting something is wrong with you. In fact, he already seems a bit concerned."

"You're right… I'll try to be more careful."

"Good." She paused. "He was really worried, you know. I think he cares more than he lets on."

I shrugged. If my memories were any indication… I just didn't know what to think now. When I was done getting ready I found Sawa and Shin standing in silence. "Hey, Sawa… Sorry, I just woke up. It's my bad."

"Oh, no problem…" She cast an uncomfortable glance at Shin. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." I turned to Shin and grabbed onto both of his hands tightly to make sure I had his attention. "I want to talk to you again. When are you available?"

He averted his eyes. "Whenever…"

I sighed. So helpful. "Tonight, then?"

"I guess so."

"Then we'll meet in the park at seven, at the front. Good?"

"… Fine." He pulled his hands away. "I'm leaving now."

"Well… I'll see you later then." I sighed at his back as he rushed out. "Come on, Sawa." It'd be nice to just relax and hang out with her.

She followed me out, looking like she was about to explode. "What was that? Why was he in your house? I nearly screamed when he opened the door glaring at me!"

I waited until Shin was out of view to respond. "It's complicated. I got sick yesterday and fainted, so he stayed to watch over me."

"Are you okay now? We can take it easy if you need to."

"No, it's fine. Look, you don't need to worry about Shin. We were just talking about… things. What happened, you know."

"Yeah… Well then, let's keep your mind off it today! What do you want to do?"

"Well… Uh… Nope, I've got nothing. You pick."

"There's a fireworks festival later this month, and the manager, Mine and I are trying to make it an employee get-together. Do you want to go look at kimonos?"

"Sure, that sounds fun."

"Yeah! If it works out we could meet up early with Mine and all do each other's hair... I could use the help." She laughed.

"Huh…" I was so used to wearing my hair the same way I couldn't imagine it any different.

"This'll be great! Come on!" Sawa grabbed my arm and rushed off. There was a selection of kimonos at one building in a strip of shops, and Sawa hummed as she rummaged through them. "Oh, this is cute!" She had picked a green one, her signature color.

"Er… Do things like this really suit me?"

"All girls deserve to feel especially beautiful. Come on, take the opportunity to get dressed up."

"She's right!" Musca chirped. "Oh, the red one! It'll look so pretty with your auburn hair! Yay! I've always wanted to know more about human festivals."

I smiled at her. It was easy to forget that she was basically a child. "You're right." I felt my face getting red too. At each garment I saw, I just kept wondering what a certain someone would think of it, and then I got so flustered at myself I just couldn't choose. "Help me, Sawa! Just pick one you think will look good, please…"

"Haha, you're worse at being girly than I am! That must be why we get along. Want to get pizza after this?" She honed in on the red kimono, same as Musca had.

"Sure." Ohh, with pineapples on it… Delicious.

After we had made our purchases Sawa turned to me with a more serious look. "Michi, I have to ask… What are you doing with Shin?"

"Oh. Well… I'm trying to move on, you know. I thought talking to him would help the both of us."

"He's had it rough since it happened…"

"How so?" I perked up, eager to know how he had been doing during my period of closing myself off.

"People treat him and his father like pariahs. But it's hard not to be a bit uncomfortable, you know?"

"Why? Shin didn't do anything. I mean, it's not like there's killer blood running through his veins, it was just his dad defending…" I trailed off, biting my lip as it started wobbling. As I had spoken, more facts had emerged in my memory about what kind of person my father had been in this world.

"Michi? Are you alright?"

"My dad was a good person, okay? He, he just… He never should have been in the bar that night. God, Sawa, I should have stopped him, I knew he was an angry drunk, but I… I just didn't. I told him to let off some steam, I… It's all my fault…"

"It's okay Michi, don't cry." She pulled me into a hug. "There's no way you could have known. Don't cry, don't cry…"

I felt Musca's arms around me too, from behind. "I'm sorry this world and these memories is so hard, Michi… But at least you aren't alone."

She was right. I wasn't alone in this new life I'd been given. But Shin was being faced with loneliness and judgement, and it was up to me to do something. I would succeed in this world, no matter what.


	10. Chapter Ten: Open

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Shin ~**

"Shin, you're late. You were supposed to come in at ten and it's past noon now." Toma was scolding me the second I got in to work.

"I saw the clock, you don't have to tell me," I muttered.

"Why are you late? The manager's going to be angry, you know."

"Michi got sick, so I stayed with her."

His eyes widened with concern. "Is she okay? Should I go visit her?"

"She's fine, and you can do whatever you want. Why did you set me up yesterday to be alone with her? I didn't ask for your help."

"Come on Shin, you know I'm just trying to help you guys get some closure."

"Leave it alone, Toma."

"Well how did it go then, if you're so upset about it?"

Well, we had both ended up falling down in front of each other, so I guessed that made us even. And then I'd stayed up all night making sure Michi wasn't sick enough to need a hospital, so I was running on fumes now. Not that it wasn't exactly worth it. She had looked peaceful then. Whenever she was awake she had a tense air about her, even if she didn't know it. "… We're going to talk later," I mumbled.

Toma grinned. "And I did such a horrible thing to you, huh?"

"It's only a talk. We'll go back to avoiding each other sooner or later."

"Oh, come on…" He sighed. "It used to be really fun working here with the three of us, right? Remember the time she ate all those parfaits so we wouldn't throw them away?"

I smothered a laugh under my hand. "Yeah." I'd probably never forget it. There had been allowance for so much unbridled laughter at the time that it had become nostalgic for me. Michi was a funny girl, always loving her food. But I could tell with a glance that she had become thinner, probably not eating enough from grief. And then this morning, looking at me with such a serious expression and her hair just a mess in her face… I didn't know whether to be glad that I could still laugh at her and thus with her or be worried.

"You really don't want things to go back to normal?"

"Don't talk like it's easy. You aren't directly involved in this."

"Of course I am! I'm your best friend, and your only real friend at this point. Come on, Shin. Of course I'm involved, with you and with Michi."

He was right. As much as he annoyed me with his butting in, he had been there supporting me and my dad from the start, unwavering, since it had happened. "Okay. I get it."

"Good. Do you want to work in the back today?"

He knew that I wouldn't have to deal with people if I was able to do that. Of course, I worked in the back more often now since my presence had a tendency to make local customers uncomfortable, but I appreciated it nonetheless. "Yeah."

"You guys are so boring!" Mine sighed as she swept into the kitchen area. "Always talking about the same thing."

"Stay out of it," I muttered.

"Maybe I would if you two didn't have these conversations in public. Anyways… I've got two specials ordered." The special included a cute little act from a female employee that, while it disgusted me, generally made more tips.

"You always do…" Toma sighed. "You get on it, Shin. I'm moving to the front." He left but Mine stayed, frowning at me.

"What do you want?"

"I'm just waiting for you to finish the order before I take it out. But since I'm here, tell me about Michi."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm curious! She quit working before I started and now she's coming back, so I just want to know what I should expect."

"I don't have much to say."

"You're so difficult! Well is she nice, is she easy to work with, things like that. I'm looking forward to getting another girl here, but I don't want to be disappointed."

"Fine. She's nice. Doesn't work in the front but is a fast cook and dishwasher. Happy?"

"Uh, I guess? Why doesn't she work in the front?"

I couldn't hide the small smile that came to my face because my hands were busy and it was too strong to just suppress it on my own. "She has some difficulties with the whole maid act."

"Huh… That's the first time I've ever seen you smile."

I turned away sharply and finished making the order as fast as possible before shoving it at her. "Go away."

"Haha, now I'm interested in her. Michi, right? I'm looking forward to it!"

Ugh, this was going to be great… I'd questioned Michi's intentions so much before and even told her a lie about my father to gauge her reaction because she had broken my defenses before I'd had an opportunity to bolster them. Part of me was being irrational, angry at her for being concerned about me and not my father, but I knew that was wrong. I couldn't expect her to feel sorry for either of us. I was just mad at myself for caring so damn much when I was trying to turn off all of my feelings.

After work, thankfully managing not to get chewed out by the manager (Toma probably had a hand in it), I went to the park as promised. Michi was there waiting, and once I got close enough I realized that her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying a lot recently.

"Hi, Shin." The smile she attempted to give me was at odds with those eyes, the crinkle in her brow that told me she was upset. After knowing her for so long I had just figured out how to read her without even trying.

"So? What do you want to say?"

She hesitated. "Can we walk?"

We set off on the path wordlessly, and I wanted to sink into the silence, the kind of silence we had always understood together.

"I'm afraid of being alone." I was almost startled when she spoke again. "Remember? That's what I said to you the day we met."

"Yeah." And I had admitted to having the same fear. I'd been hoping she'd forgotten.

"I just… I feel alone, and thinking of you, talking to you, makes me feel like I'm not. Because no one else understands, really. Shin, I don't want you to feel lonely either."

"I never said I did." The way she was talking was bringing old feelings back, how so much caring was implied, and it made me panic.

"Don't lie anymore, please." She reached for my hand again, and I wanted nothing more than to feel that warmth I had lost again.

"Just stop, Michi!" Even though she looked stricken at that, I had to keep pushing her away. This could go too far. It would be so easy to think that I could just forgive everything and be by her side again, but no matter what I wanted it wasn't right. Still, all I could do was hold on and hope she didn't change my mind.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Heart

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Just stop, Michi!" Shin snapped, and I pulled back, feeling as if I'd been lashed with a whip.

"I'm sorry…" I took in my own words and then shook myself. "No I'm not, I'm not sorry at all! There's nothing wrong with me wanting to help you, because you and I are the same, Shin."

"How are we the same? I'm the one who's…" He trailed off and took a breath to calm himself down and stop himself from saying what he wanted to.

"What? Nothing will change if you don't say anything, Shin. I certainly won't leave you alone."

"Fine. Fine! Listen. We're different in this situation. My father and I are the ones being harassed for what happened. I'm not discounting what you must feel, but you're the victim here. The victim doesn't get the treatment we're getting."

"And it's hard."

"Of course it is. You can't say that we're the same here."

"Shin, you can't not understand how similar we are on the bottom line of things. Whether it's with judgement or with pity, we're both being looked at differently. We both want to escape from the sense of isolation somehow but can't seem to manage it. We both feel stuck and alone, so we're afraid. Afraid of more pain, afraid of opening up."

"What's your point? Even if what you're saying is right, it doesn't mean that you need to come back into my life like this, messing everything up and making me…" He kept trying to breathe slowly to calm down, but those breaths kept hitching. "Stop it. Just leave me alone."

"No, okay! I can't just leave you alone like this. Please, Shin. Just let me help you, for the both of us… And for your dad too."

His eyes widened at my mentioning his father. "What about him?"

"Shin… It wasn't your dad's fault for defending himself when he was attacked in the bar that night. It was…" I forced myself to speak even though my throat was trying to close around the words, the admittance, I didn't want to utter. "It was my dad's fault for getting drunk and fighting with someone so violently. And it was my fault for letting him go to the bar at all that night, knowing he was an angry drunk. So, we are the same. I want forgiveness as much as you do. I'm guilty too. So please, Shin. Will you just please, please, let me –"

"Shut up, Michi…" Shin wrapped his arms around my back tightly, crushing me in an embrace. "It's not your fault. Don't start spewing shit like that."

"Shin…" I held him back with all my strength. "Let me talk to your dad. Let's just put all of this behind us."

"Okay." His body shook slightly as a tremor ran down his back, and I knew he was crying.

"Crybaby," I teased gently.

"You're crying too."

"That's only because you set me off." We pulled back enough to look into each other's faces, and I raised my hands to wipe at the tears running slowly down his cheeks. "We will put this behind us. I know we can. Everything can be back to how it was before."

"I'll put it behind me… But we can't go back, Michi. We can't undo everything, the damage your father's death caused."

"I really want to go back," I whispered. "It was so much easier before."

"I know. But we can deal with what we have now." Shin touched my cheeks, catching my tears in the fabric of his gloves. "We can move forward like this."

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Michi…" Musca breathed a sigh of relief. "Goodness, I didn't think it would work, but you did it. Brilliant job."

 _We did it together._ I smiled, for her and Shin.

Shin pulled away, shaking his head. "I think that's enough for today… You should do something that's going to make you happy instead of spending all of your time with me… I'll walk you back home."

He was right. I just wanted to collapse into bed and sleep for a week, the weight of these emotions was so large. "I did do something fun today. I went shopping for a kimono with Sawa."

"Why a kimono?"

"For the fireworks festival."

"Oh. That. I was hoping it wouldn't go through so I didn't have to go."

"Oh, come on. It sounds like a fun relaxing time."

"If Sawa and Mine are there, it's not going to be fun and especially not relaxing."

"You're so grumpy all the time. You haven't changed." I paused. "I take that back. You did change. You used to be more… Never mind."

"What? If you were planning on insulting me, I want to hear what you have to say."

"Just… The night of the track meet. You remember?"

"… Yeah."

"Well… You acted different that time. That's all."

"That was a one-time thing."

"Okay." I paused. "Shin… Did you like me, back then? As in…"

"I know what you mean, I'm not stupid," he muttered. Then there was a silence, one different than the normal silence because it was an uncomfortable one, one I waited through filled with anticipation. "Yes. I liked you."

"Oh." So his actions had meant what I had faintly been thinking they did. It hadn't all been in my head that time. "I… I liked you too." My voice got smaller as I spoke. "I still like you." My heart and my head, my memories and my feelings, they all said that he was still the person that made me flustered, who messed up my pulse. I liked him even now, no matter what.

He just looked at me for a second before taking my face in his hands and pressing his mouth against mine.

"What? What?! WHAT?! Michi?!" Musca flew around in erratic circles, as shocked as I was.

I was completely still until he backed away. "Sh-Shin?"

"I'm the son of the man who killed your father. That's the person who just kissed you," he said quietly, and I flinched. "Even if we forgive each other, even if we become close again… Michi, anything else would be too strange. It would be wrong."

I nodded slowly, a new, lesser ache taking form in my heart. "I understand. Forget I said anything." We continued on in silence until I decided to break it, unable to take it anymore. "When can I come talk to your dad?"

"I don't know. Let me ask him first, hint at it a little and ease him into it."

"Good idea." We were back at my apartment both too soon and not soon enough.

"Michi."

"Yeah…?"

"Still… Thank you for everything. And I'm sorry."

"What's this? A genuine thanks and apology? I don't know if my little heart can take it."

He shook his head, letting out a short chuckle, one just there enough to convey mild amusement. "Good night. I'll see you at work."

"Night. See you." I went inside and plopped onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling and at Musca as she hovered into my view.

"That was… Unexpected. A lot of it was."

"Yeah…"

"Michi… Do you sincerely feel that way about him? After you and Sawa finished hanging out earlier you told me everything you had remembered about Shin and I could tell that you two had a close bond, but… Even after your father's death?"

I closed my eyes. "My memories and my heart say that… Well, I… I love him. He holds a special place in my heart, even now… It's like there's this..." I searched for the right words. "This little nook in me. He's there, and I can't get him out of that little corner. And I don't want to. I want to keep him there, always..." That was culmination of the feeling I had learned this life had for me, this fate.

Musca tilted her head, thinking. "Maybe I'm not the one you should say those words to."

"Maybe." But Shin had laid down the boundary. There was no way I could ever convey those words, those deep feelings that had been revealed to me in flashes of memories, a life of eighteen years that claimed my heart for a person who couldn't accept it.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Maidens in Love

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Ugh…"

"Huh… That uniform… It actually suits you. Color me surprised!" Musca examined me, nodding.

 _What's so shocking about it? I can look cute too, you know._

"Yes, but your attitude is never cute."

"I'm so tired…" I sighed, ignoring the jab. Just thinking about Shin now made me feel depressed and want ice cream.

"Are you Michi?"

"Muh?" I turned to the person who had addressed me while in the middle of a wide yawn.

"Oh."

"Sorry… I didn't sleep well last night. Not like you care, but… Anyways! Yep, I'm Michi. Who are you?"

"I'm Mine. I hope we get along." She smiled sweetly. See, this kind of cute girl was the kind of person they wanted working at a maid-themed place. She oozed the kawaii vibe while I was probably oozing the deathly sleepy vibe.

"Yeah, sure. Nice to meet you." I rolled my sleeves up. "Isn't there supposed to be another person on shift today?"

"He should be here soon." Mine as basically hopping up and down, she was so eager.

"So this lovely lady is Michi?" A man with sunglasses came in, wearing a self-assured smile. "I've heard a lot about you, but the vision in person is definitely better."

"Uh… And you are?" I frowned up at him.

"Call me Ikki."

"Oh. Yeah, the manager mentioned you once. You're a college student, right?"

"That's right. Hello, Mine." He greeted her. That smile… It was disgustingly refreshing.

"H-h-hello…" She looked like she was about to melt.

Ugh, I wasn't in the mood to witness young love right now. "Gross. Take all of that away from me." I sighed. "I'm going to familiarize myself with the recipes again." I pored over the book of recipes in the kitchen, finding that I luckily still remembered some of them pretty well. As the day went on it became easier to get back into the swing of things, and the methodical movements of working became kind of soothing. A bit relaxing, actually.

"That looks delicious! Everything looks so good… I'm jealous." Musca sighed. "I want to eat an ice cream sundae…"

"You and me both," I laughed.

"Hey, Michi!" Mine poked her head into the kitchen. "There's a table out there that asked for you."

"Eh? Why me?"

She giggled. "Just go on, you have to do it if they ask for you."

"Fine… Finish this order for your table then. I'll be back as quick as I can." I heard her laughing behind me as I went out, and it just creeped me out and made me nervous.

"Michi, over here." Toma waved me over.

"Oh, you requested me?"

"Yeah, we figured since we decided to come in we'd say hi to you, see how your first day back was going."

"We? AH!" I jumped when I noticed Shin sitting there too. "Oh, h… Hi there."

"Hi." He covered his mouth with his hand and I felt my face getting red. He just had to remind me...

"So, um… Do you guys want to order something?"

"Michi."

"OHMAGOD!" I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Manager…? Hi?" He had just appeared behind me like a ghost.

"Michi, now would be a good time for you to practice, especially since it's people you're already comfortable with."

"But…"

"You'll get better tips that way. You don't make much staying cooped in the kitchen all day."

"Urgh... Yes sir." I took a breath, unable to look either Toma or Shin in the eyes and instead looking at the floor. "H-hello…"

"She's never been able to get past this part," Toma commented, watching me with amusement.

"Shut up, you." I glared at him.

"Michi. Start over." The manager, whether or not he found it funny, remained placid.

"Yes sir…" I took a breath again but it got stuck when I realized that Shin was watching me too, but intently, with no trace of laughter like Toma had. "Um…" My attention was still best served on the floor. "Hello…" I squeezed my eyes shut. "Hello master, how may I serve you today?" I glanced up nervously.

Toma looked surprised. "You actually said it. I didn't think you could."

"Take that, Tomato! Haha!" I was triumphant for a moment but then I frowned at Shin, who had turned away and rested his head in his arms. "Are you okay, Shin?" He only nodded in response.

"Okay? Well, would you like to order anything? I said the words, so you may as well reward me by being paying customers at the very least."

"Can we both just have a coffee?"

"Of course. I'll be back in a minute." I went back to the kitchen and blinked at Mine for a minute as she giggled at me. "You. This is your fault, come here!" I wrapped an arm around her neck to trap her and messed up her hair badly before letting her go. "Geez… Putting me in that situation."

"You can be mad now, but I'll tell you this, those boys enjoyed it and they'll be looking at you differently now. You'll thank me later for bringing out your charms."

"We just met and you're already making my blood pressure go up…" But she was a good kid.

"You know, I took a peek at Shin's face while you were doing your maid thing," Musca informed me. "Do you want to know how he looked?"

 _No. No way. I mean, sort of… But no. Definitely not. Well…_

"It's more of a yes or no question."

 _Look, he's already laid down the terms. It doesn't matter. I have coffees to make._

"Hm… So this is the expression of a girl in love…" Musca laughed.

"Shut up!" I snapped.

"What?" Mine stared at me.

"I was just… Talking to my heart," I mumbled. It wasn't entirely a lie. My heart did need to shut up a little bit.

She smiled. "I understand that."

"Yeah… Mister Sunglasses, huh?" I smirked at her. A guy like that instantly put me at odds against him with that cocky attitude, but other people were allowed to have their tastes.

"What?"

"Ikki. You like him."

"How did you know?" Her eyes got big.

"Because I can see. Look, I won't tell Ikki if you don't tell…" It occurred to me then that she probably didn't even know that I liked anyone, much less who it was.

"If I don't tell who? Oh my gosh, do you like Toma or Shin?"

"No. No. Impossible. I'll kill you. Just, no. Forget you heard anything."

"I'm going to figure it out, I promise you. As a fellow maiden in love, I can tell these things."

"You won't. I'm going to be perfectly composed, like a cricket at a lame comedy show."

"We'll see." She flounced out with the coffees I mad whipped up, sparing me from having to go and face them again.

"… Crap." I sighed. If she was so intent on figuring it out, then there was no telling what she would do when she did.

"She seems like fun. Definitely making things more interesting around here," Musca commented.

"At this point I don't need interesting, I need a nap… Geez." But I was still very glad to be back among these people. More glad than anything.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: With and Without

**HEART WORLD**

 **~ Shin ~**

"Hey, uh… Are you okay?" Toma frowned at me.

She had actually said it, and with that shy, blushing face… I was going to die right here. "I'm fine." My voice was muffled where my face was hidden in my arms.

"You looked like you wanted to run away when I said I wanted to come here to support Michi. Did something else happen?"

"Why do you always think something happened? Why does something always have to happen?"

"Uh-huh." He just waited for me to come around after dosing me with a bit of skepticism.

"I already told you we were going to talk last night. We did, about multiple things. About… Forgiveness, and moving forward. She said she wanted to talk to my dad too, and help him move on."

"Shin, that's… It's pretty amazing. Definitely not something to take for granted."

"I know." I paused. "She also told me that she liked me, before it all happened."

"Wait, what? Why say that now?"

"… She said she still likes me too."

"Oh. Well…" He shifted in his seat awkwardly. "What did you say?"

I looked down at the table, remembering how her mouth had felt against mine, the sensation I had longed for when I had thought I actually had a chance. I was terrible for wanting it still. "I said it was impossible, after everything that's happened."

"That makes sense. It would just be too weird."

He was so quick to agree… I hadn't thought of it yet, how it would look from an outside perspective too. The base thought of Michi and me together without knowing everything behind our relationship… People would definitely find it abhorrent.

"Yeah," I muttered. It was entirely impossible in the end, wasn't it? It was just a feeling I had had once that I needed to abandon now. "Oh man…" I groaned. But there was also no way I was going to forget the image of her saying "master" with that face.

"What?"

"Nothing. I don't know why I let you drag me here." I had been able to avoid talking to my dad last night because he'd fallen asleep, but I wasn't at all certain how he would respond to the idea of talking to Michi. Guilt was eating at him constantly, even now at a little past six months after the incident. I guess I'd been avoiding the conversation even more by letting Toma convince me into coming here. Of course, I didn't have it in me anymore to be reluctant to see Michi.

"We can leave after we finish our drinks."

I checked the time on my phone. "I'm going to leave now. I want to talk to my dad before he goes to work." That way he would have plenty of time to think about the proposition before he got back, and we'd have a likelier chance of discussing things calmly and rationally.

"If you're sure. I'll tell Michi you said goodbye."

"Don't bother." She didn't need that kind of sentiment from me. I had still rejected her, after all. Wait… "Toma, a quick hypothetical question first."

He raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"If you kiss a girl and then reject her, then how is the situation supposed to be perceived?"

"Uh… Hypothetically?"

I nodded.

"Hypothetically. That person who kissed that girl, whoever she was, and I'm sure she's a very sweet girl, that guy is a tool who needs to be more clear either with himself or with the girl." He smiled pleasantly. "Hypothetically, of course."

I scowled. "Of course." He did have a point though. I hadn't even considered at the time what sort of mixed message I'd be sending. In the moment I had been confident that my rejection had been clear, but I had also acted on impulse beforehand by kissing her. It had just been the best way to get my point across, I'd felt.

Now wasn't the time to be preoccupied with it. Once I got home all I was thinking about was how my dad was going to react. I hadn't said a word about Michi yet, so he was bound to be surprised. "Dad?"

"Shin? I thought you said you would be a while." He was doing his overalls up for his new job on construction. A number of places had refused to hire him after it had happened, so he'd taken what he could get.

"I wanted to talk to you before you went to work."

"What is it?" He tore into a sandwich while combing a hand through his thinning hair, pretty much the most he did for his appearance.

"I've been… Talking with Michi lately."

He coughed, nearly choked on his sandwich, and beat a fist against his chest so it would go down. "What?"

"Michi approached me. She says she wants to talk to you." I had decided not to mention what exactly she had wanted to discuss, wanting to leave it to her. She was a better wordsmith than I was under pressure.

"That's…" He slouched, exhaustion suddenly visible in everything he did. He tried to hide it, but of course I was aware.

"You owe it to her, Dad. I spoke with her because I felt that way, and it helped. Please do this for yourself and for me."

"… I'll do it. Just don't expect too much, Shin."

I nodded. This had been more successful than I had thought it would be.

"I'm, uh… Going to take off early then."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I went to my room once he was gone, trying to study but finding my mind too preoccupied. Our conversations had been stilted like that ever since my parents had divorced, but Michi's dad's death had only made things worse. It was like my father and I were too ashamed to look each other in the eye or be honest. With that being the case, there was no way I could simply be open with others too.

Granted, I still had a parent. Michi's parents had divorced a long time ago too, and with her dad gone she was alone. Huh. We both had divorced parents, few friends, bad attitudes at times, and were currently plagued by guilt and sadness. Just like she had said, we were very alike.

I pulled my phone out and went through the contacts, finding her still there. It was almost nostalgic, again. I texted her:

He said he'll do it

Then I was just lying there for a while until my phone vibrated multiple times as she texted back:

Goof

I meant goos

GOOD

Good

Is what I meant to type

I shook my head and laughed, free to show happiness while by myself. I always got the feeling that if I showed signs of joy in public, other people would feel like I didn't deserve to feel those things. Whether it was in my head or not, it had an effect.

I messaged her back:

Want me to meet you after work and we can go?

A second later:

Sure. Have to stop now, manager is watching. Bye

I closed my eyes. It was possible that after she spoke to my father, this contact between us would cease. It wasn't the most unpleasant thought, but it wasn't the best one either.

Who was I kidding, just a few days and already I felt like I didn't want to be without her again.


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Departure

Hi, Norasakka here. Ah, Ikki… Have to say, my least favorite route of the game. Not that it was bad, and you definitely don't have to get locked in a cage to pass it, but it was sort of like… You must love me, or I'm going to kill myself. Woah, Ikster. Calm down. Anyways, enjoy the story.

 **HEART WORLD**

 **~ Michi ~**

After work I went out front to wait for Shin. My chest felt tight with anticipation. There was no telling what his father would say to me.

"Don't yawn with your mouth wide open like that. Put your hand over it," Musca suddenly chided me.

 _What, like I'm trying to impress anyone?_ I growled at her mentally.

"Point, I suppose. Hey, isn't that Ikki over there?"

"Mister Sunglasses?" She was right. He was on the other side of the road, surrounded by a group of giggling fangirls. "This sight… is disgusting. Have they no dignity?"

"Huh… I get a strange feeling from him though." Musca frowned.

"What, like he's dangerous? Do I need to stay away from him?"

"No, not like that at all. It's like… He's been touched by the Spirit World. I need to think about this…"

"Huh…" I crossed my arms and watched the scene across from me blankly. "This guy thinks he's all that and a bag of chips… It makes me mad."

"Come on. You're judging before you know him."

"Yeah, yeah, I know I shouldn't… But it's so gross!" I jumped when the fangirls turned to look at me and realized how loudly I'd yelled it. "GROSS!" I said it again, booming.

"Michi! Are you crazy?"

"If they heard me, I may as well own what I said proudly."

"Oh no, they're coming over here." Musca grabbed my sleeve and hid behind me.

"Why are you scared? They can't even see you." I went forward to meet the group. "Hey, what's up?"

"If you're going to insult us, you should at least have the decency to say it to our faces." A blonde girl seemed to be their ringleader. Her high heels made her annoyingly taller than I was, so I had to look up a little to speak to her.

"I guess you're right. You're gross, all of you. At least take all of that business somewhere else where I don't have to listen to the squealing." I put my hands on my hips so I would feel a little bit more powerful in the face of someone else's tallness.

"You're free to go anywhere else you like."

"Can't. I'm waiting for someone, or else I'd have been long gone."

"Are you sure you aren't just jealous?" She sneered.

"Hold on, let me check." I waited a few moments. "Yeah, pretty damn sure."

"Why you –"

"Calm down, Rika." The way Ikki spoke was different from how he had been in the café earlier. He was being purposefully silkier with these women. What a poser…

"She insulted you. It just made me so mad…" Rika cuddled up to his chest.

"Ugh…" I studied the girl. "By the way, what's up with your outfit?"

"You're one to talk," she spat back at me.

"Whatever." Rika, huh? I would remember that name, and store away my dislike for the future.

"We're sorry for bothering you, Michi. But still, you could have voiced your concerns in a kinder manner. Can you understand where we're coming from?" Ikki spoke in a gently placating manner now.

I sighed. If he was trying to defuse the situation, I wouldn't stop him. "Yeah." I looked into his eyes so I wouldn't seem insincere. His eyes. There was something wrong with them. It felt like I was being wrapped up and pulled into them, into him.

He smiled, and despite myself I stared at the curve of his mouth and found it alluring. "Won't you apologize?"

"I'm sor…" I gritted my teeth to cut off the remainder of the apology. The words were being extracted without any say so on my part. _Musca, what the hell is going on?!_

"I don't know! I've heard something like this before, just give me more time to remember what it is..." She frowned, sinking into deep thought.

I didn't have time. I'd give in before long, and my pride made me hate the thought of that. Without thinking I raised my hand and slapped myself in the face. "Rah!"

"Are you crazy?" Rika stared at me. "She definitely is."

I grinned. "A good slap never fails to banish impure thoughts." I met Ikki's eyes again, glaring. "The day I apologize to you is the day I let food go to waste. Not gonna happen!"

Against expectations, he laughed. "I'm glad to hear that, Michi."

"Will all of you just go away now?" I'd just been on some kind of trip and was happy to have come back down from it. It had made my head hurt.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you at work." He looked ridiculously happy, and it freaked me out. Still, it was a relief when they left me alone, going back across the street.

"That was scary…" Musca sighed.

"Like I said, you didn't have any reason to be scared. They can't see you."

"Are you saying you don't understand how ferocious a woman in love can be?"

"What, and you do?"

"Orion told me lots of stories about things he watched on television while he was here!"

"I'm not going to take the time to explain to you the inaccuracies you probably were told." I rubbed at my temples.

"Your head hurts, I feel it. Are you alright?'

"Yeah, it just stared splitting all of a sudden…"

"Do you need to sit down?"

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"I'll keep a close eye on you, just in case."

I smiled. "Thanks." I closed my eyes, hoping it would get to feeling better fast. I had important business tonight, so now wasn't really the best time. My head needed to be clear so I could find the words I needed.

"Michi, hey. Have you been waiting long?" Shin's arrival made me open my eyes and brush myself off nervously.

"No, not at all…" I froze up when he touched my cheek, making a concentrated effort not to lean into his hand.

"This is a weird question, but were you hit in the face recently?" He was frowning.

"Yeah, but no worries. I hit myself."

He raised his eyebrows, but then laughed a little. "You did that once before, too."

"You remember that…" I laughed awkwardly. Definitely not my brightest moment.

"I'll never forget." He cut a glare across the street at the sound of the fangirls. "They're here every day he works… So annoying."

"I know, right?" I breathed an internal sigh of relief when he put his hands in his pockets. He touched me so carelessly, with no clue how it affected me.

"Are you ready?"

"I think so. As I'll ever be, anyways."

He paused. "Are you sure you're okay? You're looking pale again."

"My head hurts, is all. It's no big deal." Actually, my whole body was starting to feel heavy and it was becoming harder to keep my eyes open.

"Michi, this is serious now. You need to get somewhere you can lay down safely." Musca pulled on my arm gently.

"I'm fine, I'm fine… You worry too much, Musca…" I promptly fell over. Well, shit.

"Michi?" Shin shook me gently. "Michi, are you okay? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"… Nine?" It looked like he had three hands, so I said what was three times the real number.

"I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Michi, I can feel something happening in the Spirit World…" Musca whispered. "Just for a little while, I'm leaving you to check it out. I promise to be back as soon as I can."

Her sudden departure left a fierce cold that heralded my own departure back into darkness.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Shift

**SPIRIT WORLD**

 **~ Musca ~**

This feeling of disturbance I had, along with Michi fainting… That couldn't be simple coincidence.

"Musca!"

"Lady Faera, is that you?" I had heard my master's voice inside my head.

"Yes. I felt something shifting with the card gates and tried to summon you here. I'm glad I succeeded."

"I had become caught in the feeling I needed to come back here. That was you?"

"Correct. What's happening there? I can't see it for myself."

"What… Milady, am I in the right place?" My eyes couldn't be right.

"Yes. There is no doubt as to that. Why?" The concern in her voice had grown steadily.

"There should be three more gates here for the Spade, Clover, and Diamond worlds… But there's only one gate that has all four symbols on it. What's happening?"

"… It can only mean one thing, Musca. The four worlds have become one for some reason."

I pursed my lips. "But… What does that mean for Michi?"

"She's going to have to face a challenge the first heroine did not. Michi will have to go through all four worlds at the same time."

"Is that even possible? It seems like a very large burden."

"It will have to be. Please, do everything you can to give her your support. In the meantime I will try to look into what may have caused this."

I closed my eyes. How would Michi react to this? Would she be strong enough to carry everyone's emotions and hopes? "Please do, milady. I will give it my best as well."

"Return now. I can tell that you wish to get back."

"Yes."

"Musca, before you go… I advise that you be completely truthful with Michi from now on."

I bowed my head. The lies I had told in the beginning were inconsequential now with this new development. But Lady Faera was right. I needed to be there for Michi without question now, and that meant coming clean. "I won't fail either of you. I promise."

"Good luck, Musca. I have faith in you."

I definitely would not fail in this. I would not let Michi down again.

 **WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

I was dreaming something that felt so real it was scary.

A boy ran up to me. We were both young, me looking a lot like I had in my middle school memories with Shin and Toma. It was around that time, then, probably before.

"You're really moving?" He was breathing hard, apparently having tried to get here as fast as he could.

"Yeah. I told my dad that I wanted to stay here with my mom… With you. But he says I shouldn't be near her anymore." Being young, I didn't understand it all.

"… I hate this."

"Me too, but… I promise I won't forget you. I promise, okay?" I gripped the boy's hands tightly.

The boy looked at our hands for a while before taking one of his away, reaching into his pocket while keeping a grip on one of my hands. "I'll never forget you either. So, take this for me." He slipped a ring made out of a knotted weed onto my finger. "And someday, when we're both older, we can get married. That way no one else can ever separate us again. Promise."

I nodded, smiling and close to tears. "It's a promise."

The boy hugged me tightly. "I'll miss you so much, Michi."

I squeezed the breath out of him. "I'll miss you too, Ikki."

It was in fact too real to be a dream. I was remembering again.

"Michi?" I felt Musca's presence again as I started to wake up. "I'm back. But use your mind to talk to me since there are other people in the room. How are you feeling?"

 _Like shit… What happened?_

"We should talk later, when we're alone. Try dealing with the people in front of you right now."

"Huh?" I cracked my eyes open to find both Shin and Ikki in chairs next to the bed I was in. Some girls would have been happy to find two reasonably attractive men next to them when they woke up, but for different reasons concerning them both I found it pretty hellish. "Why are you guys here?" I grumbled as I sat up.

"Michi!" Shin jumped up.

"Good morning to you too, Michi." Ikki chuckled.

"Shut up, you," I growled at him, then tore my gaze away when my thoughts turned back to what I'd just remembered. It couldn't have been right. Just a hallucination, maybe. Hopefully. "Those sunglasses make you look like a douche."

"Would you prefer that I take them off, then?"

"No, thank you! No way." That would be even worse. My face was getting red. Me, agreeing to marry this guy… Impossible.

Shin sat back down, gaze flicking back and forth between Ikki and I. "Anyways… What happened, Michi? This is the second time you've fainted."

"Well, I think…" I scrambled to think of an excuse. "Maybe I'm just not used to working hard anymore, so my first day back at work came as a shock…" It was an excuse that made me sound like a wimp and I didn't like it at all, but at least is was passable.

"You're an unexpectedly delicate flower." Ikki laughed.

"Shut up. Don't you talk about flowers in front of me," I snapped. "Anyways… I feel fine now. Can I go?" It was still dark outside, so I apparently hadn't been here for an incredibly long time.

"We would have to ask. They ran some tests to make sure you're okay," Shin explained.

"You can't just get up and leave, even if that's something you would try to do," Ikki teased.

"You wanna try me, pal? Just watch." I started to get out of bed.

"Woah, Michi." Shin put his hands on my shoulders. "Settle down."

"Fine, fine." I glared at Ikki. "Would one of you mind going to ask? Please?"

"No problem." Shin stood still, looking at Ikki.

"What? Are you waiting for me to go?" Ikki smiled. "Scared of leaving me alone with Michi?"

Shin scowled. "Shut up, that's not it at all." He stalked out of the room.

"You did that on purpose." I glared.

"Don't think so badly of me. I didn't expect that reaction at all."

"Humph." I crossed my arms. "What happened after I passed out? Why are you here?"

"It's not complicated. I saw you from across the street and helped Shin get you here. What, did you expect me to just sit by and do nothing?"

I sighed. "No, no… Thank you. And I am sorry for worrying the both of you."

He grinned. "You apologized. You said you never would."

"Oh, shut your mouth." I conked him on the head. "I'm not so prideful that I can't give you your proper dues."

"Well, I'm just glad you're alright."

"Hey, so…" I began awkwardly. "Um…" There didn't seem a good way to ask about my dream, or memory, whatever it was. "Your eyes. What's with them?"

He smiled, but it was heavier than any of his previous expressions had been. "Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

"You'd be surprised what I would believe, you know." Since I knew about the Spirit World now, I had a lot less skepticism.

"Hm. You'd probably hit me again, thinking I was trying to pull your leg." He laughed it off, returning back to his old self.

"Come on, don't be like that."

"Michi, I remember now!" I jumped at Musca's exclamation in my ear. "My friend Orion, I've mentioned him to you before. Lord Nhil is his master. Anyways, Lord Nhil's first contact with the human world, the one that led him to become involved in the events that lead to the first heroine, was Ikki here. He granted Ikki eyes that attract women."

"Huh…" I peered at Ikki. So it was the magic of the Spirit World that made him how he was. I reached over and yanked his sunglasses off, making a point of looking in his eyes. When the pulling, the allure, started, I pushed my thoughts to Shin. If I thought of him, then Ikki's eyes wouldn't bother me. My prior affection gave me power to resist. "See? It's fine."

"Hey, Michi…" Ikki put his hands over mine, holding them gently. "Do you really not remember me, after all of this time?"

I froze. "Uh…"

"Michi, what's going on? What did I miss while I was gone?" Musca stared at us.

 _You didn't miss anything!_

"And yet this is happening!"

He kept leaning closer… "Uh, uh… Wait a minute, okay…?" I stammered. Even with what I had remembered, there still wasn't enough context to say anything for sure yet. But right now, I was feeling his breath on my face. There wasn't time to figure anything else out. I put my hands against his chest, ready to push him away, but then he shifted, putting his lips next to my ear.

"I promise I won't forget you." His whisper was so hot, and yet shivers were going down my spine. "You really don't remember saying those words to me?"

"I… I just… Just hold on a minute, please…" I was trying to pull at more memories, but they just weren't coming. It was as if they were being blocked by something.

"Oh my." I looked past Ikki's shoulder and saw a Shin standing with a nurse in the doorway. The nurse was blushing faintly, hand over her mouth. "I'll pretend I didn't see anything." She laughed and came into the room.

Ikki leaned back with a sigh then put on his silky smile again, able to change masks quickly. "It's quite alright."

I kept trying to meet Shin's eyes, but he wouldn't look at me. I'd have to explain this later… But then again, he didn't have much of a right to be bothered. He had rejected me. "So, um… Am I well enough to leave now?"

"Yes, but your tests showed that you were slightly dehydrated. You need to drink plenty of water every day, alright? Do you have someone to help make sure you keep good habits?"

"That's…" It was in moments like these that I felt my loneliness creeping back up.

"I can watch over her no problem," Ikki offered, smiling at me.

I couldn't read him, and it annoyed me to no end. "You most certainly won't." What was his game? I had to figure it out, somehow…


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Game Changer

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Uh, Michi?" Musca was floating ahead of us. "I can feel the awkwardness here…"

I was walking between Ikki and Shin on the way back home. Shin looked grumpy, Ikki was smiling to himself like a creep, and I couldn't think of what to say. All in all, not the greatest time.

"So." It was Mister Sunglasses who broke the silence. "Are you going to call out of work tomorrow, Michi?"

"Why would I?" I frowned at him.

"Well… Because you fainted in the street. That's as good an excuse as any. I don't think the manager would hold it against you if you took a day off for health reasons."

"No way. It's my second day back. I can't miss it." I needed to establish myself again, and calling off work so soon after coming back would seem like a huge copout. I just couldn't do it.

"You need to be more careful with your health. Would you like me to stay with you tonight, just to make sure you're okay?" The way he spoke and smiled made it clear he meant every word suggestively.

"Shut up. Just forget about what happened in the hospital." For now, at least. When I remembered more, if I did, I'd find a way to bring it up again. "You're not supposed to invade people's personal space like that, without their permission."

"You could have pushed me away at any time."

"Shut up, I said!" I glanced at Shin. The thought of him assuming that anything was going on between Ikki and I was freaking me out way more than it should have. "So, Shin… Do you still want me to talk with your dad tonight? I know things didn't go as planned…"

"We can wait until you're feeling better, and it's probably better to give Dad more time to get used to the idea anyways. Things worked out fine." He shrugged.

"Oh, okay… Well… Thanks for walking me home, I guess, you guys." I was pretty eager to get out of this situation, in the end.

"Tomorrow, then, Michi." Ikki smiled before departing.

"Ugh." I glared at him.

"Good night." Shin nodded at me.

"H-hold on…" I grabbed his hand without thinking, letting go quickly when he turned back to me. "Um…" If I tried to explain away what he had seen, it would only serve to remind him of the feelings I had that he couldn't accept. "N-nothing… Have a good night."

He paused, seeming like he was about to say something, but he just shook his head and left.

I ran up into my apartment and started pacing around the small space. "Crap… Musca, should I have said something? What was the right thing to do? Oh man…"

"Michi." She grabbed my shoulders. "We have bigger things to talk about right now. Sit down, please."

I obeyed, shaking myself to calm down. "Alright… I'm just overreacting. What's up?"

"You didn't faint because you were dehydrated. You fainted because something big happened in the Spirit World and it affected you."

"What? I mean, what happened?"

"There were four pathways you were supposed to take. Heart, Spade, Clover, and Diamond. But now, all of the pathways have combined into one. We don't know why yet, but Lady Faera is looking into it."

I shook my head. "So, in short, what does this all mean for what we're doing here?"

"In the start, you were able to focus on Shin. But now, you have to complete all of the pathways in one go, each one at the same time."

"What?" I jumped up. "But… I mean…" I sat back down slowly. "Is that why Ikki suddenly approached me?"

"The fates of all of the pathways are in play now. He was probably driven towards you in some way."

"Crap… That explains the dream I had."

"Dream?"

"Yeah… Apparently I promised to marry him when I was younger, but I forgot… Childhood promises don't mean anything anyways." That's what I would tell myself, at least.

Musca came closer, taking my hands. "Michi, that sort of leads into my other point."

"Huh?"

She looked down at the floor, seeming ashamed, but then forced herself to meet my eyes. "I haven't been entirely truthful with you."

 **~ Musca ~**

Michi's eyes widened. "What?"

"When I was first convincing you to do all of this, I told you that, in the end, you wouldn't have to pick one ending of a pathway to be in, that being in only one was optional. That was a lie."

"What…? But…" She shook her head.

"All of these worlds can't exist at the same time. I just thought that if you knew you would have to forge all of these bonds and put all of this work in only to get to pick one pathway to keep… I thought you'd refuse to do it. I'm so sorry, Michi… You were picked as the next heroine not only because you had a good personality for it, but because we thought you'd accept no matter what, because you would have died in your previous life. You were almost guaranteed to do whatever it took. I'm sorry, believe me on that, even if I thought I was doing what was best."

Hurt was spreading across her face, and it made the guilt rip at me even more. "I mean… Why not just be up front with me from the start, if I basically had no other choice?"

"I was desperate." I clung to her hands when she tried to pull them away, knowing that she was strong enough to escape my grip but was letting me hold on because, even in the face of my lies, she still cared. "I… I've been with Orion for a very long time. When I heard that he was being exiled to the human realm along with Lord Nhil, I… It felt like my heart was breaking, over and over again. I was losing my brother. I thought that… That maybe, if Lady Faera and I were able to fix the other worlds, then Lord Nhil and Orion would be forgiven, or else we would be exiled too, and I wouldn't have to be separated from him."

"God, Musca…" Michi shook her head. "If it's like that, I can't be angry for long. But… You have to swear you'll never lie to me again. If it's really going to be me dealing with all four pathways at once, I'm going to need you more than ever."

"I swear, Michi, I swear to you, I won't let you down ever again."

"Good."

I gasped when she pulled me into a hug. "M-Michi?"

"I get it, Musca… Wanting to help someone you love. It's alright. Everything will be okay in the end."

I sniffled as tears trickled down my face, and I wrapped my arms around her neck. "Thank you… Thank you so much, Michi."


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Refusal

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Ugh… Ikki's going to be at work again today. This sucks," I groaned. I'd tried to forget it, but I had to face reality sometime.

"He is one of the four pathways, Michi. You'll have to help him," Musca reminded me.

"Yeah, maybe, but I don't have to like him," I muttered, tying the last bow on my uniform as I secured the apron.

"Come on. You were wary of Shin at first too, and just look what happened." Musca came closer as my shoulders slumped. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad."

"I'm just annoyed, is all…"

"And why is that?" Ikki suddenly appeared, looping his arms around my neck from behind.

"Wah!" I jumped. "Don't sneak up on me like that! You're the reason I'm annoyed!"

"What did I do?"

"Don't try to play innocent with me." I turned away. "Who else is working today?"

"Well, it was supposed to be Toma, but…" Ikki was peering at the back door, as we had both heard it open and shut. "Shin? I thought you were off today."

"Toma had to call out. I agreed to come in last minute."

This was just perfect… The same awkward feeling from the day before was already setting in. "Hold on… If I'm the only girl here, then… Crap. Crap! Oh man, I don't know how to deal with this…" I would have to mainly work the front if I was the only girl available. That meant… The dreaded maid act.

"Look on the bright side. You'll make better tips." Ikki laughed. "Do you need to practice on me?"

I scowled at his obvious amusement. "Definitely not with you. I will never call you master."

"You said you would never apologize to me, but you did that too."

"Don't remind me," I mumbled.

"You two are awfully chummy," Shin muttered.

"What?" I blinked at him.

"We need to get changed." He ignored me, speaking to Ikki instead.

"I know. Want to join me, Michi?"

"Never." I walked away to start setting the tables.

"What was that about?" Musca asked. "Shin seemed strange."

"I have no idea… H-hey, Musca?"

"What?"

"You said that you were watching Shin when I was practicing the maid act with him and Toma. Um… So, how… How did he look?"

"Oh." She smiled. "He was blushing. His whole face had turned red."

"Oh… Damn, I shouldn't have asked. It'll make me all pathetic, giving me false hope." Maybe it was a good thing that the pathways had merged. It would give me other things to focus on.

"I'd love to be supportive, but I don't know what to tell you or what will happen, Michi. What will be will be." Musca squeezed my shoulders gently.

"You're right." Work was interesting that day, definitely. Each time I had to call another stranger master I felt like I was dying a little inside, but the tips I got brought me back to life. "Ugh…" I plopped down in the break room once I was able to grab a few minutes, resting my cheek on the table. "I thought I was going to punch someone in the face, but I didn't… Hooray…"

"That in itself is an accomplishment." Musca nodded. "Good job, Michi. Oh!" She shook me. "Shin is here."

"What?" I sat up quickly just as Shin placed a glass of water in front of me.

"I didn't say anything." He frowned.

"Y-yeah, but… I heard you come in."

"Did you drink water this morning?"

"Oh. Yeah… Yeah, sure."

"So, you didn't." He pushed the glass closer. "Drink that." He sat across from me and crossed his arms.

"You're going to watch me?"

"Someone needs to make sure you take care of yourself."

"Ugh… So pushy." I tipped my head back and downed the water. "Happy?"

"I'm satisfied." He took the glass as he stood.

"Um." I began awkwardly. "Thank you."

"Yeah." He nodded as he left.

"Oh man…" I sighed. "I feel like he keeps wanting to say something but he doesn't."

"So call him out on it. I see no use in leaving things as they are," Musca suggested.

"You're right. I'll try to find a good time whenever I can."

"Michi." The manager poked his head into the room. "You're doing well. Keep it up." He whisked away after that, like a ghost.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's good I didn't call out." I hopped up and went back to work, renewed by a bit of encouragement. Still, by the end of the shift I was ready to go home.

"Happy to be done? You look relieved," Ikki commented after we had all changed and were preparing to leave.

"I guess so." I counted my tips. Yeah, there was definitely a difference. I would have to work the front more often, if my dignity could survive it. "Oh yeah, Shin. Was your dad angry when I didn't show up yesterday?"

"No. He was happy about it, actually. I don't think he was really ready yet."

"Like you said, everything worked out."

"Yeah." He kept doing this thing where he studied me for a while and seemed like he was going to say something, but then just turning away. He was in the middle of it now, fixing me in his gaze.

"Look, if you have something to say, please just say it. You're putting me on pins and needles here."

"If I had something to say, I would say it. There's nothing, Michi."

"Come on, don't give me that. You've been acting weird since yesterday."

"You're imagining things."

"I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were."

This was taking a wrong turn. I definitely didn't want to start a fight. "Just talk to me, please?"

"Look… Whatever you're thinking, it's wrong." We both knew I thought he was jealous, but we also both refused to acknowledge it outright. "I already told you how it was, so will you please just drop it?"

I didn't trust myself to speak after that, so I just nodded as he left.

"Michi, are you okay?"

"Shit, I'm being ridiculous." I felt like crying, but this was no reason to cry.

"Michi?" And even worse, Ikki had been here watching the whole exchange. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright! Because of you, Shin thinks…" I took a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm sorry… It's not your fault. It's my fault for taking things too seriously. Sorry, Ikki."

"Hey… Let me walk you home."

"What about your fangirls?"

"You're obviously upset, so you're more important right now."

"Fine, do what you want."

His girls were waiting when we got outside. The sight of them made me feel tired. Maybe walking home with this guy wasn't the best idea…

"Sorry, I have another engagement today. But I promise to make it up to all of you." Ikki had to placate them before we could move on. The only one who didn't seem satisfied by this was Rika, who kept on glaring at me. Geez, she had issues… I flicked her off behind Ikki's back, acting on my already bad mood that she hadn't helped.

"You degenerate!" She snapped.

"Whatever you're doing, Michi, cut it out." Ikki turned back to me and sighed.

"She started it," I muttered.

"Come on."

I didn't relax until we were out of sight from the fangirls. "Man… They really get me riled up."

"You act like a child when you're angry, you know that?"

"So what?"

"Nothing. It's actually a bit charming."

"Flattery won't get you anywhere with me, you know. I'm not like those girls."

"Exactly. That's why I'd like to be around you more."

"Oh." I hadn't expected him to be so candid. But then again, he had a more aggressive personality than Shin did.

"At least that's not a no." He chuckled.

"Whatever." I couldn't tell him to go away if he was one of the people I had come here to help.

"So. You like Shin."

"… That wasn't even a question. Is it that obvious?"

"It is. For what it's worth, I still think he's jealous simply because of misunderstanding what he saw at the hospital. This is my fault, so would you like me to say something to him?"

"Thanks for the offer, but no. I don't think he wants to hear any more on the general subject of him and me and whatever we are. Besides, I prefer to solve my own problems."

"Alright, but tell me if you change your mind."

"Sure, sure." I paused. "You're a nice guy when you want to be, you know that?"

"Try not to fall in love with me," he teased.

"Don't push it," I laughed, punching his arm playfully.

"I'll try my best."

"See, Michi? I told you to get to know him before judging." Musca smiled triumphantly.

 _Yeah, yeah, you were right. No need to gloat._ But he really wasn't that bad. I was actually feeling kind of happy right now.

"It wouldn't be such a bad thing if you fell for me though. Or remembered me, at the very least."

"Er…" I actually wanted to remember, just to sort out the confusion, but the memories wouldn't surface. "Look, Ikki… Well… Did we, by any chance, go to the same middle school? For a while at least. I moved when I was first starting, but…"

"Yes. The same elementary school, too."

"Oh." Why hadn't I remembered that? This was beyond frustrating. It sounded right, but the images wouldn't come to my head. "Will you tell me more?"

"I'd like to. Another time, though, since we're here."

"Huh? Oh." I hadn't even noticed our arrival at my apartment.

"Want to trade phone numbers? That way I can text you and we can figure out a time to get together and talk."

"Oh, sure." We entered our numbers into each other's phones. "Hey, thanks again. But you won't always get to swoop in when I'm all emotional, okay?'

"That's fine with me. I'll be there at any time, no matter how you're feeling."

"He's pretty slick, huh?" Musca commented.

 _Unfortunately._

"Have a good night, Michi."

"You too." I collapsed into bed once I was inside my apartment. And there were two more people after this… It was best to take things slow.

"Hey, Michi, I was thinking about something." Musca floated above me.

"What? That's good. My brain feels fried, so maybe you should do the thinking for a while."

"I'm being serious here. Your memories seem blocked, right?"

"Yeah. It sucks."

"Maybe it's because there's a part of you that doesn't want to remember."

"What?'

"Your memories of Shin led you to fall for him. Maybe there's a part of you that's scared your memories of Ikki will do the same thing. I think you're the one blocking your own memories because you don't want to end up betraying your feelings for Shin."

"That's…" Crap, she was probably right…


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Responsibility

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Shin ~**

Michi was off today, and so was I. Was the best thing to do to just call her and explain or would she see it as cowardly of me to not ask to talk face to face? There was no point in talking at all if I didn't sort out my own feelings, and there was no way I could ask Toma for help again. He'd made it clear he thought the idea of Michi and I together was just wrong.

"Dad?" I sat across from him at our table after having made him breakfast.

"Thanks." He dug in while glancing over the newspaper without reading it.

"Dad. I need to talk to you."

He sighed, reluctance showing that he had been attempting to ignore me, sensing that something was up. "Is it about Michi again? Just give me more time. I'd thought I was ready to face her, but I'm not."

"It's not that this time. It's something else about her."

"What?"

"Before everything went down, I liked her. I liked her a lot. You knew that, right?"

"… You had mentioned it once or twice."

"I talked about her so much you were annoyed with me. Don't pretend you've forgotten that."

"Fine, but so what? Why are you bringing this up?"

"I still like her, and she likes me too. I rejected her, saying it was too strange… But by holding back I'm hurting her too. Dad, I just… I've had these feelings for a long time." I'd tried to get rid of them, but hadn't been able to. At that, I'd failed miserably.

"Damn, Shin… Why do you have to do this?"

"It's not the end of the world if I like a girl." I got defensive against the despair in his voice.

"Any girl but that one. Shin, you can't not know how this sounds, how it would look. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick."

"I know what other people will think. You and Toma have given me a pretty good idea of how it would be."

"It's not other people I'm worried about. Shin, I'm asking you not to do this for my sake. Just the idea of talking to her is horrible to me. But then the prospect of you holding the hand of the daughter of the man I killed… I can't stomach that. I'm begging you to just not do this. It's not the end of the world if one crush of yours doesn't work out."

I wanted to protest that she wasn't just a crush, but he had a point. How would things be many years from now? All of this could just be some memory. "I get it, I get it. I won't do anything."

"Good."

After that I didn't really want to be around him either. "See you."

"Where are you going?"

"Out. I'm seventeen, I can go out on my own." I slammed the front door behind me. Maybe a walk would help me calm down. Maybe the problems I had right now were trivial, but they just didn't seem that way to me no matter what angle I tried. Despite myself I pulled my phone out and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Toma."

"Oh, hey. What is it?"

"Nothing." Why had I called him anyways? I was going insane.

"You've been acting weird. Yesterday you made me call out so you could go to work when you were supposed to be off and wouldn't tell me why, and now you're calling me for no reason. What is it? Seriously."

"Look, it's complicated. I didn't want to have Michi with Ikki without me there."

"Did something happen?"

"Yes and no. I mean, no. I just… I overreacted to it. But don't worry about it."

"Look, Shin, I'll be frank with you. I'm not your love guru, and I've already given you my opinion. Stop messing around. If you're so worried, Michi is the one you should be talking to."

"… You're right."

"I know. So stop bothering me about it."

"… Thanks anyways." Even if he was pissed about me bothering him about it so much he had helped me by calling me out.

"Shin, one more thing. If her feelings get hurt, no one else is responsible but you. Remember that."

"I will." He was the overprotective big brother in this situation.

I went to Michi's place, hoping she would be there. She answered when I knocked, still in her pajamas, her hair in a mess and a toothbrush in her mouth. "It's noon. You know that, right?"

"Uh…" The toothbrush fell out of her mouth because she had been staring at me slackjawed, shocked at my being here. "Crap… Come in an' wait a minat." She struggled to talk around toothpaste before grabbing the brush back up and speeding into the bathroom.

I sat on the floor, content to wait since it would give me time to think of what I was going to say.

"Sorry…" Michi came out of the bathroom nervously tugging on her hair, which I noticed wasn't up in her usual pigtails.

"It's fine." I watched her as she sat down too, next to me, which affected my heartbeat. She looked embarrassed but really had no reason to be. She was funny and cute when she was a mess.

"Um… Want a drink?"

"No thanks. You should get yourself some water though."

"Yeah, yeah. Did you come here just to nag me?"

"No. I wanted to talk."

"About what?"

Now came the hard part. "Things. You and me."

"Oh." She started to look wary.

I had to be open. There was no point in being here right now if I wasn't. "I was jealous of Ikki, from the second I saw you guys in the hospital."

"But there's nothing. Come on, Shin, that's irrational. Ikki and I are only friends. Sort of friends. It wasn't that long ago I hated his guts."

"Okay. The point is, I got jealous. Michi, I…" The words got stuck.

"What?"

 **~ Michi ~**

"What?" I repeated myself when he still didn't say anything. My heart was beating so hard it hurt.

"I want to be with you. I want that badly. But… I talked to my dad about it, and he… He begged me not to. It's not something he can face, or deal with properly. Michi, I can't put my feelings above his. That would be wrong."

"Oh." It made so much sense. Shin was a good person, so no matter how he felt he wouldn't do that to his father, who he loved. "I understand, Shin. Thanks for telling me."

He nodded, looking down at his hands that he had folded in his lap. "I want to ask you to wait for me, for him and everyone else to come around. But even if it does happen, it's a long time coming. I can't do that either."

"Yeah," I murmured. It was better that he hadn't asked that anyways, with me having the other pathways to deal with.

"But more than anything, Michi, I don't want to lose you. I still want to be there for you, and be able to talk to you normally. Somewhat normally, at least. It's selfish, I know, and if you don't want to I get it."

"Come on, Shin. You know me. In the end, I'm not going to let this petty stuff get in my way." I shook my head. "No, it's not petty. What I mean is that…" I sighed. "I love you, so I can compromise. Having you as my friend is way better than having you become distant again. I just got you back, you know? I don't want to lose you again."

He closed his eyes. "Thanks, Michi. I feel the same way."

I leaned over on impulse and kissed his cheek before resting my head on his shoulder. I felt confident now in believing that this was the kind of closeness we both wanted. But in the end, it was better this way. I had a lot more work to do here, and if my focus was always on Shin then I wouldn't be able to get it done. I had to accept that and move on.

"Ow…" I rubbed at my head when it felt like needles were poking at it all of a sudden.

"Michi?"

Crap. I could absolutely not faint in front of him again. Twice was enough to make him worry, but three times was too much. I didn't need to get stuck in the hospital again.

"Um. I think I'm going to lay down. Sorry, but will you leave?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay and make sure you're alright?"

"I'd rather be alone." I needed to be alone now, if I was going to remember things. No telling what would happen when I did, what I would find out. Then I'd need to talk to Musca about it.

"Alright. Just text me later and let me know how you're doing. I'll come over again if you don't."

"Yeah, I know. See you later." Once he was gone I hopped back into bed.

"What is it? You rushed him out, and I thought the atmosphere was pretty good," Musca tilted her head at me.

"I feel a headache coming on. I think it might be more memories."

"If that's the case then you made the right call in getting him out, and you did it pretty smoothly too. Good."

I closed my eyes and let the memories come forward. Now that I was ready to let them, they were flowing.


	19. Chapter Nineteen: Crafty

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Oh man…"

"What did you remember? What?" Musca shook me excitedly.

I jumped up and started rooting through every drawer I could find. "Come on, it's here somewhere…"

"What are you doing? What is it? The anticipation is killing me here, Michi."

"Ah-hah! I found it!"

"What did you find?!"

"Look." I had put it in a box, saved it even as it withered and withered over the years. I held it gingerly in my palms, the long-dead flower ring. It looked ready to crumble into dust at any moment. "Ikki gave it to me right before I moved." I sighed. "I really did promise to marry him, but we were just kids then. It wasn't serious."

"Oh… What else?"

"We were inseparable ever since we started school together. I guess since I started off with the Heart World, I had just forgotten everything…"

"That seems plausible. If you started with Shin, it would make sense that memories of Ikki wouldn't come through to confuse you."

"Hmm..."

"How are you feeling after talking with Shin?"

"I don't know. I mean…" I still loved him, but I couldn't be too upset with how things had ended up. It could have been a lot worse, after all. "But it's certain that I have other things to take care of. I'll figure it out as I go along."

Musca nodded. "So what now?"

I pulled out my phone and dialed. "I have to talk to Ikki."

 **~ Ikki ~**

She had sounded so serious on the phone… I need to see you, she'd said… It kept ringing in my ears. I kept calm on the outside while I waited but my insides were being swirled around with excitement and nervousness born from curiosity.

"Hey!" She called out as she ran up to me, and I had to resist the initial urge to jump a bit from being startled out of my thoughts. "Hey, how are you?"

Slowly devolving into a nervous wreck. "Fantastic, now that you're here. The sight of you fills me with happiness."

She snorted. "Laying it on a little thick, aren't you? Just be yourself around me, okay? I'll be able to tolerate you then."

I shook my head and smiled. "I was being genuine." The fact that she could resist my eyes had me basically addicted to her presence.

"Huh. Well, okay, whatever you want. Anyways, let's walk and talk."

"Sure." I was on pins and needles because I still had no idea what she had called me out for.

"Alright, so listen to me and tell me if I've got it right. See, I ended up, uh, thinking about you a lot, so I remembered a few things."

My heart leaped. "Fire away. I'm all ears."

"So. We met in elementary school and were close since we were always put next to each other in class, and when we figured out we lived in nearby neighborhoods we played like, every chance we could. Right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"But then my parents divorced and I had to move just as we were starting middle school."

"Unfortunately."

She sighed. "Well… That's the gist of it anyways. I've definitely got some good memories now… Uh, sorry I forgot about you."

"Another apology from you, Michi. I can hardly believe it," I teased.

"Whatever."

"Tell me about one of the memories of me you have."

"Oh." She tilted her head as she thought about it. "Ooh, yeah. There was this one time we both sneaked out to play even though it was raining really hard and our parents had told us to wait for another day. We hadn't even changed out of our school uniforms, and we got so muddy, our whites never looked exactly white again. Ha! Our parents were so mad."

"I remember that too." I laughed. "You ate a mud pie. I never thought you would actually do it."

"You dared me to and bet that I wouldn't! What else did you expect?" She grinned up at me. That sort of brightness, my sunglasses couldn't do anything against.

"I just remember learning that a mudball fight isn't as good as a snowball fight."

"Agreed. Man, it was just… Those were good times. I'm glad I remember." The fondness in her voice made nostalgia sweep through me too, making me feel warm. "Oh yeah…" She reached into her purse and pulled something out, cradling it gingerly in her cupped hands. "See? Turns out I still had it."

Although it was shriveled and dead, barely what it had once been, I recognized it as the flower I had given to her while proclaiming my feelings as a child. "Hah… Haha!" I suddenly couldn't stop laughing.

"What's funny?"

"I don't know, I just…" I swallowed my hysterics. "It makes me a little bit happy, to look back on it all after so much time has passed."

"Me too. You know, it's better when you laugh like this, openly. When you're talking with some people, the way you laugh and speak seems really forced. Yeah… Much better, just like this." She smiled warmly, and I melted a little in the heat. That expression morphed into a startled and slightly panicked one as the wind plucked the dead flower ring out of her hands. She started after it, only for us both to watch it land on the ground and be crushed under the feet of passersby. "Oh man…!" She crouched down and gathered up the fragments of it after she had shouldered through the crowd with me on her heels.

I bent down next to her. "You don't have to look so upset."

"But… Dude, imagine that someone just came in and threw a jar of your favorite salsa on the floor right after you'd bought it. Salsa everywhere, huge mess. That's what this feels like. Only worse. Much worse."

I couldn't help but laugh at the strange analogy. "Well…" I tucked hair behind her ear. "I can make you a new one anytime. In fact, I'd like to, since it seems like we're starting over now."

She looked doubtful. "Are you sure you're not mad?"

"I'm sure." I grabbed her hand and pulled her up, letting the remnants of the flower be lost to the breeze for good as they tumbled out of her grasp. "Come on."

"Wait, what?"

"Just let me take care of it, okay? It's a surprise."

"Slow down a little, okay? I've got short legs."

I stopped running, hoping that she would let me keep holding her hand like this. A glance let me know she was staring down at our entwined fingers, frowning. Even with that, I was resolved to let go only if she pulled away on her own. I didn't want to let go of her again if I didn't have to.

 **~ Michi ~**

"Have you ever been in here before?" Ikki asked while smiling back at me.

"… No." It looked like it was a craft store, a tiny building hidden in a nook along the strip of places to shop. I wouldn't have noticed it anyways, since I was busy inspecting the position my hand was in.

"Michi?" Musca tilted her head at me. "What are you thinking about? You look very concentrated."

I just shook my head at her. The material of his glove was smooth and slightly cool against my hand. His bare hand would probably be warmer than this. "Anyways." I coughed. "Why are we here?"

Ikki looked around to make sure the coast was clear before taking his sunglasses off. I was startled to see that his eyes were bright with excitement. "I have something I want to do. Help me out just a little bit, okay?"

"Uh, okay? What do you want me to do?"

"Just tell me what you like." There was a vast array of plastic flowers set up in an row of large bins.

"Oh." Looking around, there were a lot of things in here, like empty chains and charms to make your own jewelry and fabrics to sew your own clothes. "Oh, cool. How come I didn't know about this place?"

"Well, you know now. Take a look." He was so excited about it I was amiable to concentrating on the flowers. I didn't really understand what he was up to, but hey, I'd go along with it. I picked some dark blue ones, some pick ones with white centers, and some purple ones with deep red spheres to resemble berries attached.

"Does that work?"

He was smiling away, seeming very satisfied. "Yes."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"That's a surprise." He winked, then laughed when I glared at him. "What's that for?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Geez, why did he have to be so damn charming?


	20. Chapter Twenty: Whatever It Takes

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Hmmmmm."

"Uh. Michi?" Musca gave me a concerned look.

"Hmmmmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm thinking."

"Can you do it in a way that involves less glaring?"

"No."

"Well then can you tell me what you're thinking about? You're frightening me."

"Ikki."

"Oh. Yeah, today was interesting. From what you told me before you two met up, you have some really good childhood memories because of him." She paused. "And the hand holding…"

"Don't remind me." He had walked me home after we had explored the craft shop some more, very slowly and holding my hand the whole time. Why hadn't I shaken him off? It was just that… The overall feeling of this day had been so nice. Remembering that I had a good friend in him had made me feel so relieved, I had actually felt quite pleasant in response to his touch.

"So. Who do you think is more handsome, Ikki or Shin?"

"What? Don't ask stupid questions."

"I think it's a legitimate question."

I sighed. "They can't be compared."

"Elaborate, please?"

"Well…" It was embarrassing to talk about, even with Musca. "Ikki is beautiful. He's like an angel. An angel who always hits on you. And Shin… He's dark."

"Uh… One sounds a lot better than the other the way you explained it."

"Meh." I shrugged. Still, Shin was the one who caused a hot stirring in my chest whenever I saw him or thought of him. "Anyways! Change of subject. Tell me what you know about the other two."

Musca nodded. "Right, we did have a few things to talk about still. Just remember that even though I'll tell you all I can, my knowledge is actually quite limited in regards to the men in the pathways."

"That's fine. Just do what you can."

"Right. Well, Shin and Ikki you're already involved with. There's Kent, also. We haven't even met him yet, though. But according to Orion, you can't miss him. He's very tall and wears a long green jacket and glasses. He's also a friend of Ikki's, so maybe you could meet through him. But that's all I really know about Kent."

"I'll try to come up with a way to bring him up with what I've got. So who's the last one?"

"Actually, it's Toma."

"Toma? Really? He seems like the most balanced person I've met so far."

"Maybe. All I know is…" Musca frowned.

"What?"

"I just don't know how concerned I need to be. It's just that, Orion really seemed to have a strong dislike for Toma."

"Really? Why?"

"I have no idea. He never told me."

"Well…" It seemed so unlikely. Toma was a sweet guy so far in my experience. "I'll keep it in mind, I guess." I lay down with a sigh and stretched luxuriously. "Ah, I love bed…"

Musca gave me an amused smile. "Tired?"

"No, just relaxing while I think." What would be the best thing to do next? Should I focus on Ikki and Shin for now or try to meet Kent and figure out what Toma's concern was in the pathways? "I'll just wing it I guess."

"By the way, something to reassure you." Musca pulled her sleeves up over her hands, since their length usually obscured them. "See this?" There were four symbols on the back of her hand that could only have been the suits that represented each person in my mission. "Whenever you finish one of the pathways, the respective symbol will disappear from my hand. Then you'll know for sure, so you won't have to worry anymore with that route."

"That's helpful. Maybe it'll help me not go crazy." I laughed, then rolled over onto my stomach, waving my legs in the air behind me, when my phone vibrated. "Oh!" My heart thumped.

"What?" Musca floated just above me, peering at the phone.

"It's Shin." The text wasn't even anything special, yet I was all aflutter. Oh well.

It read: How are you?

I wasted ten minutes trying to think of a response to that simple question. "Um…"

"You're ridiculous." Musca shook her head.

"Shut up and let me spazz out in peace."

Finally I messaged back: Good, found a craft store on Main Street today. Lots of fun. You?

"You're not going to tell him you were with Ikki?" Musca read the message.

"No way. Why would I? It'd only stir the pot."

"Good point." She stared at my phone when it vibrated again, just as invested as I was.

It read: I'm okay. Didn't know there was a craft store. Maybe we could go together?

I stared at the message. "Asshole! You… Argh!" I buried my face in the pillow and kicked my legs, having a mini tantrum.

"Uh? Michi?" Musca patted my back.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Friends hang out, that's normal…" The transitional period after our last talk would probably be a little bit awkward.

So, I texted back: Sure. When?

He replied almost instantly: The next day we're both off? Would have to check the schedule.

I smiled to myself, excited, and typed: Sure. It's a date.

I stared at it the second it sent, realizing what I'd done, and typed in a hurry: Not a date, not a date. Just a figure of speech.

"This feels a little bit sad on your end," Musca commented.

"Please don't point it out. I already know," I sighed, then looked at the phone as it vibrated again. "Oh, it's Ikki this time."

His message read: I had a good time today. Hopefully we can do it again sometime.

"Oh, that's nice." Musca smiled.

"I guess so." I replied back: Me too. And yeah, that'd be nice.

Ikki texted: When is the next day we both have off? Let's get together then.

I frowned and typed: I don't know. We can check the schedule, but let's just hang out whenever that is.

"Michi, be careful. What if all of you are off on the same day? Then you'll have to choose."

"Come on, that's highly unlikely."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

Next, Shin and Ikki texted back at around the same time. Shin's was: You're weird. Ikki's was: Looking forward to it.

I sighed and texted them both goodnight before turning my phone off. "It feels… weird."

"How so?" Musca perched on the side of the bed, and I moved to give her room.

"I feel like I'm two-timing them."

"That's irrational. It isn't like you're dating either one of them."

"I know, I know… I'm just weird, like Shin said."

"Maybe." She paused. "You'll definitely have to get over that feeling, Michi. There are two others, and no telling how your feelings will develop. And even if you have to do something… Er, less than honorable… With the pathways merged, I'll respect it if you do whatever it takes. You shouldn't hold anything against yourself."

"Meaning, if I have to play with everyone's feelings, then I should do it."

"I'm just saying that you shouldn't be hard on yourself. You have a huge responsibility here, and I know it's not easy. It won't get easier."

I thought about it for a minute, but just shook my head. "I'm going to do this in a way I can be proud of, no matter what. No playing around, no cheating."

Musca nodded. "I'll support you whatever you do."

"Thanks." Having her to talk to made things feel smoother. But still… If I had to betray my own morals, then there wasn't a point. That, if possibly nothing else, I would keep until the end.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One: Illogical

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

"Oh man…" I frowned as I glared at the schedule that was taped to the wall once I got to work. "Shin, Ikki and I really are all off on the same day."

"I told you to be careful," Musca poked my cheek. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." This just made me feel even worse… "Oh, hey… It looks like Sawa is working today. Cool." We texted every day but hadn't hung out since the kimono shopping.

"Who else?"

"Looks like…" I blinked and stood up straighter. "Kent."

"Really? Looks like meeting him is easier than we thought it would be."

"Yeah… I really don't know what to expect, though."

"Michi, hey!" Sawa greeted me as she came in.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm okay. I'm taking some math courses online to help get ready for the next college term, but it's not going well. My brain is fried." She laughed. "And you?"

"I'm not up to much, really." College, huh? It was something to think about. After I was done with the four pathways, what was I going to do? This was my life now, after all. I did have that letter from Myouga University saying I could become a student starting next term… It was as good an idea as any. Maybe.

"Hey, Kent. You're looking as energetic as ever." I jumped when Sawa spoke again, in a teasing voice.

The man who had come in just looked at her. "Is that what my expression reads as? I wasn't aware."

"Uh…" Sawa shook her head. "It was a joke. You know, because, you… never look excited. You know what, never mind. I should have known you wouldn't get it." She turned to me, smiling with half amusement and half awkwardness. "You remember Kent, Michi."

"Uh…" Should I lie when I had no memories at all of him right now? But since I had worked at the café before, I definitely would have met him. I was able to slide through on forgetting Ikki, but I couldn't know how things were right now. Crap… Sawa was starting to look puzzled at my hesitation. "Sorry, I don't."

"Are you sure it's fine to admit you don't remember him?" Musca asked warily.

 _I'm a bad liar anyways. That was the only choice._

"I hope it's fine…" We both looked at Kent now.

"You've forgotten me after not seeing me for only six months." He gazed at me, unreadable. "Highly unlikely. But if you say so, I suppose I can't easily refute you."

"Are you calling Michi a liar?" Sawa glared at him.

"I'm calling her forgetfulness strange."

"Let's just stop talking about it and get to work." I patted Sawa's back as thanks. She'd been very cool, coming to my defense so quickly. "But I'm telling the truth when I say I have no memories of you." I shrugged at Kent. "Sorry about it."

"This makes me nervous," Musca fretted, wringing her hands.

 _It'll be fine. Don't worry._

During my break time that day I met Sawa in the break room, just finishing up her period of respite. "Hey, working hard?" I plopped down and smiled at her.

"I guess so. It's a relief to be away from my computer staring at numbers I don't understand." She laughed, then frowned at me. "Seriously though… You don't remember Kent?"

"It's weird. My mind's just blank." I spoke carefully and slowly, trying to buy time to craft a passable excuse. "I mean… After traumatic experiences, people forget things. I guess after my dad's death, my mind pushed out any extra stuff." I didn't like lying to her too, since she wasn't really involved, but it felt necessary. I had to save face here and not let them know it was full-blown amnesia.

"Oh… I'm sorry." Sawa gave me a brief hug. "I've got to get back. Enjoy your break."

I sighed with relief after she was gone. "Oh man…"

"I think she believed you. Good job at thinking on your toes." Musca nodded, satisfied.

"Yeah. I wonder if Kent would believe the same thing… He was pretty quick to call me out."

"He seems odd. Like not understanding that Sawa was kidding."

"He's not the first person to ever not get a joke."

"Are you talking to yourself?" A new voice interrupted our conversation.

I jumped up, chair clattering to the floor behind me. "Oh, heyyy, Kent. How ya doin'?"

"You countered a question with a question. That means you're…" He paused. "Nervous, that's it. Why?"

"Because you sneaked up on me. And yes, I was talking to myself. Who else would I be talking to?"

"Point." He sat down. "It's really of no consequence whether or not you remember me. We weren't close."

"Oh. Okay then." Technically, this made my job harder. If he was telling the truth and we didn't have a prior friendship, there wasn't a lot of groundwork already made in helping him with whatever his ordeal was. "Why?"

"Hm. I wonder." He lowered his eyes as he thought. "You forgot Ikkyu as well. This hurt his feelings badly. Thus, I began to dislike you."

I blinked at him. "Ikkyu. You mean Ikki?"

"Yes." His gaze flicked back up to me. "My feelings are irrational. You have never done anything to me personally. You were always polite when we did speak to one another. Yet my opinion of you became negative."

"Well… You were mad about me hurting a friend of yours. And that's fine. I don't think it's irrational. It's a bit sweet of you, in fact. Kind of like quietly sticking up for him, y'know?"

"Hm. I tell you I dislike you, and you compliment me in return. Stranger still."

"What? No it's not. It's because I'm cool, you got that? And you being mad on Ikki's behalf makes you sort of cool too. End of story. Stop questioning things; it'll drive you crazy to think in circles like that."

"Sweet and cool. You've complimented me twice. I do not understand."

"Just… stop thinking about it. Look, Ikki and I are becoming friends now. Maybe you and I can too. Think about that instead, yeah?"

"Hm… Perhaps I'll give it some thought."

"Okay. So, why do you call Ikki by Ikkyu?"

"That is his real name, after all. In addition, it annoys him."

"You get mad on his behalf, and you like to annoy him." I laughed. "Sounds like a friendship I guess."

"I find the whole thing illogical, still. Human relationships are more complex than problems written on paper."

"Well, yeah. I'd say so." I picked the chair back up and pushed it in. "Are you on break now too?"

"No. I was hoping to talk to Sawa, but it seems she was done and back to work before I came here."

"Ah. Well, you can talk to her any other time."

"Hm. Perhaps it's for the best. There is such a thing as timing. Although I don't comprehend it. The environment or time doesn't change what's being said."

"Uh… Wrong."

"Explain."

"Okay… Imagine you're about to tell someone you dropped their ice cream sundae that they had just made on the floor. So, pretend that they had a bad day already. That ice cream sundae was the only thing they had looked forward to the entire day. Do you tell them right after it happens or do you give them a minute to relax?"

"Right as it happens. It's best to do things expediently."

"Wrong! They had a bad day. You don't mercilessly make it worse. You wait until they're comfortable, and then you tell them. You make them a new sundae, and one for yourself too. It's a win-win situation."

"… I don't think you used the best example. Nothing has been made clear to me."

"Fine. We can use a better one. A real life one. What were you about to tell Sawa?'

"I was going to ask her to date me."

"Okay, so…" I trailed off. "Oh. Well, uh… So. You were going to do it right now?" That had been the last thing I expected.

"Yes."

"Wrong!"

"How so?"

"She's at work. Her feet hurt because she's been on them. It's hot in the kitchen, so she feels a bit sweaty. She doesn't feel like the uniform suits her anyways, so she feels a bit unattractive even though she's really cute. What girl wants to be asked out under those conditions?"

"I see." Kent frowned. "Then what are the proper conditions?"

"Let's see…" I looked at my phone as it beeped, having reached the end of the timer I had set. "Whoops, my break's over. Let's talk later, okay?"

"Ah. Very well then."

"That was certainly, um…" Musca sighed. "As I thought, he's weird."

"Nah." I grinned. "He's funny." This was going to be interesting.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two: Brave

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

I sighed and stretched out after changing. "Another day of work done. Good deal."

"Let's go home!" Musca cheered.

"Yep, out the door." I left the café, feeling satisfied. "Maybe I should go out for dinner tonight, huh?"

"Oh, what are you thinking?"

"I'm craving something sweet. Maybe…" I trailed off when I noticed Ikki's fangirls standing outside the building in the front. I controlled my expression as it tried to twist into a scowl, instead working to look neutral as I quickened my steps to go past them.

"Hey, you." A girl grabbed one of my pigtails and yanked it, halting my progress.

"Ow! Hey, what the hell is your problem?" I snapped, not trying to hide my dislike now.

Rika stepped forward, looking smug. "We just want to talk to you. No problems with that, right?"

"The grand high bitch herself, to what do I owe the honor?" I growled.

"Michi, you need to be careful!" Musca warned. "Everyone else left before you. It's possible that no one will come to help, and you're surrounded with you against five girls. Don't antagonize them anymore."

I gritted my teeth. She had a point… But what did they want?

"We saw you with Ikki yesterday," One of the girls said, tone accusatory, as if I had done something wrong. I said nothing, choosing to wait for them to get to the point already.

"Stay away from him. Or else." Rika narrowed her eyes into slits.

I sighed. "Or else? Gee. Real intimidating. Look, you don't control what Ikki or me for that matter do. Thinking you can just by trying to corner me is pathetic." What was their problem? I didn't understand their possessiveness or obsession with Ikki. What kind of hold did his eyes have?

I felt a sharp tug and realized my hair hadn't been let go of yet. Then another girl pulled out scissors, and before I could react the majority of it was snipped off, the long strands drifting to the ground in a useless pile. I stared at it openmouthed for a few seconds before throwing a punch at the nearest person, connecting with her stomach and sending her to the ground as the wind was knocked out of her.

"You wanna mess with me, huh?! Bring it on!" I went in low and tackled another girl, but ended up just letting her go when I realized that they were just running away now. "Tch… They're cowards," I muttered, running my hand through what remained of my pigtail. This sucked. It had taken forever to get it this long.

"Hey!" I looked up as Rika called back to me. "It's a warning, you hear me?!" Then she was gone.

"Are you okay? You're not hurt?" Musca touched my cheeks, trailing down to hold my shoulders.

"I'm fine. Sorry you had to get freaked out like that." I sighed, feeling tired now. "Let's go. I want ice cream now." I ambled towards my apartment, unable to stop touching my hair. It wasn't that sad, since it'd just grow back, but it pissed me off in a major way. Stupid fangirls, going that far…

"Hey, Michi, it looks like someone's in front of your door…" Musca peered up the stairs as we headed up.

"Eh?" I frowned, but then my mouth hung open when I realized who was sitting there, a bag next to them.

"Hey, Michi." Shin stood up, looking at the ground.

"Uh… Hi? I'll be blunt, what are you doing here?"

"I…" He pursed his lips, then sighed. "Would you mind if I stayed with you for tonight?"

"Uh. Uh." I felt my face and ears turning red. "Why?"

"It's just that… Things at home aren't great right now. Ever since I brought up talking to you again my dad and I have been fighting pretty much nonstop. I just need a little bit of time to collect my thoughts. So…" He narrowed his eyes at the ground, looking ashamed.

I took a breath. "No way!"

Shin looked up at my face, startled. "Oh. Alright. I understand. I'll ask Toma."

"Come on, you idiot." I grabbed his hand and dragged him back down the stairs.

"What are you doing?"

"Right now, I'm going to talk to your dad. If it's this bad, then we need to fix it."

"Michi, it's maybe not the best idea –"

"Shut up!" I snapped. "Shin, you look so hurt and sad right now. No way am I going to let that continue, got it? If you have an issue, you confront it head on. We're going! I feel like kicking someone's ass anyways, after those stupid girls… Rah!"

"Okay fine, just stop dragging me."

I let go of him and slowed my pace, so we were walking side by side. "Good." Now, what in the world was I going to say?

"… What happened to your hair?"

"Oh. Nothing." With the problems he had right now, he didn't need to be worried about me too.

Shin frowned. "You mentioned stupid girls just now." He paused as he gave it some thought. "You hate Ikki's little group… Did they do it?"

Crap. He'd figured it out fast. "Yeah. The craft shop I mentioned to you, Ikki and I went there. Apparently one of the girls saw us, so they got me after work and told me to stay away from him. But don't worry. I got in a good punch and a tackle too."

"… Maybe you should stay away from Ikki."

"Nope. Don't wanna. I'm especially not going to give in to their demands and let them win."

"Yeah, that sounds like you. But be careful, and call me if you're ever in trouble again."

"I will. Anyways, it's done now." I'd have to cut my hair evenly later. "How bad is it really, you and your dad?"

Shin shrugged. "We just blow up at each other for every small thing because we're both frustrated."

"… You've been frustrated for a long time, haven't you?" The burden of shame would wear on anyone, even someone like Shin who was good at staying composed in most situations.

He just shrugged again, but reached for my hand and held it tightly. We were silent until we got to his house. I hadn't thought of anything to say. I just couldn't figure it out. "Ready?" I asked.

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I'm gonna wing it." I grinned. "Wish me luck."

This got a small laugh out of him. "Good luck. I'm here too, though. It'll be fine, probably."

"Probably," I echoed, looking down at our hands after he let go. "Hold on."

"What?" He opened his mouth to speak more when I grabbed his collar and stepped closer, but was silenced when I kissed him. When I leaned back with a sigh, he was staring at me. "What was that for?"

"That was me taking my first kiss back from you. Also for luck. Let's do this." I tossed my head and followed him inside as he shook his head in amazement.

His dad was seated at a table, reading. "You're back. Shin, there's dinner for you here, I'm going to bed now. Just make sure to wash you own dishes, and –" He abruptly cut off when he saw me.

"What's up?" I waved.

"Shin, not now. I'm tired, and going to bed. Later, just later." He started to leave the room, fleeing.

"Hey!" I went after him, grabbing him roughly and forcing him back into the chair, not releasing him and instead gripping his shoulders. "If not for me and if not for myself, you're going to listen to this for Shin's sake, you got that?" When he didn't reply I took it as a signal for me to keep going. "Look. What happened wasn't your fault. I can't blame you for defending yourself. And even though people are treating you differently now, under law your actions were deemed justified. That's why you're not in a cell right now. You need to hold your head high. Do you have any idea what effect it'll have on someone if their parent is always walking around ashamed? Look, I'm here because I care about Shin, and if you do too then you're gonna take every word I'm saying to heart. No matter what anyone says, it's your duty as a father to set a good example."

His eyes widened at this. I knew that I was saying things that he hadn't expected. Instead of making this about him or me or my own father, I was making it about Shin, and a father's duty. Any parent's duty, really.

I took a shaking breath, feeling my heart beat faster with my passion. "Look… My father didn't always set a good example for me either. He was an angry drunk, he was late to work a lot, and he didn't always listen to me when I wanted something in life. I'm telling you now not to make the same mistakes. You had better not, you hear me?!" It was as if my voice rang for a moment, and a stunned and awed silence was left in its wake.

"I'll think about it. I will. I promise you."

"That's not good enough! This conflict has gone on for too long already. Starting tomorrow, whenever you do anything you do it proudly knowing you haven't sinned. Understand?"

The man before me took a deep breath as tears started running down his face. "I will."

"Good. Shin, you don't let him off the hook. You make sure he listens, okay?"

Shin nodded, gazing at his father. "Things need to change." He spoke quietly.

"I know. I know. I won't let you down anymore."

"You know I'm here for you."

I smiled, sensing a first step being made, and bowed to say a goodbye and leave the two of them alone before exiting as quietly as I could.

"This day has been absolutely full of surprises. You seem really exhausted now." Musca rubbed my back as I stood outside to collect myself for a minute. "But you were brave with everything."

"I'm just going to eat and go to bed." Soooo tired…

"Well, be happy." Musca was looking at her hand. "You've completed the Heart route."

"Wait, seriously? That's… Well, that's great." But I didn't have as much of a personal excuse to be around Shin anymore. "For him, it's wonderful. I'm very glad." I sighed. The best thing had happened.

"Michi."

I spun around when I heard Shin. "Hey –" Before I could say anything else he grabbed me in a tight hug, surprising me away from speaking any more.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you –"

"O-okay, I get the point… You're embarrassing me," I mumbled.

"No matter how many times I say it, it won't be enough."

"Still, stop it." I blushed nervously as he backed away. He was smiling so brightly, and it wasn't good for my heart. "I hope everything gets better now."

"Me too. I think it will."

"Hey, so… About hanging out with you on my next day off." Now was a good time to talk to him about it. I'd just done something awesome, so he couldn't get too mad. "I accidentally made plans with someone else on the same day, so… Sorry, but I should go with that other person."

He just looked at me for a moment, but he nodded, and his expression turned mischievous. "Make it up to me by letting me stay with you tonight."

"What? But your dad…"

"He really does need alone time now, no bullshit. I already have a bag packed from earlier. So?"

I glared at him. "Stop being so pushy." I turned away and walked a few steps. "Ugh… Come on then."

He laughed and ducked inside to grab his bag. "Thanks."

"I told you to stop saying that." This… This would be interesting… Ow, my heart…


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three: Possibility

Hi, Norasakka here.It's weird looking back and reading past chapters and catching typos I missed... And being too lazy to fix them. Eheheh... But, still, enjoy the story.

 **WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

I stared at myself in the mirror as I held up my remaining pigtail and held up a pair of scissors to it.

"For some reason, this is very suspenseful…" Musca was watching me, eyes wide.

"Shut it." I squeezed my eyes shut and snipped it off, then let my hair down. It fell a few inches past my shoulders now, whereas it had been to my waist before. I exited the bathroom and nearly had a heart attack when I saw Shin sitting on the floor in the main room, even though I'd known perfectly well he would be there. "Is it even?" I stood with my back to him.

"Not even close."

"Oh man…" Now I'd have to go and pay to have my hair cut. That sucked. I didn't wanna. Too much effort.

"Want me to fix it? I can try, at least."

"Sure, give it a shot. Not like it can get much worse." I passed over the scissors and grabbed the trash can so I wouldn't have to sweep up after. He stood behind me, and I stiffened. When he touched my hair, I caught my breath. Come on, I had to get over it…

"He's doing a good job," Musca commented so I'd know what was going on. "I think you can avoid the barber."

I inwardly cheered, and started breathing again when Shin backed away. "I think it's fine now," he said.

I ran my hands through it for show, already knowing how it looked from Musca. "Feels good. Thanks." I shook my head, whipping my hair around. "My head feels lighter. It's different."

"Looks good, though."

I blushed. "Look… Maintain distance from me while you're here, okay? And don't say anything too nice."

"Why? Or else you might surprise attack me again?"

"Shut up. But, yes." I nodded and his eyes widened, my bluntness having been a bit unexpected.

He coughed a little. "Yeah, about earlier…"

"We don't have to talk about it. Really."

"No, listen. You said you were taking your first kiss back. But I wasn't your first kiss, Michi."

"Wait, what?" I tilted my head, confused.

"Did you forget that?" He frowned.

"I… I guess so."

"Huh." He put the scissors away before sitting back down on the floor.

"Well, tell me who it was!" I demanded, sitting across from him and leaning forward with anticipation.

"Toma."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. You two dated for a little while in middle school." Shin was looking at me oddly, as if he was considering something.

"Middle school? Geez… Puppy love." There seemed to be a lot of that in my past.

"Michi, I've been thinking about this, but I kept pushing it to the back of my mind. You've been acting differently towards everyone ever since you sort of came back into our lives. I've talked to Toma and Sawa about it a little bit, and, well… I think it's more than you just being absentminded. What I'm trying to say is that…" He frowned, searching for words.

"Amnesia." I finished for him. "Is that what you're thinking?"

He met my eyes, serious. "Yeah. So, is that it?"

"Michi, what are you doing?" Musca gripped my arm hard.

 _If he's suspicious, I can't just ignore it or try to pretend. He'll see right through me and it'll be worse._ I mentally explained it to her. I took a breath, hoping I wasn't making a mistake. "Yeah. I've got amnesia. But things are coming back quickly since I've started being around everyone again."

"How did this happen?"

Shit. I had nothing. No excuse. But the truth was too much for anyone. The only person who could possibly understand was Ikki, and even then… There was no guarantee. "I, er…" I almost decided to say nothing, but forced words out. "Sorry. I don't understand it myself. But please just trust me when I say that everything is okay."

"… I'll trust you. But you'll have to promise me a few things first."

"What?" I frowned.

"Come to me whenever you're having doubts about anything. We can talk through it and try to figure things out."

"I will. But really, I'm doing fine on my own."

"Where are your blank spots, then?"

"Well… I don't remember much about my mother. Then, recently I remembered that Ikki and I were childhood friends, and I'd forgotten that before. I remember some stuff about Toma, but I don't have a lot of specifics of what it was like with him before I met you. Then, Kent just completely slipped my mind. You had too for a little while, but the more time we spent together the more things came back."

"Is that why you're trying to keep spending time with Ikki then?"

"Basically."

"Well… You should spend time with Toma too. He missed you."

"Yeah, I know. I just have to balance things out." Three more pathways left… "I'm meeting up with Ikki soon, but maybe then Toma and I can hang out…"

"Is Ikki the one you scheduled with at the same time you did me?"

"Yeah…" I laughed awkwardly. "Yep. Sorry about that. My bad."

"It's fine." He paused. "Are the two of you…?"

"I know what you're saying, and no. Just no. I don't really want to talk about my love life with you anyways. Ever." I shook my head when it came out harsher than I had intended. "Sorry. But, you know it's awkward for me."

"I get it. I figured that that's what friends would talk about, but it's stupid to think it's that easy."

"A bit." I smiled. "We do look stupid, being all awkward." Shin just smiled back and shrugged. "Anyways. I was thinking of going to Myouga University next fall. What do you think?"

"Well… You should do what you want."

"And?" I could tell he had more to say than that.

"I was just thinking about how I got accepted into a college across the country. I didn't think I would, but I got a scholarship, and it would be nice to get way from here. Change sounds great, honestly. But I'd miss a few things." He was avoiding looking at me. "What would you do?"

"I'd tell you to do what you want… Which is what you just said to me." I sighed. "Just go out and find happiness for yourself. That's the best advice I have, I'm afraid."

"It's good advice. And you've already given me happiness. So, thanks." He smiled warmly.

I looked away. "No sappy stuff. It's not allowed here. Okay?" We laughed, but my mind had started spinning. The world was bigger than just this small place. Once my duty to the pathways was done, I wouldn't have limits. I hadn't considered it before, but… This was my life. I could go as far away as I wanted, far away from these people I was starting to know again. There was so much possibility here. But, for now... "I'd miss you," I murmured.

Shin frowned. "Me, too."

"Don't say it like that. It makes it sound like you're saying you'd miss yourself."

"Fine. I would miss you if I went far away."

I couldn't help it. I giggled, like a fangirl. Ugh…

Shin raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"Nothing. Just let me have this. I'm getting ice cream, you want any?" We'd both brushed our teeth already, but… No harm in a late night snack.

"Sure." He stood to come with me into the small kitchen. I worked to maintain distance between us and tried not to care that I got about twice as much as he did. Well, screw that. I was hungry. "By the way, what's the mannequin in the corner for?" He motioned to the space next to the front door.

"Oh, that." I chewed some cookie dough before answering. "I make my own clothes sometimes."

"Really? That's impressive."

"Not really." I shrugged. "I did want to major in fashion, though. Become a fashion designer, but not make any crazy unwearable stuff, like that avant garde style. Just make clothes someone like me could afford and like, you know?"

Shin thought for a few seconds. "I thought Myouga didn't have a fashion major."

"It doesn't. But I didn't want to leave my dad before. Even now, I'm not sure I could leave this town. At least I have support here. Friends who mean a lot to me."

"I don't know what to tell you. It's easy to just say you shouldn't give up on something you want because of that. But I'm not you."

"Yeah. But you've always dreamed bigger and worked harder than Toma or me. If anyone can handle going far away, it's you."

He smiled, just a little. "Thanks."

"Okay… One thing." I narrowed my eyes, turning serious.

"What?"

"Sleeping arrangements."

"Oh. Just that. You had me getting concerned with that expression."

"Well." There were two beds, but the linens on my dad's bed hadn't been washed in a while and besides… That was a dead man's bed. Neither one of us wanted to sleep there. "I'll take the floor, and you take my bed."

"No. Other way around. It's your place anyways, and I invited myself. The floor works fine for me."

"No. You're still the guest."

"You're the girl here."

"Fine." I tore the blankets and pillows off my bed and found some more spare blankets in the bathroom closet. "We both sleep on the floor. Compromise."

"It's not really compromise if you make the decision yourself."

I gave him a withering glare. "I could still kick you out onto the street. It's not too late. You're not even in your pajamas yet."

"Okay, fine. I accept your terms." He held his hands up in mock surrender.

"… On that note. I'll change in the bathroom. You change out here… And tell me when you're done so I don't come out too soon." My face turned red. "O-okay?"

"Sure." He was smirking, the jerk.

"Why are you smiling? What's funny?" I demanded.

"No reason."

"Well, stop it." I hid in the bathroom again, changing into grey sweatpants and a baggy pink shirt. "Why… The smirk… What was it for?"

"Best not to think too hard on it. Your head will explode," Musca warned. "But this is a nice little sleepover, hm?" She laughed.

"Shut up. It doesn't mean anything."

"Hey… Your phone's ringing." Musca heard the vibrations from the pocket of my discarded dress before I did.

"Huh?" I grabbed it from the floor, fished in the pockets and blinked at the name flashing on the screen. "Ikki…?" What could he possibly want?


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four: Childish Feelings

**WORLD OF SUITS**

 **~ Michi ~**

Ikki was calling me, but what reason could he have? Especially this late… "Hello?" I answered it with trepidation. Hopefully nothing was wrong…

"Michi, hello."

"Ikki. What is it? It's like, eleven o-clock." I absentmindedly left the bathroom, my focus having been shifted by Ikki's call.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But I have something to give you, and I just can't wait anymore."

"Uh… So, what exactly do you want me to do?" I frowned. Was he crazy, this late at night?

"What's wrong?" Shin whispered, noticing my expression.

"Nothing…" I trailed off as I looked at him. "Why aren't you wearing a shirt?!" I yelled.

"You asked me to tell you when I was done changing. I wasn't done, but you came out anyways. So. I wonder whose fault this is?"

"Sh-shut up and put a shirt on!" I turned around. "Sorry, Ikki."

"Is everything alright?" He sounded concerned.

"It's fine. Anyways… What is it again?" I cleared my throat, trying to get my concentration back.

"Well… The thing is. I'm outside your apartment."

"What?!" I ran outside and slammed the door shut behind me, looking around. Sure enough… "Ikki!" I ran over to him where he was standing across the street, waving. "Are you insane?"

"No, just a little bit drunk."

"You know what, that explains a lot."

He laughed. "Come on, only a little. Anyways… For you." He held something out in both hands.

"Is that…?" I recognized the artificial flowers I had picked out, but they had been cut apart and artfully arranged onto a hair clip, more beautiful than anything I had ever seen in a store. "Did you make this?"

"Yes. I'm good with my hands, you know." He actually winked. Why did I find that smooth whatsoever?

"It's… Amazing. Is it really for me?"

"Of course." He tucked hair behind my ear and I jumped a bit, surprised. "You cut your hair."

"Y-yeah." I stiffened. No, I shouldn't tell him that it was his fangirls who did it. It'd only make him worry. "I just felt like it."

He smiled. "It looks lovely."

"Come on… Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"With the… The suave stuff."

"So that's how you see me?" His eyes were dancing.

"Shut up."

"May I put this on you?"

"W-what?" I stammered, caught off guard by the sudden shift in the conversation.

"May I?" He repeated, gazing at me openly and evenly.

"Sure…" I squeezed my eyes shut as he took some hair away from my face, and then I felt the clip lightly brush against my scalp before it was gently in place. "Well? How does it look?"

"Perfect."

"W-well… Thank you very much. It's…" I tried to get over the strange shyness I had and be honest with my feelings. "It's an incredibly sweet gift, and I'm touched."

"I'm so glad you like it." His smile faded, and he lapsed into a seriousness that was strange on him compared to his usual self. "That flower I gave you when we were kids was a representation of childish feelings. But my feelings aren't childish anymore."

"Oh?" I didn't understand what he was getting at. "Hey –" I began when he leaned forward and down, but his lips were on mine before I could gain the coherence to say anything else. He kissed like someone with experience, making it deeper smoothly even though I was too dumbfounded to respond in any way. A strange sound came up from the back of my throat when he slipped his tongue into my mouth effortlessly, pulling me closer at the same time with his hands on my shoulders.

The shock of it made my mind click back into functioning order. I backed up with a gasp, the wet sound made when we detached seeming to ring. "Hey. Hey. Um… Er…" I shook my head. "What was that?"

"I'd like to know too…" Musca, who had been silently observing, broke in as she stared openmouthed at Ikki. "He's certainly… Forward. But this level of aggression…" She blushed. "Oh my…"

"I was showing you how I felt." His smile was disarming, and it was hard to get mad at him even though I was trying to. "Michi. Would you consider being my girlfriend?"

What. What? WHAT? I couldn't process it. "Me. Date… You. That's what you want?"

"Yes."

"… Is this because I'm the only one who can resist your eyes?" I asked, doubtful as to whether his feelings were even real.

"That's why I became interested in the first place, yes, but there's more to it. I want more and more of you. Your personality. The way you lift people up. The way you glow when you laugh."

"Er…" He was making it harder and harder to say no… And I didn't dislike the idea. The kiss certainly hadn't been bad… "P-please… Give me time? This is really sudden, and… You came on really strong. Let me think about it while I'm not caught up in the moment."

He looked a bit disappointed, but he nodded. "That's fair. And… I'm sorry if I scared you."

"I wasn't scared." I scowled at him. But he had made it clear there was a difference between us. He was certainly more… Adult. "We… We have plans to get together on our next day off, so… I'll answer you then." It was the day after tomorrow. But was that enough time to decide what to do?

"I'll look forward to it. And Michi…" He hesitated. "There's no pressure here. Don't worry about my feelings. Only say yes if it's what you want."

"Okay. I'll… See you later." I headed back inside, feeling strange. I had never thought to myself that I'd had romantic feelings for Ikki. But I was still considering this.

"Are you okay?" Shin frowned. "I didn't follow you because I thought you wanted privacy while you were on the phone, but you look like something's up."

"Well…" I removed the hair pin to look at it again. It made my heart squeeze a bit to think of the thought behind it. "Ikki came by just now, and… Stuff."

"Stuff?" Shin echoed me skeptically.

I'd just said that I didn't want to discuss my love life with him, and I didn't really think he'd give me advice from an unbiased place, so… "Yes. Stuff." I nodded and curled up in the pile of blankets and pillows I'd tossed on the floor. It wasn't great, but it could have been less comfortable. Having Shin next to me made it feel warm and nice.

"Stuff," he repeated again as he folded his hands under his head. He closed his eyes, starting to relax, although I didn't understand how he could in this position. I certainly couldn't.

I couldn't just say nothing. I was freaking out about it too much. "He asked me to date him."

"Oh." There was a long pause. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him I'd think about it."

"So, you actually do like him?"

"I don't know. I think he'd certainly sweep me off my feet." I laughed. "But…" We both ended up rolling over on our sides to face each other. "The idea of it. I don't hate it."

"Then…" He frowned. "Sorry. I shouldn't say anything else."

"Oh, okay." I paused. "Why?"

"If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. My mom used to tell me that."

"Ah." I decided not to think about what that meant concerning Ikki. "Where is your mom now?"

"She left. Couldn't take it, after what my dad ended up doing. What it did to the way he acted."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, putting a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"It's fine. We still keep in touch."

"That's good."

"You said you didn't remember your mother?"

"Yeah… I'm trying to think of her now, but… Nothing." There was just a big blank space.

"All I know is that you never talked about her. You made a point of it. If it ever got brought it up you got cold, fast."

"Huh… I don't know why." My mom… I remembered my dad saying it was a bad idea for me to stay with her after they divorced, and I hadn't understood at the time. Why had they parted in the first place? I wanted to know. It felt like I was missing something big. Then… "Shit!" I couldn't contain a curse as the head pain hit me again.

"Michi?" Shin leaned up on his elbow, looking concerned.

"Listen…" I spoke through gritted teeth. Had the pain ever been this bad? It was awful. It was ripping, tearing my head apart. "The headaches and passing out… That happens when I get memories back. Don't take me to the hospital again, okay? There's nothing I can do but wait it out." Especially now, I was glad I'd told him the truth. It was good to know I had more support.

"Michi, is it because you were thinking about your mom?" Musca asked. "Is that it?"

I just nodded. I wanted to scream, the pain was so bad. It was sweet relief when the memories flooded in.

I was a child again, same as I had been in my memories with Ikki. "Mom?" I pulled on the hem of her pale blue dress. "What are you doing?'

"Hush. You're in the way, darling. Mommy will be with you in a while."

"But…" I faltered. She'd said that an hour ago too. She was on the front lawn in the pouring rain, dancing and humming to herself.

"The other dancers will trip over you, dear. You need to move out of the way." She paused. "Yes, she is a cute girl, isn't she? Takes after me more than her father."

I stomped my feet, a little girl tired of having her mother ignore her. "No! Come inside now!" I tugged on her as hard as I could, and before I knew it her palm had connected with my cheek. I registered how it stung, what it meant to have my own mother hit me.

My dad came home from work that day and found me crying. I poured out all of my feelings about how my mother was always dancing by herself but talking about others being with her. How her slapping me had broken the tight lid I had put on my concerns. They divorced soon after, and I had actually wanted to stay with my mom out of guilt. I felt so bad for wrecking the marriage, and I wanted to cling to Ikki, my only friend, the one who could comfort me through this. But no father in his right mind would have left me there with my mother who saw and heard things no one else did.

"Michi?" When I came to I was in Shin's arms. He raised his hands and wiped at the tears that had started running down my face at some point. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I gingerly held on to his shirt. "Just… Let me stay like this for a while."


	25. Chapter Twenty-five: Surroundings

**~ Michi ~**

The blaring of my alarm tried to rouse me up from sleep, but I wasn't quite ready to cooperate. I snuggled back up to the warmth next to me, only getting the inkling that something was up when my mouth hit something that wasn't a pillow and something smooth and soft tickled my face. "Huh…?"

"Michi?" Shin groaned, shifting as the alarm woke him up too. We were tangled up together, and his movements only brought his arms tighter around me, his body closer.

I held my breath, lips trembling against his neck while I caught the scent of his hair that was gently brushing against my face. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't move or think properly because his arms were holding me so securely and his closeness was making my mind short out.

"Good morning…" He looked down at me blearily for a few moments before his expression shifted into one of surprise, and he fell still as reality hit him too. "Oh." He backed away quickly but ended up hitting his head on the table that was beside my bed. "Agh…"

"Uh… Are you okay?" I reached to turn the alarm off.

"I'm fine… Do you have work today or something?"

"Yeah." I hopped up and stretched. "I'm going to shower, so… If you're gone by the time I get out, that's fine. But if you're still here, then that's fine too."

"Thanks… But I think I should just go home now." He got up and brushed himself off, then looked at me closely. "Are you sure you're alright, after last night?"

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about a thing." I forced a smile. I had refused to tell him anything about what I remembered, so he'd just held me like that until I had stopped crying… I guess we'd fallen asleep eventually.

"I'm going to worry about you either way, so doesn't it make more sense to be honest with me?" He narrowed his eyes a little.

"I mean…" I frowned. "I'm not feeling great about what I remembered. But it's going to be fine. I've come to terms with worse, I feel like."

He still looked doubtful, but he nodded. "I'm the one who knows what's going on now, so you're able to lean on me as much as you want. Just remember that."

"Fine, fine. I get it," I grumbled, secretly relieved and appreciative to hear those words. "You hurry and get ready to go then, before I claim the bathroom."

While he left me to clean up a little and get changed, I started rummaging in my dresser. If my hair had changed, why not change my whole look? It could end up being refreshing. I picked out a plaid peplum shirt and jean shorts to go over my checkered leggings, setting the flower pin on top of the pile before nodding with satisfaction. Yeah, it'd look cute. Probably.

"Well…" Shin and I stood at the door awkwardly as he prepared to leave. "Thanks for this. And everything else."

"Yeah, yeah. You just watch out for your dad, okay?"

"I will. Call me if you need me or you just want to talk."

"Yeah. I'll see you later, then."

"Bye." He waved goodbye, and I was able to relax once the door shut behind him.

"Well that was disappointing," Musca commented as I went to the shower.

"How so?"

"He could have at least left you with a hug. Better yet, a kiss on the cheek."

I just shrugged at her.

"Especially after what he did last night…"

"Wait, what? He didn't draw on my face with a marker or something, did he?"

"No, not at all. Do you want me to tell you?" She smiled like she was holding on to a juicy secret.

"Ugh… Just do what you want." I sped through my shower, trying not to think too much.

"That's no fun. What do you want me to do?"

"Cut that out. Don't try to put the choice on me."

"Well, I'm fine either way." Musca hummed to herself while I cleaned up, and I couldn't take the suspense by the time I was toweling off.

"Okay, tell me." I pulled my clothes on, avoiding looking at her because I knew she had on a laughing expression.

"Okay, so, after you went to sleep…" She paused for effect.

"Stop killing me and get on with it." I grabbed up Ikki's hair pin and went to figure out a new style. Yeah, a braid over the shoulder, and then the pin to move some of my bangs out of the way. Not bad, not bad at all.

"He laid you down really gently and tucked you in."

I was ready to melt with just that. Luckily there was a cool breeze outside to cool my possible combustion. "Uh-huh…?" Maybe by the time I had walked to work I'd be calm.

"Then he lay down next to you, just looking at you and stroking your hair and smiling to himself."

"What kind of smile was it? Like, a serial killer grin, or more like a this girl is ridiculous and it's funny to me smile?"

"Neither, of course. He looked tender."

Shin? Tender? "Humph." I crossed my arms and scowled.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be happy."

"I'm not! He goes and does things like this when I have to decide what to do about Ikki, and then… Ugh!"

Musca frowned. "Michi… If you had chosen the Spade World first instead of the Heart World, what do you think would have happened?" She shook her head when I opened my mouth to speak. "It was rhetorical. You would have fallen in love with Ikki based on your memories if you had met him first. Then you wouldn't be having problems. The two of you would probably be dating by now. Just because you happened to meet Shin first and remember him before the others doesn't mean he's your only option. There were four pathways, and four fates of love. Don't get hung up on someone who would have made their move by now if it was going to happen."

"Musca… Why say all of this to me?"

"Any of these guys would be lucky to have you. You deserve nothing less than the best, someone who's willing to pursue you to the fullest. Understand?"

I smiled. "Thanks, Musca."

When I got to work, I was actually the last one there since I had spent extra time on my appearance that morning. "Oh hey, Kent, Mine. How are you guys?"

"Hello." Kent nodded to me.

Strangely, Mine said nothing. She just huffed and turned her back.

I frowned after her before going to change into my uniform. "What's her problem?"

"I've no idea. Maybe she's having a girl issue? Like… Um… I don't know." Musca finished her rambling with a shrug.

"Well, I guess if she wants to talk she'll say something." Since I was on the clock now, I didn't have the concentration or the time to worry about things like that. It was kept in my mind though, since Mine refused to speak to me or hardly look at me throughout the entire shift. "Seriously… She's acting weird."

"Is that so?" Kent popped up behind me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Stop…" I gasped. "Stop sneaking up on me!"

"Perhaps you simply don't have sufficient awareness of your surroundings."

"Ugh… Well, do you need something?"

"Yes. Your phone number."

"Why?" I glared at him suspiciously.

"You previously stated that we would talk about my intentions to ask Sawa out at a later date. It is now later. The most efficient means of communication would be for the two of us to text."

"I, uh… Can't argue with that." We traded phones, and I glanced up as Mine walked past us. Our eyes met, and the intense hatred in her glare shocked me. All of that hate was being directed at me. But why?

"Slut," she muttered under her breath, barely audible.

"Alright…" I shoved Kent's phone back at him and grabbed Mine's shoulder. "What the hell is your problem?! If you've got something to say to me, confront me directly instead of being a whiny little…" I took a breath to calm down before I said something I could really regret. "Mine, why are you so angry with me? Tell me what it is I did."

She glared at me, but whipped out her phone and messed with it for a few seconds before putting it in my face. On the screen was a picture of…

"What the… HELL?!" I gasped. It was Ikki and I, last night… When he had kissed me. "Where'd you… How'd you… Get this?" I sputtered.

"You know I like him!" While she was still fuming, Mine also looked a little bit like she was about to cry. "So how could you do this?"

"Wait, wait. Hold up. It's just…" There was nothing I could say to make it better. Telling her the truth, that Ikki had legitimately confessed to me, wouldn't spare her feelings at all. But I had to say something… "Look… I didn't see it coming either. I just –"

"We told you to just stay away."

"We? Hold on, you're one of his fangirls?" Was she freakin' kidding me with this bullshit?

"I get notifications from them. I ignored the one about the two of you hanging out the first time, figuring there had to be a good reason. I was going to ask you about it today, but then I got this last night… I'll never forgive you for this." She whisked away, getting in the last word.

"… She's serious…? I don't get it at all…"

"… I'm afraid I understand less than you do." Kent was looking at me questioningly.

"Hey, Kent, you're Ikki's friend, right?"

"Correct."

"Then, do you know why he let's those girls hang all over him like that? They're thinking that they can control him and the people around him, and that's just not normal or healthy at all."

"Hm… It would be best for you to ask Ikkyu himself, as I can't quite understand his line of thinking either."

"Geez… Alright. But I need answers." This sort of behavior wasn't normal at all. There had to be some reason… As he started to turn away I reached up and grabbed his shoulder. "By the way, could you do me a favor…?" I murmured, making sure no one else could hear.

He turned to me, looking puzzled but mildly interested. "What is it?"


	26. Chapter Twenty-six: Trap

**~ Michi ~**

I took a breath before stepping out into the side alley after work. If my hunch was right… I wouldn't be alone. And, I ended up being justified in my suspicions. I tensed up as Rika approached me, about five other girls behind her. "What now?" I asked. "No, wait. That's a stupid question. Mine showed me the picture."

"I followed Ikki and saw him doing that… It nearly broke my heart." One of the girls almost started to cry after she explained how the photo had been obtained, and another turned to comfort her while glaring at me. What the hell was with them?

"We warned you to stay away," Rika hissed. There was a dangerous fire in her eyes… But with my back now literally against a brick wall, I couldn't back down.

"I'll say it again. It's not your place to assume control over anyone else's life. Every single one of you are just –" I was cut off when she slapped me. The image of my own mother hitting me like that as a child appeared in my head, and a shiver ran through my body.

Rika smirked at the involuntary tremble. "You act all tough, but it's a game. You hurt us last time, and you keep hurting us, so now I say it's high time to return the favor."

I clenched my fists, saying nothing. I'd expected this, but… The atmosphere was different from what I had thought it would be. It was so charged… So ready to become violent.

"Michi…" Musca held on to my arm tightly, fear making her voice a squeak.

Then they all came at me at once. One at a time or maybe two I could handle, but six? Not so easy. My arms were pinned, and a bag was placed over my head. Oh shit, oh shit… Could this be worse than I thought? I was pushed to the ground and felt fists and shoes hitting my body before I could scramble to my feet. When would they stop? Would they stop at all?

"Michi!" Musca screamed, unable to do a thing. She tried to pull me up, grasping desperately at my hand, but I couldn't lift myself up with the constant torrent of blows hitting me.

"You're filthy cowards! You hypocrites!" I gasped, fighting with the only thing I had left: words.

"Shut up! You don't understand the depth of our love! You think you can just toy around with Ikki's feeling while the ones who really care about him stand idle! No way! It's our duty to protect his feelings!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I raised my arms to protect my head, coughing as a foot hit my stomach with particular force. "You're protecting his feelings? You're the ones hurting him! You don't even know him… You don't even try to get past his eyes to learn that the real Ikki is lonely and sick of being that way, that he's sweet and even a little bashful, and caring… Then you drive other people away, only making the loneliness worse on him… All you care about is yourselves! How could you ever deserve to love someone like him?!" I screamed it all out at the top of my lungs. How dare they… How dare they do this to him…!

"That's enough!" I twitched when a familiar voice rang out in the alleyway, and the blows to me cease fired. Was that… Mine? "I can't stand by and watch you do this! It's wrong… Ikki would never, ever forgive you for doing this, because… Because Michi is the one he loves! And if we really love him, why would we stand in the way of his happiness? I said awful things, things that weren't me, that aren't the person I want to be…" Her voice hitched with tears, but she kept on talking, passion overflowing from her words. "Michi is right! People like us don't deserve to love anyone at all! If... If you lay another hand on Michi, I'll tell Ikki everything, and he'll never forgive you!" I felt her hands gently pulling me up, and the bag was removed from my head. She stood in front of me, arms spread out in defense, her small body trembling.

"We… We'll tell him you knew we were going to do it. He won't forgive you either." Rika scrambled to cover herself, but they all looked scared at Mine's threat.

"That's fine." Mine shook her head helplessly. "That's what I deserve. I won't let this go on… It's too terrible."

"Now." I stepped forward. "If any of you want to fight for real… Bring it, now. I've still got plenty left." At that, they all fled. I turned to Mine. "Think we got through to them?"

She started sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Michi… I'm so sorry for what I said to you... I never thought they would actually do something this horrible… I'm so sorry!"

I ruffled her hair as she bit her lip, trying not to dissolve into tears. "You did good, Mine. It's gonna be just fine. Although…" I slumped against the wall and slid to the ground. "I'm glad they didn't call my bluff just then…. I don't know if I could have taken them all like this." I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of blood trickling down my face, the searing pain of bruises forming on my body.

She collapsed to her knees too. "Can you forgive me? I'll do anything to make it up to you."

"Just… Try to get to know the real Ikki, okay?"

"I will."

"Good." I smiled. "Hey, Kent… You still there…?"

"Yes." He ducked out of the back door, coming to crouch down next to me.

Mine stared. "What? But… You left already, didn't you? I saw you. I only came back her because I was scared of what would happen, but why are you…?"

Kent smiled faintly. "Would you explain it to her, Michi?"

"Yeah. See… I'd been figuring something like this would happen. They cut my hair first and warned me to stay away from him, so I had to assume it'd only get worse. When you showed me that picture, I figured they'd be so mad they'd make a move soon. That being said, earlier I asked Kent for a favor. We took one of the video cameras from inside the store and put it out here in the shadows where it wouldn't be seen. Then I had Kent pretend to leave but circle back when he saw the fangirls coming into the alleyway. He stood right at the doorway there and took an additional audio recording on his phone. We've got hard evidence of an assault now. Little bit of leverage doesn't hurt, right?" I smiled and laughed a little, but stopped since it hurt to do so.

"That's…" Mine shook her head in awe, then turned serious. "We need to get you to a hospital."

"Is it really that bad?" I sighed. Just what I needed.

"Not really." Kent shook his head. "It's no reason to overreact."

"Of course we should overreact after what just happened!" Mine explained. "Come on…" She pulled me up again.

"No, no, it's fine… I'm fine." I gently removed myself from her grip. "I can go home and use my own first aid kit. Trust me. You two… Thanks so much for all of your help. Really. I can't say thanks enough. You really saved my ass." I ruffled Mine's hair again, smiling warmly. "Especially you, brave girl."

Her tears welled up again, and she hugged me tightly. "Michiiiiiii!"

"Ow… Easy, easy..." I laughed again.

"Mine, please go home. It will be easier for me to escort Michi without your blubbering," Kent stated.

I whacked him over the head. "Wrong! You're so insensitive."

"No, I, I get it." Mine sniffled as she backed away from me. "Michi, can I… Can I visit you sometime? I want to… I want to try hard to make amends."

"Sure, if that's what you want. We can talk later."

"Thank you."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "You know, Kent... Shit like this wears me out. But, seriously. I owe you one."

"No such obligation is necessary. I acted on my own accord. Although…" He paused. "It's fortunate that Mine intervened when she did, or else I would had to ruin my cover by doing it instead."

"I was doing okay."

"… Please don't say such obvious lies." He put one of my arms around his shoulders and one of his arms around my waist to support me while we walked. "Why did you attempt to save face in front of Mine?"

"She was worried enough without knowing how I'm really feeling." Now that it was over and the adrenaline was gone, my body was shaking a little. "It's embarrassing anyways."

"For what reason? One could argue that you were quite brave, setting up your own trap despite the potential danger."

I shrugged. "I have an image to keep, you know? Tough girl Michi."

"Ah." Kent nodded slowly. "You truly meant everything you said about Ikkyu?"

"Yeah, of course. They were hurting his chances at happiness, and he deserves better than that."

"Then, you're in love with him?"

"Wr-wrong. It's just basic decency, you know? I defend my friends when I feel like they're in trouble. It's the least I can do."

"Hm… Mine is under the impression that Ikkyu loves you."

"Well… He did ask me out. I dunno what to do about it… What do you think I should do, Kent, from an objective standpoint?"

"Ikkyu is my friend, so it's not as if I'm unbiased."

"Well, if you were unbiased, what would you say?"

"… A difficult question, since I don't completely understand the intricacies of romance. However… I would say that a yes or no answer should have come quite quickly to you. It's only a matter of wanting or not wanting. There is no need to make it more complicated than necessary."

"Hah… You're a funny dude, Kent." My situation was complicated, but did he have a point? Was I thinking about it a little too much? Of course, if I just went with my gut, there was only one answer. That answer was...


	27. Chapter Twenty-seven: Answer

**~ Michi ~~**

I ambled alongside Kent, lost in thought, but was brought back to real life when I realized he was leading me somewhere I didn't know. "Wait, where are we going?"

"I intend to patch you up at my own residence. Is this problematic?"

"Well, uh… I guess it's fine." I probably wouldn't have done a great job on my own anyways. "Hey… This is… An office building?"

"Yes. I often reside in my office here for the sake of convenience."

I laughed. "That sounds like something you would do." He basically carried me up the stairs until we got to his office, and then he sat me down on a couch. It was even plushier than my bed… So nice.

"Now, do try to sit still." He sat next to me with a first aid kit on his lap.

"Oh, okay." I closed my eyes as he dabbed at my face. "Ow…" The astringent made me flinch.

"You've got multiple cuts on your face. None of them are particularly deep, but they're lengthy. And the bruises will stand out."

"Why, thank you, doctor," I grumbled. "So… Are you rich, or something? To be able to afford your own office room."

"My parents are both successful."

"Why the heck are you working at a maid café then? Are you a fetishist?"

"No. A sense of independence is important, however." He didn't even react to my implication. Of course not, the dork.

"Ah. Yeah, I can get that." Every time I flinched, he tried to adjust the pressure of his touch to be gentler. It made me smile, realizing he was a little bit sweet like that.

"I'm finished."

"Thanks." I sighed. It had been an interesting few days. "Hey, do you want to talk about Sawa now? I'd like to get my mind off things too."

"Very well." He just looked at me, and I realized I was expected to frame the conversation.

"So, uh… Why do you want to ask her out?"

"I had figured that having a girlfriend would assist me in my understanding of human emotion."

"Wait, so you don't even like her?"

"I don't dislike her."

"Dude, that's really not all that great. Not hating someone doesn't mean that dating them would be any good. And it seems like you'd just be using her to try and figure out your own problems without caring about her feelings. In my opinion, you shouldn't ask her out at all."

Kent pushed his glasses up, thinking for a few moments. "I'll trust your judgement. It isn't beyond me to think of another way."

"Hey, how about this? Every time you have a question about emotions, just text me and I'll give you my best advice."

"Hm. I suppose I won't deny your assistance. On the point of dating, by the way. I called Ikkyu before the incident in the alleyway and asked him to meet me here in an hour. It should be about that time."

"Wait… What? Why?" He had laid his own trap after the trap we had laid together? This... this evil genius...

"It's best to face things head on. Isn't that what you have stated as a personal philosophy many times? Ikkyu needs to understand the situation most of all."

"Well, I agree with that, but… I didn't want to worry him either."

"I'm afraid that's not a possibility at the moment. Just a look at you is enough to inspire concern."

"Yeah… You're right." We waited until there was a knock at the door, and my hand gingerly touched the hair clip I was wearing while Kent answered the door.

"What is it? You didn't give me any details, so I was a little bit worried." Ikki stopped when he saw me. He started to smile, but it faded when he saw my face, the cuts and bruises there. "Michi, what happened?" He looked between Kent and me, waiting for an explanation.

"I, um…"

Kent placed a hand on my shoulder to get me to fall silent. "Please allow me. Michi, I synced up my phone to the camera we placed in the alleyway, so I have the footage right here."

So… Ikki would see it all for himself? I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but… No. This probably needed to happen. This was the reality, and he needed to face it just as much as I had had to. I sat fidgeting while Kent played the video. Hearing it happen was somehow worse than being in the situation at the time. Most horrible was watching Ikki react to it, the horror and speechlessness that came over him.

"Well?" Kent prompted him when it was done.

Ikki looked at me helplessly. If I'd been in his shoes, I wouldn't have known what to say either.

"Hey… Walk me home? We need to talk." I couldn't meet his eyes yet, instead just staring at my feet nervously. Ikki nodded, and I turned to Kent on the way out. "Again… Thanks." He had done something he deemed necessary, and he was right to have thought so. He nodded as a farewell acknowledgement.

"So." I broke the silence after we had walked on for a few minutes. "I guess I've got a few questions."

"Please… Let me apologize first. I should have apologized immediately, but I was shocked beyond words. Still, I understand that what happened to you is my fault."

"… Yeah." I couldn't deny it entirely. "But it's not all your fault. Those girls took it too far. That goes to my question. Ikki, what do your eyes do to people?"

"Slowly, people start to feel like… Like they need me. The sight of my eyes is something that makes them feel alive, satisfied. It becomes the only thing they think about. I've been told that myself. I suppose that's why I let this continue. They told me they felt like they would die without me. I hated it, really. But I didn't want to hurt others with these eyes."

"So, you gave up on your own chances of happiness due to that."

"In the end, I suppose I did." He smiled bitterly. "But then there was you, and I couldn't quite resist. I never imagined the consequences, but… I'm sorry. For being selfish."

"Shut up," I snapped. "Wanting happiness for yourself isn't selfish. You can't think like that, or nothing will change. Here's what you should do." I held up my fingers, counting as I spoke. "First, you tell those girls to get off your case. You don't talk to them anymore, got it? Second, you don't tolerate people only wanting you for your eyes. You make them listen to you, get to know the real you. Third, you… Actually, I guess it was just those two things."

Ikki laughed. "You amaze me."

"Huh?" We had reached my apartment and sat down on the top of the staircase to keep talking.

"You came whirling in all of a sudden, and now things seem to be changing a lot for me. For the better. I feel happier now. Happier than I've been in a while." He placed his hand over mine, smiling warmly and genuinely now. I averted my gaze, turning my hand over to twine our fingers.

"Hey, Michi…" Musca caught my attention. "The Spade symbol… It's starting to disappear." She showed her hand, how the shape was slowly fading away.

 _Seriously? We did it?_

She smiled, shaking her head. "You did it. You were brilliant."

 _Awesome!_ I grinned, then stiffened when Ikki sighed and rested his head on top of mind from the side. I blushed. Should I answer him now? It was so nerve-wracking…

"Michi?" He spoke before I could.

I jumped. "Y-yeah?"

"Thank you for everything. And… I swear to make it up to you. By following your advice, trying my hardest, and being there for you from now on." His smile was melting my heart.

"Um… About what you asked me… About dating," I mumbled.

He straightened up and blinked, caught off guard by me bringing it up. "What about it?"

"Well…" It felt like even my ears might have been turning red. "My answer…" I was too nervous to spit it out. Just one word, but it felt so heavy. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, many times over. I wanted to be with him, the person who wanted me, to see where it would go, what kind of happiness we could both find. If only I could say it.

He took both of my hands now. "Look at me?"

I begrudgingly complied, but averted my gaze. "W-what? What is it?"

He said nothing, just leaned closer while looking at me seriously, watching my reactions. It got to the point where I was so nervous I couldn't look at him anymore; had to close my eyes. Then I felt his lips on my face, being touched to the new bruises there so lightly that I didn't feel even a pinprick of pain. "Is this alright?" His breath was hot in my ear as he whispered into it. His lips brushed mine, and I leaned a bit into the contact, so he kissed me firmly.

"Michi," Musca broke in, voice urgent. "The Spade symbol is coming back. It was fading before, but it's back now!"

I backed away reflexively at the shock her statement induced. _What?!_

"Look!" The Spade… It was back? "What happened?"

The second I had started to accept Ikki… I had failed the pathway? I shook my head in frustration. I knew why. I just hadn't wanted to admit it. "I…" I looked up at him, and it hurt to see how confused he looked at how suddenly I had pulled away. "I can't. I can't date you…"

"Ah."

"You'll become attached to me. Rely on me. The more time we spend together, the less you'll see of other people. Then your horizons will never broaden. You'll never be free from your eyes if you don't get out there, and I… I'd get in your way if we dated, because you wouldn't feel like you needed anyone else. You have to try your hardest… But just not with me so close to you." To truly help him, I had to push him away, towards the world. What gross irony.

Ikki nodded slowly. "I understand." He couldn't mask all of his disappointment though. He sighed, then smiled. "You've given me something important, though."

"What?"

"Hope. Hope for the future, for what I can do for myself. So… I'll do what I can to grow into my own person now. Then… Maybe then, I can come at you with my feelings again."

"Maybe then," I echoed softly.

He pulled his hands away from mine. "Maybe we should cancel our appointment for tomorrow."

I nodded. "Probably, yeah."

He hesitated, not seeming to know how to say goodbye anymore. "Goodnight. Message me please, to let me know how you're feeling later." He touched my cheek, lining up his fingers with a cut, to let me know what he meant.

I nodded. "I will. Bye." When I lost sight of him I went back into my apartment, laying down and removing the hair clip just to gaze at it.

"Are you okay, Michi? What are you thinking about?" Musca asked quietly.

"Is it gone?"

"Yes. There are only the Clover and the Diamond now."

"Then I'm fine. We're halfway done."

"… What was your answer really?"

"It doesn't matter. I've realized something now."

"What is it?"

"The fate of love thing you told me about. It's really…" I laughed. "Annoying."

"Oh, Michi…" She petted my hair.

"On to the next one." It was both scary and exiting to think of what this fate had in store.


	28. Chapter Twenty-eight: Friends

**~ Michi ~**

"Sawa, Mine!" I jumped up and down, waving as they approached me.

"Hey!" Sawa grinned and hugged me.

"H-hi." Mine bowed her head, still a bit shy around me after everything that had happened.

I clapped her on the back. "Hey, just relax. We're all friends here."

"Okay." She nodded, smiling back a bit.

"What made you decide to call us both here?" Sawa asked. I'd texted them both earlier asking them to meet up in town with me after Sawa got off work.

I shrugged. "I just thought a girl's day would be nice." Some time to not think about the boys for a while would be a refreshing change. "I also wanted help with something. Uh… You both wear makeup, right?"

"Yeah." Sawa nodded. She mostly wore bold black eyeliner, while Mine usually had gloss on her lips and color above her soft eyes.

"Teach me, senpais!" I declared.

Sawa laughed. "Can't say no to that I guess."

"I mean, mostly I was just thinking that there'd be a way to cover this." I gestured vaguely to my face. The bruises there had only gotten uglier overnight.

"We'll help you!" Mine clenched her fist with determination. "Definitely!"

"Oh, okay. Cool." I followed them, not knowing where to buy makeup.

"You know," Musca began. "Mine's probably so excited about this because it seems like a way to start making things up to you."

I nodded. It made sense. I wasn't even mad at Mine, though. Holding anything against her wasn't productive, and it was a waste of energy to be angry. Her apology had been accepted the second she had offered it. "Mine." I pulled her aside to whisper to her once we had entered a shop. "Really, just relax. Everything is fine. Don't think about what happened. Just think about being friends with me from here on, alright?"

"But…"

"Come on, be calm. Or else I really will get mad," I teased. "By the way, it smells weird in here."

Mine smiled, looking relieved. "That's because a lot of different perfumes have mixed in the air as they've been tested."

"Well, it tastes bad," I grumbled.

"Hey, come on!" Sawa yelled at us from across the store. "Am I the only one looking?"

"Sorry!" Mine called back, then turned back to me. "Um… Thank you," she said softly before we rejoined Sawa. I pretty much sat back and let them do their thing as they decided what kind of concealer would match my skin tone. When they moved on the eye and lips makeup I tried to steer them away, but they were adamant.

"You can't just go partway into transforming your face," Sawa reasoned. "Just let us make you over once and see what you think."

"Fine, fine. I reserve the right not to like it though." They just giggled at me, essentially having won the battle. I was just glad when we were able to get out of there. "Hey, hey, can we go eat first? I'm starving."

"When are you not hungry?" Sawa laughed.

"Never. I'm never not hungry."

"How are you not twice the size you are right now? I have to work really hard to keep a good weight." Mine frowned at me.

"I pace around a lot, and I can't stay still. And I'm not always eating, I just always think about how delicious it would be to eat certain things," I explained. "Like right now, I'd love to be eating a hamburger, but then with some macaroni and ketchup too, and then an ice cream sundae, and lastly a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So then, if I just eat the burger, it seems like a good compromise. Right?"

"That's… I guess if it works for you," Mine sighed. "You're crazy."

"Meh." I shrugged.

"Hey, is that Toma?" Sawa was peering over the crowd. "It is him. Hey, Toma!" She waved her arms at him. Once he noticed her he smiled and waved back, starting to make his way over.

"I haven't talked to him in what feels like a while," I thought aloud. Between Shin and Ikki, I hadn't made much time for Toma. I really needed to be a better friend to him.

"Um…" Mine poked my arm. "Does he know what happened? Because he's going to see your face."

"Ah." I'd told Sawa about it, and the only other friends who knew were Mine, Ikki, and Kent. That was only because they had ended up being directly involved. I really wanted to keep it at that to stop further drama. "Hide me!" I crouched behind her shoulder.

"Hey, what are you girls up to?" Toma greeted us easily.

"Not much, just some shopping. What about you?"

"I was looking around for some books I need for next semester at college." He peered at Mine and frowned. "Is that Michi behind you?"

"No!" I yelled. Crap.

"What are you doing?" He sounded amused.

I covered my face with my hands and straightened up. "Nothing." It was so awkward I wished I had just run away instead. It was a mistake to call so much attention to what I was trying to hide; I should have just escaped the situation.

"Are you okay?"

"Well, it's Michi. You should expect this level of oddness." Sawa covered for me in a backwards way.

"Is it something like… A twisted game of peekaboo?" Toma pulled my hands away from my face. He was smiling. "You're really…" His face fell as he took mine in. "What happened?"

"Uh." I looked to Sawa and Mine for help, but none of us were coming up with any good excuses. "You see, I… Fell down the stairs at my apartment." It almost went over well, but I laughed nervously at the end.

Toma just stared at me for a few moments. His gaze flicked down and then back up to my face. "You're lying."

"Hey, don't make such blunt accusations," I ended up speaking lamely because there was no sense in lying about lying. That might just make him angry in the end.

"If you'd fallen down stairs, there'd be bruises on your arms too." His hold on my wrists tightened slightly.

Damnit… "Look…" I took a breath. This would sound harsh, but… "It's none of your business. I have it handled, so… Please don't worry." Was that the right thing to say?

Toma narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together, and his hold on one of my wrists became even harder just before he started running, dragging me along with him.

"Hey!" I yelled, almost falling on my face while trying to keep up with him and pull away at the same time. "What the hell?!"

He veered into a side alley between two buildings and stopped there, saying nothing while he caught his breath but still giving me the same expression and holding on to my arm even harder.

"You're hurting me, asshole," I snapped.

Still silent, he loosened his grip. It still wasn't enough for me to escape though. "Tell me what happened."

"What? No. I already said it doesn't concern you."

He shook his head and opened his mouth, but then hesitated. His face turned more troubled than angry. "We're still friends, right? I know we haven't talked much since you came back, but…"

It reminded me that I had barely talked to him and that even before that I hadn't communicated with any of my friends because I'd been grieving over my dad's death. Then as soon as I'd come back I'd become preoccupied with others and… Oh man.

"I mean, I think of you as my friend. It's just that…" It was complicated trying to work the pathways, but if I'd put in the effort then I would have been able to find time for him. "I'm sorry. Just… I've been worried about other people, so I neglected you. I'm really, really, sorry."

He looked into my eyes for a little while before suddenly breaking into a laugh. "We sound like a couple having an argument. I didn't mean for the subject to go there. But still… What friend wouldn't worry about this?" He pointed at my face. "It's my business, no matter what you say."

"Oh. Well… If you feel that way," I mumbled. I couldn't just reject him after that. "So, you know how Ikki has those fangirls…?" I went on to give him the gist of what happened, that because Ikki and I were friends I had been bullied a bit, but I had handled it. "Kent and I pulled some awesome super spy stuff. It was great. So, it's all good now," I concluded.

"Are you going to give the video to the police?"

"Only if they don't meet the demand to leave Ikki alone. It's the leverage we have."

"You should turn them in anyways. They deserve no less."

"I think it's better to let bygones be bygones." I shrugged.

Toma shook his head. "You're being too nice."

"I hate the drama of it though. I mean, they tried to pull some major shoujo manga shit on me. I just want it to be over." I put my hands to my stomach, where more bruises ached dully. "No shame in that."

"I guess I see what you mean."

"So, can I go back to Sawa and Mine now? You sort of acted like a maniac."

"Yeah… I'll walk you back so I can apologize."

"You gonna let go of me?"

His hand slipped down to wrap around mine. "I don't want to."

"Ah." I looked down at it. I guess… It was fine to let things continue like this?

Mine and Sawa found us quickly, having attempted to follow and locate us right after Toma had run off. "You jerk, what was that?" Sawa punched his arm.

"Nothing. Sorry for scaring you." He smiled sheepishly.

"Geez. Just go away, okay? You interrupted our mission," she grumbled at him.

"Mission?"

"We're giving Michi a makeover."

"No you're not! Just this once." I crossed my arms, glaring Sawa down as she grinned at me.

"Well... I look forward to seeing it. Send me pictures." Toma laughed as I yelled at his back while he walked away.

"Don't encourage them!" I huffed.

"Come on, dinner can wait. I'm too excited." Sawa and Mine pulled me back to my house for a rather agonizing process in which I had to stay still and not blink my eyes, which are not things I was meant to do.

"Are we done?" I had asked about twenty times.

"Yes, we're done." Sawa sneaked in a few quick pictures on her phone.

"Fine..." I looked in the mirror and blinked at this person who was me but... different. "It... looks good," I admitted.

"Told you so!" Sawa laughed.

"I wonder what the boy you like will think," Mine mused.

"A boy Michi likes? Who?" Sawa asked eagerly.

"I told her I would get her to tell me. I'm still working on it."

"Meh." I stuck my tongue out at her. A boy I liked... Who would I want to see me like this? At this point it was too confusing to think about. Earlier I had been sure, but I wasn't anymore. By the end, there was no telling how I'd feel. But maybe for now, it was enough to look at myself and see something prettier than I had thought I could be.


	29. Chapter Twenty-nine: A Special Moment

**~ Michi ~**

"Sawa!" I caught up to her at work the next day. "I tried to recreate what you and Mine did last night… Did it work?"

She inspected me. "You're not wearing mascara."

"I knew I was forgetting something."

"Here." She reached into her purse and pulled some out. "Sit down and let me fix you up."

"You carry that stuff around with you?"

"Of course I do, just in case my makeup gets messed up."

"Lame. You're such a girl."

"Shut up and sit still," she laughed. "And just remember not to wipe at your eyes no matter what. I can't tell you how many times I've done that."

"Gotcha." When she was done I hurried to set tables.

"You really do look pretty," Musca commented.

"Thanks. But I keep thinking about eating lip gloss though, because it tastes good when I put it on." I started singing under my breath as I made sure the napkins were folded correctly. "Kakeochi nakushite shimatta… Saigo no kompoonento wo… sagashite –"

"Michi."

"WAH!" I spun around, almost knocking over the table I was working on as I flailed around. "Kent! I told you already to stop sneaking up on me."

"My response will remain the same as well. You simply aren't aware enough of your surroundings."

"Shut up." I sighed, then looked up at him. "How is Ikki doing?"

"He seems to be doing well, comparatively. That relates to what I wanted to ask you about, actually." He blinked at me.

"Yeah? Spit it out."

"Would you be willing to attend a goukon with me?"

"A what?" I thought back to what manga I had read. It had been in Lovely Complex… "Oh, right. A group thing, like a meet and greet or a date… Wait, why me?!"

"You are my comrade in the investigation into emotion I am conducting. Hence, I wish to get your take on this experience. If it serves as any incentive, Ikkyu will be there as well, practicing meeting women and forcing them not to focus on his eyes."

"Huh… That, I'd like to see." I just wanted everything to work out for him. "Well… Sure, then. I'll go. When?"

"This Saturday. I took the liberty of arranging a day when you, Ikkyu and I are all free."

"You're a scheming evil genius, you know. Don't pretend you're not aware of it."

"I will text you further details at a later date."

"Okay, cool." I realized that Kent had been flat out staring at me throughout the conversation. "What's your problem?"

"I wonder." He tilted his head. "You seem to be glowing today."

"Huh?"

"That is the most sense I can make of the observation. Best to get back to work now." He returned to the kitchen with abnormally long strides.

"You're the one who interrupted me…" I muttered. "Hey Musca, what do you think he meant by glowing?"

"I have no idea. Do you think that was his version of flirting?"

"Smart as he is, I'm not sure if he knows the meaning of the word." I laughed, then went back to singing. "Kimi wo tsuredashita unmei ni, hikiyose rareru kioku…"

"You seem happy today," Musca noted with amusement. "What is it?"

"I just am. I sort of made up my mind to try and be happy as much as possible. That way maybe I'll be better at making other people happy too. I mean, I was so stressed out that I didn't even talk to Toma, who is a good friend. I've been doing okay so far, but I can stand to try harder."

"I'm a bit happy to see you're taking things seriously, but try not to stress out too much."

"Yeah, yeah. You'll catch me if I start to do anything too crazy, right?"

Musca hesitated. "… Y-yeah."

Later on during the shift Sawa popped into the kitchen while I was washing dishes. "Michi, there's a customer asking for you at table eight."

"Argh… Why?" I groaned. "I'll be right out." I dried off quickly, pulled my sleeves down and composed myself before heading out. A man with a black hat and impossibly long green hair was sitting there. "Hello master, how may I help you?" Although I was screaming on the inside, it went over smoothly on the outside. I had perfected my technique.

"Hello… Well, this may sound strange, but…" His voice was soft, almost like a girl's. "Did you know there's a spirit following you around?"

I froze, resisting the urge to look behind me at Musca.

"What?!" Musca gasped.

I frowned. "Who are you?"

"Ah, right. Sorry. My name is Ukyo."

"Ukyo?" It sounded familiar for some reason.

"He's the one the first heroine chose…" Musca noted. "I told you that at the beginning."

"That's right." Ukyo nodded.

Then, he was probably trustworthy. "You can see Musca?"

"Yes. I've always had a strong connection to the Spirit World."

"Oh. Well… I guess you'd like to know that I'm sort of… the second heroine," I explained. "Musca is guiding me along."

"Ah, that makes sense. Michi, right?"

"How'd you know?"

"Would you mind meeting me after you're done working today? It's a conversation best had when there are no other listeners around."

"Right." If anyone else here heard our words, they wouldn't understand at all; they'd think we were crazy. "But what's this about?"

"It has to do with why the worlds fused into one."

"Lady Faera never got back to me on that…" Musca frowned.

"Okay, I'll meet you outside when my shift ends. You want to order something in the meantime?"

"No thank you. I have someone waiting outside."

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Ah." It felt strange, knowing that the first heroine was so close by. "Later, then." I retreated back into the kitchen. "What do you think, Musca?" I whispered.

"I'm surprised he showed up so suddenly, but if he can give us information it's worth it. Still… I wonder why Lady Faera never got back to me. And how does he know?"

"Save all those questions for later. We'll get things sorted out while talking to him."

After work I changed quickly and ran out the door. "Hey, you're here." I jogged up to Ukyo.

"Of course."

"I almost thought you wouldn't be. You suddenly showing up feels a bit surreal." I looked around. "She's not here? The first one, I mean."

"No. She wouldn't understand the conversation since her memories of the Spirit World and all that has to do with it are gone."

"Wait, so she doesn't remember Shin, Ikki, Kent or Toma?"

"Not at all."

"Damn…" I shook my head. "So, why are you here?"

"I received a message from Lord Nhil on the behalf of Lady Faera. He told me about you and asked me to deliver it to you."

"Lord Nhil is Orion's master." Musca's eyes went wide.

"Right. He said that the worlds fused together because you're meant to finish the pathways by the end of the month, Michi."

"Wait, what? I'm being timed now? Why?"

"All I was told is that there is a certain event that is taking place at that time. I'm sorry I can't tell you more. Apparently Lady Faera is now being watched closely by her superiors in the Spirit World so that she doesn't interfere with the human world anymore."

"That's why I never heard from her again… Is milady alright?" Musca wrung her hands nervously.

"She's perfectly fine aside from being monitored." Ukyo paused. "I must admit, I was excited to know that there was a new heroine. I wanted to meet you. It's strange to not have anyone else that knows about the Spirit World."

I nodded. "Yeah, I get that. It's hard sometimes to have to tiptoe around other people."

"How are you doing so far in terms of progression?"

"I've completed two pathways, Shin and Ikki."

"Ah… Ikki was someone I had wanted to warm you about. Specifically the girls who follow him. They can be dangerous."

"Trust me, I know. But it's been solved."

"Then, may I offer you another piece of advice?"

"Sure, I'd appreciate anything I can get."

"Be careful of Toma."

"Why's that?" I frowned.

"Have you ever seen an instance in which he suddenly changes his personality and becomes much more aggressive?"

"Of course not." I paused. "I mean… Maybe?" When he'd grabbed me the day before, I'd felt that something was different, but I'd chalked it up to him just being overly concerned.

"For the sake of having someone he cares deeply for as his own, or for the sake of protecting them… he can be pushed to do very violent, very bad things."

"Like what?" Apprehension pricked at me.

"In Shin's original pathway, Toma had hurt Kohana, the first heroine, after she had mistaken him for Shin. Then in Toma's original pathway, Kohana was having trouble with Ikki's group. Toma ended up locking her in a cage."

I gaped at him, shocked beyond words.

"No wonder Orion didn't like him…" Musca shivered.

"Wait, wait. Is he crazy or something?"

"I wouldn't say that. It's just that…" Ukyo sighed. "I've given it a lot of thought. I believe that in the end, all four of them suffer from the same thing. What do you think it is?"

"Um…" I frowned. Shin, Ikki, Kent and Toma were all very different. But Ukyo was saying that they were all the same at the core. What was it? What they had felt, what I had felt for them and understood myself through feeling it as well… "Loneliness," I blurted. "Right?"

"Right. Toma's problem is that he feels loneliness more deeply than any of the others. Shin blocks loneliness by being standoffish; in that way he takes control of his isolation. Ikki blocks it by accepting trivial, meaningless relationships and trying to fill the void in himself. Kent blocks it by being analytical. But Toma… He just crushes the feeling down and tries to act like everything is okay. He continues like that until he bursts. I wanted to warn you of that, Michi."

"Well… Thank you. I feel more prepared now. Hey, mind if I get your phone number just in case I have any more questions?'

"Of course. I'd like to help you as much as I can." We traded phones, and I looked up from entering my number when I heard a click.

"Did you just take a picture of me?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yes. It just struck me that this is a special moment, and I had to."

"Special huh?" I thought about it. It was all amazing, really. We had linked the worlds because of some fate that had been chosen for us. In his own terms, Ukyo had won during his time navigating through the pathways. And no matter what, I was going to win too. "Yeah, it is."


	30. Chapter Thirty: Warm

Norasakka at the start of this fanfiction: This'll be short and sweet, like 20 chapters tops. Yeah! Let's do this!

Norasakka now, at the 30th chapter: … What happened…?

Haha! I'm having fun, and hope you do too. Enjoy the story.

 **~ Michi ~**

The following Saturday, the day of the dreaded goukon, was the twelfth of August. "The month will be halfway over soon enough… Do you think we'll finish in time?"

"The progress we've made already was remarkably fast. I don't think we have to worry as long as we keep a steady pace." Musca nodded. "But let's focus on tonight for now. Do you feel ready?"

"More or less. I don't know what to expect." I was waiting where Kent had told me to, but he was a few minutes late already. "Don't you think meeting at 6:30 is a little bit early anyways?"

"How would I know?"

"Good point." I sighed and sat down, staring down at the ground and only looking up when I saw a familiar flash of green. "You're late."

"My exact words were 'I would like to meet at approximately half past six". Four minutes past that time is still within the standard."

"Fine, fine. I don't think I can win against your logic, so I won't argue." I looked around. "Where is everyone else?"

"The remainder of the group is going to meet at the karaoke establishment at approximately eight o'clock."

"Then why are we meeting so early? I could have been home right now, still being unproductive."

"It is customary for friends to spend extra time together, isn't it? It was you who said I should attempt to think of us as friends."

"… I lose again. Fine. What did you have planned?"

He slid down the wall and sat next to me, our legs touching. "I had figured we could sit and chat."

"Uh-huh? Talk about what though? Because I have no idea."

"Ah. I had been hoping you would carry the conversation."

"You can't rely on people to do that for you."

"I see…" He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "I had heard that conversation was supposed to flow naturally."

"Well, maybe that doesn't apply to you. And that's just fine. There's not an unspoken rule against taking your time to think."

"There do seem to be many unspoken rules in social interaction, though. Have you noticed?"

"Well… Give me an example."

"Like this. Honesty is one of the most valued traits, yet if I were to be completely honest at all times, I would be hated."

"… Yeah, you're right… That's weird, huh?"

"It is more frustrating than odd to me."

"Because you're unflinchingly honest." I nodded. "So you say things that might end up hurting people or making them uncomfortable."

"Indeed." His brows furrowed. "Be honest, but not too honest. Be kind, but not overbearing. Ask questions and be interested in others, but don't pry. How is it possible to sort through these unspoken rules without stumbling? How can I tell when honesty is the improper thing?" He opened his eyes and turned to look at me steadily. "Do you have any answers for me?"

"Well… It's possible to observe and try to learn these social cues. Your honesty, though… You also say good things because of that, haven't you noticed?"

He blinked. "Elaborate, please."

"Like… The other day at work, you said that I was glowing, and then you called me your comrade too. Hearing those things made me feel happy." Any hint that the tenuous connection we had was improving was a good sign.

"Oh." He smiled slightly. "It would be useful if everyone would tell me exactly how they feel like you just did."

"Sorry, but you can't rely on that. You have to pick up on facial expressions and tone of voice to know how people feel."

"How aggravating."

"Don't you put your mind to studying and stuff? Whatever it is you do."

"I apply myself to my academic work, yes."

"Then apply a fraction of that effort to studying the unspoken social cues. Instead of standing there wondering why people react the way they do, note those reactions and examine what it was in your own actions that provoked that reaction. Understand?"

"Hm. A worthwhile experiment."

I laughed. "Yeah, maybe thinking about it clinically will help you."

A dry chuckle came up from his throat. "I daresay it might."

"So…" I took a breath. Maybe prying a little would help me get to the core of this, this loneliness that Ukyo and I had realized about them. "Why are you like this? I mean… Why do you think that is?"

"Interesting." He tilted his head. "I don't believe I feel comfortable enough with you to discuss this."

"Oh." It made sense. We had only just become friends. Either way, I always appreciated his honesty. "That's fine."

"So. Do you know how it feels to be in love, Michi?"

I barked out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cough from surprise. "Oh, so this is something you feel comfortable enough to talk about?"

"Yes."

"Ah, okay then…" Love, huh? I guessed it'd be fine to talk about it with him. He was sort of like a robot, and that assumption of objectivity I got from him made it feel comfortable enough to be open a little bit. "Y-yeah, I think I know what love feels like, at least a little tiny bit…"

"You know more than I do. Please share."

"Well. Um. Uuuum…"

"Your face is very red."

"I know, I can feel it!" I snapped.

"I just thought you would like to be aware."

"Okay! Okay. Love. I think it's something deep, and I'll never fully understand it, but… It's a very warm feeling. Knowing that it's safe enough to be yourself and be open is something you should be able to feel in the company of someone you love. Even if those things and being honest could lead to conflict, there should be a faith there that everything will be okay. In your case, Kent… I think that if you ever feel that warmth, you should act on it. If you feel safe and happy, then you don't need to question things so much. But do make sure you feel _something_ close to that passion, okay?"

He nodded slowly. "You've experienced that kind of love?"

I sighed. "I think… That I could've had it with a certain someone. But that road isn't one I can go down right now. So, that's that. I won't dwell." Or someones, rather... Could have beens were things that could wreck you in moving forward, though.

"I see... Despite the way you act at certain times, you do possess a certain depth and maturity to you."

"Thanks?" I raised my eyebrows.

"No, it was meant as a compliment. I'm pleasantly surprised."

"… Thanks…?" I laughed. "Just joking. I know how you meant it."

"I want to pry further. Is this acceptable?"

"I appreciate that you ask permission, but it depends on what you want to know."

"A kiss. With someone you love. What is it like?"

My face had cooled down some, but now it went hot and bright red again. "Er… I-I I, um… That's an embarrassing question. I mean, you've kissed someone before, right?" I blinked at him when he just remained silent, looking back at me. "You… haven't?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Oh. Okay. Well then… Just remember warmth. That's how I can best describe it. The warmest feeling in the world… Besides hot soup when you have a cold."

"Why does it always seem to circle back to food with you?"

"Because I love food."

"Hm. Well, it's true that you aren't as thin as Mine and Sawa are."

"… Kent?"

"Yes?"

"That's one of those things you keep to yourself. Honesty is good, just not brutal honesty all the time. You might… End up getting hurt one day. You know?"

"Michi, your face is scary right now," Musca informed me.

I took a quick breath and relaxed myself. "Food brings people together. Cooking a meal and eating as a group is a great experience. Like, when I was a kid, and my mom and dad and I used to make breakfast for dinner, and I'd always get egg shells in the eggs and they'd pretend it was still good…" I shook my head. "Why am I telling you this? But anyways, those are some good memories for me. Understand what I mean when I say I love food now?"

"I can imagine the sentiment you must feel, but I don't quite understand it, never having had the feeling for myself. As both of my parents work often, we have always subsisted mainly on takeout."

"Huh… Did you spend a lot of time alone as you grew up?"

"Yes."

"Ah…" That had to be part of why he was so emotionally distant. His parents… I wanted to meet them. If I could watch the way they interacted with Kent, maybe I'd understand more… "I still can't believe you've never kissed anyone. How old are you?"

"Twenty-five. Yourself?"

"Eighteen."

"Hm. I'm aware that a lack of experience goes against the norm, but… I believe my approach is better in comparison to what Ikkyu has done."

"Ikki? You mean him and his group of girls?"

"… Something like that." He frowned slightly.

"Well what do you mean?"

"… Should I be telling you this? Well, it's not as if Ikkyu has had a problem with discretion in the past…" He halfway talked to himself before addressing me again. "I'm referring to his sexual excursions."

"His…" My face nearly burst into flame. "O-oh… Oh." I hid behind my hands. "I-I didn't know that…" Before I had thought of him as "adult" just from him kissing me. But knowing this was… Different, so different.

"Are you alright?"

 **~ Kent ~**

When she didn't answer the question I was at first at a loss, but in the end I decided to pull her hands away from her face. She had said that I should begin to learn to read the facial expressions of others, so it wasn't something she could fault me for. "What is it?" I queried.

"Just… I had never thought about that part of his life. I mean, not that I normally would have… I think I'd rather just shut up now."

"I do believe you're one of the few who was unaware of his activities up until this point."

"Why would I want to be aware?!"

"Point." Her fingers looked smaller when mine were around them. Her presence itself had a way of making her seem larger, the energy that surrounded her pervading what was around. But she could be small, too. Like this… "Ha…" I chuckled softly.

"What's funny?" The deep, almost reddish color of her hair made her face seem even more red, and her eyes looked big due to the general shock she was feeling as well as her recent change in appearance. She just wouldn't stop glowing, somehow.

"I'm fascinated. There are many sides to you. They don't cease to emerge."

"Ah." She smiled. "Another compliment?"

"I suppose it is." I paused. "You must know… Ikkyu has changed drastically as of late due to your intervention. He seems happier."

"Really? I'm glad to hear that."

"I must thank you as well."

"What for?"

"I had never known what to do to help him. I couldn't comprehend what it was he was feeling. That being said, you acting proved to be helpful. On behalf of the both of us, I thank you." It had been surprisingly frustrating to be at a loss. People were not as easy to work through as a math problem.

"Well… Of course." She smiled brightly. "At the very least, you're good at being honest with your feelings. Just remember that that's a good thing, okay?"

"If you say so, I won't dispute."

"Hey, do you think we should get going now?"

"Ah, yes." Looking closely at her for so long, holding her hands for a few moments… What an odd thing it was. "Warm…" Was this what it was, even if just slightly?

"Hm? Yeah, just remember that."

"I will." Strange...


	31. Chapter Thirty-One: Genuine Feelings

Hi, Norasakka here. The chapters just keep getting longer... Something from the spirit world is possessing my hands. That's why. Enjoy the story!

 **~ Michi ~**

"Kent! Hey, Kent!" I called after him. "You asshole!"

"Why does he walk so fast?!" Musca exclaimed. "There's no way you can keep up!"

"I know!" On top of that, I didn't even know where the goukon was being held, so I was relying on him to guide me there. But with him walking so fast I couldn't keep up and then people in the crowd getting in my way, the distance between us was only increasing. "Kent!" I broke into a sprint, shouldering past strangers, until I was close enough to him to take a diving leap. "You ASSHOLE!" I clung onto his leg, wrapping my own arms and legs around it. "Slow! Down!"

"Why are you riding on my leg?" He blinked down at me, puzzled.

"Did you not hear me calling you? I was being left completely behind!"

"Ah. I was considering what songs I should sing, or whether in fact I should avoid singing at all. I suppose that took up my attention."

"What does that have to do with you walking so fast I can't keep up with you?"

"It's best to do things expediently. I walk quickly out of habit."

"Why can't you just enjoy a relaxing stroll? If you just leave people behind when you're with them it gives off the impression that you don't want to be in their company. It's a lonely feeling, you know."

"Oh." He tilted his head. "Did I make you feel lonely, then?"

"Uh, no, not me specifically, I was just explaining it to you." I mean, I hadn't liked being left behind by him, and I really liked his company… He was probably the most interesting person I'd ever met.

"I see. Well…" He stopped walking, and I realized that even with me clinging to his leg he hadn't slowed down at all. Was he even human?! "Would you mind releasing me now?"

"Promise not to leave me behind again?"

"Yes. I promise."

"Good." I ungracefully clambered to my feet and brushed myself off. "I'll grab you again if I have to."

"Be my guest."

"Er… Yeah." He was looking at me in a way that was unnerving. Not creepy, but… So steady that it affected my nerves. I jumped when he reached his hand out but stopped close to my face. "Whatcha doing…?" I asked warily, raising my arms slightly just in case I needed to swat his hand away.

He said nothing, but his face tightened with intense concentration. His fingers brushed along my bangs, then traced above my hair clip, and he rested his hand on top of my head, mussing my hair slightly. "I… Apologize. For leaving you behind."

"O-oh. It's not a big deal… But thanks for apologizing. But why exactly do you feel the need to pet me in order to say you're sorry?" I smiled. He was a weird dude…

"A casual touch builds the feeling of camaraderie, doesn't it?"

"Huh… I guess so. But it's different because you look so serious," I laughed.

"Do I?" He relaxed, looking at me with slight surprise. "I've had problems with touching others casually in the past. It feels somewhat invasive."

"Your face was all scrunched up."

"I see…" A tiny smile stole over his face, and he smoothed my hair gently before dropping his hand. "Shall we go, then?"

"Sure, just remember… Slow walking. Relaxing stroll."

He chuckled. "Of course." He looked back at me when I grabbed onto his sleeve just in case. "Precautionary measures?"

"Well, yeah." If he blazed ahead of me again I'd probably get lost.

"Here." He tugged out of my grip and wrapped his hand around mine. "Is this sufficient?"

"Uh, sure." There wasn't significance to it in his mind, I understood. Right? "How close are we to the karaoke place?"

"Less than ten minutes. Have you given thought towards songs you'd like to sing?"

"That's what you were thinking about earlier, right? I didn't really consider it that much. I've only ever sang when it's just me around, so…" I shrugged and laughed.

"Yes, I heard you at work the other day."

"Did your ears bleed? Sorry if they did."

"No, it wasn't that bad. It was charming to see that side of you, in its own way."

"Oh. Cool." I looked away from him to hide my frown. I kept thinking that I was getting mixed messages from him… But didn't the fact that I was thinking that mean that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did? Or did it have something to do with my own personal feelings? Wait, what even were my personal feelings? "Argh!" I shook my head.

"… What was that yell supposed to convey?"

"Three guesses."

"Excitement?"

"No way."

"… Frustration?"

"Correct. Second try. You're improving."

"Ah." He nodded slowly. "Why are you frustrated?"

"No reason. I mean… Nothing." I flinched when he raised his hand and lightly hit me on the side of the head. "What was that for?"

"We've made it clear to one another that we highly value each other's honesty, correct?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Then be honest with me."

"Ugh… But it's hard to explain."

"I doubt it will be beyond my comprehension."

"Well… Maybe." I paused, thinking. "What if you were in a situation in which you already knew you were going to fall in love with someone, but they didn't know it?" I looked back up at him, wanting to see his reaction.

He frowned down at me. "Is this some kind of test question to assess my progress in understanding emotion?"

I laughed. "No, no. Just think on it a little and tell me your opinion."

"Hmm…" I watched his profile as he thought. He had a tendency to tilt his head back and forth and alternate between a slight frown and a neutral expression. "Well… In a situation such as that, in which your feelings have already been decided…" His mouth curved in a smile. "I have to say, I enjoy the challenge of contemplating such a thing…"

"Glad to see you're having fun. But what would you _do_?"

"Well… Regardless of the situation, it's important to think for yourself. I don't believe in predetermination, but if there were such a thing then I would still want to stay sharp, think for myself and make my own decisions. Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah, I think it does. Thanks." The idea of fate had been tripping me up because I'd been caught in panicking about what was going to happen that was out of my hands. In the beginning I had scoffed at the fate of love Musca had told me about, but at this point I couldn't stop myself from believing in it. Just the idea of the fact that I was probably going to fall for the person next to me at some point just because that was the way the pathways functioned was a little scary.

"Of course."

"Uh-huh…" How would he react if I told him that I was inevitably going to like him? Should I tell him? "Hey, Kent…"

"Yes?"

I shook my head. "Never mind. Looks like we're here, right?" I had realized it from the microphone on the logo of the building. It was probably better to say nothing. After all, it wasn't beyond me to try and fight fate if I wanted to. I stopped walking at that thought. "Holy shit!"

"What now? You seem to be prone to outbursts."

"I just realized something, is all." I nodded slowly. "Yes, yes…" The reason I hadn't denied the fate of love in the first place is because I hadn't wanted to. My feelings had been genuine all of the time, so did I really have to feel so guilty about it? As long as I was that truthful, then I couldn't hate myself for moving through like I was. That was what I was hoping.

"Let's go inside, then. The others might be waiting for us already."

"Right." He pulled me in after him, and I realized that we were still holding hands. The others already had a room, so we were directed to it. I pulled my hand away before we entered, trying to be nonchalant about it, but he still looked back at me for a second. Bottom line, I didn't want to walk in holding hands with Kent when I knew Ikki was going to be there. It'd be awkward, not to mention misleading.

"Sorry we're late," Kent said as a greeting.

I stifled a smile. There were two other guys and three girls there, making it four of each gender. The other girls had flocked around Ikki since he wasn't wearing his sunglasses, so the other boys looked a bit dejected. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight. "Too bad, huh…"

Ikki smiled at me. "How are you?"

"Not as good as you seem to be doing," I cackled, settling down on one of the couches that had been placed against the wall. Admittedly it was a nice setup, with two couches, a table, and the karaoke machine and stage being the main attraction of the room.

One of the boys came to sit next to me. "Hey, I'm Suzuki. What's your name?"

"Michi. Nice to meet you."

"Ah, Michi. So, what's your type?"

"Eh?" I frowned. Awfully forward, wasn't he? "My type?"

"Yeah. Someone like me, maybe?" He laughed.

"Huh?"

"You do know what these are for, right? Come on, relax. We're all just here to have a good time."

"Okay?" What the hell...?

"Michi." Kent sat down on my other side and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "You were aware that most people attend these types of events in order to find potential partners, correct?"

"Oh. That explains a lot." I paused. "Oh…" Why hadn't I thought about it more before agreeing to this…? I didn't want to sit here and have random dudes flirt with me. Besides, the other three girls were prettier than I was. If only they weren't herding around Ikki, maybe I wouldn't have to be bothered.

"Aw, you didn't know? How cute." Suzuki laughed.

I blushed, edging closer to Kent uncomfortably. "Whatever…" I tried to listen in on Ikki's conversations. After all, the main reason I'd come here was to check in on how he was doing in trying to get people to know the real him.

"So, what kind of movies do you like?" He was asking one girl.

"Um… Well, what kind do you like?" She asked shyly.

"Come on, I asked you. My answer doesn't have any bearing on yours."

"O-oh… Horror movies, actually… I know it's not girly…"

"No, I don't think that. It's interesting. I heard about an new one coming out that looks promising, actually…" They proceeded to have a chat about the movie and ended up with a date for its premiere.

"He works fast…" I laughed. Luckily the other two girls gave up after that, so I was able to be left alone once they paired with the other boys.

"As I said, he's shown signs of improvement in terms of seeking a relationship with depth." Kent spoke quietly so we wouldn't interrupt other people's conversations.

"I'm so glad…" I still felt a tiny bit jealous, but his happiness was most important.

"Also. You're very close."

"Eh?" I had edged so close to him that one of my legs was basically on top of his, and I'd ended up wrapping my arms around one of his and hugging it. "S-sorry… I was uncomfortable." I edged away, hating that I had my hair out of my face now because I couldn't hide behind it.

"Why was that?"

"Wouldn't you be uncomfortable if some strange person started flirting with you?"

"I suppose I would." He paused. "So can I take it to mean you feel comfortable with me?"

"Well, yeah." I was. It felt like we were friends now, and he seemed like a genuinely nice person behind his robot exterior.

"May I ask you something?"

"Sure." I looked at him expectantly.

He stayed silent to consider his words for a minute. "What is your –"

"Hey, let's sing! Everyone's already grouped with partners, right?" One of the girls suggested excitedly.

"Oh. We're partners? That okay?" I raised my eyebrows at Kent.

He sighed. "Yes."

"It's randomized, right? So we won't know what we're going to get…" I couldn't tell whether that was a good or bad thing.

"It seems thinking about what song to pick was a waste." Kent shook his head. "Unfortunate."

"It'll be fiiiiine." I laughed. When it came to our turn, right after Ikki and the girl he had talked with, I actually felt a little nervous. "What's it gonna be? What's it gonna be?!" I hoped up and down a few times.

"Please calm yourself." Kent spoke in a monotone, but he was smiling slightly.

The song ended up being "Yuki no Hana" by Mika Nakashima. I gaped at it during the beginning instrumental section. Everyone else had gotten these upbeat anime songs, but Kent and I gotten a love ballad? I was going to kill someone…

I looked down at the ground throughout it. Eye contact would have been too awkward. When the final ringing piano chord faded, I heaved a sigh of relief. Trying to hit all of the high notes had worn me out, and Kent's deadpan hadn't mixed well with the song at all. Hearing it again in my mind, I started laughing. "That was so bad!"

Everyone else started laughing too. "Okay, who's the next victim?" Things moved on after that, Kent and I returning to our seats.

"My throat hurts," I laughed. "Did you have fun?"

"Yes, actually."

"Oh yeah, what did you want to ask me earlier?"

He shook his head. "I've forgotten. It's most important that you enjoy yourself, either way."

"Hey… Thanks for inviting me." I smiled. "I didn't think it'd be so fun."

"Of course. I'm very glad you came."

"Me too." My feelings this entire time had been genuine. Right now... I was genuinely happy.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two: Voices

**~ Michi ~**

"That was fun!" I laughed as we all dispersed.

"A worthwhile manner in which to spend your day off?" Kent offered me a small smile.

"Definitely. I might be tired tomorrow, though. I should go home and get some sleep."

"Ah, yes." He paused. "I suppose this is when I offer to walk you…" He trailed off when Ikki approached us.

"Hey, you two. Sorry we didn't get to talk much."

"It's fine. You looked like you were having a lot of fun. Congrats on getting a date," I teased.

"Oh, come on. It's not a date. Not really."

"Whatever you say. Anyways…" I looked into his eyes. "How are you, really?"

He smiled, understanding what I meant. "I'm doing well. Hey, mind if I walk you home? I'd like to make up for not talking to you during the goukon."

"Come on, it's not a big deal. But sure." I wanted to talk to him too, get more insight into the steps he was taking. "Is that okay?" I asked Kent. I'd come here with him and didn't want to leave him hanging.

"Of course. I will see the two of you at a later date." He departed with his long, abnormally fast strides.

"For some reason I'm just fascinated by the way he walks…" I commented. "How do you deal with that?"

Ikki laughed. "I've learned to keep up with him. Shall we?"

I nodded, and we ambled along slowly to make the walk longer. "So… Why a goukon, exactly?"

"I figured that meeting a large group of people would be a good way to get a lot of practice."

"Oh, okay. I only heard a little bit, but the conversations went okay?"

"I learned a lot, I feel like. Before it was very much my fault for what was happening. I'd always go along with it when the conversation was steered back to me and the girls just refused to talk about themselves."

"I don't understand why people think that liking all of the same things is necessary for a connection with someone. I mean, that girl had such a hard time saying she liked horror movies." I paused. "But you did get her to say it. That's good."

"Yes. I have to be more insistent with others instead of giving up and blaming my eyes for it. Of course it's hard to admit that I'm partly to blame for everyhting up until now, but that's how it is. Actually… I suppose I'm all to blame for it."

"What do you mean?" Musca had told me that it was Lord Nhil who had granted Ikki's eyes with powers, so of course it wasn't entirely his fault. Why would he think that?

"It was right after you moved that I wished for girls to like me. I guess I'd just felt like maybe if you had liked me more, you would have stayed. Child's logic. It was right after that wish that things changed, and people reacted to my eyes. I can't explain it. I must sound weird." He laughed.

He'd... He'd done it because of me? I couldn't think about thee feelings that might be behind that. "Oh... I mean... Not at all." I shook my head. "There are… There are things in this world beyond our comprehension. So, no. You don't sound weird." That was all I could say without admitting that I knew very well he had been affected by the supernatural. "So. Think you'll end up dating that girl you're going to the movies with? She was really pretty."

"Well, I won't discount the possibility outright, but I wasn't really planning on that happening. I just wanted to keep seeing if I could get to know someone genuinely."

I nodded. "Feeling things genuinely is important. I was just thinking about that today, actually. If you can be sure that your feelings are real, then you feel so much better about yourself and the work you're putting in to make connections."

"Exactly." Ikki nodded.

"But still. It's worth experiencing having an honest girlfriend. Have you ever had that?"

"No. I've been like this since childhood, so I haven't been that lucky."

"Well… I hope that you can have at least that much."

"What about you, Michi?"

"Huh?"

"Have you ever dated anyone honestly?"

"Um…" Well, Shin had said that I had dated Toma, but I didn't even remember that. Besides, high school relationships were hardly ever serious. "No. You're the lucky one here, snagging a cute girl at a goukon," I teased.

Ikki peered down at me. "You keep bringing her up."

I blinked, realizing he was right. "Oh. I guess I'm just really excited for you. I don't mean to be pushy. Really, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. But you kept bringing up her appearance. Why?"

"I don't know. Stop analyzing me. You're supposed to be a math and science guy, not a psychology guy." I pushed him playfully, and he took the opportunity to grab my hand.

"Do you not think you're just as beautiful as any other girl? Not even more so?" He pulled me over to a shop window that was being illuminated by the street lights. I could see both of our reflections as he moved to stand behind me, hands coming to rest on my shoulders.

"Hey, what're you doing…?" I looked at the ground.

"Take a look at yourself and tell me honestly what you see. I want to hear. Please."

"Come on, cut it out…"

"I'm serious here, Michi."

"Er…" I looked up. I tried not to think about my appearance that much. "Um… I'm a little bit short." I was around 5"4, almost a foot shorter than Kent.

"And?"

"Um… I'm not skinny, but not fat either. Just not skinny. And I just realized that there's a string on my shirt that I need to cut off later. Also, I need to put more makeup on because you can kind of see the bruises through it in this lighting… Can I stop now? I don't like this, and I feel very uncomfortable…"

Ikki sighed and turned me around to face him. "Is your self-image really that poor?"

"I dunno… I just never seem to stack up to other people. I'm not as hardworking, or as smart, or as pretty as others. My dad always used to say that it's the smartest and the prettiest people who make it in life. I'm sort of not good enough for either category." I laughed, but it sounded hollow.

"Don't insult yourself. All you have to do is ask your friends what they think of you and you'll hear great things."

"Maybe, but the voice in my head always puts me down. I spent so much time by myself after my parents divorced and after my dad died that it was the only voice I heard. I felt so alone… I just can't match up my opinion of myself to what I actually think is true. I know I'm better than that, just... And then little things offend me in a ridiculous way, like when Kent points out that I'm not as skinny as Sawa or Mine… I know he's just stating facts, but still. It hurts for some reason."

"… I'm glad I know this about you now." Ikki took my hands. "Listen… I know that no one else's voice matters if your own is saying all negative things all the time, but let me tell you what I think of you."

"Okay?"

"I find you beautiful. You're blunt but kind and honest. You don't hold back. You're brave and loving. Do you understand how important those things are? Those things that come from here." He put his finger against my heart and I felt myself blushing.

"Cut it out… I hate mushy talk like this." But it was a relief to get it off my chest. Self-confidence was something that you could struggle with every moment of every day, never ending.

"I love you, Michi."

"Wh-what?"

"I don't plan on dating anyone else for a while. I want to really understand what it means to have a genuine connection. But I don't want to let go of you either. I'm going to keep you in my mind and my heart for now. Now, I realize that I need to try a lot harder. I want to know others more, but most of all I want to get to know you more, as much as I can."

"… I'd like that too." Bonds were the most important part of living, I believed. They defined life, and we couldn't be without them. "I didn't mean to unload all of that on you though. That's not how I planned my day."

"I wanted to know what you honestly thought of yourself. Thank you for being so open with me." He gently pulled on my hand, and we started walking again.

"You're a jerk, by the way." I put my hands in my pockets, breaking the contact. I had still rejected him for a reason, and even though I wanted to be friends with him it was important to remain firm in that with how I acted.

He laughed. "Why?"

"Because you made me vomit my feelings everywhere. I didn't wanna!"

"If it's any consolation, it only made me love you more."

"Just shut up…" I mumbled, trying to rub the blush off my face with my free hand.

"By the way, I noticed you were talking to Kent earlier."

"Yeah. He's hilarious, actually."

"He's been asking me a lot about social interactions lately. He even bought some psychology textbooks at that discount bookstore."

"That sounds like something he would do," I laughed.

"He mentioned that you had been helping him with his general… Lack of understanding how people are." Ikki laughed, undoubtedly long used to how Kent was. "Thanks for that. It seems like if everyone was as blunt as you are maybe the world would be a little bit better."

"Or everyone would hate each other," I halfway joked. "You know, after talking to you both I can understand why you and Kent are such good friends."

"Really? How so?"

"Well, you both really seem to appreciate people who are candid with their thoughts. Mostly it's that you've both thanked me now for helping the other person. It's nice to see that the two of you care about each other."

"Of course we do. We've been best friends ever since I came here for college."

"See? You did have one genuine connection this whole time."

"Well…" Ikki frowned slightly.

"What is it?"

"It always bothered me that I never knew how to help him. I couldn't figure out to say or do that would make him understand what he was confused about."

"Oh…" I laughed loudly.

"What?"

"Kent said the exact same thing! You guys should really talk if you're feeling confused or some certain way. You might be surprised."

"I'll think about that." Ikki nodded, looking contemplative.

"You should. Anyways… We're here. Thanks for walking me back." I hesitated, unsure of how I should say goodbye. I couldn't afford to do anything that could be misconstrued as me making a move on him. "Have… Have a good night."

Ikki smiled. "You too. Thank you for coming tonight, Michi. I was glad to see you."

"You too." We waved at each other until I turned away to walk up the stairs. Once inside my apartment I collapsed on the bed. "Ah… I'm tired, but for some reason I don't want to go to sleep… I'm going to be exhausted at work tomorrow." When I was met with silence I looked around. Musca was there like she always was, but she was frowning almost angrily. "Musca?"

She jumped. "What?"

"You okay? You've been really quiet lately." Even in these past few days leading up to the goukon, she had been noticeably quieter.

"Just… I've been concerned about a few things." She looked into my eyes seriously. "Mind if we have a talk?"


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three: Insecurities

**~ Kent ~**

I glanced upwards when the door to my office opened. Of course I had known that the person who entered would be coming, but an unpleasant feeling settled in my stomach. I busied myself attempting to identify it as Ikkyu sat down next to me.

"Ah. You're here." Assessing my own tone revealed that I was not particularly excited to see him. How strange.

"Of course. We agreed I'd come over to hang out and solve your new math problem." He smiled as I slid him a sheet of paper. "Looks challenging… It's the best this way."

"… Your walk?" The feeling wouldn't go away; in fact, it continued to twist. Was I becoming ill?

"Walk? Oh, yes. Michi." His smile changed as it lit with emotion. He had been more prone to showing such sincere expressions as of late. "It went well. She's home safely."

"Very good." I turned to him when he started laughing. "What is it?"

"Michi said something funny. I thanked her for helping you open up a little, and she said that you had thanked her on my behalf for the same thing." His pencil stilled as he sighed. "We're good friends, aren't we?"

"I've seen no indication towards the contrary."

"Well, I've never said this, but… I shouldn't assume it's implied. Thanks for being there for me. I know I've been hard to handle in the past."

"No matter. It's only natural for humans to long for contact with others." I smiled slightly. "But you are welcome. And thank you for the same."

He nodded. "Hey, you made this one harder than usual."

"I suppose I am more enthusiastic about triumphing over you this time."

"Why for?" He laughed.

"I do not know. But my work speaks for itself, does it not?"

"It does. By the way, you talked to Michi a lot tonight. What about?"

"I fail to see how it is any business of yours." The feeling writhing in my stomach made the words turn a bit foul.

"Hey, if you don't want to tell me you can just say so." Ikkyu frowned at me, no doubt recognizing the outburst as uncharacteristic.

"Yes… I apologize. We spoke about many things. Emotion, honesty… And food came up again. Strange how it always seems to." I chuckled. "She actually has a lovely voice, doesn't she? I enjoyed myself in the few duets we had."

"It was cute how hard she tried. Everyone else just laughed off how bad they were. But you know, I think she has some issues with her self-confidence. I never would have thought it about her, but I think she doesn't see herself how others see her. Normally I wouldn't tell you this, but my point is that you shouldn't make any passing remarks about her appearance anymore, okay? Things like that can affect women more than you think."

"Noted…" The feeling continued to get heavier. "Michi. How… Do you see her, then?"

"Well, since I love her she just seems brighter than anyone else. I guess that's just what happens though. Once you're in love you care less and less about what flaws you would normally see."

"Ah." I realized a few flaws in her, actually. She was rash in dangerous situations, as evidenced by her handling of those she had deemed "fangirls". Whatever that meant. Her bluntness could be construed as rudeness. Not that I had much room to speak of it. Still… "This is the first I've heard of your affections for her." I'd had no idea, simply believing the whole time that Michi and Ikkyu had continued a close friendship after a long period of time. Yet here he was, tossing a word such as love around.

"That's right, I haven't told you. I've confessed to her a few times, but I've been rejected."

"I see. You're still persisting, I take it?" No wonder he had cut in to walk her home.

"As long as I feel this way, I plan to keep trying. If Michi starts to think I'm annoying, she'll definitely tell me." He laughed.

"Hunger?" I mused aloud, tilting my head. "No, that's not it." People could easily become angered if they were hungry, but I wasn't peckish at all and anger would have felt worse than what I was currently experiencing. How perplexing…

"What?"

"I wonder."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing at all." I tapped my fingers on my leg as he worked through the problem. It was good that he was busy, since it gave me a chance to allow my mind to wander. How strange it was to be putting my own psyche under the microscope…

"Done. That was a pretty good one. I'll come up with one that's even harder for you next time."

"I look forward to it. Also, I have more questions for you."

"Okay?" He sat back, looking at me curiously.

"When did you begin to love her?"

"During childhood, I think. Then with everything she did for me, I couldn't help it. All of those experiences amassed into a strong feeling."

"I see. And you don't intend to give up…"

"No. Why are you so curious? Still trying to understand things?"

"I suppose so." But that didn't explain this hateful feeling. "Ikkyu."

"I'm listening already. What?"

"What would your reaction be if I were to also pursue her?"

He turned away to look up at the ceiling. "I know you too well to assume you're joking, even though I wish you were. What? Do you like her now?"

"I would not know. Liking and loving… Such things are still lost on me. Besides, I was simply testing you."

"Is that it? Don't scare me like that. I'd fight you seriously for her, you know."

"Noted." I stood. "Please excuse me. I must make a call."

 **~ Michi ~**

I sat up, frowning. Asking to talk with such a serious expression just made it feel so ominous… "What is it?"

"Well…" Musca hugged herself as if in defense. "Do you feel like I've been useful to you at all during this journey of ours?"

"Wait, what?" I shook my head. "That's a stupid question. No, wait, I mean…" I digressed when she got a stricken look. "I just have a hard time thinking that you would ever question yourself."

"But…" Her eyes were heavy with sadness and confliction. "Whenever you're really in trouble, there seems to be nothing I can do."

"Like when?"

"You've fallen down a staircase once. If Shin hadn't been there to catch you, I'd have been there just watching you get hurt… I tried to grab on but I wasn't strong enough. You just slipped through my fingers. Then, each and every time you were bothered by Ikki's group, I just had to watch you. Michi, you were on the ground being battered and I couldn't do a thing. I can't properly influence anything around you because I'm just a spirit. What good am I to you if I can't even protect you when it counts?"

I jumped up and grabbed her shoulders, shaking slightly. "Don't talk like that! You're indispensable. I'd be lost without you here to talk to and give me advice. You're the only one I've got who can fully understand what I'm living, since you know about the Spirit World."

"That's not true. You have Ukyo now." She bowed her head shamefully. "I'm useless. Even when I can touch you..."

"Don't you dare say that! Look…" I took a breath to stay calm. Hearing her berate herself made me angry. "I trust you more than anyone else, unconditionally. Even if you can't help me beat people up or catch me when I fall, you've still been here all along supporting me and guiding my heart and actions. I'd have failed by now without you. What was your assigned job when we were first starting out?"

"I was just supposed to help you."

"Haven't you gone above and beyond that? You're my best friend… Precious and dear to me. Please, just accept what you can do and be happy with that. We make the best team in the world as it is, don't we?"

She laughed softly. "Yes… I suppose we do." Her hands came up to hold my cheeks. "We both have our insecurities, don't we?"

"Yeah, well, who doesn't? It's how you work past them that shows what you're worth." I pulled her into a hug. "I'm glad you talked to me about your concerns. Thanks." Sharing my heart with those close to me only deepened our bonds. And Musca… She was the most important of all those ties.

"… Thank you too, Michi." Musca laughed. "I feel much better. But, moving on from that, you really do need to get some sleep. I can feel how tired you are."

"Yeah, but my mind won't shut off."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Toma, actually. I still don't have many memories of him yet, and based on what Ukyo told me I really need to watch my step… I'm not sure how to proceed from here on out." The thoughts were constantly bothering me.

"Well… The Toma that Ukyo has dealt with may be different from the one here. I agree that you should always be careful, but you should also make decisions based on your own experience."

"Good point. I'll just try talking to him normally." It wouldn't be fair to judge Toma on what different versions of him in different worlds had done anyways. If he crossed me here, I'd have a problem, but unless that happened I would just have to play it cool. I twitched when my phone buzzed in my pocket, and swiped to answer it when I saw that Kent was calling me. "Kent? Hey."

"Hello. How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"I'm well." A lengthy silence followed his statement.

"So… What do you want?"

"Ah. Yes… The question I wanted to ask you. We were interrupted earlier, remember?"

"Oh, right. Go ahead then."

"I had wanted to ask…" He remained silent for a while. "What…"

I frowned. "You okay?" It wasn't like him to be so hesitant.

"I had wanted to ask what your relationship with Ikkyu was." He ignored my question.

"Eh? Why?"

Yet again, a silence. "Curiosity…?"

"You don't sound sure."

"Because I'm not. Will you answer me, please?"

"Well… We're friends."

"And that is all?"

"Yeah."

"I see. Thank you for your time."

"Huh? Sure, I guess." He was acting so weird… But then again, that seemed to be regular for him. Best not to question it.

"Goodnight, then."

"Yeah, goodnight." There was a click on the other end and it was silent for good this time.

"What happened?" Musca asked.

"He wanted to know what my relationship with Ikki was, so I told him the truth."

"I wonder why he wanted to know."

"Your guess is as good as mine." I shrugged. "Anyways… Let's just go to sleep and do our best tomorrow, okay?"

Musca smiled warmly. "Okay."

 **~ Kent ~**

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Jealousy, satisfaction… What untoward feelings. I shouldn't have been feeling them at all. My closest friend loved Michi, I knew that very well, and yet I…

No. Such things were better left behind.


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four: Chance

Hi, Norasakka here. I'm now back into the full swing of things at college, so updates will be a bit slower… Maybe once a week to once every two weeks depending on how well I balance my school work and job. Funny enough, my roommate here at college writes fanfiction too. Her user name is Em Love Ali and she writes Emison fanfiction from the show Pretty Little Liars. If you're into it, check it out. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the story.

 **~ Michi ~**

"Hey… Why can there not be a day where I can just pause reality and just lay down for a long time?" I asked, muttering under my breath as I set tables at work.

"You're not that special," Musca teased as she patted my head.

"You've wounded me!" I dramatically fell to the floor, clutching at my heart. "Waaahhh…."

"Michi!"

I looked up when I heard footsteps, and then Toma was crouching over me.

"Are you okay?" Concern lined his expression.

"I, uh…" I tried to think of an excuse while Musca laughed her ass off in the background. "Tripped. Over myself. My feet. Ahaha…"

"Geez, don't scare me like that…" He pulled me up.

"Thanks." I brushed myself off. "It's been a while since we've been on the same shift, it feels like."

"I've been really busy trying to help work on an undergraduate project before school starts back up, so the manager's been lenient on my schedule. But I'm glad we ended up on the same shift finally too." He smiled, eyes lighting up. "Here, come look at this."

"What is it?"

"The manager posted a schedule of team building events we're having this month. See?" New notes had been posted on the schedule with red marker and large letters for emphasis.

"Oh yeah, Sawa told me about a fireworks festival what seems like forever ago."

"Yeah, she and Mine got way too excited about it and went shopping before the manager had even confirmed it. But it looks like there's a pool party on the 22nd and the fireworks festival is always held on the 30th. I guess we'll just be going to that as a group."

"Right…" Today was the fifteenth. These events would be coming up sooner than they seemed, and based on what Ukyo had said, I was running out of time. So, I'd make it my goal to be done by the time of the fireworks festival. "Well, cool. It should be fun. Wait, do I even have a swimsuit?"

"I could help you find one if you like." Arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind, and I almost jumped out of my skin as I let out an involuntary shriek.

"Ikki! Back! Off! BACK OFF!" I gasped, ducking, rolling and jumping up away from him.

"Nice to see you too." He looked a bit puzzled, but mostly just amused. "That's an honest offer though."

"No thank you. I'd rather take Toma than you," I mumbled.

"Huh?" Toma blinked at me, cheeks turning just slightly red.

"Yeah, wanna come with me one day, shopping? I can trust you for an honest, non-creepy-staring opinion." I glared at Ikki.

"Come on! I wouldn't stare at you in a creepy way. I'd stare, certainly. But not creepily."

"Nope. Nope nope nope! You creepy adult person. Anyways… What do you say, Toma?" I looked up at him.

"I mean, sure… If you want."

"Cool. When's the next day we're both off?"

"Looks like… The 18th."

"Cool, let's meet up for lunch that day and then take care of business."

"Okay…?" Toma was looking between Ikki and I, just plain confused as to what exactly was going on.

"I have to say, I'm jealous…" Ikki shrugged, then smiled. "But at least I get to be surprised by you on the 22nd, Michi."

"Shut up! Creepy adult!" I spun around and went back to messing with the tables while they prepped the kitchen.

"That's sort of a lame insult," Musca commented.

"It suits him though… This creepy guy all going off and doing his adult things…" I felt my face heating up thinking about it, the things Ikki had done so casually. I just couldn't imagine something like… That. "A-anyways… I have to admit that I'm not quite sure how to help Kent any further than I have. If he was as simple as Ikki was, just getting him to realize he needed to try harder, we would have solved the pathway already. There has to be something else."

"I agree. We can try to think of something we can do to proceed… What about his phone call to you last night?"

"I'm not sure… I guess he was just curious. But if it's not just social cues he's having trouble with… Ah!" I got a sudden thought. "His parents. He's brought them up once or twice, and I think they're a large part of the reason why he is the way he is. I think I should try to meet them and see what's up for myself."

Musca nodded. "It's as good a plan as any. Either way, let's have a good day today, alright?"

"Right!" The shift was normal until close to the end when Toma approached me.

"Michi," he said. "There's a customer asking for you. A woman. Table 9."

"Really? I guess… That's flattering." I shrugged and peeked out into the main room. "Oh, shit!" I ducked down.

"What's wrong?" Toma bent down next to me as Ikki came over, attracted by the slight commotion.

"Rika… What's she doing here?" He muttered angrily. "I can handle this, Michi."

I jumped up and grabbed his arm. "No… If she asked for me, I can at least see what she has to say. I can always take her ass into the back alley again, right?" I tried to joke but only succeeded in making his expression turn angrier and more serious. "Okay, lame joke… Look. I've got this… And I know you're here too, so it'll be fine."

He sighed and touched my cheek. "You're finally healing… Just don't do anything reckless."

"Yeah, yeah." I squeezed his hand before going out to stand before Rika. "Hey, so… What do you want?" I just hated her too much to bother with niceties.

She stood abruptly and pushed her chair in before bowing. "I'm sorry!"

I stared at her for what felt like a long time as the other customers turned to witness the developing spectacle.

"I am deeply sorry for my deplorable actions! A woman in my standing should never have stooped so low and done such reprehensible things."

"Wait wait wait, slow the fuck down. You're _sorry_ all of a sudden?" I had to take this with a heavy dose of skepticism.

"Yes, I am! Truly! I –"

"Okay, stop there. We can't have a heart to heart here, I'm working. Look, just…" I dragged a hand through my hair, exasperated. "Meet me outside after my shift. And just know that if this turns out to be a trick… I'll kick your ass and turn in the video to the police. Got it?"

"I understand." She bowed and left, full dress flouncing behind her.

I trudged back into the kitchen, still stunned beyond comprehending what had just happened. "She apologized to me…?" I looked at Ikki cluelessly. "An apology, and she wants to talk… I'm meeting her after work."

"Don't." He shook his head. "The last time you did that…"

"Yeah, I remember what happened, I was there. But it's not like that this time. My gut says she's telling the truth. I'm going to listen to what she has to say. I've got nothing to lose; she's the one with leverage hanging over her. Trust me on this, okay?"

"Let me come with you."

"No. She might not say what she wants to with you around." I ruffled his hair. "It's going to be fine, you'll see. But I'll call you after and tell you how it goes if that'll make you feel better."

He had been frowning, but the expression relaxed as he sighed. "Fine. You'd be mad if I went behind your back too, so I'll leave it in your hands. But again, be careful." His hands went into my hair, and I stood still. "It's messy," he explained as I stared.

"Oh…" Guess I'd messed it up pretty bad while talking with Rika. I looked at the hairpin he had given me when he took it in his hand, letting my bangs fall back into my face.

"I'm glad you still wear it, really. It makes me feel like I have a chance with you."

"Oh." My voice got smaller. It wasn't just a hair clip to him; it was a representation of his feelings. I was carrying those feelings with me too; I carried my feelings for all of them constantly.

"Listen, just tell me if you don't like what I'm doing by still chasing you, and I'll back off. I don't want to be an annoyance, I just want you."

"I mean, I will say something if you piss me off, but it's just that…" I sighed. "You honestly don't care where you do things like this, do you, or who's watching?"

"I live my life freely now. What can I say?" He smiled as he finished fixing my hair.

"Thanks, you creepy adult. Get back to work now." I punched his shoulder and spun around only to catch sight of Toma watching us quizzically with a slight frown on his face. I coughed and ducked my head as I went past him, unable to tell what he was thinking. Ikki was comfortable with public displays of the mushy sort, but me… Not so much.

Gross adult…

After the shift ended, Toma caught me just as I was heading out the door. "Hey, I don't really understand what's going on, but… This has something to do with what happened to you, right?" He gestured to my face, where the bruises were fading pretty well.

"Yeah, but like I told Ikki, everything's just fine. I gotta go, okay?"

"Okay, but meet me back here when you're done. Let me walk you home at least."

"Fine, fine, but I don't know how long it's going to take. See you here." I slipped out and saw Rika waiting for me, hands clasped in front of her and head bowed in penitence. "Uh… Hi." I waved at her.

"Listen, I know you must hate me, so I won't keep you long. But I want to apologize to you sincerely for everything I and my cohorts did. We all experienced the same thing, where every time we looked into his eyes, we were consumed by something that made us…" She shook her head helplessly. "It made us different people than who we were. I'm well aware that it makes no sense. I don't understand it myself…"

I nodded slowly. Mine had said something along those same lines. "That being the case…" I sighed heavily. None of them even understood the power of Ikki's eyes. It was no wonder they ahd fallen victim to it. "I guess I can't blame you. So, apology accepted."

"Really…?"

"Yeah." I shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say, but she threw her arms around me.

"You have my most sincere thanks! Oho ho ho!"

"What the hell kind of laugh is that? Get off, you're freaking me out!"

"My apologies. I was just so overwhelmed with relief…"

So this was how she actually acted when she wasn't under the influence of Ikki's eyes… I found myself starting to laugh too. "You're a funny girl, you know."

"Am I?" She blinked, surprised.

"Yeah… Anyways, I guess I'll see you around. I'm walking back home with a friend, so…"

"Ah, yes. Well then, off you go. And, again… Thank you."

"I'm keeping the video though."

"That's a respectable decision," she admitted. "I don't want to forget what I've done either."

"Well, good. And, uh… You have a nice evening, okay?"

"You as well." She bowed deeply before departing, and I went back inside, shaking my head.

"That was fast." Toma looked me over and smiled when he found that nothing seemed to be wrong.

"Yeah… She has got to be the second weirdest person I know. First place is Kent."

"He is strange, you have that right. Anyways, ready to go?"

"Yeah, just let me lock the front door." Just as I said that, I heard the bell ring signaling someone's entrance. "Were obviously closed…" I walked around and jumped when I saw who it was, feeling my heart punch my ribcage as it leaped just as high. "Sh… Sh…"

"Shin. What are you doing here?" Toma stood next to me and raised his eyebrows.

Shin glanced at Toma, but his serious gaze slid over to me. "Michi, I want to talk to you. Can you come with me now?"


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five: Honesty

**~ Michi ~**

"Wh… What is it?" I couldn't seem to control my pulse or my stupid stammering around him no matter how hard I tried.

"I want to talk to you alone. Just between the two of us."

I frowned. Something he felt like he couldn't say in front of Toma? "I mean… Are you okay?"

Shin sighed impatiently. "I'm fine. But I really want to talk to you. I'm not sure how many more times I can emphasize that, so are you coming?"

"Don't be pushy!" I turned to Toma. "Sorry… I think I'll go with Shin today. But I'll see you on the 18th, and I'll make it up to you, promise. I'll buy you lunch. Okay?"

Toma shook his head and laughed. "It's fine, just go. Here, just give me the keys so I can lock up. You go ahead. And I accept your offer for lunch. I won't forget it though, in case you were hoping I would."

"Not at all. Thanks!" I squeezed him once in a hug from the side before going up to Shin. "So…?"

"Come on." He spun around and went out the door without waiting for me.

"Hey, stop acting like Kent!" I chased him out and grabbed his sleeve to keep him closer. "Are you in a mood or something?"

"No."

"Okay…?" I poked him with my free hand to urge him to keep talking.

"Just… Wait until we get there."

"This better be good…" I muttered. He had a backpack on, so there was no telling what manner of things he could have in there. "Are you gonna axe murder me?"

"Probably not."

"Good, good."

"How can a conversation like this happen so casually?" Musca asked, shaking her head.

I just shrugged. Sometimes you just had to go with the flow. Other times… Not so much. "Why are you taking me to the park…?" Apprehension crept into my tone. I hadn't really wanted to come back here; it was a place too full with memories of him, and basically… What an idiot he was. "You're an idiot."

"Whatever you say." He slung off his backpack in front of the lake shore and pulled a blanket out before laying it on the ground and sitting on it. He glanced at me for the first time since leaving the café when I just stood there staring at him. "You can sit too, if you want. Or not, although it's more awkward that way."

"It's awkward either way, with you and your special secret intentions." I plopped down a foot or so away. Sitting too close or too far away would both convey separate things I didn't want to, so this was the best bet. I was probably overthinking it in my own craziness though. "Idiot."

"Uh-huh."

I sighed. "Out with it, then. Honestly, why'd you bring me here?"

"I decided on where I'm going to college and I wanted you to be the first person I told."

"What about your dad?"

"He's at work. I'll tell him when he gets back." He took a breath and let it out slowly, looking tired. He had always pushed himself hard to succeed…

"Things are still going okay?"

"Yeah. Home's more comfortable now. I don't dread going there." He nodded. "But that's beside the point." He paused, and that only made his next words feel heavier. "I'm going to college in America. The United States, to be specific."

It felt like someone had punched me in the throat and the stomach at the same time. "Um… Wow," I coughed.

"Yeah. I got a track scholarship, and it's a college that offers a no-tuition promise and a work-study. I'll be busy as hell, but it'll be worth it to come out with little to no loans on my plate."

"Well… Yeah, you couldn't ask for better than that." I paused. "The United States…" I had assumed that even if he did go out of town or several hours away, he'd at least stay in Japan. "How's your English?"

"It's getting better. I've been practicing every day."

"Ah. Wh… When do you leave?" If he went so far away… Would we ever see each other or talk like this again? I just couldn't stop selfishly thinking of myself, how I'd just miss him so damn much…

"I'll spend New Year's and Christmas with my dad after graduating mid-December, then I'll move so I can get assimilated before starting college."

"That's… Around three and a half months."

"Yeah."

"Ah." It was nowhere near enough time with him. I took a shaky breath. "C-congratulations. I'm happy for you. You deserve it, for working so hard… You idiot." All of those things were true, but they were tempered with this sort of deep sadness at the prospect of what his departure could mean.

"Why do you keep calling me an idiot?" He smiled slightly.

"Because." I sighed and smiled back. "Before… If you had officially said the words to me… If you had said, "Wait for me"… I would have. But now… It's sort of a relief to know that it's not possible to hear those words anymore."

He looked at me seriously, but there was mild surprise there too. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, really. Like I said… I'm so happy for you, Shin. You'll do great. Just… Keep in touch if you're so inclined. Okay?" I smiled, tried to.

"Michi, I can feel tears in your eyes… It burns a bit," Musca said softly.

I just kept smiling. _Shut up, you._

 **~ Shin ~**

I wanted to wipe that sad smile off her face. No, that was partially a lie. I wanted to pull her in and kiss it away, and kiss her more even when it was long gone. But that window of opportunity had closed. So I just nodded instead. "Okay. I will."

Michi grinned. "Good, good."

What now…? I wanted to keep her here longer. The words stayed in my head. Would have waited... She would have waited for me if I had just asked her.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

I almost jumped. But it was useful for her to be keeping to conversation going. "Sure."

"You know, I'm still missing some memories… I want you to tell me everything you know about Toma and I. Our dating life, and why we broke up." She spoke seriously, leaning forward with narrowed eyes. "This is really important."

"Oh." She'd just had to pick this topic, out of all of them… "A disclaimer, though… You might get mad. Please think twice before hitting me."

"Maybe." She raised her eyebrows curiously and expectantly.

"Well…" Where to even start? "The thing was, Toma and I always had this joke as kids in middle school where one of us was going to marry you someday. You never paid attention to us though."

Michi blushed. "Of course not. Childish promises don't mean anything."

"Right. But as we grew up we still, uh… We were still sort of doing that. Competing over you."

"Wha…? You're _both_ idiots!"

"Again, whatever you say." The awkwardness I felt just kept growing with every word, but I couldn't just stop, not with her staring me down intent on getting information. "Well I never made a move, and then Toma asked you out and apparently you said yes because you guys dated for a little while."

"And?" She was tapping her head with her fingers as if trying to make memories surface in accordance with what I was saying.

"Toma's parents got divorced, and he took it pretty hard. You two broke up not long after he started living on his own. He's never talked to me about it, but I'm guessing he might have just taken his anger out on you, you got into a big fight, and decided it'd be better to just be friends. Get some distance."

"Huh…" She frowned, mulling it over.

"That's only speculation on my part though. You'll have to ask him yourself if you want to know more."

"Thanks for telling me what you were able to." She paused again. "How long after all that was the time you invited me to the track meet? That's something I remembered about you especially."

"Between nine and ten months. Closer to nine, I think."

"You really do work slowly, don't you?" She laughed, nodding to herself when she stopped. "I'll talk to Toma. Maybe I'll remember something… Hey, uh, this might sound like a strange question, but… Has he ever been violent, or anything like that...?"

"Toma? Of course not." I frowned. Where was that even coming from? "Did something happen?"

"Not here." She shook her head. "I mean, no. Nothing. I was just wondering. I really want to get to the bottom of this." She tapped the side of her head again. "Anyways… I should go. I wanted to, uh… To go look at something."

"Are you okay? Is everything okay, I mean?" Now she had me worried.

"I'm fine, really. Don't worry. I just need to get some things to make dinner tonight."

"If you're sure."

"Course I am!" She grinned and hit my arm lightly before we both stood. "Well… Congrats again." We just looked at each other for a moment before she awkwardly put her arms out. "Just… It's just a congratulatory hug. Nothing more."

"Nothing more," I echoed, smiling a bit as I pulled her in close, clinging to her and to moments like this.

She would have waited for me...

Damn.

Damn it all.

 **~ Michi ~**

I put my cheek to his chest. He was thin when i held him close, but I loved how safe and comfortable it felt there. It gave me a good head space to think in.

Toma wasn't a violent person and never had been according to Shin, so maybe Ukyo's warning to me just didn't apply here... That's what I could hope, at least. And the reason for breaking up with Toma had been because of his parent's divorce? That didn't make as much sense. I understood perfectly well what a painful divorce was like, so couldn't I have helped him through it by giving him empathy and comfort? No, I definitely needed to talk to him now that I had this new information.

"I should go..." When I started to pull away Shin held fast, arms tightening around me. I squirmed a little. "Shin?" I just wanted to leave already, before I started crying like a wimp. The bonds I had with my friends here were all I had in this world, and I felt one of them slipping away now. It hurt badly, tearing at my chest.

"Michi... Let me kiss you?"

"Eh?!" I was stronger than him, I knew that, yet I just couldn't get away.

"I want to be honest, just once. It... It doesn't have to mean anything. It'll be... A good memory between us. One time only, with my real feelings."

"Idiot..." A good memory... What a beautiful way to put it. "You stupid idiot." I closed my eyes. "Fine then..." He could show me how he felt. I wanted to know despite being fully aware it wouldn't change anything.

I felt his lips touch mine gently at first, pressing with further firmness as seconds ticked by. Then his hands went into my hair to twine in it and pull slightly, and he tilted his head and seemed to press in as hard as he could. It hurt, but that felt appropriate for the circumstance. I could barely breathe he was so close, taking it all. It was an all-consuming feeling, a heavy and hot one. I had to escape it.

I pulled away messily. "That's..." He touched his lips to mine again to get me to stop talking.

"Not enough. That's not even close."

"It's already..." He kept interrupting with kisses, arms moving to wind around my back and bring me closer. "Too..." I clung to the back of his jacket for support. "Mm... Much..." I gasped for air when his mouth left mine but what breath I had taken hitched when his lips hit my neck, his teeth brushing against the skin. He was going to leave a mark there... My knees were getting weak, legs trembling. "Ah... Ah..." The tears leaked from my eyes without warning, sneaking out while my guard was down.

"Don't cry," Shin murmured when he saw the tracks, kissing them away. "It's alright..." He assured me softly before sealing my mouth again, sharing the taste of tears as his now moistened lips slid against mine. We were clinging to each other so painfully, but it felt so good at the same time. I couldn't think, so I just ended up looking around confusedly when my legs just gave out on me. Shin chuckled softly as he knelt in front of me. "That's enough now."

"I..." I huffed, trying to get my breath back. My whole body felt all out of sorts. "I'd say so..." I put a hand against my chest and felt my heart thumping erratically. "Just let me recover for a few minutes, and then I really do intend to leave if you'll actually let me..." It was a lot harder to be all sassy when your head was spinning.

"Take your time." He put his arms around me, and I held him back. We could cling to this moment all we wanted for now, regardless of what the future held.


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six: Proposals

Hi, Norasakka here. Fun fact, the college that Shin is going to is based off of Berea College in Kentucky of the U.S. That's where I go too! It's sort of like Hogwarts for poor people. Anyways, enjoy the story.

A question to readers... It's (relatively) close to the ending of the story. At that point was planning to do an ending for each person/route, and then one last chapter as a one true ending thing. But does an ending for each person fit the story, or should I pick one person for Michi to end up with certainly? What would you prefer? Yes, when in doubt ask the people what they want! But I always welcome questions or suggestions. Thanks! Enjoy the story.

 **~ Michi ~**

I woke up shivering the next morning. "Urgh…" I wanted to punch the alarm clock in the face. "Whyyyy…? Why is it ringing like that?"

"Because you have work today. Get up." Musca poked my cheek. "Up!"

"Noooo…" I dragged myself out of bed, yawning and wrapping a blanket around myself as I shuffled around to get ready.

"You wouldn't be so chilly if you hadn't turned the air conditioning down to such a low temperature and taken a cold shower right before you went to bed last night."

"… I needed to cool down, okay?"

"I won't dispute that. I was there."

I blushed hotly. "We don't speak of it! And you don't have to watch, you could just look away."

"Try putting yourself in my place. It's not easy to look away, you know?"

"Yeah, whatever..." I shook my head and went through my morning routine slower than usual, then took my time strolling towards work. "I'm almost late, but I can't find the will to care…" I sighed. "Ugh."

"Come on, Michi. Don't mope around."

"I'm not moping." I looked across the street and stopped walking. "Is that Ukyo?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, looks like it."

"He has a girl with him…" I was blatantly staring at this point. "Is that her? The first heroine?"

"I think so. I've only ever had Orion describe her to me."

"Eek!" I jumped when Ukyo turned and saw me staring. He smiled and waved, gesturing for me to come over. "Oh, man… I'm definitely gonna be late at this rate." But I ran across the crosswalk anyways. "Ukyo, hey."

"Hi, how are you?"

"Okay. Slowly but surely making progress." I glanced at the girl with him nervously. Damn, she was way prettier than I was. A gorgeous flower.

"This is my girlfriend Kohana. Kohana, this is a friend of mine, Michi." Ukyo made introductions.

"It's nice to meet you." Kohana smiled sweetly.

"You too…" It was surreal. The first heroine was standing in front of me, with no idea about anything that was happening or that had happened. She was just happy with the way she was living her life. Would I be like that one day soon too? "So, what are you guys up to today?"

"We were just going around looking at cake shops. Deciding on a wedding cake is a lot harder than it sounds. We have such different tastes," Ukyo laughed.

"There are these ones where they do half of the cake to one person's liking and the other half to the other person. They're amazing!" Kohana explained excitedly.

"Two cakes in one? I want it. Right now." Then it registered. "Wedding cake? Oh, you're getting married! Congrats, then!"

"Thank you." Ukyo dipped his head. "You'll probably find this type of happiness too, Michi." He looked at me meaningfully. Whoever I chose at the end of this adventure… Would I get to be with them forever, looking this joyful?

"You just worry about your own happy ending, okay? I'm glad for you, really. Anyways, I'm about to be late for work. Gotta run!" I waved, grinning, and ran off.

"What do you think of the idea of marriage?" Musca asked as I entered the back door at work and rushed to change into my uniform.

"Not sure…" The only marriage I'd ever been around was my parents, and it hadn't gone over so well. So marriage, to me… It was a bit scary.

"Michi, you're late," Toma scolded me once I went into the kitchen.

"Sorry… I ran into some people I know on the street and chatted with them for a bit. They're getting married." I paused. This was a perfect opportunity to try and dig a little deeper with him, wasn't it? "So… What do you think about marriage, Toma?"

He visibly stiffened. "We shouldn't be chatting like this while there's work to do." He spun around and left, leaving me to take over working the kitchen for the day.

"He dodged the question…" Musca noted. "You must have hit a nerve."

"Yeah…" I'd pester him about it later, but for now… Dishes. There was never an end to them in the kitchen. That was the nature of the beast. Sawa was working that day too, but since she was needed up front with Toma I ended up doing all of the dishes and a lot of the cooking for that day. I didn't really mind getting to stay in my little nook for the day, but Toma's sudden change in attitude bothered me. Once the day was over, he finally approached me again.

"Hey, Michi." He looked a bit nervous.

"Hi." I finished drying my hands off after having stacked the last of the dishes. Toma tentatively took one of my hands and turned it over in his. "What's wrong?" I asked. He was frowning.

"Your hands are all rough now…" His own hands were smooth and warm on mine.

"Well, yeah. That's kind of what happens when you wash dishes for a living. I've gotten used to it though, so no worries." I pulled my hand away and put both hands in my pockets, a bit self-conscious now that he had pointed it out.

"There's such a thing as hand lotion, you know," he teased lightly.

"… Huh. Never thought of that."

Toma sighed. "Let's go get you some then."

"Eh?"

"You owe me for ditching me for Shin the other day, right?"

"You owe me for ditching me for dishes though," I pointed out dryly. "I already said I'd buy you lunch too. Really, it's no big deal. Chill." I made a mental note: get the lotion so your hands don't stay crusty.

"Come on, I feel bad. Do it for me?" He smiled.

"Grr…" He needed to stop doing that, that thing where he acted like a puppy when he was actually cunning like a tiger. "Fine, fine. Where are we going?"

"That's… A really good question." He laughed. Neither of us really knew where to go in order to find girly things. Those just hadn't been a priority in my life considering that half the time my dad and I hadn't even had running water.

"Toma, you're ridiculous." We just ended up strolling through town, trying to find any store that looked like it would be the kind of place to smell the kind of lotions that Sawa and Mine used for their hands, the ones that smelled like flowers or sugary baked goods and came in sparkly bottles.

"You are too, but I don't get mad at you for it." He ruffled my hair.

"Point."

"Hey, if I ask you a question will you just be honest with me?"

"That's usually my philosophy." I looked up at him. "But then you'll have to be honest with me about a question, too."

"Okay, deal."

"Good, Michi!" Musca nodded. I had effectively roped him in. He had to answer me honestly now about what I needed to ask him. But first, what was it he wanted from me?

"It's painfully obvious that you like Shin and the he likes you. But then there's Ikki and the way you two act around each other, and then I also heard from Sawa that you went to a goukon with Kent, so… You can understand why I'd be confused. Who is it that you really like?"

"Uh…" Crap. "Umm… I don't really want to answer that, but since I said I'd be honest with you…" I noticed that Musca was also looking at me intently for an answer. Of anyone, she'd probably be the most curious. "It just, it makes me sound like a bad girl," I laughed.

"Well… Even if you're a bad girl, I won't hate that about you," Toma said quietly.

I glanced at him and my heart skipped just for a second. The way the sun was hitting him, he was shining, bright and golden. The expression of solemnity on his face made him look even more striking. "C-c'mon, don't be so serious about it," I punched his arm.

"Well then? What's your answer?"

I took a breath after clearing my throat. "The truth is…" When I didn't overcomplicate things by thinking about it too much, the answer may not have been the prettiest but it was clear. "I'M SURROUNDED BY A HAREM OF BISHIES AND I LOVE THEM ALL!"

"Um… Okay?" Toma looked around as passersby stared after my outburst. "You didn't have to tell everyone else too. I just wanted to know."

"I just wanted to own it, you know? But that's the truth. And… I'm not ashamed of it anymore."

"You love them all, huh? Okay. Thanks for being honest. And…" He leaned over to look into my eyes seriously. "You're not a bad girl, Michi. You'll never be one."

"Thanks, Toma… That means a lot coming from you." He was a good guy in my experience, after all. Having his vote of confidence felt important.

"So… You had a question for me, too?"

"Yeah. So I was wondering…" I trailed off as my phone stated to vibrate. "Here, let me just reject this…" I blinked at the caller ID. "Kent? What's he want? Whatever, I'll just call him back later."

"No, it's fine. You can answer if it's important."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it's no problem."

"Thanks. Hello?"

"Hello, Michi. Good day to you."

"Uh, you too. What's up?"

"I have a question about social etiquette."

"Oh, okay. I'm listening."

"If you see a friend walking down the street but they're currently with someone else, do you interrupt to offer greetings or not?"

"Well, if they look like they're having a serious conversation you shouldn't, but if they're just hanging out then you can drop in for a quick hello."

"Ah." There was a click, and then silence.

"Asshole hung up on me!" I frowned.

"Hello, Michi."

"WAH!" I clung to Toma as for what felt like the millionth time, Kent snuck up on me. "Every time! Every single damn time, you do this!"

"I'm not aware of another way to greet you. Other than your being startled, how are you?"

"I'm good, you?"

"Doing very well. Hello, Toma." Kent nodded a greeting to him.

"Hey…" Toma looked down at me as I let go of him.

"Michi, I have another question for you as well, but I'm not sure if it's one that should be asked in front of others."

"Well what is it? I'll just tell you after the fact. And for the record I promise I will not get offended and attack you." I held up my right hand solemnly.

"Very good." Kent took a breath. "Will you come on a date with me?"

"... Uh?" Was my eloquent reply.

"Is that affirmation? It wasn't clear."

"Uh, you mean, right now, come with you right now?"

"Yes."

"Um, I washed dishes all day, so I got a bit sweaty… Um…"

"You seem perfectly lovely to me. But tomorrow is fine… If you are also amenable." He actually looked nervous… So damn cute, why was he so damn cute?!

"T-tomorrow, then… Okay."

He smiled, fully and warmly, yet another blow to my heart. "Very good. I shall depart now."

"Wait, at least tell me when and where, you idiot!"

"Ah. I hadn't thought that far ahead. I will text you details promptly, however. Do not worry." He walked away.

"How can I not worry if he's always like that…?" I sighed. Always so smart yet airheaded socially, so… So damn cute. That asshole.

"Well, that was… Interesting," Toma commented awkwardly.

"I'm sorry… I had no clue he was going to ask that."

"So, you'd be willing to date Kent."

"Er…" It was impossible to explain to him that I liked Kent but mostly spent time with him in order to complete the pathway, and that even if Kent did ask me out I'd probably have to say no because I hadn't yet completed Toma's route. "I…"

"You don't have to answer. I won't press you about it anymore. Just know that I never judge you."

"Thanks, Toma…" But his time would come soon, I knew. I felt it. The time when I would be just as hopelessly drawn to him as I had been the others…


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven: Surprises

Yes! I am now Lord Muffintops! Behold my glory, glory that doth spill over! Also, thank you so much for the reviews and continued support. Enjoy the story.

 **~ Michi ~**

When Kent said date, I had no idea whether he meant an actual date or just a casual get-together between friends. So I was panicking over the thing at the time that seemed most worthy of panicking about: what to wear.

"You're going to drive yourself insane before you even leave the house," Musca sighed.

"It's not like you're helping! Telling me to wear what I want isn't constructive!"

"Still. You should wear what you want."

"Ugh!" I picked up my phone and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Sawa! EMERGENCY! Come over NOW!"

She dropped her phone from shock; I heard it clatter to the floor. "Okay, I'll be there!" She yelled before hanging up. She arrived panting on her bike. "Are you okay?" She grabbed my shoulders once I let her in. "Not hurt?"

"Help meeee!" I threw my arms around her. "I dunno what to wear today."

"That's… That's it?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say so? You had me worried for a second." She smiled to let me know she wasn't mad. "Okay, let's see…" She stared at the multitude of clothing I had strewn around. "What's the occasion, even?"

"I'm hanging out with Kent today, and since he wouldn't tell me where we were going I don't know whether to dress up or down. When I texted him asking he didn't reply."

"Well that's lame of him." She paused as she rifled through my clothes. "You've been spending a lot more time with him all of a sudden, recently."

"Yeah. I thought it'd be good to make a new friend, you know?"

"I think that's good for you. And he's been acting differently too. Smiling a lot more…" She trailed off, staring into space as her cheeks turned red.

I frowned. "You okay there?"

"Huh? Yeah!"

"Michi, my spirit senses are tingling here… She's not. At least, there isn't nothing on her mind."

I nodded. I'd been thinking that too. "Sawa, do you by any chance… Er…"

"Do I what?" She looked at me nervously.

"Do you like him? Kent."

"W-What, I mean…" She twiddled her fingers. "I just, I haven't told anyone yet…"

"Well who can you tell if not me?"

"You're right." She moved some clothes aside to sit on my bed, and I sat next to her.

"I liked him not long after he started tutoring me. He was just so weird!"

"So that's what you're into? Hm."

"Shut up!" She laughed. "No, he was awkward, but in the end well-meaning and sweet. You know?"

I nodded. Yeah, I knew it very well. That was why I was already so conflicted over him. Such was the way things worked when one was the center of a harem of bishies. "So have you thought about asking him out?" The words tasted bad since jealousy was rising up in my throat. Stop it…

"I have, but I really wanted him to ask me out, since I never have any idea what he's thinking. It'd be really painful and humiliating if I asked him out only to be rejected calmly, you know?"

"Yeah…" I took a breath. "Well…" In terms of what was more important, Sawa got top priority over anything I might be feeling for Kent. "Maybe I could pretend I was sick, and you could go out with Kent today instead."

"Huh? But what would I wear? He didn't even tell you where you were going…"

"My problems don't seem so trivial now, do they? Ha!" I laughed.

"Thanks, but I don't think I can. I'd be too nervous to make any good conversation… It's hard for me to talk about anything than tutoring with him because I get so tongue-tied…"

"That's… Kind of adorable." I ruffled her hair. "Okay, then how about I just steer the conversation towards you a few times, get a feel for what he might think of you? That okay?"

Her face brightened. "Really? That'd be great!"

"Okay, cool. Now pick my outfit. And I'd really like it to match with this scarf, by the way…" I pointed to a yellow scarf I'd tied in an off-center bow around my neck.

"Why are you wearing a scarf inside?"

"No reason!" What a certain idiot had done on my neck needed to be covered up.

"Okay? Wear this, then." She held up a pink dress. "Pink and yellow go fine together, right?"

"Yeah, thanks." Well that had been stupidly simple. I changed fast, and we both went outside when I was ready to leave.

"Look, Michi, you don't have to feel pressured to help me. Just have a good time today and don't stress about it. Even though I really do appreciate the offer."

"It's not really a big deal. I don't mind helping the ship sail a little bit." It was better this way. Putting someone else's feelings above mine was a good thing to be doing in this situation. Right?

Sawa smiled, cheeks red, and hugged me tightly. "Thanks…"

"Y-yeah." I hugged her back for a second before pulling away. "Thanks for your help, too. See you." I hurried away before I could think about it too much more.

The directions Kent had given me were to wait at the same place we had agreed to meet on the night of the goukon. Besides that he hadn't given me the slightest bit of knowledge as to what else we'd be doing.

So for now, I was busying myself with pacing back and forth while I waited for him. "Geez… He's late again!"

"It's only a minute past seven-thirty, Michi. Calm down," Musca sighed, a bit weary of listening to and watching me freak out. "But hey, while he's still not here… Are you sure you want to wear the hair clip Ikki gave you while you're on a date with Kent?"

"It's not a date. I mean, I don't think that's what he really meant. It's probably similar to how he wanted to ask Sawa out, right? He's just… Experimenting." Crap, and I'd been the reason Kent hadn't asked Sawa out in the first place. But it was better for him to ask her out not to gain insight into relationships but because he felt something. I'd acted correctly, I felt.

"Really? I'm not so sure… He seems to have been learning… But anyways, my question still stands."

"It feels weird to not wear it now that I'm used to it. Besides..." I frowned. "Why would he care?"

"Well, do what you want. I've got to admit, I'm curious as to what's going to happen…"

"Me too! I'm going crazy over here!"

"I can tell! Just spend some time calming down, why don't you?"

"Okay!" I sat down on the ground. "Calm… I will become calm. Serenity… Inner peace." I closed my eyes for a time, trying to let feelings of non-panic wash over me. And it worked, at least for a while, until I opened my eyes when I felt something brush against my leg.

"Ah. Hello. Are you awake now?"

"Kent." He was sitting next to me; what I'd felt was his knee bumping my leg. My eyes bugged out when I was hit with a delayed reaction of shock at him suddenly appearing there. I let out a string of curses as loud as I could while he just listened calmly, more serene than I had ever been able to become. "Asshole!" I finished, panting.

"I'm very glad to see you as well. You looked peaceful so I didn't want to interrupt."

"Yeah, he's been here for a few minutes, just sitting there," Musca informed me.

I stared at her. _Why didn't you tell me?!_

"Because I didn't think you'd have calmed down yet. I see now that it was useless either way. You're just doomed to be a nervous wreck. Good luck now!"

I cleared my throat to prevent myself from yelling at her. "Um… Well, thanks for waiting… I guess."

"Shall we go?" Kent stood and offered me his hand.

"Yeah, but go where? You haven't given me any information."

"True, but isn't a modicum of unpredictability seen as an attractive trait?"

"Maybe, but predictability in itself is good too." I took his hand and he pulled me up before twining our fingers. I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

"Yet another double standard in the web that is interaction with others," Kent sighed as he started walking. He was making a concentrated effort to match his strides to mine, I noticed. How adorable…

"You're right," I realized. "There's no telling what someone's going to want from you really…"

"That's why I decided long ago that simply sharing my honest thoughts was the best way to get things done. Yet because of this I ended up with remarkably few friends. Is this regrettable? What do you think, Michi?"

"Well… I think that the ones you do count as your friends are true ones then. And those people are lucky, too… As long as you're happy, Kent, you shouldn't regret the way you've chosen to live your life."

"I don't believe that I do."

"And that's what's most admirable about you. Don't doubt yourself, okay?"

He laughed softly. "Of course not, except when it's necessary."

"When's it ever necessary?"

"Never mind. In the end, do you want to know where we're going or do you want it to be kept as a surprise?"

"Um… A surprise, I guess." I'd waited this long to find out, so waiting for a few more minutes really made no big difference.

As we strolled along silently Kent kept glancing at me sidelong. Eventually he piped up. "Whose turn is it to make conversation now? It's meant to operate on a turn-based system, correct?"

"Life isn't an RPG, Kent, even if we wish it was. You just gotta go with the flow. But I was actually enjoying the silence. You know, it's a rare thing to find someone you can be comfortably silent with. Appreciate it, if you can."

"Ah." He nodded slowly. "Yes… It's quite enjoyable. But I like to hear your voice, too."

"O-oh. Then… Um…" I usually didn't, but now I was getting all flustered and anxious trying to figure out what to say. "Well, uh… What are your parents like?"

"What are they like, you ask…" He tilted his head, considering, and his mouth curved downwards in a slight frown. "They're logical people. Very efficient."

"That wasn't very informative," I noted. "Like, are they nice, and what do they do for fun with you, stuff like that."

"We don't spend much time together. The occasional meal… My father is quite fond of Thai food."

"Hm. Does talking about them make you uncomfortable?"

"Uncomfortable? Am I?" He pondered it for a while. "Yes. I'm uncomfortable."

"Sorry. I don't mean to do that."

"No, it's of no consequence. Also, why are you wearing a scarf in this weather?"

"No reason! I wear what I want."

"By the way…" He shifted uncomfortably. "I believe… I think…"

"Dude, spit it out."

He coughed. "Never mind. I believe you've lectured me on multiple occasions about timing? It can wait."

"Okay? Way to keep me in suspense."

"Apologies." He smiled. "However, I believe you'll forgive me when we reach our destination."

"Oh, so you're hiding something tricky up your sleeve?"

"You could say that, I suppose."

"Hmmm…" I frowned slightly as he smiled to himself. Compared to when I had met him, did he seem more easygoing? Wait… I didn't even remember how I had first met him. I had never once gained new memories of him. We were doing fine now, but it still felt a little bit troublesome… "Hey, Kent?"

"Yes?"

"How did we first meet?"

"Hm…" He tilted his head and glanced down at me, then shifted his gaze to look around. "Come sit with me on that bench ahead."

"Okay?" We took a seat on a roadside bench, him still holding onto my hand and lessening the distance between us so our legs were touching. "What is it? What?" I got uncomfortable when he just looked at me for a while.

"You have amnesia, don't you?"

"Eh… Eh?!"

"I've watched you experience some symptoms: confusion and an inability to recognize things that should be familiar to you. It's simply not possible for you to have forgotten my face after only six months of not seeing me."

"A-and why's that?"

He smiled again, but it was bitterer this time. "Because of how we met."

After a minute I spoke up slowly. "Well, are you gonna tell me?"

"Do you really want to know? If you haven't remembered it yourself, there might be a reason…" Musca chimed in cautiously.

"I want to know!" I exclaimed, and Kent blinked at me, taken aback. "There's a big hole there whenever I'm with you… I don't want to be worrying about the past when I'm trying to build a future."

"I understand." His grip on my hand tightened, as if he was scared of something.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight: Unexpected Things

**~ Kent ~**

I did not want to tell her. "Will you promise me something first?"

"Depends on what it is." Michi frowned up at me, ever the cautious one.

"You hated me before. Please… Don't go back to that."

"I hated you?" She stared at me with wide eyes. "I can't really… Comprehend that."

"You did. Or rather, you hated what I was a part of." I took a breath. Telling her was the right thing to do. "My parents are socialites. We're an incredibly affluent family."

"Yeah, I sort of got that… I mean, you have your own office in that fancy building."

I shook my head. "That, I did myself. But just a few years ago, I was still relying on my parents for finances as I was in my time of undergraduate studies. As a part of that allowance, I was made to attend parties with them in order to incur favor with other families. They wanted me to marry the daughter of a rival company so that that company too would be under their control."

"What the hell?!" Michi snapped. "That's not right, making you do that!"

I held on to her hand tighter. "It's common among the wealthy. Anything in order to get more, to gain control. Such a thing… It puts a person on a high they can't get enough of. That's what I've gathered. But…" I turned to look at her earnestly as she gazed up at me. "At one such party is where I met you. Five years ago."

"Oh… I would have been thirteen…"

"Yes. You had gotten a job helping to cater. I don't know why, but…"

"My dad and I were always in a pretty tight financial place. I did whatever odd jobs I could to help out." She shrugged.

"I see…" And now that she was alone, that burden was probably even worse. I never wanted to let go of her hand. I wanted to help her, somehow. Protect her.

"Well, keep going."

"Ah, yes. At the party, you…" I trailed off as she suddenly doubled over and put her free hand against her head. "Michi?"

"I'm just… This happens… When I'm remembering something… Just let me be, alright?" She trembled from the pain.

I helped her sit up and lean against my shoulder. This was all I could do.

 **~ Michi ~**

The night of the party… The time I'd met Kent.

The starched black and white uniform I had been given was itchy against my skin, and I could barely walk in the heeled shoes. The guests were the ones supposed to be dressed up all fancy, not the servants… But I was going to get one-hundred dollars if I could make it through the night, so I really couldn't complain.

No one looked at me, even as I would hand them fancy little snacks or sparkling glasses of wine. Not a thank you or a nod of acknowledgement. What was with that sense of entitlement?

I was almost through the night when it happened. My anger and frustration boiled over in one incident, ruining everything.

I was beckoned over by a woman in a lacy black dress, standing with a stern-looking man with slicked hair and a younger guy with glasses and a green tie who looked just about as uncomfortable as I felt. At least the lady was looking at me, I guessed. I held out a glass as I walked towards her, but then I tripped over my own feet. I stumbled and managed to stay standing, but half of the glasses on the tray I was carrying went tumbling down to the floor and shattered piercingly while the glass I had been holding just sloshed out, the contents landing all over the front of her dress.

Everyone turned to stare. This was probably the most interesting thing they had seen the whole night past the false pleasantries they'd been exchanging.

"Sor…" I started to apologize meekly but was startled into silence by a sudden pain on my leg. Glass had grazed it, and a thin line of blood was running down to my foot.

The woman turned to her husband, face twisted with the unpleasantness of having had her front drenched. "Isn't that Ohayashi's daughter?"

I perked up at the mention of my father. He too worked as many odd jobs as he could. He'd done a lot of cooking for this very event. We'd both worked it tonight, making it as fun as it could be by calling it a team effort.

"He was caught drinking some of the wine earlier and was dismissed… I wonder why they let his daughter stay. She might have the same brutish tendencies as he," the man with slicked hair mused.

That was the thing that made me snap. Say anything about me and I could take it by keeping my anger simmering silently. But my father… I exploded, boiled over. I grabbed a drink and tossed the contents into their faces, one for each of them, and then threw to rest of the platter to the ground.

"You rich bastards don't know a thing!" I screamed. "You don't know what it's like anymore if you ever did to have to work for every single scrap you've got! Just because we weren't born with money doesn't mean we that our lives have any less meaning than yours! Fuck all of you!"

After that I was restrained by security and tossed out onto the street. My dad was already waiting there. "I guess we both messed it up, huh?" He ruffled my hair. "It's not your fault, Michi. I know you tried your hardest. Let's just go home." On the way home I cried, aware that tears were the only water we were going to be able to get for a while.

I gasped as I came out of the memory.

"Are you alright?" Kent was gazing at me with concern.

I stood, slipping away from his grasp.

 **~ Kent ~**

"Don't…" I reached out for her, fearing having to watch her walk away. But she turned and moved to stand in front of me before throwing her arms around my neck.

"Sorry… I'm sorry, Kent."

"Wha…?"

"I don't think that way anymore. I… I certainly don't hate you. I know you're a good person. And again, I'm sorry for making you feel like I did."

I put my arms around her back. "You avoided me at work, too, back then. I was certain you couldn't stand the sight of me."

She laughed softly. "I was too embarrassed to face you… I couldn't think of how to apologize. But I'm saying it now."

"I'm sorry as well. You were treated unfairly, both you and your father."

"It's okay. I've had a lot of growing up to do since then… But I'm not angry at the world or at my own circumstances anymore. I just work as hard as I can." She pulled away and sat next to me again. "You forgive me?"

"Of course. I was never angry at you. After that I started wanting to work for myself, find my own way. I suppose in part, the person I changed myself into can be attributed to you." I tilted my head. "Your circumstances… What are they like now that your father is gone?"

"Well…" She laughed, but it was a tired one. "I've been looking into downsizing into a new apartment that'll cost less and picking up another job. Two if I need. Bills are a bit more than what I'm pulling in right now. I'm willing to work hard as always, though." She sounded more determined than exhausted.

"Would you like to move in below me?"

"Huh?"

"I own the rights to the room below me as well, just in case I ever have guests. It's an office with a bed and bath attached to it. Do you want to live there?"

"Maybe you should think about it more… I mean, you'd have me as a neighbor, and then I'd definitely owe you, and…"

"You can pay me a small rent if it's a matter of pride. Please, just… Give it some thought."

She shook her head. "I'm not stupid enough to pass up an opportunity like this. I'll take it, Kent." She looked up at me, cheeks red and eyes slightly watery. "Thanks…" She turned away and rubbed at her eyes.

The timing was definitely right now, wasn't it? It had to be. I'd never felt such a pleasant warmth in my chest before. "Michi…"

 **~ Michi ~**

Profound relief had surged through me at his offer, bringing tears to my eyes. This really could change everything. "What is it?" I asked in response to him saying my name softly.

"Earlier I had something I wanted to say, remember? I feel as if the timing is right now."

"Okay?" Anticipation made my heart thump a little harder.

"I feel that, rather I think that…" He frowned with frustration. "That you are perfect the way you are."

"What?" I blushed. "Um, thanks?"

"And if I ever gave you an impression as to the contrary, I apologize."

"What's this even about?"

"Ikkyu told me that you seemed to have a few matters with your self-confidence."

"That sneaky bastard…" I grumbled.

"Indeed. I became concerned about a few passing comments I've made… I apologize."

"You mean comparing me to Sawa and Mine? Dude, it's fine. I mean, I know that keeping a comparative mindset is one of the surefire ways to block your way to finding happiness. I didn't take it to heart when you said those things… Much."

"I reiterate, though. As you are, you are perfect. I don't want you to think otherwise."

"Fine, just stop… It's embarrassing." I tried to rub the redness on my face away. "So is this where you had planned to go today? This bench?"

"Oh. Not at all. This was a rather unexpected detour for both of us."

I sighed. "It's not me if something unexpected doesn't happen."

"It's much more interesting that way, isn't it?"

"Sometimes," I laughed, not feeling a sense of awkwardness or unease when he took my hand anymore. "Really, this had better be good. You've kept me in suspense for forever."

"We'll arrive at our destination soon."

"You sound like GPS."

He smiled wryly. "Turn right in 100 meters." His strides were starting to become long again, probably a sign of excitement.

I laughed. "Hey, slow down…"

"We're here."

I stared at the logo of the building. "Cheesecake factory."

"Yes. The Cheesecake Factory."

"Fucking Cheesecake Factory?!"

"Indeed."

"You evil genius… No one can be unhappy when they're eating cheesecake…"

"I had figured you would enjoy it. Shall we?"

"Well hell yeah!" Of course, deciding what to order was the hardest part. Narrowing it down to five options was almost more than I could handle. "White chocolate… Love that stuff… But the wildberry… Sounds so fresh… Triple chocolate though… Death by chocolate really doesn't sound that bad… Turtle is classic… But is it too classic? Raspberry… Love raspberry, but does wildberry eclipse raspberry?"

Kent watched me with amusement as I muttered to myself. "Why don't we each get two and share?"

"Lemme see here…" I pulled my wallet out to check how much cash I had.

Kent frowned. "Is it not customary for a man to pay on a date?"

"I don't really care what's customary, I prefer to pay for what I eat."

"We'll split the bill then… But I can leave the tip."

"Deal." I nodded.

In the end my eyes ended up being bigger than my stomach and I was only able to eat what amounted to one slice of cheesecake before I felt like taking a nap. "Urg… Wah…"

"I'm surprised at you." Kent commented as we left, him carrying the takeout boxes.

"I know, this is really uncharacteristic for me…"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, though."

"Thanks… I think this is the best date ever," I laughed.

"You saw it that way? An actual date. I wasn't thinking you would."

"Uh… I mean…" I blushed. Holy shit, I hadn't even brought up Sawa like I'd said I would. "R-remember when you said you were going to ask Sawa out?"

"I do."

"M-maybe you should…" My chest was hurting. The words felt wrong. I didn't want to… "T-try…" I trailed off with a squeak.

"Are you alright there?" Kent frowned down at me.

"Fine, fine…"

"You want me to ask Sawa out now?"

"I mean… She likes you!" I blurted. "She likes you… But that's all I wanted to tell you. I'm not telling you what to do."

"Ah." He blinked, surprised, but then his expression turned thoughtful. "You told me once to only act if I was coming from a genuine place. Although it's regrettable, I'm afraid I can't return her feelings at this time. Perhaps if things were different."

"What do you mean, if they were different?"

He shook his head. "It's nothing." Then he turned to me with a slight smile on his face. "Is the owner of your apartment building available at this hour? What do you say we put things into motion tonight?"

I grinned. "Let's do it." But what did he mean? If things were different… What was in his way to pursuing Sawa? _What do you think, Musca? Wh_ a _t is it?_

She sighed. "You idiot..."

 _Huh?_

"It's obvious. Just figure it out for yourself."


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine: Acceptance

Hi, Lord Muffintops here. Sorry for slow updates. College be like... Bam. Much to do. There also may be no updates during November, as I'm planning to participate in National Novel Writing Month. So, not a lot of time for fanfiction. Rest assured, more chapters will come. Still, enjoy the story.

 **~ Michi ~**

Things kept happening quickly. The night before Kent and I had gone to the owner of the apartment building I lived in and had signed away on my lease. I started moving in below him tomorrow. But for now I had to shift my focus, because today was the day I went out with Toma.

"You've been busy lately, with Kent and Toma," Musca noted.

"Well, yeah. I'm trying to complete the pathways as soon as possible. Then I'll have a bit more time to worry about myself. Get that second job instead of devoting my days off to them. I mean, not that I don't like spending time with everyone… But still. I'll like being able to think about myself more once it's over. I don't even care if that sounds conceited."

"It doesn't to me. You've been made to devote a lot of time to others so far. But at the end of this month, we should be done."

"Yeah. By the way, you wouldn't tell me what's stopping Kent from going after Sawa."

"Like I said, you should figure it out for yourself."

"You're the one who said you wanted to help me…"

"But not with something so obvious! Geez. Anyways… You have a lot of work to do with Toma. Be on your game today."

"Right." I needed to get to the bottom of the mystery that was my past relationship with him. But still, he would probably just clam up again if I tried to approach the subject. "Hmmm…" I looked up and caught sight of him. We had agreed to just meet for lunch at the café before going shopping. "Oh, hey! Have you been waiting long?"

"No, I just got here." He smiled at me, but it faded as his cheeks turned red and he abruptly looked away. "Let's, uh, let's go inside."

Two seconds in and he was already acting weird… "Okay?" I followed him and we sat in a corner table next to the window. "I wonder who's going to end up serving us… It might be funny," I laughed.

"Yeah, maybe… Hey, are you cold?"

"Hm?" I realized that I'd been rubbing my arms. "Yeah, I guess. The wind's stronger than I thought it'd be today."

He looked relieved, for some reason. "Here." He passed me his jacket.

"Oh, thanks." I put my arms through the sleeves and rolled them up since they were a bit too long on me. "Cozy."

"What do you think you'll order?"

"Huh… I have no idea. Pick for me?" I couldn't figure out what to say, how to steer the conversation where it needed to go.

Toma paused. "You look frustrated. Are you really here, Michi?"

"Huh?" I blinked. "Uh, well… I guess there's something on my mind…"

"Do you want to tell me? I'm always willing to listen." Genuine concern creased his eyes.

"Well, it's about you, actually. Er, you and me… Us."

A bit of red touched his cheeks, but he also looked more guarded. "Us?" He echoed quietly. "What about it?"

"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just…" I trailed off when our table was approached.

"Oh, hey, you two," Shin greeted us without enthusiasm. "Why would you want to come here on your day off?"

"Just because I missed your smiling face," I teased. "You could greet us like you would other customers, though."

Shin smiled back at me. "I don't really feel the need to put on that lame act with you two. So what do you want to order?"

I looked to Toma and realized that he was frowning. "Actually, Michi, do you mind if we leave?"

"Huh?" I frowned too, confused. "Okay, I guess?"

"Come on then." He grabbed my hand and pulled me out, with a hit of the same harsh insistency he had used once before. Had he always acted like this, or…?

"Toma." I pulled away. "Relax, will you? You're being weird."

He took a breath before turning back to me with an easy smile. "Sorry. I just realized that the thought of eating the food we prepare every day wasn't appetizing at all. Don't you think so?"

"Meh. I'll eat anything. Within reason, of course."

Toma shook his head, amused. "You're easy to please. Do you want to eat somewhere else?"

"No, let's just go shopping and then eat." I was feeling too concerned to be hungry now. Finally it was starting to make sense, the warning I had received from everyone. I could feel it now, that beneath the face of an easygoing, helpful guy lurked an entirely different Toma. The small flashes of borderline violent gestures I had seen gave me enough evidence to have in inkling of wariness. But no matter what I just had to get him to open up to me. Somehow…

The store we went to had a frustratingly wide selection. "Okay, we need to narrow this shit down," I grumbled. "Toma! This is where you come in."

"With what?"

"I need you to tell me what to do. I can't decide like this."

"A question first. You make your own clothes, right? I mean, your dress is cool."

"Huh? Oh, thanks." The dress I was wearing was made out of patches of old clothes that had gotten torn or otherwise ruined or I had just grown out of.

"So why didn't you just make your own swimsuit?"

"I don't wanna. I just… That would feel weird, you know? Purposefully making something so revealing…"

"Ah." His face was red yet again. "I have another question…"

"Okay? It's not like you have to ask my permission." I lamely browsed as he seemed to think his words over. Sequins. Sequins everywhere… Just, no.

"You don't… Do you always, um…"

"Spit it out, Toma." I frowned up at him.

"A bra!" He exclaimed, and then crouched down and put his hands over his mouth when he got a judgmental look from a few female employees.

"Say what?" I crouched down to his level.

"You don't wear one, do you…?" He mumbled.

"I mean, I sew pads into some of my clothes since it's cheaper than buying an actual bra, but not all of them. I mean, the material of this dress isn't right for that, and since I'm going to be trying on bathing suits I figured I wouldn't wear one today anyways. Why?"

"Nothing. It's entirely nothing."

"… You were staring, weren't you? Toma, you sneaky bastard."

"I-I wasn't!"

"I'm just teasing you." I laughed. I legitimately didn't give a shit if he wanted to stare. It wasn't my concern if he was made uncomfortable by it in any way. "Now, you answer my question. One piece or two piece?"

"I don't even care… Why did I come here?"

"Because Ikki coming with me was the alternative. Snap out of it. Come on, what should I do? I need to narrow down my options."

He finally raised his gaze to look at me, looking like an embarrassed, petulant golden retriever. "I think you'd look good in anything, so just pick please so we can leave…"

"You're not helpful at all."

"But perhaps I can be! Ohohoho!"

"Wah!" I fell on my butt from shock, then looked up to see someone smiling brightly down at us from the other side of a rack. "Rika? What the hell are you doing here?"

"To set men's hearts aflutter is the noblest goal a woman in the utmost spring of her youth may have."

I raised my eyebrows. "If you say so? Priorities, I guess."

"Would you like a bit of assistance? I'd be happy to help you. It's the very least I may do as repentance."

"I told you not to talk about repentance or whatever. I'm over it. Moved on." I sighed as I stood and brushed myself off, Toma doing the same. "But if you can just answer a question for me, that'd be great."

"Ask me anything! No matter the difficulty, no matter the cost –"

"One piece or two piece?" I interrupted, still unable to get used to the way her personality was when she wasn't under the influence of Ikki's eyes.

"Hmm…" She came around the rack to stand in front of me. Close. Very, very close.

"Woah there… Ahah!" I laughed when she started poking at my stomach. "C-cut that out!"

"Ah, you're ticklish. Apologies, I wasn't aware."

"It's fine-eeeehhhh!" I squealed when she suddenly grabbed my breast and started nodding to herself. "Dude, what the actual hell?!"

"We don't have the time for another romantic interest in this story!" Musca yelled. "Stop it, Michi!"

"Eh… Ehhh!" I leaped back and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I have it now! A two piece. Most definitely. You're the correct kind of voluptuous for the part."

"Thanks for your help?" I turned around and found Toma sitting on the ground again. "You okay?"

"No. Dead. I'm dead now."

"Wait, what?"

He sighed and stood up before taking my wrist again. "Come on, let's look over there."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, I guess, Rika. Bye."

"Farewell, and best of luck in your ventures!"

"I don't understand people like her…" I shivered.

"She's right, though."

"About what?"

"Uh, you know…" It seemed like he was blushing more often than not. "You. What you should… wear." He coughed.

"… Perv, I may as well have invited Ikki at this rate…"

"Hey, I'm nowhere near as bad as he is!"

"I know, I'm just teasing you. Come on, let's just find the cheapest one and get this over with." I found a simple green two piece with pink polka dots on the discount rack and was quite satisfied especially since we could get the hell out of there. "Okay… Now, I hunger! What's for food?"

"Huh…" Toma sighed again. He looked disappointed, somehow…

"You okay?" I asked softly.

"It seems like every time I see you someone else interrupts. I don't know… Strange."

"Then…" I frowned. "You want to hang out somewhere more private?" Was that a good idea? I had to be wary of him at this point. But if I avoided him, I'd never complete his pathway…

He lit up at the suggestion. "Hey, why don't I make you dinner at my apartment tonight?"

"Huh? I mean, you want to?"

"Yeah. Come on, say yes." He was finally grinning like he usually did, looking like his normal self. I couldn't resist.

"Okay, sure. Let's go."

His apartment was a lot bigger than mine. I bent over to peer at a shelf of books and video games. "You're dangerously close to being an otaku, aren't you?"

"I guess I won't deny it," he laughed. "Are you still obsessed with rice dishes?"

"Basically, yeah."

"Want to make salmon onigiri together then?"

"With cream cheese? There is simply no other way, Toma."

"Whatever you want." He smiled warmly and I blinked, taken aback by his sudden uplift in mood. Just being alone was what he had wanted?

"It's all sticky…" The rice clung to my hands as I tried to shape it.

Toma laughed. "You have to wet your hands first. Here." He wrapped his hands around mine, wiping the grains off my fingers one my one and clumping it in his own palms. I looked at him as he did so. When he looked happy, he was an admittedly breathtaking sort of sight. Almost too shining to look at.

"I'm just going to wash my hands. Maybe be a casual observer during this operation."

"Are you not used to cooking for yourself?"

"I just don't like dealing with sticky or messy ingredients. So I've never made onigiri."

"Why don't you come over for dinner more often then? That way it won't be lonely for either of us."

Pathway duties aside, it was appealing. There was a bit of kinship there with Toma that I didn't have with the others, since both of us had parents who had divorced. "Okay… Yeah, that sounds good." I went to the bathroom and scrubbed my hands, humming softly. He seemed a bit more comfortable now, at least, and it made me feel a bit better in turn.

I idled in his room for a minute, unable to resist the temptation to peek at how he lived. His pajamas were strewn over the bed, which I plopped on just to see if it was more comfortable than mine. It was, the bastard.

"You're a bit voyeuristic, aren't you?" Musca floated above me.

"You're one to talk." I twitched as pins suddenly started stabbing at my head again. A memory. "Ah… It's coming."

"Michi?" Musca, feeling my pain, took my hand. "I'm here."

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, ready to accept whatever the past had to tell me.


	40. Chapter Forty: Burnout

Ha! Lord Muffintops said that she would not post a chapter during November, but it was me, Dio!

Hi. So I got ahead on Nanowrimo and had time to write a chapter. I guess a warning is in order? I don't know. Toma is a yandere. As he is his yandere self, I imagine him being into certain... things. Nothing too explicit here, mind you... But yeah. Please enjoy.

~ Michi ~

This memory. I wasn't sure whether to call it pain or pleasure.

I was doodling in my notes during lecture when I felt my phone vibrating in my lap. I had an old flip open model that I'd gotten just in case of emergencies. Getting a call in the middle of class was scary because of that fact, and when I saw it was Toma I swept my things into my backpack and ran out of the room as I answered it.

"Toma? You okay?" He hadn't shown up at school that day, so I'd gotten scared. His parents had been fighting more and more often lately as their divorce turned bitter while a battle for custody ensued. It was effecting him a lot; Toma had lost weight from not eating, his grades were dropping. And then today he'd just been completely absent. I was scared. Shin and I both were, but as Toma's girlfriend my concern was of a different, deeper nature.

"I'm fine." Toma's voice came out strained and quiet. "I need to see you."

"Where are you? I just left school grounds."

"Your apartment. I'm sitting outside."

"Okay. I'll be there as fast as I can! Just hang tight." I hung up and took off in a sprint, not stopping until I'd gotten back home. "Toma!" I barreled into him with a hug after he'd stood upon catching sight of me. "You okay?" I murmured, huffing.

"I'm fine… I ran out though. My parents were going nuts."

I looked up at him and gasped. His cheek was red as if he'd been slapped. "Who did that?" I touched his face gingerly and he leaned into my hand, wrapping it in his own and pressing his mouth to my palm.

"It's okay. I applied to become an emancipated minor and moved out. They weren't happy." He tried to laugh but it fell flat.

"It's not okay! Do you need to stay with us? My dad won't say no. He likes you, and he'd never turn away someone in trouble."

"I've got my own place now." His grip on my hand tightened. "Will you come with me? Just until I calm down."

"Yeah, of course." He kept a firm grasp around my fingers all the way to his apartment.

"Well… Here it is." He locked the door behind us and sighed heavily before laying on the bed. I sat next to him and he put his head in my lap. It startled me, but I ran my fingers through his hair in an attempt to be comforting and his eyes drifted closed in some semblance of peace. "Michi?" Toma murmured, breath warm on my thighs.

"Yeah?"

"Want to move in with me?"

"W-what?" I stammered, getting more and more shocked with each thing he did.

Toma sat up and earnestly looked into my eyes. "I know you're not happy living with your dad, and your mom is out of the picture." He cupped my cheeks in his hands, leaning closer. "I know how lonely that is. I've been feeling alone even when my parents were in the same room for a long time now. When I think of you feeling that way I can't stand it. So?"

"I…" He wasn't wrong. I loved my dad, but life was even harder than it had to be with the bad choices he made. "B-but, um…" I blushed, shifting nervously. "We're both fifteen, and we've been dating for a little while now, so what if people assume, that, um… We have bad reasons for doing this?"

"I don't care what anyone else thinks. All that matters is your happiness." He pressed his mouth against mine.

My heart thumped at his heated, honest words, and I raised my hands to twine my fingers with his before backing away to speak again. "I mean, they can screw themselves as far as I'm concerned, but you know how a person's reputation can affect their job chances in a small town like this. Just look at Shin's dad…"

"I know. But we'd be doing it so we could be happy and have a better chance at life."

I hesitated. I wanted to. I wanted to be impulsive and crazy and say yes to this adventure, this opportunity. But… I couldn't. "Toma, my dad won't make it without me," I murmured. "He needs my support, emotional and financial. If I leave, it'd break him. I can't… even if I really want to."

Toma sighed. "I understand." He shook his head, gazing at me with a sad smile. "You're strong, but you're too self-sacrificing. Please just watch out for yourself."

"I will. And I'll come to see you a lot more now too. Maybe we can start having dates alone instead of having your parents or mine hovering over us the whole time," I laughed.

Toma chuckled. "You always make me feel better. I guess that's why I love you." Both of our expressions turned surprised after he said it.

"Um. What?" He'd say it was just a slip, that he didn't mean it. It had been shocking enough for him to ask me out at the start, but loving me?

"I love you," Toma repeated incredulously, but then he turned serious. "I love you." He kissed me again, arms wrapping around my back as he pulled me down to be laying with him. "I really do," he murmured as he drew back.

"I... I love you too," I whispered. He was my first boyfriend. I'd never taken he or Shin seriously in their advances or harmless flirting or competition as we'd been growing up, but then when we'd gotten farther along in middle school I'd changed. Felt things for both of them at once and not known what to do about it. It was as simple as Toma asking me out first and making the decision for me. I'd rolled with it and now was so happy I couldn't regret it, even with affections for Shin still lurking in the back corners of my heart. "It feels weird to say that…"

"Why?" Toma smiled as he toyed with the ribbon bow tied at the neck of the white buttoned shirt on my school uniform.

"It's like, I'm all fuzzy inside…"

Toma laughed. "You dork."

"You're the dork, you said it first!"

He smiled, kissing me again. Feeling the expression made me happy too. "Hey…" He seemed hesitant all of a sudden.

"What?" Him being nervous made me nervous too, so we were both just a mess.

"Can I touch you?"

"You already are."

He blushed harder. "No, I mean…"

"Spit it out, dork."

He shifted down to press his face into my chest, one arm around the middle of my back and the other around my waist, hand hitting just below my hip and gripping there. "Touch you. Just a little bit. Kiss you in a few places. Nothing too far, promise."

I couldn't even feign shy ignorance, he was making the message so clear. And maybe it was because the moment was so good, so perfect, that… "Okay… But if I tell you to stop you stop. If you don't I'll kick your ass."

"Of course." He moved back up to my face level, an excited new glint in his eyes. I couldn't choose between closing my eyes or looking at him. His looks were breathtaking, always had been, but thinking that made me feel shy. We'd kissed intensely before, so maybe going a bit farther especially when the moment was beautiful was a natural progression. It felt that way. "I'll always cherish you… so just tell me if you don't like something. Or if you do. And you're sure this is okay? It's fine to say no."

I blushed. He was so sweet it made my heart pound. "I'm sure…" I slipped out of the green blazer that was part of our school's uniform myself. I was feeling so embarrassed it was too hot to wear it anyways.

"Okay…" He drew the ribbon at my neck away slowly so he could get at all of the buttons of my shirt, undoing just enough from the top to be able to pull the shirt apart and reveal a good amount of my chest without exposing sensitive areas. I squeezed my eyes shut when he leaned down but opened them again when he pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek as reassurance. I smiled, putting my arms around his shoulders. It'd be just fine.

He moved to touch his mouth to my neck and I arched back, giving him more space to nuzzle there. I twitched when his hand went to my chest and rubbed gently over where cloth still covered, provoking a slight physical reaction. When I giggled faintly and he looked up at me questioningly. "It tickles a bit when you're so gentle…" I explained. So sweet, so tentatively exploring.

"Oh," he laughed too, but then frowned. "So I should be less gentle?"

"Wha-ah!" My questioning of his logic morphed into a shocked exclamation when his hold tightened, his mouth pressing harder onto my neck as he started sucking on it, his free hand moving to bunch up the back of my skirt. I couldn't process it, just reverting to clinging onto his jacket. Simple touching had changed into groping, and it felt strange. It made me strange.

I yelped when his one hand moved from my skirt to wind in my hair and pull on it hard. His mouth moved down, sucking on more spots and leaving a trail of developing dark marks until his hand had to leave my chest because his face was there now, far less innocently than earlier. One hand in my hair then while the other moved to rub at my thigh, trailing up and down along the underside of it, tongue on my chest. I moved my hands to pull weakly at his hair as some sort of retaliation, and he bit down in response.

I let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a scream and he pulled back. A look I'd never seen in his eyes before; they were dark and intent. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Ah… I…"

He kissed me hard, pushing his tongue into my mouth dominatingly. "Do you want me to stop?" He repeated, pulling on my hair sharply. His breath came out hot and harsh. "Well?"

I squirmed against something gathering in me, finding myself close to tears. "I-I don't know!" What was I feeling? How did he know how to do this? "I… It's so hot," I whimpered. "It's burning me up." It was as if I wasn't even in control of myself anymore.

Toma's eyes widened and he kissed me again before pushing my sleeves down my shoulders and moving his mouth to my shoulder before biting down there too. I moved my arms to cover myself and squeezed my eyes shut, squirming and whimpering underneath him as he bit at my other shoulder and my neck. It hurt; it hurt so much. But I didn't say stop. Why? It hurt, and this side of him, wondering where it came from, was scary. But… but…

But I liked it. I liked the pain, I liked the control, or rather the lack thereof on my own part. And that was what I couldn't stand. It was wrong for me to be this way. So dirty, so depraved. What would he say if he found out how much this treatment affected me? How this simple experiment in some kind of play had me melting? It was too scary to think of the rejection of this awful filthy thing springing up in me. "Stop," I whispered, starting to cry. "S-stop, stop it! What part of this is cherishing me like you said?!" I pushed him off, blaming him because I couldn't admit it to him or to myself.

He looked down at me, shocked. "I thought… But you didn't tell me to…" The sheer confusion on his face was almost heartbreaking. He reached out to touch my cheeks when he realized I was crying. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry…"

"Stay away from me," I snapped, distancing myself by getting off the bed and fixing my clothes, bite marks still searing underneath. I couldn't have him near me anymore to remind me of what I was. "I'm done. It's over. Just stay away." I had to run. Had to get out.

And I came back to reality, away from the memory, on that ending. I gasped and leaped up, leaning on the table for balance when the worst dizziness I'd ever experienced crashed down on me but still slipping and falling to my knees, accidentally knocking a few books over in the process.

"Michi?!" Musca grabbed me. "Gods, your head… It's killing you, I can feel it… Here, you need to lay down."

"No!" I yelled. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I had to get out. But my legs weren't cooperating, my body betraying me just as it had back then.

"Hey!" Toma ran into the room and knelt in front of me. "What happened? You look pale." He put a hand against my forehead to check for feverish temperature and I recoiled.

"Don't touch me!" It was too dangerous. I hadn't seen it coming, but he really was the most dangerous of them all. Everyone else had been right to warn me.

Hurt touched his expression and I felt instantly and deeply guilty. It wasn't his fault I was like this. He was just the one to end up making me realize it fully. It wasn't as if there hadn't been small hints, the way I actually somehow liked how pushy Ikki was, the way Shin pushing a kiss farther, finally asserting himself, had affected me so much. But if they knew how deep it went, how would they react? It was so scary. I couldn't take the rejection.

"… Can you not handle being back here?" Toma asked softly, and I froze. He knew exactly what the problem was without even being aware that I'd just remembered and basically relived it all. "You don't have to stay. It's fine. I just… was so happy to have you reaching out to me again that I probably pushed too hard in asking you to come here. I'm sorry. Just… Please let me take you home. I'm worried about you."

His concern broke my heart again. The breakup hadn't even been his fault. It was mine. I started crying, helpless. I'd loved him, once, and now I loved them all for different reasons. I was such a disgusting person. "Toma," I sobbed. "I hate you."

Despite everything, he still reached his hand out to me.


	41. Chapter Forty-One: Self

Hi, Lord Muffintops here. So... A few ramblings. One: I have never watched the Amnesia anime and never will. I've already played the game badly by myself, so I don't need to watch a show that is basically someone else doing that for me. Otome game animes are rarely satisfying... Sadness. Two: Toma is the hardest character to write so far. I definitely had to delve into his personality and use a lot more imagination as compared to the others. I hope you enjoy the story... ^~^

~ Toma ~

Hating me... Even if she meant it, and she had a right to, it didn't change anything on my end. My fingertips grazed her cheek, and even though she flinched she didn't slap my hand away or yell at me to stop. I took the liberty to wipe her tears away, watching as she sniffled and frowned angrily at her own weakness. It was a dangerous thing in her, to be so closed off to the possibility of not being strong one-hundred percent of the time. It led to her not understanding herself, not knowing how to deal with her emotions.

"Listen, Michi..." I began, hesitant.

"Why should I listen to you?" She muttered petulantly.

"Because I have genuine concern for you."

She looked into my eyes, a sort of confused despair sinking into her expression. "I know," she whispered. "I don't get it."

"We've always been friends. I'm worried by nature."

"But... I..." She suddenly lashed out, hitting my chest in frustration. I recoiled, surprised at how much the force of the blow hurt even though I knew her strength. "I told you to stay away from me. Don't you remember?"

"Of course I remember." Every detail of the day she'd broken up with me was etched into my memory, burning there.

"I have it now too…" She closed her eyes, brows furrowing to heighten the sense of pain on her already strained, pale face. "You begged me to still be your friend after that. I said yes, but we were never as close after that, and it got worse between you and me as Shin and I got closer."

"Right." It sounded odd the way she said it, as if she were reciting something she hadn't known already, some distant fact from a textbook rather than her own life experiences.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and opened her eyes, which were now slightly red and still overly shiny with emotion, again to look at me. Tired. She looked so damn tired. Scared, too, and confused. It still made me ache to see it; she was even more beautiful now than she had been three years ago, and better yet still the same person on the inside. That had its problems, too, though. "Look, I don't hate you. That just came out because I'm frustrated."

"Why?" I asked instantly, the psychology major in me coming out.

"Don't you try to analyze me, Toma." She scowled.

"I won't. I mean… I really can't help it," I said sheepishly.

"Hey…" She held her fist up again as a warning.

"Geez, I get it…" I held my hands up in surrender. "But… Are you willing to talk about what happened back then? I've thought it over so many times but I still don't understand."

She narrowed her eyes, and I fully expected a punch to the face. But then she sighed and nodded, crossing her arms defensively. "Go ahead…"

"I asked you if you wanted me to stop, multiple times. But all you said was 'I don't know'. You knew me well enough, you still do, to understand that if you'd said stop I would have, right?"

"… Yeah," she admitted begrudgingly.

"But you didn't, and then you freaked out in the end. You can understand how I'd be totally confused, right?"

"Yeah, but all you said you wanted to do was touch me a little more. You didn't warn me that you were going to start biting me like that!" She snapped, one hand going up to her braid and touching it gingerly as if the sensation of having her hair pulled like I had was still stinging there.

"I know, I know. I'm not trying to put the blame on you. That's on me. I just… You never told me if you accepted my apology. That's all want to know." The past was the past, but having her forgiveness would definitely help me stop regretting what had happened, what I'd done.

She stared at me in pure shock, and then a wry smile twisted her mouth before she barked out a laugh. "That's what you're worried about? Me accepting your apology? Not me explaining myself?"

"That's your choice. You're not under any obligation to me."

She shook her head, expression turning gentle. "You amaze me. How weirdly good of a person you turn out to be in these situations… Yeah. Apology accepted."

I sighed and smiled with relief. "Thanks…" I wanted to hug her, but with everything being said that advance would definitely be the wrong move.

"I guess… I mean… I owe you that same consideration. You deserve to know why, at least. Maybe then we can both just move on from this point…" She glanced away. "With a new start to our friendship."

I stared at her now. "What?" A new start? I didn't dare get my hopes up for how far a new start would go, how far we'd be able to go back to what we'd been once.

"You heard me, I'm literally a foot away from you." Red stole across her cheeks, down her neck and on her ears. "What happened was…" She waved her hands around in small circles as if trying to help the words cast themselves out. I actually held my breath as I waited, tensed for the answer to the question that had been in the back of my mind for years now. "I… I liked it." She looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I repeated.

"Is that not simple enough for you?" She snapped. "God!" She shook herself. "Sorry, I'm sorry. You don't deserve for me to yell at you. But I'm going to yell at you anyways, I think… I'm telling you I liked it when you hurt me!" She leaned in a bit closer as she said it, pushing the statement at me with more force.

"Um." I blinked. "Is that it?"

"The hell you mean, 'Is that it'?!"

"No, no, it's just… I thought it was because I hurt you, but really you were just…?" Could that really be all? This was insane. "Are you just masochistic?"

"D-don't say it!" She clapped her hands over my mouth. "I… I was so scared of you finding out. I mean, liking pain… That's disgusting and twisted. What kind of person does that make me?"

"Disgusting and twisted?" I echoed. "Says who?"

"Says…" She blinked. "Normal people?"

"What's normal? You don't think there's tons of people who have their preferences, ones a lot kinkier than that?"

"Er…" She shifted uncomfortably. "Well… It's just that…" She shook her head, looking defeated suddenly. "I was supposed to be strong. There wasn't any room for me to be weak at any point. As my dad's alcoholism got worse, more and more fell on me. Not even for a second could I allow myself to want a break or to run away. But then, you were able to get that freedom. You offered me a chance to run away too, and I wanted to scream because I just couldn't do it. I had that obligation to my dad. The dutiful daughter. You just… You made me want to give up and let you help me. Save me," she whispered. "Then… You started… doing that stuff. I realized… I liked it. I liked being dominated. I liked losing control. Because I had to be strong every other second of the day, nothing felt better than allowing myself to be weak. I… I couldn't afford to sink into that feeling. So I had to run." She smiled, bittersweet. "Besides. I was scared of what you'd think of me if you realized…"

"Michi, why do you think I bit you in the first place?"

"What?" She frowned, confused.

"It took two for that to happen." Had she seriously never considered this? "For that, there has to be someone who likes being hurt and someone who likes hurting. Understand?"

It processed slowly, but then she let out a squeak and covered her mouth with her hands. "You…?"

"Yep. And there's nothing wrong with that, see? It doesn't make me a bad person. And…" I got serious, looking into her eyes steadily as she dropped her hands to reciprocate that. "Wanting to be weak, to not have to be in control, just for a while, that doesn't make you a bad person either."

"I had responsibilities!" She cried out, shaking her head once, tossing bangs into her face in messy strands. "I wanted to give up… And I… I blamed you for that… Me being masochistic, that was hardly even a part of the issue. I realize that now. It was me wanting to run and wanting to use you as my excuse." She looked at me miserably. "You see? I had to get away from you, or else I really would have run from my responsibilities."

"But would that have been a bad thing?" I murmured. For two more years, she'd worked herself to the breaking point trying to be a child taking care of a parent. She really had cracked, I'd thought, we'd all thought, after her dad had been killed. "Finally living for yourself, would that have been a terrible thing for you to do?"

She smiled weakly and shrugged. "Who can say? What's done is done."

"I just… I want you to be happy." I smiled. "As a friend." I paused. "Michi… You can cry, you know. You can be weak in front of the people you trust. That's part of why we're here."

She shook her head. "I appreciate it, but… That part of my life is over now. I'm fine; I'm working towards new goals. New happiness." She finally gave me a sincere smile as she brushed hair from her eyes. "Thanks, Toma. For helping me figure this out. Talking to you really is a relief."

That part of her life was over now, she said.

I wanted to say that it wasn't. That we could pick up where we left off, build that life together. But she was right, of course. Knowing the deep truth behind what had ended our relationship was well and good, but it didn't erase everything that happened in the time that had passed. When Michi had come back from grieving for her father, she'd gravitated towards Shin instantly and pursued him as if that was her job, as if her life depended on it. I'd helped as the supportive friend, wanting them both to be okay. Hoping vainly that we could go back to the old days; the three of us as best friends, an inseparable trio.

But I would have never predicted that they'd end up loving each other even after what had happened, that they would get past the burdens of their parents to find each other's arms; maybe I would have acted differently, ashamed as I was to admit it, if I'd known. And there was Ikki, too. Michi would have pushed away his advances outright if she'd wanted. But she didn't, so she at least in part had feelings for him as well. Then, Kent. She'd chosen to pursue a friendship with him over interacting with me, then had accepted a date with him while in my presence as well. I'd chalked her distracted distance up to lingering uncomfortableness, but then she'd suddenly approached me as if nothing was wrong; she'd finally deemed me worthy of her time again. I couldn't comprehend it whatsoever.

I couldn't tolerate it either. Sometimes I felt it strongly, a deep desire to take what I wanted and be done with it, finished with being the supportive background helper in everyone else's happiness. Why was I the one to get left behind? It was a plethora of dangerous thoughts; I could easily become a dangerous person. Yes, I was fixated on Michi, all because I had wanted her to fix me. The pain of divorce, the necessary twist of one's self to cope with being caught in the middle. Then creating this helpful, kind self to attract others with only Shin and Michi as my real friends; the only ones I really cared about.

When they drifted away into their own problems, Shin mostly with his excessive intense studying and eventually his father becoming a killer, then his own parent's divorce, and Michi always working and working and worrying about her father before and after his death, it left me isolated. The way they always seemed to gravitate more towards each other for understanding. It was as if they knew that I wasn't even all the way real. This kindness was part of me, surely. My real self. But the other part of my self… I had to keep it stomped down, chained back, caged.

I had taken up psychology so I could understand myself. I could answer my inner demons clinically; a split personality born from a need to cope with feelings of being alone. My fatigue, my bouts between insomnia and sleeping too much, loss of appetite or eating too much randomly. Feeling hopeless and irritable all at the same time. Apathy, emptiness. It all screamed clinical depression. But what would medication help if I still had no one by my side?

If I didn't have _her_ by my side.

I just smiled. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, a bit less dizzy."

"Maybe you should rest here for a while, just in case." I just wanted to hang on to her for a little bit longer. That was all. I could be satisfied with that much.

"No, I really should get back. I'm moving into a new place tomorrow, so I need to finish packing for real." She smiled, seeming excited about the prospect.

"Okay then, but be careful."

"I will." She stood and I moved to walk her to the door. "Really… Thanks again, Toma."

"Anytime. You know I'm here for you."

"I know. It means a lot." She smiled just one more time, warm. "See you later."

"Bye…" I watched her go for a while before locking myself back up in my den of solitude. There was nothing I could do to hold on to anything, to keep it in my grasp with no chance of escaping, not unless I changed my tactics to those of a monster. If I did that, Michi would never forgive me. I'd already risked that once; I couldn't do it again. I was already closer to the breaking point, having watched her become closer and closer to people who weren't me, who didn't need her as much as I did; I had to stay calm, stay the me that she accepted.

The loneliness would break me otherwise.


	42. Chapter Forty-Two: Good Night

Muffintops here, still overflowing in glory. Yeah, it's been a while, but the winter break is finally here! I'll still make up for a little while without updates with a long chapter though. I told my mom I needed to update and she was like yeah don't disappoint your fans and I was like yeah all twelve of them in this tiny beautiful fandom. Still, I'm happy to have the twelve (more or less) of you! Haha! Hope you enjoy the story!

~ Michi ~

"Moving out, moving out today," I hummed to myself as I placed the last of my possessions into a box and heaved it out to put it in a stack I'd made by the front door.

'You seem better today," Musca noted as she cut a glance at me. "Do you feel different after yesterday?"

I sighed. She'd been doing that all morning, especially during work, finding ways to reference the fact that I hadn't told her what I'd remembered about Toma. "I'm fine."

Musca puffed her cheeks out and then waved her arms around as she let out a frustrated sigh. "Will you just tell me what you saw?!"

"You heard the entire conversation afterwards. What else do you need to know? I'm masochistic, it turns out." Talking to Toma about it had made me more comfortable about the prospect. Besides, walking around feeling ashamed of myself wouldn't help anything.

"But I don't know what that means!" Musca complained. "I could barely keep up with your talk it was so confusing!"

"Oh." It was hard to forget that she was still basically a child. "Best to keep it that way, probably." Toma's and my secret.

"You meanie!"

"Yeah, yeah." I patted her head, smiling. "But man, it's good to be getting out of here… A lot of bad memories. Or rather, ghosts."

Musca softened. "Yeah, I bet it's a relief… Kent should be here soon to help you, right?"

"Yeah, should be within ten minutes if he's punctual." I paced back and forth until I caught sight of his freakishly tall silhouette on the horizon. "KEEEEEENT!" I leaped down the stairs and sprinted down the sidewalk. He raised a hand in greeting until I slammed into him and his arms went flailing as he tried to keep his balance while I hugged his torso.

"So…" His hands lightly went to my shoulders once he had fully regained balance. "You're excited?"

I nodded. "And happy."

"That makes me glad."

I looked up at him, grinning. "Ready to go, then? I have plenty of boxes for you to help me with."

"I came ready, I assure you."

"Good, good. I'll get full use out of you then, since you're so willing."

"Ah, I'm being manipulated… Help me," Kent deadpanned.

"Was that supposed to be you telling a joke?"

"I was attempting."

"Ah. It wasn't terrible."

"I will accept that as a compliment encouraging further progression."

"And good luck to you, then."

"Hm…" Kent looked down at the boxes once we'd gotten to the porch. "It actually seems possible to end this in one trip. That's unfortunate."

"Unfortunate how?" I raised my eyebrows and hefted up three boxes. "None of it is delicate, by the way, so no worries."

"Well more boxes means more trips and more trips means more time spent together. I even purposefully chose not to drive here. Seems my extra measures were all for naught."

"Er… So you're saying that…" I left it up to him to finish so he could dig himself out of the embarrassing implication he'd made.

"You require further explanation?"

"No, I got it! Just… Ugh. Never mind," I grumbled. "If you want to spend time with me, you only have to ask. It's not like you have to have a specific reason. You just do it."

"Oh." He looked upwards, considering this. "That's how the math problems with Ikkyu started. I needed a reason to approach him and to continue to do so… That's what I came up with."

I laughed. "That's adorable."

"You think so? Hm." He looked back down at me. "Do you have plans for the rest of the night, then?"

"I mean, no. Besides showering, maybe reading some y-… Nothing. Nothing at all."

"I see."

"Is that it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you didn't have anything else to say besides just the question?"

Kent smirked at me. "Did there have to be anything else? I thought you said I didn't need a reason to want to spend time with you."

"But that doesn't give you a right to be all vague! Urgh..." I looked away sharply. He didn't usually make expressions like that.

"Ow, Michi…" Musca clutched at her chest. "Warn me when your heart's about to leap like that. It hurts!"

 _Well it's not like I can help it!_ I grumbled at her mentally before sneaking a quick glance back at Kent. His expression was placid again as he looked forward. "So… You don't have anything specific in mind?"

"Oh, I do."

"Then why didn't you say so earlier, asshole?!" I snapped.

"I wanted to try teasing you."

"If I end up having a heart attack it's completely your fault. Just remember that."

"A heart attack?"

"You clueless dolt, making my kokoro go all doki doki and making it hurt and then acting all innocent and not having any idea what's going on, gosh you asshole why don't you just cut it out already huh…"

"I can't understand when you mutter like that."

"That's the point! Geez. Next you'll end up taking your glasses off and pushing your hair away from your face like they do in the manga and then everyone realizes that the entire time you were ho-…" I coughed. "Nothing. I'm not saying anything at all anymore."

"You're acting very strange…"

"Just don't take your glasses off!"

"I had no intention of doing so." Once we had gotten to the complex he lived in he took care to shoulder doors open for me.

"You don't have to go out of your way, you know… I can handle it."

"Oh, I'm aware." He glanced at my arms. "You're quite muscular in the end, aren't you?"

"I mean, kendo club does good things for ya. All through middle and high school." I laughed. "I'm pretty awesome."

"There are better words to describe you."

"Oh? Do tell." I set the boxes down outside the door of what was to be my new place of living and put my hands on my hips, smiling at him with my eyebrows raised.

He just shrugged and pulled a key out of his pocket. "Here. It's yours now, so you should do the honors."

My hands actually shook as I took the key and unlocked the door, I was so excited. Just the room upon entry was larger than what I had shared with my father and that was just the office section; there was a bedroom and bathroom attached too. I buried my face in my hands, laughing softly. Relief was making my legs shake too. "Damn… This feels way too good to be true."

"You've no reason to doubt it. It's right in front of you."

"I know, I know." I got to work moving the boxes inside. "And it has a couch!" I plopped down once my possessions had been all pushed into the corner temporarily. "It's all cushy…"

Kent sat at my feet. "Are you happy?"

"Are you freaking kidding me? I could kiss you right now." I sat up. "But seriously… Thank you. I really owe you one."

"Do you mean that sincerely? You're willing to do me a favor?"

"I mean, sure. I'd do that anyway, since we're friends."

"Then accompany me somewhere tonight. Please."

"Ha! So you did have something in mind. I'm listening."

"An event for socialites. My parents have asked me to attend and I feel that the only possible way for any enjoyment to be had in the venture would be for you to accompany me."

"Hm…" I frowned. I certainly didn't have a fondness for things like this, but neither did he. Maybe two negatives would in fact make a positive. "Sure, then. But how fancy are we talking? Black tie and dresses, sparkly shit and all?"

"More or less."

"Huh…" I had no idea how this was supposed to work. "Ah! I think I have something to wear."

"It's fine if you don't. We could always go shopping."

"Stop saying rich people things." I rifled around in the largest box that held all of the costume pieces I'd made in the past while acting out my dreams of designing fashion of some kind. "Let's see… Ta-da! Haha… Does this work?" I held up a blue and black dress with the draping styled to flare out like a butterfly's wings, white spots along the bottom and a plunging neckline. "You know, I always thought that blue butterflies were the prettiest."

"Where did you get that? It looks like a designer piece." He looked confused, seeing as how the seeming expense of the item didn't match my budget.

"I made it. See, the white spots are from one of my dad's old work shirts. I just cut away the parts that weren't stained. Then the blue and black are actually both from fabrics he got me for Christmas once… It's my most special creation." I smiled at it fondly. "So you think this'll work?"

"I don't see why not. The event isn't until later tonight, so we've plenty of time."

"Well, I need to organize. You're welcome to stay if you want, but I'll be running around."

"No, I'll leave you to it if you like. You deserve time to get assimilated. I'm directly above you if you need me." He pointed to the ceiling.

"Okay." I laughed. "It's nice to know you're so close, in a way."

"The same to you." Kent smiled. "Please call me or drop in anytime."

"I will, thanks. You do the same. By the way, what time should I be ready by?"

"The event starts at eight so perhaps seven-thirty I can drop by? If you don't want to meet earlier."

"Okay, seven-thirty… You know what, you drop by here or I'll drop by your place. It'll be fine. I promise to be ready on time."

"I'll hold you to it." Kent waved goodbye with a smile.

I sighed once he'd left. "It's so weird… Thinking of being one of the people attending those fancy parties instead of being a server."

"Do you think you'll have fun though?"

"I mean, I'll actually get to eat the food this time. So yeah, of course!" I laughed.

"Of course that of all things is what you're concerned about…"

"So what do you think of the new place?" I kept absorbing details as I organized all of my things. The bedroom was spacious, with a bed tucked neatly against the wall in once corner, a dresser, a bedside table, and maroon carpet. My clothes all fit in easily with room to spare. Everything was so much shiner and newer than what I was used to.

"So Kent… He's probably lived like this his entire life. An entirely different level than you."

"Yeah. I'm just glad he hasn't gotten a big head about it, you know? He's a good guy…"

"Hey, you think you should shower now so you can get ready in time?"

"Good point." It took me a few minutes just to figure out how to work the faucet but I got it in the end. Even the shower was larger. Singing in there was entirely different with how my voice echoed. "This is awesome!" I laughed as I got out and got dressed. "I bet my dad would be happy for me, huh…"

"Of course he would be," Musca agreed. "Anyone who cares for you would be. I am too."

I smiled warmly. "Thanks, Musca."

"Here, want me to help you with your makeup?"

"Yeah, I could use the help," I laughed. "It's easy to forget that we can touch each other sometimes…"

"You really should practice more on your own. I won't always be here to help out."

"Hey, that's not funny." I pinched her cheek.

She just looked at me for a moment before smiling back. "I know. Not funny at all. Anyways, I think this looks good. You should do something special with your hair though."

"Eh? Why not just do the usual?"

"Well, you're about to have a special evening with Kent. The dress is special, so why not go all out on every front, you know?"

"Er…" I blushed. "He only invited me as a friend."

"… You're dumb." She smiled as I put my hair up in a bun with a number of strands hanging down to frame my face. "See? Beautiful." Her smile faded as I put my boots on. "What. What is that. What is that?!"

"I literally own two pairs of shoes and my flats are for work only. Besides that I have my combat boots. I don't know what you want from me."

"Aghhh! But it was so perfect you were like a princess!"

"Sorry, but you'll just have to bear the disappointment."

"Geez!" We both jumped when there was a light tapping at the door. "Let's do this!"

"Why are you more excited than I am?" I laughed as I swung the aperture open. "Hi…" I trailed off as I looked up at Kent. He was in a black suit with a white button shirt and a green tie. In a word, attractive. Probably normal to him, but new to me.

"Oh. Hello." He blinked at me and busied himself with adjusting the tie.

"So."

"So." He cleared his throat. "Shall we?"

"Sure…" Once we were outside he offered me his arm and I took it, smiling back at him as his lips curved gracefully.

"You look lovely." He spoke after a few minutes of walking.

"Especially the shoes, right?" I laughed, kicking one of my legs out to showcase how at odds the old and battered boots were with the sleek dress.

"No, it seems like something you would do. Rather, it suits you."

"Oh. Well…" I needed to compliment him back, right? But I was more tongue-tied than usual. "Y-you too. I mean… You look good."

"Ah, thank you." He wasn't looking at me, instead looking upwards at the sky.

"Hey, uh… Is there something interesting up there?"

"Huh?" He jumped. "Not at all…"

"… You're weird."

"I know." He smiled at me, then tore his gaze away from me quickly. Once I realized he was blushing just a bit I got even more nervous too. Silence draped over us, and I held onto his arm tighter.

"You promise this is okay? Like…" I sighed. "I'm not going to get looked down on again, am I?"

He hesitated. "I can't promise you anything. However…" He placed his free hand over mine that rested in the crook of his arm and held it tightly. "I'll be by your side. I won't stand idly by if someone does attempt to berate you."

"Um, hey, Kent? Do you mind if I stop in that store really quick?"

"Of course I don't mind, but why…" He trailed off as I ran into the store.

"Michi what are you…" Musca blinked when she noticed my expression as I started dashing through shelves. "Are you alright?"

The heat creeping up my neck and blooming all over my cheeks wouldn't go away. I just had the sense that I needed to do this one thing, just this once…

~ Kent ~

I couldn't look at her properly in this state. The amount of skin she had exposed now wasn't something I had ever seen her do. Her neck and shoulders, the jut of her collarbones, I wanted to touch them, feel them just underneath my fingertips, gently. And then the area just below that… I had to look up instead of down. I had to avoid being rude in such a way towards her. The cut of the dress wasn't immodest in itself, it was simply that her chest was sizeable in its own right and was thus accentuated.

I flinched out of my thoughts when I heard fast clicking behind me, and then Michi was standing there again, a few inches taller than she had been and tottering from foot to foot slightly. "Sorry," she breathed. The tops of her boots were sticking out from her purse; she was wearing a pair of heels now, pink with bows on the toes. "I just…" She stumbled and I took her arm again.

"Perhaps the boots are a better idea after all?" I suggested, then held onto her arm tighter when I realized that she came up just a bit higher now, that I could catch the scent of her hair better now. How strange that I was hyperaware of such details now.

"No, it's fine… These heels were on discount for seven dollars anyways. It's fine," she repeated stubbornly. "Just hold on to me until I get used to them." She gripped my sleeve tightly, pressing a bit closer to my side. "Don't let me fall."

"I won't." I felt and heard her breathing catch nervously once we got closer to the venue. "Everything will be fine," I murmured. "… Since we're together."

"I know that. No rich bastards are gonna bring me down… No offence."

I chuckled. "None taken. Come on, then." We took the stairs slowly for her sake and came inside to the sight of couples dressed in finery milling about.

"I seriously don't know where to look…" Michi's head swiveled this way and that, the various glints throughout the room reflecting in her wide eyes.

"It's quite a shock at first." I led her inside and noticed my parents next to where they had informed me they would be, by the fountain in the middle of the room. It was a charity event that night, and piles of coins already adorned the bottom of the structure. What I had been uninformed of was the fact that another couple stood next to them, predictably with a daughter presumably around my age. It was easy to see where this was going. Fostering good relations was key and my parents knew just how to do it flawlessly. It had been the same song and dance since I could remember. I wined and dined the daughter of a potential business partner under my parents' instruction, did whatever the young lady pleased, and waited until my parents seized the deal and the lady tired of me in the end.

Of course this was because I had my limits. I refused to kiss anyone I had not even remote feelings for. Holding hands was about as much as I would do. It was for that reason I had never kissed a woman before; I had never chosen for myself. Unlike Ikkyu, I simply didn't want to tolerate that kind of insincerity. But the truth was that I had always been made to tolerate it. That was my position. My purpose; a bargaining chip in this world of business.

"Mother. Father." I greeted them as I always did, dipping my head.

"Ah, Kent. You're slightly late. This lack of punctuality is both unbecoming and uncharacteristic." Father looked at me, us being about the same height.

"I apologize." I glanced down and saw Michi frowning up at me.

"It's my fault, really," she spoke up. "You see, I just couldn't choose what shoes to wear." She offered a charming smile.

"And who is this?" Mother asked pleasantly while her eyes became icy towards me.

"Michi Ohayashi. Nice to meet you formally this time." Michi extended her hand.

"Charmed." Father shook her hand.

"Ohayashi… Oh yes, the waiter from a few years ago. That was quite the spectacle." Mother raised her eyebrows at me as if to call the entire situation ridiculous. "How is your father?"

I stared at her. It had been in all of the papers and had been such popular talk, yet my parents didn't even know. The passing of one common man wasn't of import to them in the end.

Michi's fingers dug into my arm painfully. "He's since passed on," she explained unflinchingly.

"Ah, my condolences. But do try not to take the money out of the fountain while you're here. Those are donations for the poor. Well, those who are poorer than even you are. Now, Kent, back to business." Mother still said it so breezily, as if brushing the issue away.

"Mother –" I began. Already her treatment of Michi was inexcusable. Maybe that was my own bias, my desire to protect, speaking, but I couldn't simply let it stand.

"Kent, may I introduce you to the Yamamoto family? Our generous hosts have offered us a business proposal and in return for their good will it would be wonderful if you would entertain the lovely Miss Rin tonight." Mother smiled pleasantly. They were all smiling, but Michi was gritting her teeth after what had just been said to her and subsequently glossed over.

"I can't tonight, I'm afraid. You see, Miss Ohayashi is my guest." I put my hand over Michi's and held it tightly. "The rudest thing of all to do would be abandoning the guest I invited personally, would it not?"

"I'm sure she's capable of entertaining herself for a while. Just a few dances with Miss Aki." Father urged. The technique they used was gentle urging that didn't even sound firm so that it would make me seem childish to refuse.

"As I said, I cannot simply abandon the guest that I –"

"It is your fault for not informing us of this. Prior arrangements could have been made to take this, ah, unexpected thing, into account, but being as you simply did as you wanted without taking others into account it can't be helped."

I took a breath. Normally I wouldn't stand up for myself. They were my parents and so I felt that it was my filial duty to assist them in their endeavors. However distantly, they had raised me. But a slight to Michi was inexcusable. An unexpected thing? How dare they refer to her in such a way. "Apologize, all of you."

"What on earth for?" Father asked, genuinely puzzled.

"The luck you have experienced and the wealth you have accumulated do not make you inherently better than Miss Ohayashi and they do not give you the right to say what has been said to her or to simply stand by and let it be said. Apologize."

"I don't know what's gotten into you because of this girl, but –" Mother began angrily.

"'Scuze me!" Michi stepped past me and put on foot up on the fountain. "Kent, help me up please?"

"Alright?" The tension was shattered by puzzlement at her actions. I held both of her hands as she stood on the edge of the fountain, wobbling all the way. "Be careful, Michi."

"It's fine, it's fine. Woah!" She clung to my shoulders as she almost fell backwards; I grabbed onto her waist instinctively. "Haha, that would've been bad."

"Michi?" I frowned at her questioningly.

She took a breath, still gripping one of my shoulders while raising her other hand to touch my cheek. She was about up to my height while standing on the fountain edge, and it was unnerving to have her so close, bending over slightly. If I hadn't been so captivated by her face and wondering what she was going to do next I would have had a good deal of trouble not looking down.

She smiled nervously, cheeks reddening, then took a breath before leaning forward, even closer to me. Her thumb pressed at my mouth, parting my lips slightly, and then her hand slipped to the back of my neck as she kissed me.

My first kiss. I froze up at it, barely registering the sensations, how I could describe them, before she had leaned away and turned to face the shocked expressions of my parents, their business partners, and a number of the crowd that had been attracted by the scene. She pointed at them, glaring. "Stop trying to set Kent up with other girls. He's mine. Besides, you can't just whore him out like he's some bargaining chip. Are you pimps or parents? Geez. You disgust me, really."

I stared at her, just as dumbfounded as the others, before laughing and sweeping her off the fountain into my arms and taking her into the middle of the floor. "I love you, truly!" I laughed, spinning her around. She wrapped her arms around my neck, laughing with me.

"Put me down already…" Her cheeks were red once I had put her back on her feet. "Sorry. I couldn't think of what else to do to really drive my point across. I just ended up going with my gut instinct. But I didn't mean to steal your first kiss away. It doesn't even count."

"No, it's quite alright." I pulled her close to the sound of violins and soft reed instruments. "Do you want to leave now?"

"No. I'm not ashamed. I want them to keep seeing that." She put her hands to my chest awkwardly. "But, uh, I've never really danced before. Just thought I'd let you know."

"That's fine too. Here…" I put one hand on her hip and lifted her other hand into the air while twining it with mine.

"What do I do with the other hand?"

"Put it where you want."

"Okay…" She held on to the back of my jacket and looked up at me. "Is that good?"

"Yes."

"Can I come closer to you? It feels more awkward with distance between us."

"Of course…" I put my hand on the small of her back instead and pulled her closer. "Better?"

"Yeah…" She stumbled and stepped on my foot as we swayed in a slow circle. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Why did you even decide to get those shoes if you can't even walk in them without it being precarious?"

"I just... wanted tonight to be perfect, I guess. I did it on impulse. It's whatever..."

"Oh." It warmed me to hear that, somehow.

She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning against me. "I feel kind of small and dainty when I'm next to you… I've never really felt like that with anyone before. It's weird."

"Oh?" I murmured, noticing that she was wearing the hair clip Ikkyu had given her. She always seemed to. I couldn't help but wonder if she realized its significance in his mind. "If I tell you that you're beautiful, that you're lovely and admirable and inspiring and strong and brave, do you believe me?" If she didn't believe it herself, then the words from anyone else became meaningless.

Michi looked up at me, startled as redness crept across her cheeks. "I'm just… me."

I smiled. "Those words are synonymous with yourself."

She caught her breath, then glanced away. "That's just plain cheesy, Kent…"

"Maybe so." I steeled myself and got up the nerve to kiss the top of her head lightly. "Thank you."

"For what?" She looked up and then caught her breath once she realized how close I was due to having bent down for my previous action.

"For making me open my eyes. I could never see it before, how much choosing a filial role hurt. How not standing up for myself made me worthless."

"You were never worthless!" She cried out, sincerity ringing in my ears. "Don't say that about yourself."

"I digress then. I simply felt that… I wasn't living on my own terms. But watching you… being able to be by your side… it's inspired me. I want to be stronger. Strong enough to be decisive. And maybe tonight is just a small step, but…" I laughed softly and leaned my forehead against hers. "I'll stop rambling. Thank you, Michi."

"Kent…" She looked to her right as if distracted for a moment and then smiled. "I'm glad you're happy. That's what I want for you."

"And I'm sorry for how you were treated," I murmured.

"It's alright, really. Thank you for standing up for me."

"Of course." I wouldn't hesitate anymore.

~ Michi ~

"Look, look!" Musca gasped midway through Kent and I sort of dancing and conversing, displaying her hand and the fcat that there wa sonly one out of the four suit symbols emblazoned on it now. "You did it! You completed Kent's pathway! That's three down and one to go!"

I just smiled, unable to properly respond to her at that moment. All I wanted was for everyone to be happy. Seeing Kent smile like this just warmed my heart up effortlessly. We stayed dancing or at least swaying in that same slow, close circle for what felt like not enough time and left when the whole business end of the fundraiser going on tonight started up.

"Michi?" Kent held onto my hand now for the walk back. It felt strange to be walking back together in this way because we lived right next to each other now. The closeness of it all was embarrassing in a way.

"Yeah?"

"Would you call tonight a date?"

"Huh? I mean… You didn't say that it was a date."

"I see. It felt wrong just calling you my guest earlier. As if that wasn't enough to convey how importance your presence was tonight."

"Oh…" How did he keep saying these embarrassing things so easily? "Well, uh..." And I'd kissed him. Remembering it, my whole body felt warm. Dancing with him had been magical, frankly. I'd felt like I was in a different place. Completely safe, so warm… So hot. "U-um… I-it wasn't a date."

"You already said that." Kent smiled with amusement as he walked me to my door.

"I know, I just… didn't want you to forget."

"Strange. I felt the same as I did when we did have our date."

"And how's that?"

"Very warm. Happy." He smiled at me.

I shook my head to push away any thoughts I had. "Then… Maybe you should… Kent, you should ask Sawa out. Please do that."

His smile vanished. "What brought that on so suddenly?"

"I just… You should…" I sighed. "I'm sorry. Forget I said anything. Good night."

He grabbed my hand as it closed on the doorknob. "No, please explain yourself."

"She likes you. I know that, and yet I…" I still felt the way I did. I couldn't stop myself from wanting to be close to him, to talk to him, to hold on to him. Wanting more and more. "Damn, Kent, just… Stop making me…"

"Michi…?" He leaned down to put his face level with mine.

"I'm a really terrible friend," I laughed weakly, the flinched as he gently took my cheeks in his hands.

"Don't say that, please," he murmured. "Answer me this instead."

"Yeah…?"

"Do you have romantic feelings for me? Any at all…"

"I… I do. But I can't… I can't do anything about it. Not right now, and… Not while Sawa…" With Sawa being my friend and Toma being left to deal with, I just couldn't.

"I see." Kent smiled gently. "I like you. I love you. You're precious to me after so short a time… It's such an unnatural feeling and yet I just want to sink into it."

"Me too," I whispered. I knew exactly how he felt. I'd already felt the same thing before. "But…" I trailed off as he touched his mouth to the tip of my nose as light as a feather.

"May I take my first kiss back from you, then?"

"What?"

"May I take it back?" He whispered, angling his face towards mine so that our lips almost touched.

"I don't think that's how it works."

"You're the first, then, undoubtedly… The first I've ever chosen to feel for on my own."

I closed my eyes, giving in for now, just this moment. "Take it back," I whispered. He pressed his mouth to mine firmly and a bit messily at first but slowly found his way to a gentle pressure, slow movements, hands gently curled around my arms. It lasted such a long time; the minute mark passed, I stopped counting, then he backed away to rest his head on my shoulder.

"Was that alright?"

"Y… Yeah," I breathed. "What now…?"

"I'm not quite sure at all. I've no experience in this." He drew himself up to his full height and sighed, smiling down at me. "I suppose all that's left to do is to bid you a good night and sweet dreams."

I laughed softly. "You too. Good night and sweet dreams." We parted from there.

"How are you feeling?" Musca patted my head once I was in bed and in pajamas.

"Fine. I'm happy for him. For all of them." I paused and barked out a laugh. "Hell if I know how I'm going to deal with Toma though."

"We'll take it one step at a time." Musca peered down at me curiously. "Hey, Michi… Do you have any idea who you're going to choose in the end? I think you could still choose to have a relationship with any of them if you really wanted to."

"I don't know. It's fine if that just isn't in the cards, you know. As long as each of them get to live their lives happily, happier than they were before… I think that's enough. And then I'll do the same." I had affection for each of them in different ways. Choosing seemed impossible and unfair in a way.

"Come on. I'd like to be able to leave you in someone's hands…" Musca murmured.

"Let's just not talk about it. I'm tired… Good night."

Musca sighed. "Good night, you stubborn girl."

The journey was coming to a close.


	43. Chapter Forty-Three: Cruel Mistress

Hello, it is the topped muffin again. So I played a new otome game called Nameless over winter break instead of being productive... So good. So good. It gave me the feels, and usually I try not to catch those. Anyways, enjoy the story.

 **~ Kent ~**

The moment my lips touched hers, I began to analyze. It couldn't be helped; it was simply within my nature to do so. There was a seeming pointlessness to it, the act of a kiss. It didn't seem any more intimate of a display of affection than something like holding hands or even sharing a glance. I was more aware of technical aspects, such as how she opened her mouth to breathe instead of using her nose or how that very breath of hers seemed to tremble.

Even now, sitting listlessly at my work desk, I was perplexed. I couldn't remember what her lips felt like or what I'd thought of the sensations at any point. A moment had been lost, it felt like, possibly something important, because I may have been paying attention to the wrong thing.

I glanced down when the vibration of my phone made incessant rattling as the notifications continued. Caller ID gave me a chance to prepare myself before answering. "Hello, Mother." Whatever sort of scolding she was about to give me wasn't of much consequence since I had already decided that tonight marked the end of my filial role.

"Hello, son." From there ensued a long period of silence.

I sighed. "Is that all?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't call just for that."

"Because nothing would be accomplished. So what's the matter?"

"I wanted to know why you brought the Ohayashi girl with you tonight."

I frowned, putting my guard up. Her tone wasn't hostile, not even accusatory, so what exactly was she playing at? "Her name is Michi. Address her as such."

"Michi, then. Why?"

"Because I am in love with her." The words came out with surprising simplicity considering that I was fully certain that I understood what love was at that point. But that in itself was part of what had drawn me to her, that desire to figure these things out once and for all. "She is, above all, the most genuine person I have ever met."

"I see." I could sense her slow consideration. "Did I ever tell you how it was your father and I met?"

"You never seemed to have time for such stories."

"I was a maid at a hotel he was staying at. He was the only one of his associates who took the time to speak with me. I was quite swept off my feet, I must say."

I removed my glasses and rubbed at my eyes. "You understand the irony of you even daring to judge Michi then, correct?"

"I do. And that is why I called you. There are a few things I must explain."

"I'm listening."

She took a slow breath. "I worked two jobs and struggled through college loans, even with academic scholarships. I was prepared to work in order to pay off those loans for the rest of my life. But your father was unexpected. I know what it is like to love across class lines. There were challenges, but every step and battle was well worth the end result. We made you together. That is by far the proudest achievement of my life."

The confusion I felt was immense. The words now and the way she had treated Michi didn't add up. "You understand both the irony and hypocrisy contained within your statements, don't you?"

"Of course I do. Therein lies what I must tell you." There was another lengthy silence as she thought about what she was going to say, and I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes while waiting. "As your mother I wanted to give you everything that I never had. So I put my foot into the family business and worked hard to make a name for myself and earn my place. I was so focused on upholding my convictions, Kent. I wanted you to have everything, including the skills it took to make it in this world of ours. I've learned a lot over the years but I never properly learned how to be a good parent. I did not mean to do this to you. To make you feel stunted and smothered by this life… To make you feel so alone. I just… I wanted to ensure your happiness. Somewhere along the way I lost touch with where I found my happiness in the first place as well, and…" Her voice hitched, and I sat up. "I am… so sorry."

I sat up, startled. "Mother, are you crying?"

She laughed, the sound bubbling up in a strained manner. "I am. I know it's unlike me. That's why I chose to have this discussion over the phone. I just knew I would break down like this."

"That's part of the problem," I said softly. "I needed you to show me your crying face, and your happy and sad faces too. I needed you to show me what it meant to feel and to love. That's why I had to figure it out on my own like this, you see?"

"I understand." She hiccupped in a sob.

"It's not even close to too late to figure this out… To improve upon ourselves and our relationship," I said hesitantly, also unused to attempting to be so emotionally raw. Many things as of late were new to me.

"Yes. We can work just as hard at this as we would any other venture."

I chuckled. "You sound so determined."

"Because I am."

"Fair enough." I sighed, tired now. "Would you mind if I hang up now? I'd like more time to process."

"Of course… One last question?"

"Yes?"

"How much of this is because of that girl… I mean, Michi."

"All of it, I'd say. Ikkyu supported me as well."

"I see… I'm… glad that you had people to support you up to this point."

"Me too. Goodbye, Mother."

"Goodbye. And goodnight."

I put my face in my hands after hanging up. Wherever Michi was concerned, unexpected things seemed to happen. It made my head spin, possibly in the best of ways. My fingers ended up dialing on the phone again. "Ikkyu, what are you doing right now?"

"Hello to you too. Just trying to contain myself. Sitting at home… Nothing, basically. I assume you're the same."

"Correct. Let's go to Umibozu." I mentioned a small bar at a fair midpoint between our places of residence.

"You're suggesting we go out drinking? What, is the end of the world coming and I missed the memo?"

"Ha. Ha. Are you going to come?"

"Sure. I've got nothing better." We met up roughly a half hour later. "So," Ikkyu spun around in the stool next to me as we leaned on the counter. "What brought this on?"

"A number of things that I frankly feel far too exhausted to go into right now."

"Okay, that's fine too."

"Well… In short. There's a slight chance that I might have something akin to a good relationship with my parents in the future at this point?"

"Really? What ended up changing overnight?"

"Basically…? Michi yelled at them."

"That sounds like her," he chuckled, warm affection and a general lighting up coming to his person just at the mention of her.

"Right…" I shifted in my seat. "Also, I felt it best to tell you that I confessed to loving her."

"Oh. Okay." He stared at me. "What? You did?"

"Indeed. I was rejected."

"So… Do you want me to lie to you or not?"

"I would prefer honestly, even if cruel." I glanced at me reflection in a shot before downing it. It was disgustingly bitter, but since my mind was elsewhere it didn't register as much.

"I'm glad. I am very, very glad that she rejected you."

I smiled. "I'd figured you would be. But still, I thought you should know."

Ikkyu laughed suddenly. "Wait, so are you drinking your feelings right now?"

"I do believe so." Despite everything good that had happened, that last bit of sadness still lingered.

"I'll accompany you gladly, then!" He laughed again.

"Thank you." I chuckled.

"It never crossed my mind that there was a possibility of us liking the same girl someday," Ikkyu noted several drinks later. "It makes no sense."

"It makes sense because fate is cruel," I sighed. "The first time we have honest feelings, it's for the same woman and we both get rejected. Ah, ye fate, ye has bested us today… We work in the same place… and she lives underneath me too. I can't even avoid her until my pride recovers…"

"Are you moping now? And are you seriously already drunk?"

"I… I don't even know." My head felt strange.

"That's more of a yes. Do you want to go home now?"

I sat up straight. "Yes. Yes I do." And then I started running.

"Kent? Hey, wait!" He chased me, catching up once I had exited the bar into the slightly cooler night air. "What are you doing?"

I grabbed his shoulders and leaned in to yell in his face. "I'm going home! And you're not allowed to come!" With that final sentiment, I sprinted down the street as a way of taking my leave.

"… What the actual hell?"

Yes, I had to get home immediately, before this feeling wore off. Before this instance of crazy, unprovoked bravery faded away.

 **~ Michi ~**

I was almost asleep when my ringtone started blaring right in my ear. "Hiyah!" I threw my phone across the room without thinking. "Oh. Shit…" I sighed and lumbered out of bed to pick it up and answer it. "Whaaaaat? What do you want?" I hadn't even checked to see who was calling.

"Hey, darling."

"Ikki? What's up?" I couldn't be all annoyed at him, even if my first instinct was to curse at him for rousing me out of my restful state.

"Have you happened to see Kent within the past couple of minutes?"

"Uh, no. I was in bed."

"Ooh. Do tell."

"Shut up. Is Kent okay?" I frowned. I'd figured he would do the same thing as me and just be done for the night.

"Probably. I mean, yeah. Sure. We were out at a bar and –"

"Ah, so you were being a bad influence on him. Shame on you, Ikki."

"It was his idea, I'll have you know. Anyways, he ran out yelling that he had to get home, so would you do me a favor and check on him? I'd do it myself but he specifically told me not to come. He said I wasn't allowed. He seems to be a childish drunk, and a lightweight…"

"Seriously? Are you two really supposed to be adults?"

"In theory. But will you do it? I can come over to help if you want. He might need someone to take care of him. Or it could just be the two of us, me taking care of you perhaps. Whatever you prefer."

I sighed. "I'll check on Kent. You're welcome to stay right where you are as long as it's far away from me. Cool? Cool."

He laughed. "But really, thank you."

"Yeah, yeah." Secretly I was very curious to see what Kent was like drunk. I wanted to see him acting like an idiot for once. "So, are you okay? Not too plastered to get home?"

"I'm fine. Nice to hear you're concerned though. Mind if I come over and put my head on your lap?"

"… Ugh. You're one of those perverted drunks, Ikki. Be careful, or else you'll end up as a lonely old man with a vodka bottle in his hand, looking at high school girls wistfully."

"That's oddly specific of you, but okay. I'll try my best to not head down that path. But really, what do you expect from me? I've been on a tighter leash lately, what with your restrictions for me…"

"Eh? So you're blaming me now?" I laughed. "Okay, fine."

"I meant it in a good way, really." He sighed.

"Hey, you really okay?" I tilted my head as if that would help me understand how he really felt through his voice, that one lonely sigh.

"I'm more drunk than I thought, I think." He paused for a few moments. "Can I ask you something?"

"I mean, I'm not there to physically stop you from doing so."

He laughed softly. "Will you –"

"Ah!" I jumped when there was a loud banging on my door.

"You okay?" Ikki sounded alarmed.

"Yeah, just someone's at my door…" I grabbed a pocketknife just in case and checked the peephole. "It's just Kent. Nothing to worry about."

"Ah, so he's fine… So did he go home just to see you?" Ikki sounded puzzled but also like he was frowning.

"I dunno. I can barely understand him when he's sober, so I don't really have a chance of getting him when he's drunk." I swung the door open. "Hey, Kent, Ikki was just asking me to check up on you."

"Tell him he's an asshole for leaving me behind so suddenly."

"He says you're an asshole." I raised my eyebrows when Kent didn't reply to this but instead just looked at me as he caught his panting breath; evidently he'd been running. "Kent? Hello? You alright?"

"I think my bravery faded a bit on the way over…" He mumbled.

"Your bravery?" He made no sense whatsoever.

"Does he look like he's about to pass out? He was really throwing a lot of shots back. I think more than I realized," Ikki explained.

"Ikki, you're a dumbass. You should've watched him."

"We were male bonding, okay? You wouldn't understand the complexities. It was mostly your fault anyways."

"Blaming me again! Whatever. Kent, let's just get you…" I trailed off as he removed his glasses and pocketed them before taking my face in his hands. "Kent? What is it?"

"You okay, Michi?" Ikki asked. "What's going on?"

"I don't know, he's just – Mmph!" I dropped the phone when Kent suddenly pushed his mouth on mine. He came closer, edging me to walk backwards until he was in the apartment and then closing the door with his leg. My attempts to ask him what the hell was going on were effectively smothered and swallowed as he kissed me in a hard, messy way completely unlike earlier. Then, he hadn't even moved, just stayed still. But now he was working his mouth on mine in a way I would have expected from the like of Ikki, not from Kent. "Ah! W-what?" I gasped and stammered when he backed away.

"I was wondering…" He blinked at me, gaze slightly unfocused. "What it would feel like if I wasn't really thinking about it."

"… Huh?!" I barked.

"… It's so warm… Feels good." He promptly sat on the floor and then lay down with a thud.

"Kent? Yo!" I knelt next to him and poked at his face. "What the hell, man?" I froze when he lifted his hand to touch my cheek again, tenderly this time.

"I really... love you..." He closed his eyes and his head lolled to the side.

I just stared at him for a few seconds, then slapped him. No reaction. So he really had just passed out. "Fuck!" I yanked the phone back up from where it had landed and bounced a bit on the floor.

"Michi? You okay?!" Ikki was yelling through the receiver.

"Shut up!" I yelled back, then cleared my throat. "I-I'm fine." Surprised and flustered, but otherwise completely fine. "Kent's passed out, I think. I'll take care of him for tonight, so you don't need to worry about either of us."

"… I'm coming over." With that, he hung up.

"What? Hey! Ikki, you bastard! What are these assholes doing tonight?! I just wanted to sleep, dammit!"

"So, I imagine, do the other people in this apartment. You should quiet down," Musca interjected.

"Ugh…" I sighed. "Okay. Okay. I've got this." I grabbed onto Kent's feet and dragged him towards the couch, then hefted him onto the furniture by alternately heaving on his back and legs. "Oh… my… he's… so huge!" I panted, sagging down to the floor. "Whyyyy is this happening…!"

"I have no idea." Musca patted my head consolingly.

I was still laying there sadly when there came another knock at the door. "Yeah, yeah, come in." I waved my arm, not even bothering to get up as Ikki rushed inside.

"What are you doing?" He pulled me to my feet.

"Resting here in despair." I sighed tiredly. "I don't get it. But it's fine." Taking care of a drunk hadn't exactly been on my agenda for the night, but I guessed it was okay.

"No it's not! Argh!" Ikki let out an exasperated yell as he ran his hands thought his hair. "I'm taking him home."

"Dude, I literally just finished lifting him onto the couch. You be wasting my effort here."

"He can sleep in his own bed." Ikki swore softly under his breath after almost snapping.

"Seriously, Ikki. I don't mind taking care of him."

"That's really not the issue here. As if I'd leave you alone in your apartment with some other drunk guy, even if it is Kent!"

"Eh?"

He sighed and smiled before flicking me on the forehead. "Never forget. In the end I'm still standing here with my feelings for you. We both are." He motioned to Kent.

I opened my mouth and clenched my hands into fists. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know." He ruffled my hair. "But don't worry. He'll be fine." He motioned back to Kent. "Just for now, his pride got a bit wounded. It happens."

"Ikki…"

"Would you mind leaving me alone with this? I'm about to do some very ungraceful and undignified things."

"I dunno, I kind of want to see that."

"You're a cruel mistress, Michi."

"You sure you've got this?"

"Trust me, darling."

"Okay then… Goodnight." In the end I couldn't make heads or tails out of this day. It was a comprehensible whirlwind.

"Goodnight." He touched his lips to mine in a short peck.

"H-hey!" I leaped back.

"What, Kent's the only one who gets a goodbye kiss?" Ikki teased, winking. "I can tell, you know. Your lips are a bit swollen."

"Erk…" I blushed and covered my mouth with my hands. "I-I didn't… He just…"

"Again, no need to worry, darling. It doesn't change a thing from my perspective."

"Ikki…" My heart went out to him in moments like these, wondering what could have been. Just about the stupidest question in the world.

"Away now. Get some sweet dreams."

"You too, I guess." I sighed and retreated back into my bedroom, choosing to let him keep up his cool guy image and not stick around to watch him attempt to heave Kent back up to his apartment. It was still funny in its own right to listen to him struggle. "Can I just sleep for the next few days, Musca?"

"Hm." She tilted her head. "You have work in the morning, don't you?"

"Fuck!"


	44. Chapter Forty-Four: Tiptoe

**~ Michi ~**

"Waaah…" I yawned widely. I lived about thirty minutes farther walking time from work because of moving so I had to get up earlier to make it on time. Worth it, but still a minor annoyance. But I was going to kill Ikki and Kent later for keeping me up needlessly. "Hey Musca, what day is it?"

"Oh…" She paused to think about it. "The 20th."

"Do you think that gives me enough time to complete the last pathway before the deadline Ukyo mentioned?" I put my hands in my pockets, frowning. August was ending, slowly but surely. It felt like crunch time.

"You've still got a lot of chances to make it. And don't forget, what you've already been able to accomplish is remarkable. Have faith."

I nodded."You're right. I should probably just chill out and roll with whatever…" I trailed off at some brightness caught in my peripheral vision. "Is that… My favorite bumblebee cherub?!" I glanced both ways on the street before running across it, waving my arms. "Tomatoooo!"

Toma turned to me, eyebrows raised and smiling with amusement. "Would you stop calling me that?"

"Nope. Never." I grinned. "I saw you and had to come say hi."

"Ah, okay. You on your way to work too?"

"Yeah." We fell into step together. "I live a bit closer to you now. That's my new place, see?" I turned and pointed to the building.

"Yeah, that's a lot closer. Maybe you can come over more often now," Toma mused.

"Er…" My face turned bright red as the mentioning of his place brought back what I had recently recalled to the forefront of my mind.

Toma's eyes widened and he blushed slightly too. "J-just to hang out… If you want."

"U-um…" I cleared my throat and we both shifted awkwardly as we walked. "I'd… like that."

"Wait, really? I mean… cool. Good." Toma coughed.

"Yeah. Cool." I nodded. At this point I needed to get closer to him. I knew why our relationship had broken and it was mostly because of me, so it was also up to me for more reasons than one to fix it.

"So…"

"So?" I looked at him expectantly.

"Uh…"

"Michi… This is miserable. Fix it. Fix it now." Musca flicked the back of my head as she spoke.

"Oh yeah, that thing you texted me about last night." Toma swung his backpack onto his arm and rummaged in it before pulling out a small but thick book. "Here you go."

"Oh, thanks!" I took it and reverently stored it in my purse.

"No problem. Why do you want a Japanese to English dictionary so badly though?"

"No reason. There isn't any reason at all."

Toma glanced at me sidelong. "Uh-huh," he said sarcastically.

"I mean it! There's no reason. I'm just curious."

"Uh-huh."

"Stop saying uh-huh!"

Toma waited a few beats of silence. "Uh-huh." He smirked and laughed as I hit his arm. "Joking, I'm joking."

"Whatever…"

"So have you thought more about school? Myouga's new term starts after break."

I frowned, running my fingers along the English book. "Yeah… I just don't know."

"That's fine. You're only eighteen, so you've got plenty of time."

"Yep. But you'll be in your second year, Toma. How's everything going for you? Not partying too hard, are we now?"

He shook his head and laughed. "No, I prefer to keep to myself. College parties aren't all they're cracked up to be either."

"Really? Well what happens?"

"Inevitably there's someone drunk, most likely passed out on the floor, and then people always end up having sex on the floor or against the wall or some other creative place, and then all of the food is gone within the first ten minutes… It's annoying, do I don't go to them."

"I see…" I blushed. "So have you found a college girlfriend?" It felt like a world far away from me, filled with people Toma knew and I didn't. I had no clue about that separate part of his life and… it made me jealous. Intolerably so.

"Not really a girlfriend," he laughed uncomfortably. "Just, uh… Someone to… do stuff with."

"Huh?"

Toma sighed. "Never mind. You're still too naïve."

"Hey, don't be so dismissive."

"Sex friends, friends with benefits, whatever you want to call it. I've met one or two girls with that agreement." He frowned and shook his head in exasperation. "Why are we even talking about this? It really doesn't matter."

"Oh…" It was just as he said; I was naïve. The concept hadn't even crossed my mind. "Well… As long as you're happy."

"Hmph." He kept frowning, so I lifted a finger to poke his cheek.

"Be a happy little tomato, please?"

"Tomato is literally the only word in English you know, isn't it?" He swatted at my hand.

"I know more!" I poked him harder in return for the jibe.

"You…" Toma sighed and grabbed my hand, wrapping his fingers around mine tightly before biting my wrist.

"Wah!" I cried out on instinct and he leaped back, releasing me and then covering his mouth with his hand.

"S-sorry, I just… Wasn't thinking." He looked at the ground again.

I rubbed at my wrist, the light pain and faint imprint of his teeth there. "N-no, it's okay…"

"You're not mad?"

"Nope."

He looked immensely relieved. "Good…"

"So… You're no longer a little virgin tomato…" I nodded. "I see…"

"It's no big deal. I'm an adult."

"How can you say it's no big deal? It's supposed to be special! R-right?" I stammered, realizing again how childish I sounded and how vast the gulf between us was in this area.

"Not necessarily. But you should keep that ideal in mind… I like that about you."

"Oh." I bumped my shoulder against his arm gently. Yeah… Being naïve wasn't so bad. "I'm sleepy. I had to get up earlier this morning… Waaah…" I leaned against him with all of my weight until he staggered.

"Dammit Michi, I will bite you again."

"Bring it on, you golden retriever. Your bark is definitely worse than your bite."

He laughed. "We'll see." Then he looked thoughtful. "I was actually going to get together with some friends tonight if you wanted to come. Maybe you could get a sense of what college life is like, you know, ask some questions."

"Oh… Are you sure it's okay? It wouldn't be rude?"

"Yeah. Or we could hang out just the two of us." He spoke quietly now.

"Is that okay, then? To ditch your friends for me?" It was flattering in a roundabout sort of way.

"I mean yeah. You're most important to me. We haven't spent as much time together as we used to. I mean obviously we wouldn't, but, you know." He shrugged, face reddening still.

I nodded. "I want to be close again too."

Toma smiled brightly at me, saying nothing because his expression conveyed enough. I blushed and grinned back before we continued on to work.

"Hey, guys!" Sawa greeted us happily as she tied her apron.

I flinched at the sight of her. "H-hey."

"Looks like you're free to work in the back today, Michi," Toma cut in before the awkwardness could register on Sawa's side.

"Yeah." I nodded and rushed to change before settling to work in the kitchen for the rest of the day. Sawa never noticed my edginess around her because we were so busy that she had to run in and out of the kitchen while I rushed to complete orders.

Later on however Toma came in and leaned against the counter. "What's the matter? Isn't Sawa your best friend?"

"I mean, she's one of my best friends. And nothing is wrong."

"Really?" He crossed his arms and gazed at me dubiously.

I pursed my lips. "Really."

He sighed and kept looking at me.

"You just gonna stand there?"

"I'm on my ten-minute break. I have a lot of time to stand here and stare at you."

"You may as well make yourself useful then." I grabbed a spoon to scrape at something I'd made and popped it into his mouth.

He grunted with surprise but took the bite. "What's this? Our coffee cake?"

"Yeah. I was thinking, and I made it this way instead of the original by adding a cinnamon sugar crumble on top and a few teaspoons more vanilla. It was good before but too bitter. More balanced now, right?"

"A bit sweet for my taste, but I think people will like it better. Nice job."

"Oh yeah, you don't like sweets. What _is_ your favorite thing to make?"

"Mm… I like making my own sushi. It's challenging."

"Yeah? You'll have to teach me."

"I dunno… Last time you could barely handle the rice," he teased.

"Hey, that was…" I trailed off and turned sharply away as my cheeks reddened. Thinking about him in any way was hazardous now because of what it made me think of: that day, the day we had broken up, the way he had touched me. Out of everyone, he had touched me the most and gotten closest to my heart. But that was all in the past. If I had been more accepting back then… things might have turned out a lot differently, especially in that moment.

"I'm just kidding. We can do whatever you want. Within reason."

I laughed. "Shut up Toma, you jerk."

"What, did I lash you too hard verbally?"

He said the words teasingly but my chest tightened. Lash me. Yes, he could… I shivered. Man, I had a dirty sort of mind. I peeked out the kitchen window that allowed a slight view of the dining room. "H-hey, Toma…?" I mumbled.

"Yeah?" He came closer to hear me.

"Will you… I mean, if you don't mind… Um…"

"You okay?"

"Fine!" I yelled, and he recoiled a bit. "Sorry… Come closer. I don't want to say this too loud." I ducked my head, looking at his chest as he stepped back to me as requested. "Will you… bite me again? When you have the time, er, if you want."

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open soundlessly. I felt my face get even hotter. "N-never mind, I don't even know what I'm thinking right now… Eek!" I yelped when he grabbed my wrist and dragged me away. "Toma, I'm working… Wait, what are you…" I stared at him, frozen, when he pushed my back against the lockers in the employee break room, the metal clanging in time as he slammed the door shut behind us.

He took in a slow breath and raised his hands to pull my clothes away from my neck, down my shoulder. They shook as he tripped the fabric. Then he pressed a thumb into the side of my neck. "Who's this from?"

"Huh?" I breathed, caught off guard by the question.

He frowned. "The hickey. You know what I'm talking about."

"I…" I didn't want to tell him, so I just shook my head. It was impossible to say the truth, that it was from Shin, Toma's best friend. Toma's reaction to that, too, was what i worried most about, especially in our current situation.

Toma sighed, tilting my chin up to nuzzle his face to my neck. "Doesn't matter." I felt his teeth graze my skin and I shivered. "We can call this punishment either way, whether or not you tell me."

"Just get it over with…." I squeezed my eyes shut.

His hand dug into my arm. "Keep your eyes open. It's easier to take advantage of you if you're not watchful."

"What?" I opened my eyes and caught my breath at how close his face was to mine.

"Like this, see?" He smirked and nipped at my lower lip before closing his teeth around my neck hard.

"Ow!" I gasped reflexively. "Gentler, gentler!" He shifted to adjust pressure, wrapping his arms around my waist tight as he bit with less force. I gripped his shoulders and closed my eyes again as I gradually relaxed. "A bit harder now… Perfect…" He seamlessly responded to my directions. I fell into an almost trace like state as we stood there embracing in our own special way. "We should get back to work now," I murmured after a little while. "Before someone comes looking."

Toma withdrew wiping at his mouth. "Right." He tilted his head. "Oh, I broke the skin a little here." He leaned forward again and I felt his tongue swipe at my neck before he straightened back up.

"Ha, you're like a vampire," I joked lamely as I fixed my clothes. Now that we were back in reality I was nearly mortified from the embarrassment.

"Dork," Toma laughed. He seemed much more relaxed now, all of his insistence and domineering faded.

"It's almost like there are two Tomas," I mused aloud. "The one you show to everyone and then the one you let out around me." He flinched, a worried hurt touching at his expression, and I held my hands up. "I mean that… It makes me glad that there's a Toma only I know. I don't think that this is something I can share with anyone else. It's just something for you and me, and it makes me feel… special."

Toma stared at me for a few long moments before smiling sadly and shaking his head. "If only you'd thought like that a few years ago."

It was my turn to flinch. Everything was fresh in my mind since I had only just remembered it, but Toma had been living with our broken relationship for years now; it must have felt so distant to him. What I had asked him to do just now must have been incredibly sudden from his view. "I'm sorry. It took me a while to accept and understand. I'm really, really sorry Toma. You never did anything wrong to me."

He bit on his lip. "It's hard for me to keep control around you. Everything you do just feels like something that's pushing me to the edge."

"Huh?"

He gritted his teeth and took a slow breath. "Like you said, we need to get back to work."

"Toma, I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it, but I'm really, really sorry."

"I'm not mad." He smiled slightly and ruffled my hair. "It's not you, so don't worry."

"Then what…" I trailed off as he left the break room without me. "Toma…?" I touched my neck gingerly.

"Do you… like pain, Michi?" Musca asked once I had gotten back to the kitchen and started rushing to catch up on orders.

"Well… yeah, I do, a little bit. I guess… I guess that I like knowing someone cares enough to hurt me gently. Does that make sense?"

"Not to me, no, but my opinion on your tastes isn't what's most important, is it? It's your perception that matters the most." She frowned. "Toma is unpredictable. I feel like we just took one step forward and two steps back with him."

"I can figure him out. Rather, I won't leave him alone until I do." I wouldn't leave him all alone again.


	45. Chapter Forty-Five: Closer

Pochamani. My favorite manga in the world has started updating again. So happy. Happiness is all I know, unless I'm hungry. Then I revert back into my demon form. POCHAMANI! Anyways, enjoy the story!

 **~ Toma ~**

"Shit shit shit," I muttered harshly, letting out a following string of curses under my breath. My every ounce of self-control was being pushed to the breaking point and my mind was spinning with a mixture of absolute amazement and confusion and terror. I leaned against the wall for a few moments before I had to go back out to put on a cheerful mask when dealing with customers. "Dammit, Michi…" I groaned.

She had no clue; she just didn't understand what she was doing to me, how much it felt like teasing. But she called it special, and it was. It was mutual in the sense that she was the only person I felt comfortable showing this buried side of myself to. But if she gave me an inch, I wanted a mile. That bite had been my punishment and my mark upon her, but the fact still stood that other guys were in my way. It was a constant struggle, making myself believe that a fourth of her was enough when the most base craving I had was to make her completely mine, body, heart, mind, soul.

But she would stop me, most definitely, from becoming someone monstrous. That was why I needed her, wanted to hold her tightly by my side. All of the old feelings were coming back, twice as strong and infinitely as consuming.

 **~ Michi ~**

"Ice cream… I need… ice cream to sustain me… Ugh…" I sat down after changing out of my uniform and rubbed at my heels. Even if one got used to standing on their feet all day in food service work, it still hurt.

"Hey, Michi?" Sawa sat next to me, smoothing her skirt.

"Sup?"

"Why have you been acting so weird at me today?"

"Ohh…" I laughed awkwardly. "I thought you wouldn't notice."

"I pretended not to since I didn't want to make you worry, but I'm worried right now. Did I do something wrong?"

"No! No. Look, there's no problem. I'm just on edge because I didn't sleep well. I promise." That was true enough, I guessed. A half-lie.

"You sure?" She looked doubtful.

"You know how grumpy I get when I'm hungry? It's like that."

Sawa laughed. "Yeah, you do become a real monster."

I smiled, glad to see the tension dissipated. "I know, absolutely terrible."

"Hey, Michi." There was a poke on my shoulder.

I jumped, hand clenching where I'd been holding it on my neck. "What's up, Toma?" My voice trembled a bit despite the effort to act natural.

"Are we going to walk home together?"

"Yeah." I pulled my boots on and jumped up, eager to get away from Sawa. Sooner or later I'd be able to act normal around the both of them, but now was not that time. "Later, Sawa."

"Bye!" She left out the front door.

"Hang back and talk to me." Toma sat where she had been and pulled me back down by tugging on my wrist.

"What?" I looked at him nervously, pulling the neckline of my shirt up.

He smirked for an instant. "It's pretty visible, huh?"

"I'll find ways to hide it… Is that all you wanted to say?"

"No, I wanted to ask why you've been acting like you have today. And don't try to tell me the same excuse you gave to Sawa. I can see right through that."

"It's just that…" I took a breath. Toma was someone I could share anything with, so this was fine too. "Sawa and I… like the same person. And, uh, this person, sort of confessed to me, and I said no indirectly, but, like…" I blushed. "We still kissed, and I still like him… I just feel like I betrayed Sawa."

Toma paused to think for a little while. "Why not just date him if you like each other? What, exactly, is holding you back?" He looked at me as if he was searching for something.

"Because hoes before bros, Toma." I frowned. It was more complicated than that, but this was all I could really say.

"It's settled then, right? You made your choice, so why are you still worrying?" He frowned, looking partly confused and partly grumpy.

"Because… I didn't want to end up hurting anyone. That was never my intention."

"That's the name of the game, Michi. Love is shitty." Toma paused. "But… You _are_ in love with all three of them. Shin, Ikki, Kent."

I sighed. It was a mess, certainly, but it was my mess and I'd navigate it somehow. "That obvious?"

"Not too much." Toma looked away from me, gazing in an unfocused yet pensive manner at the setting sun through the wide windows of the shop. "It's just that better than anyone, I know what you look like when you're in love."

My heart squeezed for an instant and then beat fast to catch up from the lapse. "Well…" I couldn't figure out what to say after that.

Toma shook himself. "Plus, they haven't exactly made it a secret. Shin and I are too close for me not to notice, I see the way Ikki treats you at work, and hell, Kent asked you out right in front of me."

"Oh, yeah… Sorry about that, again…" I laughed awkwardly, wondering how it must have felt for Toma to have to watch that happen.

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter, right? You're not dating any one of them, so I'm still in the game."

"Game?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Fight, I guess. I don't take it lightly like a game."

"I mean, I actually feel like fighting is a better analogy, but…" I trailed off as he turned back to look at me with a calm and steady gaze.

"I want to fight for you. I don't really care who it is that's in my way."

"What? Fight for me how? I can take care of myself." I tilted my chin up proudly.

"Idiot. That's not what I meant." He took my hand and held it tightly. "I want to right to do this whenever I want. I want you to give that to me. To choose me."

"But…" I squeezed my eyes shut so the vision of him wouldn't mess with my thought process. "Why, though?"

"You said it yourself. We have something special. This thing just between us… I don't think I can share it with anyone else. Do you?"

I opened my eyes and shook my head slowly. "I can't." If I told one of the others, maybe they'd be thrown off a bit, but they wouldn't reject me because of it. At least I was pretty sure not. But Toma was the only one who shared it with me; who had that sort of understanding, who took me to a certain undefined place through this thing only we knew.

"Choose me then."

"Is this supposed to be you confessing to me?" I frowned at him, tugging my hand away. He made it very hard to think straight; I had to focus. "Why are you deciding to say these things all of a sudden?"

His expression grew more frustrated. "You're being sudden too. Asking me to bite you like that… How else am I supposed to take it than that you're interested in me?"

"That's not it!" I threw my hands up in exasperation. "I'm eighteen years old, and I…!"

"You what?" He pressed me without hesitation.

I glared at him. "So I have the natural bodily urges of an eighteen year old. What of it?"

"So that's why?" His eyes had that look in them again, dark and scorching as if warning of his possible and unpredictable intentions. "You just want something to get you off? That's fine with me." He leaned forward, hands sliding from my knees up my thighs.

"Wait, wait!" I held my hands up defensively, resisting my reflex urge to punch him out. "It's not as if I don't feel anything for you though." I let out a huff of relief when he stopped moving and looked at me questioningly. "I remember that I loved you once. You were precious to me back then, and of course that impression is in my heart…"

"So what's the problem?" Toma murmured.

"It's not simple. I just…" I searched for the right words. "My heart is all filled up with this love for four different people, and I… I don't know what to do. I don't know what I should be allowed to do. And I'm sorry."

Toma shook his head and took my face in his hands, surprising me with how gentle his grip was, the warmth of his palms. "Good. You should be sorry. It's fucking miserable to try and be happy with just part of you. I want every bit. I want it all to belong to me."

Musca floated next to my ear. "Ooh, a possessive man is no fun. Want me to hit him, Michi? Huh, huh?"

Although the thought of it was attractive for being frankly entertaining, I shook my head. "Toma, I want you to really think about this. Are you just settling because you know we have matching preferences?"

His brows furrowed with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not the only masochistic person out there in the world. Are you just fixated on me because you feel safe knowing I already don't judge you? Are you just too scared of judgment to find someone else? At least consider it before you answer."

He hesitated, then slowly dropped his hands. "I don't know. I've… never tried. To push the barriers with another girl."

"So… You think it's possible that you're lonely in part through a lack of trying on your own part?" I suggested, trying to be as gentle as possible.

Toma shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. "You're really confusing me here…"

"Confusion is part of problem solving. No worries." In a way he was similar to Ikki. They shared the problem of being held back by fear of trying. Hopefully I was getting through to Toma.

He was still frowning. "Okay…"

"Alright, well, I should go. Gotta figure out dinner." I stood and brushed myself off, and he looked up at me with a disquieted but thoughtful expression.

"Have a good night." He stayed where he was sitting, looking off into space.

"Yeah, you too." Walking home together after that conversation would've been a bit too awkward after all that.

"You did nicely though," Musca commented as I strolled outside. "Still… You two are pretty hard to figure out when you're together. I never know what's going to happen."

"Yeah, well…" I shrugged, laughing awkwardly. That was because around Toma in particular my body tended to act a bit more than my mind did. With him being completely unpredictable on top of that... We were quite the pair. "I need another slap to banish impure thoughts…"

"I can help with that if you want," Musca joked.

I laughed. "Maybe another time."

"So what's for dinner?"

"Why do you care? You don't eat."

"Maybe not, but I can still taste it. It seems like the bond between our sensory perceptions has been getting stronger lately. I'm starting to even be able to taste the foods you eat now."

"Woah…" I cracked a grin. "I guess we're super close now, huh?"

Musca blushed. "So it seems."

"I guess I'll make something great then…" It was almost like cooking for two people; a good feeling, one of companionship to ease the nibbling loneliness I felt at times.

"Michi? Is that you, sweet Michi?" A lilting voice wafted into my perception, a ghost floating back from the past to freeze me in place.

I spun around and saw a face so strikingly similar to mine it made my knees go weak. "Mom…?"

She smiled. "I'm going to save you. Don't worry about a thing." A knife glinted, held in her still delicate fist.

I took one step back but my body wouldn't move beyond that. I was a child again; caught in the freezing rain, hurting and confused.

"Michi! Michi!" Musca yanked on my arm to bring me out of it. "Run, you have to run!"

"Ah…!" I squeaked and stumbled backwards. My head. It was splitting apart at all ends. It made thought impossible. My legs just wouldn't cooperate.

"I promised myself every day that I would see you again and save you from the same demons that haunted me. My darling, dearest, I never for a second stopped thinking of you…" My mother approached with her arms spread out in embrace.

"N-no," I breathed as nausea and tears spiked up in me. Something was wrong here. It barely even felt real.

"Run! Why aren't you listening to me?!" Musca screamed desperately as she tried to drag me along with her weak arms.

The whole world felt fuzzy and unfocused. Why was I here? The world darkened; I couldn't see. All I could do was scream desperately as I registered pain.

 **~ Toma ~**

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. It could never be simple, could it? I always seemed to ruin things just by being overly moody and emotional. Reluctant but without anywhere else to turn, I dialed my phone and waited with mingled impatience and dread.

"Hello?" The answering voice sounded mildly annoyed, matching my own inner feeling.

"Hey, it's me."

"Oh." Shin sighed. "Sorry. I didn't check caller ID."

"Did you just wake up or something?"

"Yeah, I stayed up too late studying… So what's up?"

"I need romantic advice." I waited nervously while there was silence on the other end.

"… Fine. You helped me with that a little while ago, so I'll return the favor. What is it?"

I decided not to mention Michi. He'd given up on her to my knowledge, but it was still a sore point. "Do I deserve to be in love? With anyone, ever? Do I deserve to have someone love me back?"

"Hm." He grunted, letting me know he needed time to think about how to answer these questions.

"I mean, you know what kind of person I am." Michi knew the most, but Shin was the closest confidante I had besides.

"You clearly think you don't deserve anything," he noted calmly.

"But I want… I need…" I groaned with frustration. "Her…"

"Whose interest are you thinking about most when you say that? What I mean is, are you pushing your needs selfishly onto someone or are you taking their needs into consideration?"

"I think of her interests, yeah…" That was why I was so conflicted. I was possessive and two-faced and hiding a secret, hateful darkness, without a doubt. However, Michi and I also had a tie between us that couldn't be erased. And she, if anyone, could keep that darkness at bay. We allowed each other to be ourselves; I was the only one who could help her bloom with this newfound seed of pained love and love of pain in her heart. "I'm always thinking about Michi…" I put my hand to my mouth. Shit. I'd slipped and mentioned it.

"… I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Anyways…" He sighed heavily, and I felt both guilty and triumphant. I didn't want him to be hurt, but not having to worry about him as a love rival was comforting too. "If you dedicate yourself to balancing out their needs with yours and to being a better person, to treating them well, then yes. It's fine."

"Okay." It was so relieving to hear that from him; he had every right to say no, to judge me and be spiteful. "Thanks…"

"… If you treat her wrong, I'll steal her away."

His deadly serious tone made my spine stiffen. "You're getting a bit ahead of yourself, aren't you? Michi and I aren't even dating."

"I know. Just warning you."

"Well… I won't let go of a good thing easily again."

"Hmph." He almost sounded amused.

"So no matter what happens with Michi… You and I are still fine, right?"

"What do you think, idiot?"

I laughed quietly. "Thanks, Shin."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. You feel better now?"

"I think so. It's just about wondering what to do next. I guess I'll –" I cut off and leaped up to my feet, chair clattering behind me, at the sound of a scream.

"What was that?" Shin asked sharply.

I just knew it in my gut, my heeart. "Michi," I breathed, phone falling from my hand as I sprinted out the door. Once outside I whirled around until I saw a form lying on the ground. "Michi!" I ran up to her and crouched, knees getting soaked in blood that was spreading in a thick puddle on the pavement. "Oh my god, oh holy fucking shit, Michi…" I put my hands to her stomach where a gaping wound was bleeding profusely. The phone; I'd dropped the phone and couldn't call for help. Going back to get it would mean leaving her side though. I just couldn't do that.

She breathed in short, hitched gasps, tears streaming down her face. "M… mom… Mom… Why… I…" Her hands gripped at mine desperately. "M… Mus… ca… Help… me…"

"Don't talk… It's going to be okay. It's okay…" I scooped her up and started running. I wouldn't lose her right after I'd gotten her back. I would never let go of these hands.


	46. Chapter Forty-Six: The Longass Chapter

Lord Muffintops here. Yep, it's the yandere-happy-fun-time route now. Whee. The story is coming to a close! It'll break fifty chapters, but we're closer to being done than not. Will I start a new fanfic afterwards or will I just find other ways to waste my life away? Only time shall tell! Mwahaha! Anyways, enjoy the story.

 **~ Musca ~**

"Michi!" I gasped, reaching out blindly as I came out of unconsciousness. "Where…" In my daze the place I'd called home looked entirely unfamiliar.

"You're alright, Musca." Small hands gently took my shoulders.

I looked into large round eyes and recognized curled black horns. "Orion? What happened?!"

"You're back in the spirit world. Lady Faera and Lord Nhil are discussing at the moment, but they should be here to explain soon."

"You're still not answering my question!" I snapped, almost screaming.

Orion blinked at me, surprised. "Seems like Michi has rubbed off on you… But I don't know what happened. You just appeared back here collapsed."

"Is Michi okay?" I touched my stomach. I'd felt the impact if the knife because of our shared connection. All of the fear that had paralyzed her, the anger and desperation, it had almost been unbearable. "Dammit!" I pulled at my hair in frustration. "I didn't protect her!"

"There was nothing you could do. I know it from experience that sometimes even when a situation is at its worst we're completely powerless."

"Your heroine got put in a cage and mine got stabbed… Maybe we're just incompetent."

"Fate can be cruel. But it will be okay. We'll figure it out."

"I have to get back. She needs my help."

"But you just got here…" Orion trailed off as Lady Faera and Lord Nhil materialized upon the cloud we were nestled at.

"Musca…" Faera embraced me. "I'm proud of your work. You've been doing so well."

I shrugged her off. "But I'm not done yet! Please let me go back."

"Nhil and I have been testing the connection with Michi for a little while… Musca, we can't reach her. The link has been severed."

"How is that even possible?" I jumped up.

"The doorway is shut on her end. Michi has closed us out, most likely on a subconscious level."

I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing. It was true; I couldn't feel her anymore. "Then… Even, even if she can't see or feel me, let me go back! I can reach her!" I would do anything. "Michi would never, ever forget me or push me out. As long as I'm by her side, it'll be okay."

Faera smiled. "You truly do love Michi…"

"However, all of Michi's memories will be gone," Nhil explained. "She's in a world that she's technically not supposed to exist in. Everything will fragment with her connection to you severed."

"So send me in! If I'm by her side again then she'll remember, right?"

"That should work… But remember the deadline, Musca. You don't have forever," Nhil reminded me.

"What is the deadline for?" I asked, frowning.

He smiled mysteriously. "You'll see."

"It doesn't matter." The most important person was waiting for me. "Michi's mother… What do I do?"

Nhil's mouth turned into a grim line. "That was what I needed to explain. Michi's destiny is to be without a family. The existence of her mother is incorrect in this world. Because of her mother's connection to the Spirit World in this plane of existence, she understands how dire the situation is too."

"Dire?" I echoed, getting chills.

"Michi and her mother can't both exist at the same time. Rather, they can't both retain their memories of the world they're in at the same time. The more Michi encounters her mother, the more of herself she'll lose."

I felt sick. "So only one… Only one can retain memories at one time…? Does that mean that... We have to get rid of Michi's mother?" I couldn't see any other alternative. The damage had already been done to Michi's body and mind; we had to get rid of the threat immediately.

Nhil and Faera glanced at each other, neither wanting to confirm the horror of it. They squeezed each other's hands for comfort. They had never intended for this to happen. "I'm sorry, Musca," Faera said gently.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "No choice then… Can either of you do one thing for me before I go back?"

"Anything within my power," Faera confirmed with determination.

"I need you to give another one of the humans the ability to see and communicate with me."

"Which one? It will get me expelled from the Spirit World for sure, but this last thing I can do." Faera nodded. "Then we can send you back. When you collide with Michi again, just be aware that it's going to hurt her a lot. Remembering is going to be excruciating because it reintegrates her consciousness into the world she's in. It'll be like getting stabbed all over again, but many times the pain. You won't reconnect immediately, but you'll be near her so just pick a good time."

"I understand. I'll be right there with her through it. As for my choice… Please let me be able to talk with…" I took a deep breath, hoping that I was making the right decision. Everything hinged on it.

 **~ Toma ~**

I paced back and forth, gritting and gnashing my teeth. This was completely unbearable. I'd been right there, so close, yet…

"Toma!" Shin ran up to me. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure. She said something about her mother."

Shin flinched, and his eyes darkened.

"What do you know?" I frowned.

"Not all of the details. But she's scared of her mom. A lot."

"Huh…" I turned at the sound of rushing footsteps. Oh great… Just what we needed.

"I got your call, Shin…" Ikki huffed, Kent on his heels.

I glared at him. Why'd he have to go calling them? They'd just get in the way.

He noticed my expression and narrowed his eyes back. "We're basically all she's got."

"Excuse me?" A doctor approached us. "Is one of you Toma?"

"Yeah?" I stepped forward warily.

"You're Miss Ohayashi's emergency contact. She's open for you and whoever else you allow to visit her."

It was more than tempting to not let everyone else in, but I couldn't do that in good conscience or without earning the fury and suspicion of the others. "Can the four of us go in at one time?"

"Yes, but don't overwhelm her. You should know… It seems that she has amnesia. It's unexplained medically, so we're attributing it to shock."

"Amnesia?" Ikki gasped.

I felt my own expression mirroring his surprise. But then looking at Shin and Kent, they didn't seem surprised at all… I waited until the doctor left. "Why don't you two seem even remotely phased by this?"

Shin hesitated. "She told me. Asked me not to tell anyone else, but considering the circumstances…"

"I figured it out. It was actually quite simple upon examining the symptoms. Frankly I'm shocked that we all weren't able to discern it…" Kent trailed off. "Pardon me. I'm quite frightened, so I rambled…"

"We may as well see for ourselves then…" I gulped, nervous.

"Should we go in one at a time? Like the doctor said, we shouldn't overwhelm her," Ikki suggested.

"… Good idea." Being alone with her was far better. "Well then…"

"I'm going first." Shin strode past us into the room, shutting the door softly behind him.

"Well, that's that…" Ikki sighed and plopped into a waiting chair. "I call next."

"Then me." Kent sat next to him.

"Hmph." I sat down too. That was fine. Going last had just as many advantages as going first.

 **~ Shin ~**

I leaned against the door for a moment before stepping in further, cautious. "Hello, Michi…"

"Uh… Hi." She looked at me, clueless.

I couldn't stop sorrow from spreading across my face. She was just so pale, laying back with her hands gingerly over her stomach. And she didn't remember anything? None of the bad or the good? I wanted her to know it all. The good outweighed the bad, finally. We'd come so far after so much tension and hate hanging between and over us.

"Who are you?" She raised her eyebrows, ever the straightforward one.

"Er… My name is Shin. I'm a friend."

She frowned, suspicious. "Hm…"

"Do you remember anything at all?"

"Um…" Her face fell, and she looked away. "My head hurts. Like I'm supposed to… I mean… I feel weird. Like I'm not supposed to be here."

"Well…" I had no clue what to say to that.

"Not that you care… I don't even know you… Yet I'm telling you this! I feel stupid…!" She started to sit up but winced and cried out softly, gritting her teeth afterwards.

"Woah, careful…" I took her shoulders and gently pushed her back. "Just rest, okay? You're always like this… Too hard-headed." I smiled slightly. "Is there anything I can do?"

She just kept looking at me, almost unnerving. "You… look at me like you know me."

"Because I do." I loved her in fact, but now definitely wasn't the time to say that.

"Hm…" She shook her head. "It's so frustrating… Not being able to remember a thing."

"It's fine. You'll remember." I tucked hair behind her ear.

"Er…" She pulled back and looked away. "You're close, a bit…"

"Sorry." I'd gotten too used to her not minding.

"It's fine… Whatever. " She mumbled awkwardly.

I looked at the table beside her; it was strewn with her belongings, or at least what she'd had on her at the time of the attack. I blinked at one of the items, reaching for it. "Is this a Japanese to English dictionary?"

"What do you think?" She asked, eyebrows raised.

I just looked at it, used to the biting sarcasm. "Why do you have this?" Michi had never once been interested in learning English.

"I… I was…" She narrowed her eyes and held onto her head with both hands. "Er…"

"You don't have to push yourself."

"I was… trying to catch up to someone. I think."

I caught my breath. "Oh." That statement couldn't possibly refer to anyone but me. But why? Catching up to me? What could it mean?

"That's just the feeling I get." She shrugged. "So… Shin."

"Yeah?"

"What should I know about you? Anything important that might help jog my memory?"

I sighed and pulled up a chair next to the bed. "Well… That's complicated."

"What a lame answer." She frowned, pouting.

I laughed. "I'm going to tell you… But just saying, it's not pretty."

"Okay?" She tilted her head.

"Well… In short… We were good friends, and…" Maybe it was better not to mention that we had almost started dating back then. "Well, something happened, and… My father killed your father. Self-defense in a bar fight."

She sucked in a breath, shocked.

"So we didn't talk for a while after that." Despite everything, I found myself smiling. "But you came swooping into my life again. You were insane… And you forgave me. My dad too." I closed my eyes, almost overwhelmed by the peace of it all. "So I guess you could say you ended up rescuing us a bit." And then I'd gone and fallen in love with her again.

"Oh. That's… a lot to take in." She laughed weakly. "Well… I feel like you're being honest… And I appreciate you being here. So, uh… Don't worry, okay?"

I reached out to flick her on the forehead. "Idiot. That's what I should be saying to you. You'll remember everything, so don't worry. And even if you don't… We've started over before. We can do it again."

She laughed. "You're dramatic, aren't you?"

"Whatever." I shook my head. Nothing was going to change. She was still the same person, after all.

"So, uh… One more question?"

"Yeah?"

"Were we… uh, particularly close?"

"Uh…" I cleared my throat. "I consider us good friends. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing…" She absentmindedly put a hand to her chest. "Well…"

"Excuse me!" We both jumped when Ikki poked his head in, smiling pleasantly. "But you're holding up the line, Shin."

"Ikki, you asshole, this isn't a bathroom. I can't be holding up the line."

"My statement still stands." That idiotic grin just pissed me off.

"Fine." To spite him I kissed Michi on the cheek. "I'll visit again soon."

"Y-yeah…" She nodded, waving back at me as I slipped out of the room.

"How'd it go?" Toma asked, sounding bored.

"You could've stopped Ikki, you know…" I grumbled as I sat next to him.

"Didn't feel like it."

"I'm surrounded by assholes…"

"You knew that though." Toma shrugged. "Is she okay?"

"Other than drawing a total blank, she's fine."

He nodded slowly. "I see…"

"What are you thinking about?" I asked warily. There was the vague sense that something was off with him, but I couldn't quite pin what he was planning, if anything.

"Just worried."

"Ah." I could hope that that was all there was.

 **~ Ikki ~**

I frowned at the blush on her face and reached out to pinch her cheeks. It was the drama that had gone on in the triangle of her, Shin and I a little while ago all over again. The jealousy was both unexpected and familiar. "Cut that out."

"Hey!" She swatted my hands away. "And who the heck are you, asshole?"

Hearing she had amnesia and seeing it for myself were two different things. I guessed that the only thing left to do was to introduce myself formally. I took her hand, lifting it. "My name is Ikki and I'm in love with you." I kissed her palm and closed her hand around it, holding it gently in mine. I didn't have a flower to give or a childhood promise to remind her of this time. This was about all I could offer.

She stared at me for a while and then slapped her cheeks with both hands. "Your eyes, something's up with 'em…" She looked away, out the window.

I couldn't help but laugh. "A good slap never fails to banish impure thoughts, huh?"

Her gaze snapped back to mine and then away the next second as she was surprised. "How'd you know?"

"It's not the first time you've done that in front of me."

"Oh… So you do know me, then, or else you couldn't have known that I did that… Okay." She paused, then stated at me openly now. "Did… did you just seriously introduce yourself by saying you l-love me?"

"If you remembered me you honestly wouldn't be surprised at all."

"Well I'm surprised now!" She huffed.

I sighed, smiling. I loved seeing her flustered, but it just wasn't the same without her remembering everything we had shared. "Does this make you feel better?" I put my sunglasses on.

"Well…" She hesitated. "Not really…"

"Huh?" Then what could I do?

"What I mean is, well… You look unhappy to have to wear those. I dunno…"

"… Do you remember anything at all?" I murmured.

"Not really. I get weird feelings or inklings though. Like how your eyes make you sad or why I have that dictionary. I don't know why. Doesn't feel like stuff I should know. But, uh… I don't want you to be sad either," she mumbled. "Weird as that sounds, considering we've just met…"

I laughed. "You just made me fall for you a bit more." It didn't take a lot of effort from her to move my heart.

"How can you say such cheesy stuff without blinking?" She blushed, embarrassed.

"Only because I'm saying it to you. Trust me, normally I try to be a bit more dignified."

"Somehow I doubt it," she teased.

"Even with amnesia you see right through me. Fine, I admit it. I'm really just a tactless playboy," I sighed, holding my hands up in mock surrender.

Michi shrugged. "Look on the bright side. At least you're not annoying me."

"That's helpful." I frowned, removing my sunglasses again. "I don't know what Shin said to you or how the others feel, but I'm not okay with this. I don't want to start over." All of those experiences were far too precious to simply let go of. I couldn't accept the possibility.

"That's not what I want either. It's not as if I enjoy not remembering anything about you guys… I feel like I should and I shouldn't all at the same time. It's confusing…" She slouched, showing how exhausted she was all of a sudden.

"Hey…" I softened, knowing I was being a bit selfish by voicing my frustrations like this. "I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. But I promise to be here for you, okay? Anything you need, even if it's just to talk… Or maybe a shoulder to lean on." I smiled.

"Hmph. Smoother than you make yourself out to be, aren't you?" Michi smirked now, tilting her head at me. "But… thanks. That does make me feel a little bit better." Relief had made its way faintly into her expression. "Is there anything you can tell me about you and our relationship that might be important?"

"Well, you did promise to marry me…"

"What?!"

"… When we were kids."

"Say that in the first place!" She hit my shoulder, then winced and put her hands to her stomach.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine… I think the meds should be kicking in sooner rather than later."

"Good. Hopefully you'll get some relief."

"Yeah…" She studied me. "Your eyes… They really are pretty."

"Sorry if they make you feel weird. It just happens," I said sheepishly.

Michi shook her head. "No, there's no problem. I'm just saying."

"Stop, you'll make me blush."

"You really are kind of an asshole in the end, aren't you?"

"I won't exactly deny it, but I have my charms."

"Whatever…" She blushed. "Keep telling yourself that."

So she would blush for both Shin and me, huh? It was also frustrating to know that she clearly had feelings for multiple people and people I was close with to boot, but the most important thing was making sure she was okay for now. Everything else seemed a bit trivial in comparison to the fact that she'd gotten stabbed. She could have died. At the thought my chest squeezed tightly and I lost my breath for a few moments, recovering with a gasp.

"Hey, you okay?" She looked at me with concern on her pale face. It was ridiculous that she had to be the one asking me that; I was being foolish and weak and I couldn't help it one bit.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" I put my hands on her shoulders. "Mind if I hug you, just for a little while?"

"Uh… Sure." She probably let me do it out of concern, but even that was enough. I held her as tightly as I dared, wishing that there was more I could do. No amount of smooth words or love for her would solve this. Admitting how helpless I was, how helpless we all were, was the hardest part.

"Hey." Shin rapped on the door as he entered, glaring when he saw the position Michi and I were in. "Kent started muttering to himself nonstop, so… Maybe we should let him in now. Stop holding up the line, yeah?" He smiled spitefully at me before leaving.

I sighed and reluctantly pulled away. "I suppose that's my cue to leave."

"Oh." Did she sound a bit disappointed? I hoped it wasn't just my imagination.

"The next guy coming in is Kent. He's not so good with words so just give him some patience, okay?"

"Got it. Thanks for the heads up."

"See you again soon." Tearing myself out of the room was unpleasant, to say the least. I could've stayed all night if they had let me.

"Bye…"

I hit Shin on the shoulder once I was back in the waiting area. "You suck."

"An eye for an eye," he muttered. "She rejected you, so cut that out…"

"You're such a child," I sighed. "Giving up so easily on such a good girl."

"It's not like I…!" He took a breath to mediate himself. "Just shut the hell up before I end up getting us kicked out, okay? I already feel like hitting something and you aren't helping at all."

I nodded, finding some empathy for him. There was an urge to find who had done this and get some sort of revenge or justice, but we were without power in that aspect too. "There's not a thing we can do for her. Being so helpless is…"

"It's shit," Shin concluded quietly.

"Exactly…"

 **~ Kent ~**

I entered the room and promptly sat on a chair that had been pulled up next to the bed; it was already warmed from having others seated there. "… But if we were to go with the stance that the current level of amnesia was psychosomatic, it would then further be argued that it was a result of mental shock and a weakness of fortitude that attributes to the present condition. This doesn't fit in well with Michi's overall character whatsoever in that she is both physically and mentally strong… Or am I overestimating her character out of my own biased emotional attachment? I can't quite seem to make things add up…"

"Hey." Michi bonked me on the head. "How long are you going to keep muttering to yourself, Kent?"

The greeting was so familiar that it startled me out of my thought process. "Do you… Do you remember me, by any chance?" She had even said my name.

"Ikki told me you were coming in and warned me you're a bit awkward. He really wasn't lying."

"Ah." I was both appreciative that Ikkyu had taken the time to provide me with a disclaimer in my frazzled state and disappointed that Michi had no memory of me, although I shouldn't have expected anything else. "Curious…"

"What is?"

"It seems that I had desired and almost expected you to hold me in such high regard that you would remember me above the others… But of course that's flawed logic. I can't expect that in your mentally impaired condition…"

"Uh… Sure."

I sighed. "My apologies. The more I try to figure it out, the more unclear it becomes. Part of me is angry at you for allowing this as well… But that makes even less sense."

"You're really honest, aren't you?" She chuckled.

"Of course. That's the policy between us. We always attempt to put forth as much candor as possible."

"Oh." She smiled. "I really like the sound of that, actually."

"I've quite enjoyed it myself. It's made us much closer than we had been."

"I asked the others this question too, but is there anything you can tell me that you think I should know? About you and me. I keep hoping that something will trigger a memory, but…"

Hopefully I could help, then. "Hm… Well, I hated you at first."

"Okay?"

"But you reached out to me and we became friends. I asked for your advice rather often on… matters." I didn't particularly want to expound upon the fact that I had been attempting to date another girl at that time. "You were very helpful in teaching me about human interaction, and…" I trailed off. "You helped me learn how to better relate with my family as well." It wasn't until I said it aloud that I realized how much she had done for me. I had known it, but was almost overwhelmed by it now. She had been doing these sorts of things for Ikkyu as well. "You're the most amazing person I have ever met, I do believe…"

"Oh, well… Thanks." She smiled in an embarrassed manner. "It's weird to hear about how I've done all of these things for you guys… I think you're all making me out to be a lot cooler than I am."

I shook my head. "I would not exaggerate, I assure you. Every bit is entirely sincere."

She blushed, seeming rather pleased. "Okay then… I mean, I can remember and get a sense of what sort of person I am… But anything relating to anyone else, you guys in particular… I've got nothing."

"Hm… I could try hypnosis… Reading up on such a thing as that would be simple, and there are different kinds of therapy involving assisting trances as an alternative…"

"Do you always start muttering to yourself while in the middle of a conversation?"

"It's quite ordinary for me when I'm processing things."

"Ah, sorry. I know everyone must be worried. And I appreciate it, but I sort of wish I could appreciate it properly… You all feel like strangers."

"Well… Being a stranger is the first step to becoming a friend." And, maybe one day, something more. "Let us view the situation in those terms for the time being."

"Sounds good to me." She smiled, not in the same way she had before, but still a smile.

"… We'll get back to that place," I said softly. "I assure you." After all, there would be no stopping us until that was the case.

Hope and doubt mingled on her face. "I hope so…"

I felt emotion welling up in me and stood. "I think it best I depart." These feelings… Despair. Fear. Hopelessness. Tears. Everything that had been gained had been lost so easily, possibly to never return. I simply couldn't process it in a collected manner. The best course of action was to leave before I did something unbecoming.

"Oh, okay, well… Nice to meet you, I guess."

I smiled bitterly over my shoulder. The words stabbed at me. I was nothing more than a stranger. "And you as well."

"Are you okay?" Ikkyu was, of course, the first to notice the welling unpleasantries beginning to show on my face.

"I am fine… Please allow me a moment to myself… Actually, I'll depart now."

"I'll come with you… There's nothing we can do for tonight." Ikkyu nodded, most likely wanting to offer me what comfort he could.

I sighed, unfoundedly exhausted. "Toma, do go on ahead."

"I think I'll give her a breather…" He murmured.

"Awfully considerate of you…" Shin muttered, implying that this wasn't the usual.

"I'm allowed to pick and choose who I'm gracious towards. Deal with it." Toma shrugged.

An interesting pair, they were. It was a strange thing, to be chuckling and crying at the same time as we walked away. I didn't know what it meant at all.

 **~ Toma ~**

"You're not going to try anything, are you?" Shin asked bluntly.

He knew me almost too well, it seemed. "I'm an asshole, but I'm not completely evil. Relax."

"… Fine. I'm going home. Dad will be worried."

"So things are good now, huh? You're lucky." He was nowhere near to understanding the loneliness I'd felt for years now.

He looked towards Michi's room. "… Yeah. Anyways… See you later. Let me know if anything changes."

"Yeah. Don't worry."

He gave me one last look before leaving.

I sat back down, closing my eyes and running through my plan of execution one more time. I'd had a while to consider it and was fairly certain of success, although Michi's personality was a potentially dangerous variable. Better to just get this over with.

I took a deep breath. Now, of all times, wasn't the time to hesitate. I was certain that what I was doing was right. Protecting Michi was the most important thing, no matter what kind of person it made me. Even if I became hated… Nothing else mattered.

"Alright." I swept into the room, heart hammering, limbs almost shaking.

"Hey, what's your na—" Michi started to ask, but I cut her off by kissing her. I held her arms tightly, willing her not to hit me. Luckily she seemed to be too shocked to have a violent reaction.

When I backed away I put on a sheepish but sweet face. "Sorry… That must have surprised you."

"I-I mean…" Michi coughed. "To say the least."

"I just couldn't wait to see you, so by the time everyone else came out…" I laughed. "They had me go last because they knew I'd want to keep you all to myself."

"What am I missing here?" Michi asked suspiciously. Hopefully I'd be able to destroy that guard soon.

"This is awkward… Um… I'm Toma… Your boyfriend."

"… Oh." Her eyes got big.

"I brought you to the hospital. Do you remember anything? Anything at all?"

"Sorry… But nothing about you. I remember Mom stabbing me, and then it's like there's this huge blur…"

"That's okay." I touched her cheek. "All that matters is that you're safe." That was probably the most truthful thing I intended to say.

"Um…" Her cheeks turned red, a welcome bit of color to her pallor. "If it helps… My heart's beating really fast right now."

"Good…" I leaned in again. "Do you want me to hold back a bit?"

"Er…" She let out a tiny squeak as I kissed the corner of her mouth gently. I felt her resistance wearing down quickly. She was becoming malleable, her mind free for me to twist in the most convenient way possible.

God, it was exciting.

"W-wait," she stammered, and I pulled away again. "Will you tell me about… about… um, you know…"

"The two of us?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, well…" I'd had plenty of time to craft a believable backstory while waiting for my turn. "We dated in middle school for a while but broke up later on, deciding to just stay friends, but then we got back together in high school and have been together since. I'm in college now and you aren't, but we work at the same place; it's a café."

"So we've been dating for a while…" Her blush reached her ears and neck. "Have we… um… been intimate…?"

"Oh." I hadn't expected that question. "A little bit, but not fully. Normal couple stuff… Don't worry." There was no need to shock her too badly by revealing the masochism and sadism aspect of the relationship.

"Okay…" She sounded relieved. "Just, the thought of not being able to remember something like that…"

"I get it…" I smoothed her hair. "But it's okay. You did agree recently to move in with me though. Even if you hadn't I'd still want you near me… I want to be able to protect you right now."

"I'd rather not be by myself either."

I gently kissed her brow. "You don't have to scared."

"Th-thanks…"

Unbelievable. She was just accepting whatever she was told. It wasn't that she had much of a choice, but it made me want to push harder. It was best to be cautious though. "This may sound strange, but… We don't really talk about how we're dating with anyone else."

"What?'

"See…" I had to cover this so no one would be able to contradict the statement and reveal I was implanting lies in her mind. "They all like you too, so it's sort of a touchy subject that you're saying me… We just agreed it was better not to make them uncomfortable."

"Oh, that makes sense, looking back on how they acted towards me… Okay. I understand."

"Thanks for being understanding. I know how crazy and sudden this is."

"No, it's fine. I'm really glad to know that all of you care so much…"

I nodded, almost feeling guilty. But not quite. I was doing what was best for her. "… I love you."

"Oh!" She gasped. "Um, I… Uh…"

"You don't have to say it back. I'm just glad… So glad that you're okay. I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost you." My voice slowly devolved into a whisper. It would have broken me for sure. I felt her hand on my cheek and closed my eyes, and then her lips were against mine softly, tentatively.

Michi shook her head when she pulled back. "The meds are kicking in… My eyes are getting heavy."

"Get some rest then. I'll stay here for as long as I can." As her emergency contact I had a bit more leeway with visiting hours.

"Okay…" She lay back and closed her eyes, shifting to be as comfortable as she could. "Good night."

"Sleep well."

She was mine. I would protect her for sure.

I was almost starting to doze off myself when I heard it.

"This isn't going to work out like you want it to, you know. Not at all."

I thought I was dreaming but still looked up hazily. Then I jumped to my feet, chair clattering being me, at the sight of a young girl with horns and silver hair floating in the air, arms crossed over a pink shawl draped around her, and large yellow eyes narrowed imperiously in my direction. "What the…"

"Hello, Toma. You may address me as Musca."


	47. Chapter Forty-Seven: Selfish Wishes

Hi, Lord Muffintops here. I used to not like Toma at all... But writing him has made him grow on me. And so commences our awkward trio! Please, enjoy the story.

 **~ Toma ~**

I clapped my hands over my mouth to avoid yelling out. "Wh-what…?" I breathed.

The floating girl, she'd said her name was Musca, sighed heavily. "Let's take this chat outside. Michi is resting and I wouldn't want to wake her."

"Right…" Even in my shock that was something I could easily agree with. She floated right through the door and I opened it to follow her, shutting it as gently as I could behind me. "So –"

"You IDIOT! You seriously thought that was going to work?!"

"I mean –"

"I'm not done talking, you WHELP! How dare you try to insert yourself in such a way while Michi is hurt! Even if you love her, that doesn't give you a right to go stomping all over her identity! Michi will never accept you once she remembers, DUMBASS!"

"That's assuming she remembers," I retorted.

"She's going to. The second I rejoin her side, everything will come back."

I felt my face go pale, a tremor of fear run down my spine. After what I'd just done, that wasn't the best possible conclusion. "What are you?"

"Good question. I'm surprised you didn't ask sooner. I'm a spirit. I've been guiding Michi for a while now."

"Guiding her?"

"Yes. It's a long story, but Michi has amnesia because she didn't originally belong to this world. I've been by her side while she navigates this place, regaining her memories."

"This is all way beyond me…"

"My point is that nothing that happens in this world, hardly anything at least, is coincidence. Michi's mother didn't find her by chance; it was fate. The two of them were destined to clash in this world because neither of them can exist at the same time while still retaining their identities." She squeezed her eyes shut, looking pained. "Michi's destiny… is now to suffer at the hands of her mother who isn't supposed to be in this world."

My blood chilled. "So you're saying that it's definitely not over."

"No." She opened her eyes and looked at me with grim seriousness. "The four of you are all part of Michi's fate as well. You, Shin, Ikki, and Kent… I was able to choose only one of you to see me, and I picked you, Toma."

"Why me? It really sounds like you hate me if we're being honest here."

"Oh, I definitely dislike you. You scare me with how far you're willing to go in the name of your love. But still… That very reason is why I felt like you were the person I had to choose. The person I had to ask for help." She gritted her teeth as emotion had begun to overtake her voice. "I can't protect Michi on my own. I've failed at it multiple times. That's why I need you above the others. I know that you're willing to do whatever it takes, even if it means breaking the law or standard codes of morality. That's why I want your help. We have to do whatever it takes to protect Michi… Even if it means doing something unsavory."

"What do you think I was doing by trying to implant memories like that? The best way to protect her is to keep her by my side."

"You had to know that sooner or later her memory would come back though, right?"

"I was hoping it wouldn't. Even if it did, maybe she'd forgive me because in the end, I did it for her sake…"

"Don't pretend that you don't have a personal desire that founds what you were doing."

"You're right about that, I guess…" I frowned. "So it was all for nothing."

"I can't just leave Michi without her memories. She probably won't survive if she doesn't know what's going on. Her mother will be back, and if she's even less prepared to handle it than she was last time…"

"Enough. I get it. I messed up… So what do we do?"

"I'm going to wait until Michi is discharged and back at your place to give her memories back. I'll help convince her to stay there because it's what's best… Then we go after her mother."

"… What are you asking me to do here?" I murmured.

Musca crossed her arms and looked away. "I don't want you to kill her, not if you don't have to… But make her stay away. If that's a message that needs to be beaten in… So be it. Michi is the only thing that matters."

I smirked. "At least we can agree on one thing."

"Hmph." She waved her hand at me. "You should go on home now. I think Michi is asleep for good tonight. She usually rests deeply anyways…" She smiled fondly, chuckling.

"… I love Michi a lot, you know. It's in my own way, and it's definitely not pure or perfect, but… It's still love."

"I know… I know that. Honestly, I don't want to give her up to you. In terms of stability the best of the bunch for her to choose would be Kent. Maybe Ikki, but definitely not you or Shin. But that's what I want; what I think is the safest option. I have no idea where Michi's heart will lead her. I'm not rooting for you by any means, but you're the one who can protect her the most because you're willing to go outside the bounds of the law. Still… If you try anything twisted, I'll stop you."

"I understand. But I promise not to hurt her."

"… We'll see. Just go now, Toma. Let me be alone with her for a bit. I'll stay with her every moment from now on and I don't need to sleep, so it should be fine. We should have a telepathic connection as well, so we can contact each other if we need to."

"Fine. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Right… See you then."

I trailed home, feeling the heavy emptiness of my apartment differently tonight. I'd have Michi here with me soon, for better or worse. I was selfish beyond belief, using her to cure my loneliness in this situation. But it was also true that I was the one best able to protect her. Even if I had to pay with my life, or worse, even if I earned her hatred… I would do whatever it took.

 **~ Musca ~**

I looked at Michi's sleeping form and let out a long sigh. "Michi… I wish… I wish for a lot of things." I took her hand in mine, surprised at how warm it was. "I wish I could always be by your side and hold your hand like this, but I can't… I wish you would choose the person who's going to make you the happiest, and I wish even more that I knew who that was… But you're the only one who can see that, I think." I bowed my face over her fingers as tears started dripping down my cheeks. "Michi… I don't want to leave you… Please just be happy, because that's the only way I'll be able to stand it…"

 **~ Toma ~**

August 23rd passed, and Michi was released from the hospital on the 24th. The pool party was cancelled, of course. The rest of us couldn't find it in ourselves to go and have fun while Michi was still stuck on bedrest. "Knock, knock…" I peeked into her room, almost freakishly relieved to find her in her regular civilian clothes instead of a hospital robe.

"I don't need to be wheelchaired out of here!" Michi was busy arguing with a nurse. "I can walk just fine on my own." She crossed her arms and glared stubbornly.

"But… you really… you're still…" The nurse sighed, shoulders slumping.

"They've been at it for a while…" Musca informed me as she floated over to my side.

"Uh, I can take care of her… Support her while she's walking," I offered, trying to mediate.

The nurse sighed again. "That's fine." He handed me a bag. "Here's her pain meds. The larger pills will make her tired, but they're more effective. No strenuous activities." He gave me a pointed look and I felt my cheeks turn red. Michi was going to be under my constant supervision, well, almost constant, but that didn't mean I was going to try anything. I would just have to try very, VERY hard to restrain myself.

Shit, I was doomed.

"Don't you dare try anything, Toma. I'm warning you…" Musca hissed in my ear.

"Okay…" I sighed. "Ready to go, Michi?"

She grinned, nodding. "I've been going stir crazy… But people visited a lot, so it wasn't all bad. Sawa and Mine came yesterday and stayed for a really long time. They're nice."

"Yeah." I nodded. They'd stayed for so long that I hadn't been able to come in to see Michi after work. It had been beyond irritating. "Are you sure you feel well enough to walk?"

"Yeah, I'm fine! Gosh!"

"Okay. I'm just worried about you."

She blushed. "I know."

Once we were out of the hospital I put an arm securely around her waist, not caring whether she needed the support or not. I knew how badly she was going to react once Musca gave her memories back, so I was taking the chance to savor in her closeness while I still could.

"Y-you don't have to do that… I'm fine," she mumbled, still leaning against me.

I kissed the top of her head, not saying anything and taking the walk slow to savor the moment with her. When we got back the dread and fear I felt kept mounting higher as we got her settled. Would she really forgive me for this? Before I had been confident, but now that we were here I wasn't so sure.

"Are you ready, Toma?" Musca asked.

I just nodded, sitting next to Michi on the bed after having made myself a cot on the floor. "Hey, listen…"

"Yeah?" There was such complete trust in her eyes. I almost couldn't handle ruining it on my own, but…

"You need to hear this from me first."

"Toma…" Musca realized what I was doing and stared at me in shock.

"I… I lied to you."

"What…" She trailed off as I pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

"Please just listen," I whispered before leaning back. "We're not actually dating, and we never agreed to move in together. We dated once, yeah, and talked about it, but that was a long time ago. The truth is… I lied to get you here because I was scared. I thought that this was the only way to protect you, but… I was wrong. I'm sorry."

"What… Why…" Michi, sputtered, seeming to be unsure on just how to react.

"I'm going now, Toma. It's going to hurt her a lot to remember, so get ready…" Musca placed a hand on my shoulder. "You're a better man than I thought you were."

I flinched, both gratified and made even guiltier by her kind words. The only reason I was having to apologize like this was because I wasn't a good person. "Michi, I wanted you to hear the truth from me, no matter what." That much at least I wouldn't regret.

"I don't understand – agh!" Michi doubled over as Musca took her cheeks in her small, childish hands.

I rubbed her back, murmuring words of comfort as she trembled in pain. I was resigned to it now. She would react how she would react, but I had to stand by what I had done in terms of purpose, and that would never change. Once she stopped shaking and paused to breathe I closed my eyes. "I always want to protect you, Michi… Because I don't think I'd be anything without you here."

The next thing I felt was her fist connecting with my face.

 **~ Michi ~**

"Toma, you bastard!" In an instant I had straddled and started wailing on him. He put his arms up to protect himself on instinct but otherwise didn't try to fend me off. "How could you do that?! Lying to me… Bullshit, trying to protect me!" I gasped as pain reared up in my torso again, using one hand against his chest to steady myself while continuing the assault with my other.

"Michi, stop!" Musca grabbed my arm. "I told him to do it. Well, after the fact… But I wanted him to bring you here."

"What the hell, Musca?!" I calmed down enough to think it through even while fuming. "You told him…? What do you mean, you told him?"

"Toma can see me now. We agreed that him bringing you here was what was best to protect you."

"But –"

Musca held up a hand to stop my instant protestations. "It's undeniable that he's the most equipped to do so. He lives alone basically unsupervised without any family ties and is willing to go farther than anyone else. I chose him for a reason. I am sorry, Michi, really, I am… But you have to trust me. Trust us. There are some things I have to explain to you that you need to understand."

"Okay…?" I slumped back, still trapping Toma with my legs on either side of his torso. He put his arms down to rub at his cheek and bloodied nose. The sight of it was satisfying payback for the lies he'd told.

Musca took a breath, expression weary. "Look… Your existence is based on matter of fate, of destiny, Michi. You and your mother… Your parents are destined to be dead. You're meant to be alone in terms of biological family. Your mother being here is an imbalance to your world, and the both of you can't exist at the same time without the other's memories being wiped clean. You've been having feelings more and more often that you aren't supposed to be here, right?"

I gritted my teeth. "Yeah…" The puzzlement had been so bad upon seeing my mom again that I'd been rendered unable to move. "That's why we're here in the first place…"

"So I had to make some hard choices while you were out. Toma is helping me protect you, and we went about it the best way we could. Please understand. I don't agree with all of Toma's methods, but he gets the job done no matter what. Besides… You need to be near him now." She showed me her hand, where the symbol of the diamond stared at me. Toma's pathway. I still hadn't completed it, and now I had less than a week until the deadline.

"… Shit," I swore softly. "Okay then… Fine. Toma, it's not as if I don't understand… I know that this is something you'd do without even caring about yourself, trying to protect me. But still! If you don't even try to keep my feelings in mind while you're doing it, then it doesn't mean anything, right?"

He nodded, looking defeated. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"I forgive you." It wasn't as if I had much of a choice on it if I wanted to beat his pathway, and besides… I didn't want there to be conflict between us. Piling that up on top of everything else would be too hard. "Look, Toma… Just don't do anything stupid, okay?" I smiled, hitting him lightly on the shoulder.

"Michi…" He sat up suddenly and I yelped as I almost fell backwards, but he wrapped his arms tightly around my back, holding me close to him and burying his face in my shoulder. "… I won't… I'm sorry."

I petted his hair with both hands, enjoying its softness. "I know. It's okay." He was like a child at some times and a threat in others, and in other times still he was the closest thing I had to a lover. No matter what, letting go of him was almost unfathomable, especially when he seemed to rely so much on me. "Toma… Why is it that you feel like you can't be without me? Please help me understand…" I whispered.

He just shook his head before lifting his face up towards mine. "I can't tell you that," he whispered back, mouth almost touching mine as he spoke.

"Please…" My eyes had drifted shut almost before I knew it or had thought about wanting to do it, and his lips brushed mine gently. We were a bit twisted, but it was our own sort of love. Yeah… Yeah, I was in love with Toma. Based on memory, I had for a long time. Accepting that love had been the issue, and now there was space in my heart.

"Neither of you have any decency!" Musca huffed. "I'm still right here!"

"Wah!" I leaped back, bouncing on the bed and hugging my knees to my chest and Toma's face turned red. "S-sorry." I had a tendency to forget myself around Toma.

"You're dangerous in more ways than one…" Musca grumbled at Toma. "Don't forget, I'm watching you!"

"Noted…" He glanced at me and smirked, and I smiled back nervously. At least in that moment, I had the feeling that I could forgive this person for anything.

"Uh, sorry about your nose..." I grabbed a tissue from a box on the nightstand and dabbed at the minor injury, the blood on his upper lip.

"It's fine." He lifted a hand to wipe at my lip with his thumb. "Got some on you a second ago."

"Oh..." We were both blushing, the atmosphere still charged despite Musca's protests. I cleared my throat. "So what am I supposed to do?"

"Just take it easy here. There's books, video games..." Toma frowned. "I know it'll be hard for you... But it's best for you not to go outside alone. Not while your mother is still out there somewhere. Just wait on me for leaving the house, okay? I promise you'll get to leave."

"I get it..." I grumbled. "So I just have to hang out while you're at work..."

"Yeah. But all of my time is yours other than that, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you have a key to your apartment on you?"

"Yeah, why?" All of the things I'd been carrying on me had been returned upon my discharge.

"I need to pick you up a few things. You'll need pajamas, changes of clothes, like underwear and stuff..." He trailed off, face reddening again. "I, I mean... Um..."

"I get it!" I covered my face with my hands. "Just take it... The number is on the key... But, uh... Come back quickly please." It made me nervous to be alone in someone else's house without them there, especially Toma's place.

"I will." He bent down to kiss my cheek as he took the key from my hand.

"You're gross, the both of you!" Musca sighed. "Just get out of here, Toma!"

He laughed, slinging a backpack to put my things in over his shoulder. "Bye."

"Bye..." I sighed once he was gone. "I can't keep up with him... How fast he can change, depending on me one second and being reliable the next..."

"That's just how it is I suppose..." Musca looked at me, frowning. "It's like you forget I'm here when he's around..."

"I really am sorry about that."

"No, it's fine, really. You have your own life to live, one apart from me."

"Musca?" She sounded so sad...

"Hey, Michi, promise me you'll be happy at the end of this?"

"Yeah, I promise. We'll both be happy, right?"

"Yes." Musca smiled warmly. "I hope so."

"Don't talk so weird. Come on, help me pick a game to play." I loaded up a Pokemon game that looked like it hadn't been touched in some time and started a new game. "Charizard is my freaking baby... Oh my gosh Musca look it's a shiny Pidgey! I MUST HAVE THE SHINY PIDGEY!"

"The... what?" She looked up as the door opened.

"I'm back," Toma greeted us, putting the bag he'd taken with him and a bag from my place on the floor next to the bed. "This should do. I can always go back if you need anything else."

"Okay, thanks."

"I guess you'll want a shower, and I need to figure out dinner..." He started muttering to himself about options. "You like chicken?"

"Sure."

"Good. If you hop in the shower now dinner should be ready by the time you get out."

"Okay... It's weird having someone to depend on... Taking care of me like this," I said softly.

Toma smiled. "You don't have to worry about a thing." With that he slipped into the kitchen.

"He's really enjoying himself..." Musca sighed. "May as well get cleaned up, Michi."

"You're right... I still feel hospital clinging to me." I chose the most concealing pajamas I had and took them into the bathroom with me. It took me a few embarrassing tries to figure out the faucets since they were different from what i was used to but soon I was under hot water. "It's embarrassing, kind of..." I murmured.

"How so?" Musca replied from the other side of the curtain.

"Knowing that this is the kind of shampoo he uses, and the kind of soap..." Knowing that I would smell just like he did. "RAH!"

"You... slapped yourself in the face again."

"Banishing impure thoughts."

"Yeah, I know."

I jumped at some tapping on the door. "I thought I heard a yell... You alright, Michi?"

"She fine! Just go work on dinner!" Musca snapped at him.

"I-I'm fine, Toma," I answered him more kindly.

"Okay... But be careful." I heard his footsteps tapping away and sighed with relief.

"Geez... I'm not going to be able to calm down while I'm here..."

"Michi... Would you prefer it if I wan't here?"

"What? No, of course not! Don't ask stupid questions."

"... Okay," Musca murmured.

Once clean and dressed I tiptoed and peeked into the kitchen. Toma noticed me and smiled. "Nice timing. It's just a simple stir fry, but I didn't think you'd mind."

"I'm not picky when it comes to food, Toma."

"Yeah," he laughed and put food in bowls for each of us, and we sat across from each other. After a few minutes of silent eating he reached out and took some of my bangs in his fingers, running his hand down them.

"What's that for?"

"Your hair is wet."

"Well, duh, Toma."

"I know, I know, just... It's not something I thought I'd ever see. And your cheeks are all red from the steam, and..." He blushed. "I've gotta be honest, it's a good thing we're sleeping in separate places."

"Uh, yeah." I gulped, almost choking on rice from the shock of the candid statement. I touched my bangs, embarrassed, then thought of something. "It wasn't there..."

"Huh?"

"My hairpin, it wasn't there..." I jumped up and went to search through the bag that had been given to me from the hospital.

"Is everything okay?"

"No, not really... I can't lose that! Did the hospital misplace it, or did it fall off during the attack, or..."

"Why's it so important? Can't you get another one?" Toma asked.

"It's from Ikki! I can't... replace it..." I plopped down on the bed, irrationally upset.

"Oh, well... I'm sorry, Michi. I don't know what to tell you."

"It's fine... But I think I lost my appetite. Sorry..."

"It's okay. We can just have leftovers tomorrow. I won't even have to cook dinner after work." Toma smiled and patted my head. "It'll be okay."

I sighed as he left me there. "I feel bad, but..."

"I understand. It was something precious from someone precious." Musca squeezed my shoulders. "Why don't you brush your teeth and go to bed? We can look for it while Toma's at work tomorrow. Maybe it just got misplaced in all the commotion of getting you settled here."

"Yeah... Hopefully. Okay. Let's do that." I brushed my teeth, moping as I went to say goodnight to Toma, who was almost done with cleaning up the kitchen. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to ruin dinner."

"Again, it's fine. You going to sleep?"

"Yeah. I took my pain meds, so I should get tired soon anyways..."

"Rest well then." He lifted my bangs out of the way and kissed my forehead.

"Y-you too. Goodnight..." Despite being so upset I was still lulled by the general smell of him on the pillow, the sense that he, too, had been underneath these warm blankets at some point in time. Safe; I was safe here.

 **~ Toma ~**

I heaved a sigh once checking on her yielded that she was asleep based on her light and slow breathing. "Good..." I picked up a book and went to the kitchen to read so I wouldn't feel so restless with her there. I needed to divert my mind away from touching her, from trying to get closer.

"So..." Musca floated into my field of vision. "What did you do with the pin?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not just any pin. That's a symbol of Ikki's love for Michi and her affections for him. No way you'd let that stand under your roof. You're a better person than I thought you were, but you're still you, Toma. So where is it? It's hurting Michi not to have it. Let her have the comfort of it, no matter what that means."

I heaved a sigh. "You're so manipulative..." Musca knew exactly what buttons to push to get me to relent; knowing that I was hurting Michi in some way that was actually genuine and possibly lasting made me have to relent. I pulled the flower hairpin out of the pocket of my jacket. "I thought about burning it while she was in the shower..."

"Well, it's good that you didn't. Put it under the bed and we'll find it tomorrow. Michi doesn't have to know."

I sighed. "Fine."

"You know, you shouldn't be so petty. You do have a place in Michi's heart."

"That's not enough," I murmured, then shook my head and went to toss the pin under the bed. "Happy?" I whispered as Musca trailed after me.

"Yes. And in return, I'll do you a favor." She jerked her head. "When you're here during the day, I'll leave you and Michi alone. You can have that time with her. But at night I'm staying in here, so don't try anything."

"How gracious of you," I muttered climbing into my cot on the floor. "... But I'll take what I can get I guess."

"As you should," she huffed, settling near Michi.

I wanted to touch her; I wanted all of her. It was so painful, trying to have any less do.

 **~ Musca ~**

For the sake of completing the pathway, I would let him have some time with her. It was fine as long as I didn't have to look at it. It only served to remind that I would have to leave her soon. I couldn't stand to be forgotten before then. "I'm not being the best friend right now, Michi... I know that. But all of these moments are so precious to me, even if you don't know it..."


	48. Chapter Forty-Eight: Holding On

**~ Michi ~**

August 25th, and I was… "So boooooored!" I groaned.

"Toma should be home from work soon. Just calm down. Hey, at least you beat that gym leader finally."

"Brock can never stand up to my Charmeleon… Mwahaha! AHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! METAL CLAW!"

"… You're finally starting to go insane, aren't you?"

"I'm slipping… Ugh!" I flopped to hang upside down off the bed. "I feel bad, just sitting here…"

"Don't be too troubled by it. You're safest here, and it's giving Toma and me both peace of mind. You're not troubling anyone."

"Well, that's good at least." I flopped back up when I heard a knock on the door. "Is he back?"

"Why would Toma knock on his own door?"

"Right… He wouldn't…" I crept towards the door, heart hammering from heightened paranoia. There was no way she could find me here… Right?

"Toma, you here? It's me."

"That's…!" Without thinking I swung the door open.

"Michi, wait… Geez…" Musca tried to stop me to no avail.

"Shin, hi!" I threw my arms around his neck. I'd forgotten him for a short period of time, along with all of the others too, so seeing him again made me so glad to have remembered that I just wanted to hug him.

Without warning he pushed me away, jumping back and covering his face with his hands. "I didn't see anything! Well I saw, but I didn't look!"

"Huh?"

"Michi…" Musca sighed. "You're not wearing any pants, remember?"

I looked down at my bare legs. Oh, yeah, right. That. "Oh, shit!" I gasped. "I'm so sorry, I, I just, it was hot and I didn't know how to work the air conditioning and, and…" This was mortifying.

"Just go put some pants on!" Shin snapped.

"Okay!" I ran back on and tugged on my pajama pants before going back outside. "Uh… Hello again."

"You're insane." Shin glared at me.

"… You're mad. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you or gross you out like that…" I didn't know why he was complaining. I'd shaved my legs in the shower last night and everything.

"No, I'm not grossed out, don't say that, it's just…" He looked even angrier now. "Can I come in?"

"Sure… Toma's at work though."

"That's fine. I was really looking for you anyways."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You were discharged but not at your apartment… This is the second place I thought to check after Sawa's."

"Oh, you're smart." I nodded. "Well, I'm staying here for now. Just until everything's settled down…"

"Okay…" Shin frowned as he took in the sight of my things strewn about the bed and the nightstand. "Hmph."

"Why the grumpiness?"

"It's nothing. Anyways… Why Toma?"

"Why'd I choose to stay with him? Well… I think he'll protect me. Plus you have your dad at home, so I really wouldn't feel right intruding, and Kent has his parents visiting him sometimes now, and Ikki is supposed to be having friends over as part of project try harder to be a socially good person and not give up on yourself, but Toma is generally a loner, so I just figure this is best. The least amount of people are inconvenienced."

"… How'd you know all of that? I thought you lost your memory."

"Oh!" I'd completely forgotten to tell them that I'd recovered after becoming so despondent over losing the hair pin, which I'd found under the bed this morning. "Yeah, I got them back." I tapped the side of my head. "All better now."

"Seriously…?" Shin's eyes widened.

"Yup." I blinked at him as he took my arms and yelped when he started to shake me.

"You idiot why didn't you tell me I was so damn worried about you why are you like this and then why the hell are you confused about why I'm mad it's because you're in your underwear in another man's apartment SHIT!" He yelled in one breath, stopping to huff and gaze at me once he was done. "You're… really, really stupid sometimes, you know that?"

I blushed as his hands went to touch my cheeks gently. "Uh, yeah, I know. I'm a self-aware dumbass."

He sighed, moving to wrap his arms around my shoulders and pull me into a hug. "But you have no idea… how relieved I am. I was so worried that you wouldn't remember…"

"I'm sorry, Shin. I should've told you sooner, but I forgot to… I only remembered last night, and…"

"It's fine. As long as you're okay." He stepped back. "So… You're staying holed up in here until Toma gets home every day?"

"Pretty much."

"Want to go for a walk? I can look after you."

"Yeah! Oh, wait… Sorry, can't. Toma will be home from work sooner rather than later, and I don't want to make him worried by leaving since he's been so hospitable."

"Okay then… You still want some company? I can stay with you until he gets back."

"Will you?!"

"You don't have to get so excited about it…" But he was smiling while he said that.

"Come on come on!" I jumped onto the bed and patted the space next to me. "I've been playing Pokemon but I can't get past the first mountain area…"

"… That's a child's game, Michi."

"Nuh-uh. It's for everyone."

"… And you can't beat it."

"Shut up! I'm working on it! See…" I gestured to the screen as he sat next to me, leaning in close to peer with me at the smallish square. "My Charmeleon is level 16 and my Pidgey is level 10."

"No wonder you're losing… All of your stuff is weak to rock and you're in a place filled with rock-types."

"Why don't you try to do better, genius?"

"Fine, maybe I will." He took the system from me and I rested my head on his shoulder to watch. "Hey, why are you going all the way back?"

"Be quiet and let me fix this."

"Fine… Hey, you're going to get a Mankey, aren't you? That's so boring, nerfing the game like that…"

"Do you want to keep losing or not? You should've picked the water-type starter."

"I thought this game was for kids, Shin. What are you getting all fired up for?"

"Shut up, you…" He'd turned his head to look at me while he retorted, but our faced were close because I'd already been looking up at him. "… Idiot." He finished his sentence after clearing his throat.

"You're stupid too…" I muttered.

"I know…" He sighed and raised a hand to pat my head. "Hey… Don't go choosing Toma, okay? Wait a bit longer."

"Huh?" My heart skipped a beat, jarred by hope that I'd long let go of; hope for him and I.

"I'm gonna catch a Mankey now, so don't keep bothering me…" He turned away and the moment was gone as soon as it had come. Still, I wrapped my arms around his and snuggled in closer, trying to hold on to the feelings I wished he'd returned to me in the first place. Things would have turned out so much less complicated if he had claimed me in the first place.

It took about an hour of me watching him play the game. "… You got nothing done."

"Try getting through the mountain now. Just use the fighting monkey and you'll be fine."

"Wise advice, Shin-sensei! Tell me again please, as I didn't hear you the first time!"

"Just use the fighting monkey, idiot! Or else I'd have just wasted my time."

"Oh, so I'm a waste of time now, I see…" I huffed.

"I was just joking."

I flicked him on the forehead. "I know, I was too… Thanks, Shin. I had a really good day, thanks to you…"

"Just call or text if you get bored again. I'll come anytime you want."

"Yeah." I blushed. It felt like we hadn't been this close in a while, as if he hadn't let me in so much for some time. It was always on his terms… "Thanks."

"… Remember what I said, okay? Don't… Don't choose Toma." He brushed hair out of my face..

"… I can't, Shin…" I whispered. "I can't keep on waiting for you when you keep on saying that you can't be with me or you're going far away."

He suddenly took my hands tightly. "Things can change. If you let me… If you have some faith in me."

"Shin…?" I couldn't bring myself to understand or to believe him fully. His multiple rejections had already hurt enough, and knowing that he was leaving to go across the sea soon… "Stop being weird, will you?" I tried to joke, laugh it off.

"I'm being serious."

"I know, but it's too late, isn't it? Why are you doing this, idiot, I thought we agreed that there was no chance for us!"

"Because finding you here made me go crazy! I can't… I can't give up like this, okay? And if you feel anything at all for me still… Then I want to win you over."

Why did it turn out like this? Why was just being friends with him so hard? "It's too late," I whispered.

Shin took my face in his hands. "It's not." With that he pressed his mouth to mine firmly.

He was making this too complicated. Being cold and then passionate, he was bad for my heart. He leaned back to whisper against my cheek. "Please either kiss me back or push me away."

"I can't… I can't decide, on any of this… I never meant for this to get so jumbled up…" My feelings, my love, they were all being pulled in four different directions. How was I supposed to choose? "I'm so sorry, I'm a bad girl, I'm a terrible girl…" I started sniveling.

"Michi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I'll stop. Please don't cry. You're a good girl…" Shin hugged me, stroking my hair in an attempt at comfort.

"I'm… not… crying… you idiot," I mumbled, hiccupping slightly as I tried to contain tears. So stupid. But still, this hurt far more than the stab wound still searing my body, this strain on my heart. That's just how it was; try as I might, that was what fate had brought me.

"You totally are."

"Not!"

"You're getting my shirt wet."

"Agh, you asshole… Just stay here until I stop, then leave please."

"Got it."

I closed my eyes, hiding in his shoulder. "It's not like me to break down like this…"

"It's my fault for pushing you. Sorry."

"I'm just gonna go ahead and blame the medication…" I muttered.

"Okay, sure."

"Look… I don't want to keep on doing this. I want to make a choice soon… And once I make it, I'll stick with it without any regrets. I just need a little bit more time. A smidge."

"That's fine… I have some things to do too." Shin sighed. "I can't seem to let go of you no matter how hard I try… So I had to know whether or not I had a chance at all."

"Geez, Shin, but you didn't have to be so pushy about it."

He chuckled. "That just seems to be the best way to get through to you."

"Urk… You jerk."

"I'm back!" Toma sounded happy as he came in, but he stopped dead in his tracks once he saw Shin and I, the two of us having had no time at all to adjust ourselves.

"Toma, we were just – Ah!" I yelped as Toma grabbed Shin by the back of the shirt and threw him to the floor. "Wait!"

"I don't know exactly what's going on here, but Michi is crying and that's all I need to know," Toma growled. "Get out, Shin."

"Toma, calm down!" I grabbed his arm. "Shin just came to keep me company while you were gone!"

"That's what you call keeping her company, huh, Shin? You bastard, this is my house!"

"And you kept her here without telling anyone or letting us know that she'd gotten her memories back!" Shin retorted.

"Michi agreed to it. Don't get all pissed at me like I had some diabolical plan." Toma smirked.

"You totally had a diabolical plan from the start…" Musca interjected in a mutter.

"Okay, executive decision!" I declared. Neither of them were going to calm down if they continued facing off like this; the only solution was to separate them and let them cool down on their own. "Shin, go home."

He glanced at me, looking away after I mouthed sorry and thanks to him. "Later, Michi. Don't forget what I said," he added pointedly before leaving.

"Geez…" I sighed.

"What was that?" Toma asked quietly.

"Shin just… I started crying, so he comforted me. That's all. Don't be so mad, okay?"

"Why were you crying?" Confusion flitted across Toma's features. "Is it about that flower hairpin?"

"No, I found it."

"Good…" He glanced away before looking back at me. "So what's the matter?"

"Well… I'm just frustrated. Being the leader of a reverse harem isn't easy, you know, and then at the end the heroine always has to pick one and it pisses me off because you can't help but root for them all dammit!"

"Oh… Well…" Toma tilted his head. "Want to go for a walk?"

"Sure…" Maybe getting a chance to talk to him would help me sort some things out.

"Okay. Just get changed and we can go."

"Michi…" Musca followed me into the bathroom after I grabbed a spotted dress and a long rainbow-patterned sweater. "Be careful. You're running out of time on Toma's pathway, and him seeing you with Shin isn't bound to help things."

"I know… I'll focus from here on out." I couldn't afford to entertain distractions right now. I could give this more thought later, but not now. I slapped my cheeks lightly. "No more of this damsel in distress crap… I can do this on my own!" I walked out of the bathroom, brushing myself off. "Let's go…"

"… You look cute."

"Thanks…" It was just another one of my random ensembles, nothing special, but he seemed sincere.

"I'm sorry you had to be left alone all day. It still bothers me, but I understand why you would let Shin inside to spend time with you," Toma sighed. Despite the words, he still looked upset. His burning anger was gone, but a tired sadness still lingered in its wake.

"What's the matter, then?"

"I hate the thought of you being alone with another guy. Not just Shin, but any other guy."

"He feels the exact same way, you know…" I muttered. "You're both really stupid. But then again, I can be pretty stupid too…"

"Geez… This sucks."

"Sort of, yeah." I looked at the sunset. "But at least we've been blessed with a beautiful day…"

"Michi…" Toma took my hand. "Go out with me. Will you?"

I squeezed his hand tightly but couldn't look at him.

"Michi, maybe consider it? It may help complete the pathway…" Musca suggested, uncertainty plaguing her words. "I don't like saying this, but maybe…"

"Toma can hear you, you know, Musca…"

"I know that, but… I just wanted to give you what counsel I could."

I shook my head, smiling. "I have to be honest with my own heart, both of you. Right now just isn't the time to make a choice. The only thing I can say, Toma, is that I promise to be by your side until this ends."

He smiled softly. "What are you talking about… I'm the one protecting you right now. That's my line."

"Whatever." I grinned. "I'm tired of crying and of being scared… So let's be brave together, Toma." Even though I didn't seem to be in control of what my heart felt, the thing I did have control over was whether it reduced me to sniveling or not. I didn't want to let it anymore. No matter how confused or torn I was inside, I wanted to feel strong on my own.

"Fine… Whatever you say. I'm a slave to your will." He spoke with a halfway joking and halfway serious tone.

"Thanks for everything you're doing for me. I really can't say that enough."

"It's really not a big deal. Besides… You help me out to. Just knowing that I have someone to come home to helps me get through the day. Especially because it's you."

"Good…" I tugged on his arm. "Let's go home now, Toma."

"But we've only been walking for a few minutes… I thought you'd be exhausted of being cooped up."

"No, I'm fine. Beggars can't be choosers, right? I think… I just want to have a calm, pleasant dinner with you."

"That sounds nice," Toma laughed. "That sounds amazing right now."

"Come on." Everything was going to be alright. Looking at the fullness of my heart as being a problem, a pain, would get me nowhere. But the bottom line was that I would never be alone. I was just fine because I had all of these loved ones by my side, to support and be supported.

Leftover usually tasted better to me, and the stir fry Toma had made the night before was no exception.

"This is really good…" OM NOM NOM.

"Don't talk with your mouth halfway full," Musca scolded me.

"Whatever…" I grumbled.

Toma laughed. "No, it's fine. I'm just glad you like it."

"I'm already tired of watching your domestic life…" Musca sighed. "Look…" She hesitated. "I think I'll stay in here from now on during the night. It's annoying listening to the two of you snore."

"I don't snore!" I snapped.

"How would you know? You're asleep." Musca raised her eyebrows.

"I don't… Do I, Toma?"

"Does it really bother you that much whether or not you do?" He grinned teasingly.

"No! Geez… Shut up, you two…"

"You seriously don't though."

"I said I don't care!" I huffed.

"Whatever you say… What did you do today besides Shin? … I phrased that wrong." Toma slouched in his chair.

"You, uh, you really did. But I basically just played Pokémon. Because I have no life."

"It'll get better soon. You'll see."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm not worried." The fact that the arrangement was meant to be so temporary seemed a bit strange, but it was also very relieving. Still, I'd gotten used to our weird little domestic life quickly. After dinner Toma and I took turns in the bathroom getting cleaned up. I looked at Musca's expression in the mirror and found that she looked disquieted, so I turned to her after spitting one last time in the brushing of my teeth. "So…" I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "You okay? You're being weird today."

"Weird how?" Her frown deepened.

"I mean, you encouraged me to go out with Toma and even decided to leave us alone at night now. That's pretty unlike you, so what is it?"

She sighed heavily. "We're running out of time. Toma's pathway still hasn't been completed and frankly at this point people like Shin and I are just getting in the way. Besides… You're an adult and so is Toma. You guuys are allowed to do whatever you want."

"We're not going to do anything inappropriate!" My face went red in an instant.

"You say that, but he always gets you caught up in the moment…" Musca shook her head. "Anyways, that's where I stand right now. I don't like it, but it needs to be done."

"Okay, but I don't want you to have to look so upset…"

She smiled now. "Don't worry about me, Michi. I just want you to be happy."

"You keep saying that like… Like you're…" I shook the thought away. "Can I have a hug?"

"Oh, s-sure…" Musca huffed when I squeezed her tightly, knocking the breath out of her.

"I really appreciate you more than anyone else, you know… Please remember that…"

"Okay… I get it, you can let go now…" Musca let out a wheeze once I stepped back, her face red. "Go get some good rest, okay?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna need a lot of energy to do nothing tomorrow… Oh, wait!" I went into the main room, where Toma was already done getting ready for bed and sitting on his cot with a book. "Hey, do you work tomorrow?"

"No, actually. You want to go somewhere?"

"Yes. Literally anywhere, please."

"How about the public pool since you had to miss out on the party? I mean we all did, but still."

"Yeah! Awesome." I plopped into bed and watched as Musca floated into the kitchen. "She's just trying to be nice and give us privacy, but I know she still minds… She should just be honest with her feelings," I sighed.

"It's not like we need privacy… Nothing's gonna happen," Toma said quietly.

"I-I know that! I know, right?!" I laughed, too loud and awkwardly. "… Anyways goodnight." I flopped into bed and curled up with the blankets to my chin, too nervous without Musca there after being so used to falling asleep with her next to me. It was a lonely feeling actually, and that among other reasons was why my next words came out. "… I give up… Want to sleep next to me? I mean, will you? It'll… It'll be comforting…" My voice slowly devolved into a shy murmur as I spoke and I squeezed my eyes shut.

Toma didn't respond at first but I heard his soft footsteps passing closer. "What, are you scared?" He asked quietly.

"No…" I had had some bad dreams last night concerning my mother, but that wasn't the only reason why. "I am a little bit I guess, but I just… I want to get a bit closer to you. Sometimes I feel like I know you and sometimes you're a mystery to me… So please come closer to me, Toma." I truly wanted and needed him closer to me at that time.

"Move over," he said gently, and when I did he got in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. "This okay?"

"Yeah… Hey, Toma?"

"Hm?"

"Will you tell me? What it is that's always weighing down so heavily on you?"

I felt his breath, warm and slight on my ear and hair. "… Okay."

"I'm scared of myself," he whispered after a while. "I blame it on my parents divorcing, but the truth is that I've always felt like I'm outside of this world somehow. I don't understand the way regular people work. I want to take everything for myself…" I caught my breath when he snaked one hand up my torso and between my breasts for it to be resting on my throat, not gripping at all but heavy somehow and cool in its pressure. "I've always felt alone, bottom line. Like… This world and its rules weren't made for me. I know it sounds strange and like I'm just complaining… But that's how it is."

"No, it's okay… It doesn't sound like that at all." I put my hand over his.

"I've really tried to be a normal person, an upstanding citizen. I've tried to do what people are supposed to do, but it just doesn't feel like me. I… I want to claim things as my own. I want to have power because I've just never had any control it feels like… I'm violent."

I felt him trembling slightly and my heart ached because I honestly didn't know what to do that could truly help him. Was being by his side enough?

"I'm afraid I'm going to hurt someone someday… I've already hurt you before… I just… I just…!"

"Stop. Stop, okay? Just because you feel things that aren't normal doesn't make you a terrible person. It's acting on it in ways that hurt someone that would make you terrible. You didn't… I'm not hurt, Toma. Please understand that, okay? You didn't hurt me… You… You make me feel more alive than I have in a while, and… I believe in you. I believe that you can find your own path to happiness…"

"There's no guarantee that you're going to be a part of that path, is there?"

"… I don't know what's going to happen."

"I can't catch you no matter how badly I try. I want…" His hold on my neck tightened slightly. "I need you. You're the only thing that makes me feel like I can stay tethered. You make me feel like I'm actually a little bit normal… Like I can stand a chance of belonging here. But i… I can't keep you tied to me with… such desperate, toxic feelings… No matter how badly I want to."

"… You might have to let go… I'll always be here for you if you need me, but I might now be able to stay by your side forever, Toma." It broke my heart to say it, but I would also break both of us if I tried to force myself into something I wasn't honest about.

"I can't… I can't let go of you. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

I closed my eyes. "It's going to be okay." There were no guarantees in life, ever, but we would never stop holding on, clinging to the things we were fighting for.


	49. Chapter Forty-Nine: Time

**~ Michi ~**

"Forecast looks pretty good today…" I pulled on a loose tank top and shorts over my swimsuit and exited the bathroom while trying my hair up. "Too bad…"

"You don't sound excited at all. Do you not want to go?" Toma tilted his head at me.

"Well… I didn't think about it last night, but I…" I placed a hand on my stomach. The stitches were out so it was safe to get it wet for a little while without straining myself, but it was still in an ugly stage of healing, angry, scabby and bruised.

"Does it still hurt?" Toma asked with clueless concern, not understanding that the only issue was my shy lack of self-confidence.

"N-no, it's fine. Come on, let's go!" I grabbed up the bag we had packed with towels and sunscreen and ran out the door, trying to cast doubt out of my mind.

"A pool, huh?" Musca tilted her head. "Don't people pee in those?"

"You're not supposed to think about it. Please don't mention it again," I sighed.

"If you say so…" Musca floated next to me. "Did you sleep well?" It was obviously a loaded question.

I grinned evilly. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Her eyes bugged out. "What happened? Wait, don't tell me! But tell me!"

"I choose to leave it up to your imagination." I winked.

"She's just messing with you, Musca. Nothing happened," Toma explained with a laugh, blushing slightly.

"He's lying. We made wild steamy love into the twilight, me and this burning ball of desire over here," I countered him, wanting to mess with Musca.

"Stooop!" She flew around in a circle, shaking her head as her ears and neck went red.

"Michi, you're so…" Toma put a hand over his face.

"What is it, my sweet love machine? Please tell me."

"LALALALALALALA!" Musca clamped her hands over her ears.

"I think you broke her, Michi." Toma bit back laughter.

"Musca… I was just kidding. You don't have to freak out."

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!"

"Welp…" I shrugged. "She's seen a lot while she's been with me, but she definitely has a tolerance."

"Seen a lot?" Toma's face fell. "Like… intimacy wise?"

"I guess so." I grinned, poking his cheek. "Don't get all jealous now…"

He swatted my hand away, face turning red. "Of course I'm jealous…"

"Look, I haven't done anything… Beyond a certain point."

"A certain point, huh…" He mumbled, pouting.

"Chill out, Toma." I ruffled his hair.

"Hmm…" He still looked a bit grumbly but smiled at me. "Today's going to be a surprise for you."

"Huh? How so?"

He just winked and put a finger to his lips.

"Are you messing with me now?"

"No, no. I just think you'll be happy."

"Okay…? But now that my expectations have been raised you'd better not let me down."

"Trust me." He took my hand and walked faster once we got closer to the public pool. "Okay…" He stood behind me and covered my eyes with his hands.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" I blushed with his chest at my back. "Eek!" I yelped when his lips touched the back of my neck firmly for a moment.

"Just walk forward… It's fine."

"Urgh… You asshole…" I walked with trepidation, hands held out, scared of bumping into something.

"Okay, stop." Toma laughed and withdrew his hands from my face.

I blinked, squinting in the sunlight, and jumped when suddenly there was yelling. All of my coworkers from the café and the manager were standing at the side of the pool cheering, grinning; even Shin had a bit of a cheerful smile. Once the noise died down I gazed at them all incredulously. "What the actual hell is going on here?" No sooner had the question been said that Sawa and Mine flew at me, squeezing the breath from my lungs with the tightest hugs in history.

"You're definitely back! That's the Michi I know!" Sawa cried, and Mine sobbed in agreement.

"Toma, what did you do?" I craned my neck to look back at him. Part of this was definitely his doing.

He laughed behind me. "We all felt bad that the pool party didn't happen, and when you got your memories back we figured we should celebrate. The manager reserved the pool for the day, and that's that."

"Sneaky bastard." I grinned at him. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He smiled warmly, but there was a hint of something else, some sadness, behind it.

"Come on, let's swim! It's hot here!" Sawa grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the pool.

"I, uh, I think I'll sit on the edge for a while. You go on ahead."

"Oh, are you sure? Okay then." She leaped into the deep end even though there was a sign forbidding it.

I settled at the edge with my legs in the water, watching them splash around and act like idiots. At one point there was a grappling match between the four guys, Shin on Toma's shoulders and Ikki on Kent's, and with his thinner frame of course Shin got knocked over in seconds. I busted a gut laughing and he glared as he swam over to splash me mercilessly.

"H-hey!" I laughed, kicking water at him.

He sighed, lifting himself out of the pool to sit next to me. "Feeling alright today?"

"Yeah. Just really glad to get outside."

"I figured…" He sighed. "Toma's an asshole, but he did set this up. He's the one who texted all of us that your memory came back and suggested a belated pool party."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Not that I wanted to give him that credit," he grumbled.

"Haha, grumpy little Shin…" I pinched his cheek and he pushed my shoulder.

"You're just…" He sighed, lowering his voice. "I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to push you so hard."

"Oh." I looked at the almost harsh glitter of the sun on water instead of at him. "Well… It's fine."

"You don't have to say that. Be pissed at me if you want."

"It's really fine, Shin." My voice devolved into a mumble. "I'm the kind of person who likes… being pushed around sometimes. In that fashion."

"What?" He looked at me for a few seconds and then his face turned red as realization struck. "Oh. I, uh… Okay."

"… Yeah." My heart was beating painfully, but I still licked my lips nervously and spoke. "Does that… bother you? Do you think it's weird?"

"No!" He exclaimed instantly, then cleared his throat. "Of course not. Since it's you. A-anyways. I, uh… My dad! He wanted me to invite you over for dinner. We've cleaned up the place and he wanted you to see it. To thank you. He's not a terrible cook."

"Really? Awesome. Sure, I'll come." Kind of like having that awkward dinner with your boyfriend's parents… "Hehe…"

"What was that creepy laugh for?"

"I'm just fantasizing, don't mind me." I waved a hand as he rolled his eyes and smiled. "But about the other day…" I returned to seriousness and his expression tightened. "Just let me think about it, okay? I've got… a lot to think about lately."

He nodded. "Okay. Take all the time you need. I… I'd definitely be willing to wait for a long time."

I blushed, almost punching him. "D-don't say that… That's too much pressure."

"Sorry." He laughed softly. "The closer it gets to time to leave, the more worried I get. I want to be able to look back on times like these with nostalgia and be happy… But I don't want to let them go yet either."

I put my hand over his. "Me too."

He sighed. "… Love you."

"Eh?" I stared at him but he just shrugged at me and slid back into the pool, splashing me one last time before going over and assaulting Toma from behind. "He's… He's just… Argh!"

"He's upping his game," Musca supplied.

"Yeah… Asshole."

"Who are you talking about?" A cool, laughing voice from behind me made me flail with shock and almost fall into the pool.

"Ikki, you…" I gasped as he settled in next to me.

"Asshole?" He laughed.

"Exactly! I'm surrounded by assholes!"

"You're too funny," he said warmly. "Welcome back…"

"Oh…" I realized that the only ones I had talked to since getting out of the hospital were Toma and Shin. The others must have been worried sick. "Yeah. Thanks." I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment, trying to apologize for circumstances that were too difficult to explain. Glancing up at him revealed that he was smiling down at me, his best natural mile even if he didn't realize it, so I jerked away after becoming flustered. "Your hair… It's not pinned back today." It was hanging differently in his face, silver darkened by water.

"You don't like it?" His smile gained some playfulness.

"No… Actually I think it looks even better than usual," I said honestly.

"Oh." Ikki blushed a bit. "Didn't expect you to be so candid… You got me."

"Haha, two can play at your seduction game," I teased.

"Oh, so you're trying to seduce me now? Be my guest, darling."

"That's not what I'm doing," I muttered, hitting his arm.

"I can dream, can't I?"

"Sure, but have those dreams far away from me please." We looked at each other and just laughed.

"I really can imagine being able to talk to you like this forever. It's strange, but comforting at the same time."

"Really?" I tilted my head.

He smiled softly. "Yes."

"I… haven't really thought about forever yet. I've just been trying to get through this one day at a time…" Who knew what the end of this month would bring? The course of my life had changed drastically throughout this August of fights and love and tears, no matter which direction I ended up going.

"No, that's good. You shouldn't stress out about the big things right now. A small contained moment like this one should be enjoyed."

"Why are you sounding so smart all of a sudden?"

"Hey… You wound me."

"I'm sure you'll survive."

"I don't think I will. Maybe kiss it and make it better?"

"Kiss it where? You're not even physically hurt. Although we could easily change that."

"My heart is hurt." He pointed to his chest. "So can I have a kiss right here?"

"D-dumb! That's dumb!" Instead of a kiss on the chest I gave him a punch.

"Ah! I was just teasing you…" He pouted.

"Idiot…" I jumped when he touched my cheek.

"Ah, there's that adorable flustered face."

"You're… dumb. That's what you are."

"Yes, yes." He nodded indulgently.

"S-so… Have you been going on any dates or making new friends lately?"

"Both, yes. But the dates never go well. I don't really return any calls." He shrugged. "So it goes."

"Why not? There must be at least one person worth seeing again."

"I mean, yes, but it's not you. I'm still hung up, so what's there to do?" His smile got a bit heavier as he gazed at me with warmth overflowing in his eyes. "If you tell me to move on and forget about any chance with you, I will."

"Please don't make me do that," I whispered.

"I'm just teasing you." He ruffled my hair. "Can I get you anything? A drink maybe?"

"No thanks… Just go enjoy yourself, okay?"

"As my lady wishes," he half-joked, leaving my side.

"What are you gonna do, Michi?" Musca asked, patting my hair down.

"Hell if I know. Maybe they'll just give me a heart attack so I won't have to decide."

"Oh, come on…" She laughed. "Whoops, next contestant's here. I'm gonna go chat with Toma, okay?"

"Oh, okay?" I watched her float away and turned when a leg brushed against mine. Suddenly I was being pulled into an embrace from the side, my cheek pressed to someone's chest. "K-K-Kent?" I looked up at him and he blinked pensive green eyes down at me, even more vivid without his glasses there to hide them.

"Good day to you, Michi." He kept looking at me, not showing any signs of letting go even as the seconds ticked by at the others started to notice. When I saw Sawa staring I shoved him away.

"Cut that out, idiot! You'll… You'll make her sad," I mumbled.

"Ah. My apologies." He settled for having his arm against mine, leaning with a slightly heavy pressure. I hadn't noticed before how his shoulders and chest were broad enough for me to feel very comfortable with myself there, secured.

"What was that for anyways? You scared me."

"I was simply overjoyed to see you. It… It scared me deeply, the thought of your memories being lost permanently."

"I really am sorry, Kent. I didn't want to worry everyone."

"You're worried over because you're loved. It's nothing to apologize for."

I blushed. "Thanks… If you say so. Wah!" I jumped as his arms went around my shoulders. "What did I just say, huh?!"

"I believe that my body is acting on its own."

"That doesn't even make any sense…" I sighed. "Aren't you worried about Sawa too?"

"Not as much as I was worried about you. Besides…" Kent sighed, slumping against me. "Worrying so much is tiring. May I relax now?"

"Ah…" Yeah, they definitely deserved that. I'd caused them a lot of stress in all the confusion. "Okay, fine." I patted his head. "What am I gonna do with you…?" He was just so adorable sometimes it was enough to make my heart ache.

He closed his eyes. "Remind me later… I have something to give you."

"Oh, okay. What is it?"

"Not telling…" He murmured.

"Uh, Kent?" He was still leaning over on me, and the pressure was becoming too much. "Wah!" I yelped as he fell over on my lap, body sprawled out on top of my legs. "Kent! Hey, Kent?!" I tried to heave him up by the shoulders. "A little help here!"

"Kent!" Ikki and Sawa rushed over and helped to lift him up.

"He's… He's _asleep_?" I shook my head, amazed.

"He hasn't been sleeping well lately. For obvious reasons," Ikki explained, shrugging as he and Shin hefted Kent up, Sawa and Mine fluttering beside them as they moved to take him inside a rest area.

"Geez…" I laughed. At least I could never say that this life was a boring one.

 **~ Toma ~**

I paused when I noticed Musca drifting towards me. She gestured and I snuck off to the side of the pool so we could talk without me looking as if I was conversing with myself. "What is it?"

"I wanted to say that I was proud of you. And pleasantly surprised."

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrows.

"It was kind of you to organize this for Michi. I wasn't expecting it. I thought you'd work harder to keep her for yourself."

"I mean, I want to do that. But since she'd hate it, I figured this would make her happy." Although watching her talk to the others was nearly unbearable.

"So you're saying that as long as Michi is happy then you're fine?"

"Basically."

Musca gazed at Michi as Kent hugged her, making my blood boil a bit. "I don't believe you."

"What?" I tore my gaze away from the girl I loved to meet the stern eyes of a spirit child determined to protect her from me.

"Tell yourself that, but that's not the truth, is it? How far you'd go, what you're willing to do to keep her. I want your help, true, but what are you expecting after Michi is safe from her mother? What conclusion are you imagining, Toma? Her gratefulness, her love for you? You won't get any of it. The way it's going to play out, you getting rid of her mother… This is the end, Toma."

"… And you knew that, didn't you?" I sighed. "But so did I. Even so, there's nothing else to do."

"Are you sure about that?"

"What do you want from me?" I snapped.

"I want you to become a man worthy of Michi. I want you to think about who you are by yourself, not who you are in relation to her. The pathway we're all on together… My loved ones and your love for Michi… I knew very well that by enlisting you I might be sending us towards disaster." Musca closed her eyes. "Everything is supposed to be resolved by the end of August. If it's not…" She gritted her teeth. "Nothing… It won't be alright for us…"

"What's going to happen?"

"Nothing bad to Michi. That's all you care about, right?"

"I mean yes, but since Michi cares about you I'll help you out too."

"Hah! You're candid in moments like these. No matter." She shook her head. "There's more than one conclusion to this story, you know. If you can find it… If you can forge it somehow… Then you'll win this pathway. But you'll have to think about it. What you _can_ do, not always what you _want_ to do. You're like a beast, always operating on instinct. I know very well what you're capable of… But I do care about you."

"What?" I stared, shocked at the last statement.

"You have such an important place in Michi's heart. I don't want anything to happen to you, because despite everything you've worked hard to get there. You're different than you were in the other world, and yet so similar… I'm protective of Michi because quite frankly I never know what to expect from you." She smiled, only halfway with mirth. "You keep each and every one of us on our toes."

"Other world?" I echoed, confused.

"There are worlds parallel to this one, in one of which you were… You weren't good, Toma. Michi is from one of those different worlds, but to save her life she was brought here. She, too, had fought hard to earn here place in it. The two of you are both beautiful and terrible together. I don't know what to think… All I'm sure of is that Michi is the person who's most important to both of us." She sighed, smiling fondly.

"… Do you have anyone you care about besides her?" I asked quietly, feeling a strange sense of companionship towards this otherworldly being.

"I have people I regard as brother, mother and father. We're all going to be expelled from the Spirit World for our interference in human affairs. But still… We chose this because we…" She held her hands up and looked at them, searching for words. "We see something in humans we can't seem to attain. Your struggles and happiness, your love, aren't like anything we've ever been able to reach."

"Musca…" I put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

"It's okay. You don't have to feel sorry for me."

"I don't. We've both made choices."

She smiled. "Good. Oh." She blinked when the scene began where Kent fell over on Michi for no apparent reason. "Aren't you going to help?"

"No way. Michi's finally going to be alone. I'm going to keep her all to myself for a moment."

"Of course you are. Well… I'll leave you to it, then." She started to float after the others.

"Hey, uh…" I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. "Thanks, Musca."

"Yeah." She nodded and smiled before departing.

It was an answer I couldn't reach yet, how else to end this fleeting time while protecting Michi and having her able to still love me by the end of it. For now I approached her with greed for this temporary moment in my heart, lost in the myriad of choices I could make to either keep or destroy everything I had worked for.

 **~ Michi ~**

"That was a surprise," Toma said as he rested his arms on the edge of the pool.

"I mean, yeah! He just fell over. I thought he'd fainted, but he was just asleep. How crazy is that?" I laughed.

Toma just shrugged. "I guess."

"You okay?" I peered down at him, catching his undefinable mood.

"Fine." He frowned and moved to rest his head on my thighs.

"Wh…" I sighed. "You just do as you like, don't you?"

"Hm." He shrugged again, sighing and blowing cool air over my legs.

"Tell me what the matter is."

"I'm just jealous. Since this morning I can't get what you've said out of my head. Not going past a certain point… I don't like the idea of other guys touching you, and then they all come up to you today acting like that… It makes me go crazy without meaning to,"

I nodded slowly, petting his hair. "It's you, though, Toma."

"Hm?" He looked up at me.

"That time before we broke up, that's the most physically intimate I've ever gotten. Does that make you feel any better?" I smiled with amusement. He was so childishly jealous at times, one of his cuter sides.

"You…" He took my knee in his hand and pulled one leg away from the other to lean in and press his mouth to my inner thigh before biting down.

I squealed but cut it off my covering my mouth with my hands, not wanting to attract the other's attention. "What the hell, Toma?" I whispered when he backed away with a smirk.

"That's what you get for teasing me. I've been obsessing all day and you could have just told me that in the first place."

"I didn't think it mattered that much to you."

He sighed. "It _always_ matters."

"Fine, I get it…"

"Hey, why aren't you swimming? It's hot outside."

"I just… I'm fine."

"Come on. Tell me what it is."

I sighed at our roles having been switched. "It still… looks really bad. I don't want everyone to be looking at it and feeling bad or grossed out." I put a hand to my stomach.

"Idiot, we won't think that. It's more concerning to see you just sitting here. That's why they all felt the need to check in on you."

"I guess…"

"Come on. Get in while it's just me here. No one will see when it's under water if that makes you more comfortable."

"Okay, fine…" I squeaked as he pulled my shorts down and hit him on the head. "I can do it myself!"

"Whatever you say." He dangled my shorts, smirking, before tossing them onto the bag we'd brought. "Go ahead then."

My hands shook on the hem of my shirt he was watching me so intently. "Look away."

"No," he said simply.

"Urk…" I squeezed my eyes shut and slipped my shirt off, then screeched with half laughter and half shock when he grabbed onto my hips and lifted me into the water with him. "You jerk!" I clung reflexively to his shoulders while he laughed and carried me to the middle of the deep end.

"It looks good on you."

"Hm?"

"The swimsuit. Buying it with you that day was fun too, even if some unexpected things happened."

"Yeah… I had fun too." We laughed, reminiscing about something that hadn't happened very long ago. I looked up at him again when he settled into the corner of the pool, relaxing with his eyes closed. "What are you doing?"

"Just let me hold you until the others some back. It'll help me get through the rest of this."

"You're so ridiculous," I teased but let him hold on. "I guess I shouldn't tease you though, huh? I don't really like the idea of you with other girls either."

"So where does that leave us?" Toma smiled, looking very pleased to have heard me say that.

"I dunno."

He sighed, leaning in. "You don't always say what I want to hear, but it's sweet when you do…" He murmured it against my mouth before kissing me fully, arms sliding against my back. His hands worked there before I could work out how to respond, and there was a faint slipping as he stole my top and held it up triumphantly. He laughed at my expression and cracked up more when I yelled and moved to cover myself with one arm and try to get back his loot with the other.

"You asshole, give it back!" It was no use; he was too tall and there was a limit to what I could do while still remaining covered. "Argh!"

"Consider this the end of your punishment for being a tease."

"I am so gonna kick your ass later!"

"What are you guys doing?" Mine asked as the others rejoined us, a bleary-eyed but now awake Kent at the rear. She registered my top in Toma's hand and my position and scowled at him. "That's not funny, Toma, give it back! And you guys, stop looking!"

"Sorry, what?" Ikki blinked at her, having been staring too much to pay attention.

"She said stop looking!" I snapped as redness spread across my face and neck, covering myself with both arms now. "You damn pervert!"

"What did you expect…" He mumbled. "Oh, Kent, you definitely look awake now."

"… Is this still a dream?" Kent gazed towards his feet to avoid looking at me.

"You guys are both so…! Give it back, Toma!"

"AHHHH!" There was the quick patting of bare feet running on pavement and then a shape hurtled through the air, knocking into Toma's arm and grabbing my top before flipping over and slapping onto the water painfully.

"Shin?!" I gasped. He scrambled ungracefully, splashing to get upright and not sink. With my mind instantly switched over to thoughts of his well-being, I rushed over and grabbed onto him, pulling him up to be steady. "Are you okay?!"

He turned red all the way up to his ears. "Just… Put this back on," he mumbled, covering his eyes with one hand and passing my top with the other.

"Eh?" I was effectively all over him, hugging onto his arm in an attempt to make sure he was okay. "Wah!" I squealed and jumped away, turning to look at Toma after fixing my clothes. "You have no one to blame for this but yourself, asshole!"

"Yeah, that… definitely didn't go like I had hoped," he mumbled, sputtering as I splashed him furiously.

"Pervert! Lecher! Jerkwad! Asshole! Bastard! THIEF OF GARMENTS!"

"Get him, Michi!" Mine and Sawa cheered.

"DIE!" I punched him in the stomach before swimming away, huffing and still mortified with embarrassment.

"Haha, he got what was coming to him," Ikki laughed as he and the others all got back into the pool.

"Did you see anything, you sneaking fox? I'll carve your eyes out," I hissed at him and he held his hands up innocently.

"I didn't see anything. Shin certainly did, but I didn't. I swear; promise."

"Grr…" I flicked Toma off before moving to join Mine and Sawa. "You guys look so cute!" Sawa looked sporty and fresh while Mine went for the cute look, her hair in a bun with a braid running through it.

"You too! You got him good, Michi! That was the best thing I've ever seen," Mine laughed.

"Yeah…" Sawa tilted her head at me.

"What's up?" I could tell when she had something on her mind.

"Do you like Kent? Or does he like you?"

I coughed and Mine looked between us with wide eyes. "You don't have to ask that now, Sawa…" She said, concerned over the potential for conflict.

"It's fine." The way she had said it, it wasn't an attack at all. Sawa was just so honest I knew she wasn't going to fight me earnestly here. "I, uh… Yeah." I didn't know what else to say. "But we're not dating."

"Because of me?" Now hurt was on her face.

"For multiple reasons," I tried to console her.

"And I'm one of them?"

"I…"

"I don't want to be in your way, Michi."

"You're not! Not ever. Look, it's fine. I support you."

"And I support you! Just because I like him doesn't mean you have to hold yourself back. In love, the best person wins!"

"… You've been reading shoujo manga again, haven't you? I have too..."

"That's not the point! I'm saying that you should do what you want, Michi. I'm a big girl and I can take it. Kent's not the only guy in the world. I don't want you to be thinking less of me by assuming I can't handle it, okay?"

I blinked at her, surprised. "Okay, I got it."

"Good," she huffed.

"But you're still important to me," I murmured.

"Same." She grinned. "Are you excited for the fireworks festival?"

"Oh, yeah, that. I forgot that was a thing."

"Michi! How could you forget, we went out and bought the yukata and everything!"

"I, uh, think of other things from time to time. Just slightly."

"I figured that… I'd confess to Kent that night. I know he'll reject me, but at least I'm going to look great while getting it off my chest!' She said determinedly.

"Confessing on the night of the fireworks festival, huh?" I murmured.

"It's so romantic!" Mine sighed.

"Hm." Maybe it kind of was. And not a terrible idea, either…

~ Hello! Lord Muffintops has posted this author's note at the end because, well, that's what I see other people doing. Oh well. Anyways, I estimate that there are six or seven chapters left. I'm going to post them all at once because I think they'll read better together. So, it might take a little while but the conclusion of this story will come. Please enjoy reading!


	50. Chapter Fifty: Boiling Over

So... Guess who lied? It was me. My last A/N ended up being wrong, probably because when I wrote it I was past having the capacity for actual thinking... I realized that there are exactly seven chapters left to write, including this one, and that only the last five need to be posted at the same time. Haha... So this one and the next chapter will be posted normally and THEN the finale will come. Please enjoy reading, and sorry for being a swank. Swank?

Also, WARNING. This chapter is mostly a sex scene. It's not too graphic and doesn't concern any large plot details, it just hints at what might come next. It's a skippable chapter but does include characterization and development in Toma and Michi's relationship. So, do as you please.

 **~ Michi ~**

"Tch." I clicked my tongue as I stirred miso soup and crunched on light spring onions.

Toma watched me warily from across the table, dragging a hand through hair dampened by the showers we had taken after getting back from the pool. "You're still mad, aren't you?"

"Why would I be?" I muttered, opting to be passive-aggressive to teach him a lesson.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just joking. I didn't think you'd have a problem with it. I know you well enough for that… At least I think so?" His brows wrinkled with confusion, making him look like a sad golden retriever puppy.

"And I would've been laughing too but they all saw, Toma! And Shin, he… What must he be thinking right now?! Waah! Rah!" I slapped my cheeks to once again banish impure thoughts.

"Trust me, he doesn't mind at all," Toma muttered. "But, uh…" He coughed. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I thought it'd be just us for a little while longer."

"So what exactly _were_ you trying to do?" I glared at him.

"… Nothin'," he mumbled, averting his eyes. "… Do you like the food?"

"Don't try to change the subject! But it's good. Anyways! Apologize!"

"Didn't I already say I was sorry?"

"Say it again and I'll forgive you."

"Okay…" He bowed his head. "I'm so, so sorry, Michi. It didn't turn out like I thought it would and I didn't want you to be embarrassed like that."

"All is forgiven."

"… You just wanted to make me prostrate myself, didn't you?"

"Perhaps!" I cackled. "But really, what did you think would happen, Toma? That really wasn't thought out at all."

"I just thought…" He blushed. "Just for a moment… Maybe I could get closer to you."

"Oh. You mean physically closer…" My face went red and I ducked my head behind my bangs and focused on eating instead of looking at him. I still felt his gaze on me, though.

"Not only that. I feel like…" He hesitated and I went still, breath bated in anticipation. "You and I get emotionally closer through touching each other. It's sort of like… a gateway? I know this doesn't make any sense."

"Just keep talking. Make it make sense," I murmured, wanting to hear more from him on this. Emotional closeness was what I was going for as well, for the sake of completing the pathway and just plain understanding who Toma was.

"Oh." He folded his hands and studied them. "We're comfortable when we're touching, like that makes us feel close enough to talk with each other. Even just touching your hand makes me feel safer. Better, you know. So I just… I feel like touching you is the best way to get to your heart. To make both of our hearts connect."

"Oh…" These words were only for me. I knew that he had never said them to anyone else. "I get it. I understand that, it's like… We can get to each other's hearts… By… pressing our hearts together."

"Exactly," he said softly. Our eyes met and we both looked away shyly. It was cheesy in a sense and yet it struck me deeply.

"Um… I think I'm done." My heart was in my throat now, choking me up and ruining my appetite.

"I-I'll clean up."

"O-okay." Normally I'd have insisted on helping but in that moment it felt like a better idea to leave the heated atmosphere. As I moved to flee the room Toma took my wrist.

"I thought that, I mean, what I hoped would happen was…" He sighed and shook his head before pulling me closer and sealing my lips with his, pressing in a deep kiss.

I held onto his shoulder tightly, unsure of what he was intending but becoming more suspecting when he put his arms around my waist and backed me against the counter. I fumbled behind me for balance, yelping when I knocked something over.

"Ah…" Toma pulled away to grab onto it, me having toppled a bottle of chicken stock. Liquid splashed onto the counter anyways and he laughed, leaning his head on my shoulder. "It feels like sometimes that we're an awkward sort of…" He trailed off, deciding not to finish.

"I can wipe that up," I mumbled, hands tentatively against his chest now, not sure whether to push him away or pull him in.

"I'll take care of it… You just go." He met my eyes for a second before frowning and looking away. "Before I attack you again."

I skirted past him as my heart thudded painfully. "Wah… Wah…" I took deep breaths, in and out.

"My, aren't we getting overheated?" Musca commented.

"Sh-shut up! I just… I don't know."

"This has been going on for a while now, hasn't it? The two of you just keep dancing around this issue," Musca sighed. "I may be a child in your eyes but as a spirit I've lived a long-ish time and I'm worldly enough to know this."

"What're you insinuating, huh?"

"I'm talking about the physicality between you and Toma," she sighed. "You can't pretend not to know it. The two of you, always touching each other and getting close, teasing each other like you do…"

"St-stop. I don't… I really don't get it."

"Look, I didn't want to hear about it or talk about it before but it's important. We're running out of time, Michi. Now isn't the time to hold yourself back because you're concerned over other people's feelings."

"That's not it… If I… If I let it happen, what kind of person does that make me? I mean…"

"What are you talking about? You're a human being. It's a natural drive." Musca shrugged.

"But would it be for the right reasons?"

"It's not as if the two of you don't love or at least like each other."

I hugged myself, scared and aflutter. "I want him to touch me," I whispered. "I've been wanting him to touch me for a little while now."

"And that's okay." Musca patted my head.

"I… I never had a mother or father to talk to me about this stuff. Dad just wasn't good at things like this and Mom was gone, so, I… Thanks," I said weakly. These feelings were scary, especially to a girl my age who felt like they were almost uncontrollable with never once having been satisfied or even talked through properly.

"I'm here for you, Michi." Musca smiled. "You should never be ashamed of something that's completely human, you know?"

"Coming from a spirit, that just sounds a little weird."

"Whatever, you." She waved her hand. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to… I'm going to brush my teeth!"

"I mean, that's as good an idea as any, but that's not what I meant…" She floated after me as I furiously scrubbed my teeth. "You know… Toma's really grown on me. I think I could… accept it, if you were to want to be with him."

I spat and looked at her. "What made you change your mind?"

"He's just… different from what I had expected." She frowned slightly still. "A bit worrisome still, but not as bad as I expected."

"Well… I'm glad." I grinned. "Yay, Musca's made a new friend!"

"Hmph." She smiled, turning when we both heard slow footsteps approaching. "Well… Have a good night."

"W-wait…" She floated away and I was left facing Toma as he hesitated in the door frame.

"I, uh… Just came to…"

"Brush your teeth! R-right?"

"Exactly." We both looked at the floor.

"Well, I'll get out of your way then…" I squeezed past him, hunching my shoulders to avoid contact. I huddled in bed, wrapping myself in a light quilt. "What do I do…?" I didn't know what to do about it. These feelings were ones I hadn't had to deal with yet; it was an entirely new challenge.

"Do you want me to sleep on the floor tonight?" Toma asked as he emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later.

"No!" He jumped at my exclamation. "N-no, it's fine. Plenty of room for the both of us."

"Are you sure? You're acting a bit…"

"It's fine. I just…" I flinched as he lay down next to me.

"Tell me if you change your mind."

"I will. I mean, I won't. Change my mind, I mean. I will tell you, I won't change my mind."

"Seriously, you're being strange…" He rolled over to face me. "Everything alright?"

I lay down to face him slowly, hyperaware after talking with Musca. "I just… I'm really confused."

"About what?"

"Um, I…" I shook my head, losing the ability to spit out coherent, functioning words.

"Hm…" Toma patted my head. "Even if you can't tell me what it is, is there anything I can do to help?"

I inched closer and huddled against his chest. "This much is fine… I think." Everything was on fire, smoke clouding my vision. Yet, somehow, it all felt like a good thing. "H-hey, Toma…"

"Yeah?" He rubbed slow, small circles on my back, comforting even though he didn't quite know what the problem was.

"What did you want to happen, really?"

"What?" His hands stilled.

"Maybe… Are feelings like this not supposed to make any sense? Am I just supposed to roll with it or something?" I tilted my head, viewing this as somewhat of a revelation. Making sense of attraction would never work because in part it wasn't something that was meant to be sensible.

"Michi?" Toma's voice changed suddenly, becoming darker and heavier. It was familiar somehow, a sign that he was catching on and letting the feeling flow over him as well.

I hugged him tightly, mumbling into his chest. "Touch me, okay?"

He laughed, hugging me back. "You're being so childish…"

"I feel childish! I don't know what I'm doing… So, I… I…! Need you to take control here, since you're the one with ex-experience. You got that?" I scowled at him.

"You don't have to ask me twice." He slid his hands up my back underneath my shirt and I twitched from the unexpected coldness of them. "… But are you sure?"

I noticed that his hands were trembling just slightly and his expression was alight with conflicted emotions. "What is it?" Did he not want to? Had I misread everything?

"I… don't know how I'm going to turn out through this," he murmured. "What I might do to you in the heat of the moment."

I tucked my hands under his shirt to press my hands to his chest, feeling his heart beating harder and erratically. "You can go ahead and touch my heart, Toma. I trust you with it…" And with my body. Even if he ended up hurting me, it would be the kind of pain we both relished deep within ourselves.

He moved to put his hands against my heart as well, making us both blush harder. "… Okay." He pulled my shirt over my head and moved to usher me onto my back by getting on top of me. I tugged on the hem of his shirt uselessly and he smiled, removing it himself before leaning down to kiss my cheek.

"Uh…" I squeaked, surprised by such a tender gesture.

"How much do you want me to hurt you?" Toma murmured as he lowered to press his mouth to my neck.

"I… I don't know yet. Just let me settle into it."

"Mind if I leave my mark on you?"

"Er… Where?" I bit my lip to smother any embarrassing noises as he turned his attention to my chest, only kissing and licking at first but moving onto biting at and sucking on the most tender areas with gradually increasing pressure. I couldn't hold back a strangled gasp as he yanked my pants down to press between my legs through my underwear.

"Everywhere… I'd like to mark you as mine all over you."

"Is this what you're like with other girls?" I breathed, unable to imagine it.

He paused to gaze at me before leaning back up to push his lips against mine. My toes curled when he slid his tongue into my mouth and his fingers under my only remaining article of clothing. He swallowed up all of the whimpers I made that sounded unnatural to my ears, noises I would never normally make.

He kissed my cheek again when he pulled away. "Only you, of course." He sighed and smiled at me then. "You're going to have to spread your legs a bit more. You're making it difficult, you know."

"It's…"

"Now's not the time to be shy," he whispered, pulling my underwear down to my knees even though my legs were pressed together so as to make it somewhat of a struggle. "I've got you. Trust me and I'll take good care of you, okay?"

"… Okay." I loosened my knees slightly but couldn't seem to bring myself to do more than that.

"Come on…" Toma laughed, edging his knee between my legs to hasten progress.

"Why are you so very not naked?" I muttered. "I'm the only one who's exposed here…" I crossed my arms to cover my chest, half glaring and half pouting up at him.

"It's because you're cute when you're uncomfortable." He spread my thighs and kept his knee there as a blocker, hands moving to press my hips into the bed.

"Hurry up…" I murmured, looking away. "J-just do it."

"Not yet." He touched between my legs again, rubbing slowly. "You're not quite ready yet."

"Ready? What am I, a turkey?"

He shook his head, laughing. "Just leave it to me and stop complaining, will you?"

"But… You feel so far away," I mumbled, legs jerking randomly in response to his touch. It wasn't nearly enough; there was something lit in my chest and the pit of my stomach that demanded more than this especially since he was right in front of me. Besides… "I… I want –"

He cut me off my crushing his mouth against mine, kissing hard enough for our teeth to slip and clash together. "Want what?" He murmured, upping the sped and pressure of his touching.

I bit back a moan, scared of what sound I would make next and holding back answering his question in the process.

"I guess you don't need to tell me," he sighed, removing his fingers and holding them up to display a thin string of wetness between two of them.

"D-don't do that, it's –" I gasped as he pushed those fingers between my lips, pressing onto my tongue and filling my mouth with something almost tasteless but also barely sweet.

"Embarrassing?" Toma teased as I squeezed my eyes shut and bit down as what little revenge I could take for his playfulness at the moment. "You're childish, really…" He tugged his fingers out to press his lips to mine once again, holding onto my rear as he pushed his hips against mine, our bodies close but not close enough.

"Hold you," I gasped during a rare moment when he gave me a chance to breathe during an unrelenting kiss. "Want… to hold… you." My hands kneaded into his hair when he kissed me feverishly, shifting to remove his own clothes. "W-wait," I gasped when he moved to angle my body correctly. "C-condom, don't forget the condom you idiot!"

"Shit," he breathed, fumbling to reach into his bedside desk as he bit at my lips. He fumbled with the box, dropping it onto the floor after managing to retrieve one.

"You always keep 'em handy, huh?" I muttered.

"I'm a nineteen year old, of course I do," Toma said it as if it should have been obvious.

"Boys…" I sighed, then covered my mouth with my hands as he started to push into me.

"Don't do that," he murmured. "I want to see your face. Keep covering yourself and I'll just tie your wrists up, okay?"

I nodded, hugging his back instead as he went as far as he could go.

"Does it hurt?"

I could only nod, looking into his dazed, heavy eyes as he smiled at me.

"Good."

I'd thought that maybe he would be a bit gentle since it was my first time, but that was a sorely incorrect assumption. "It… hurts…!" I gasped as he moved without restraint.

"I can't…" He murmured. "I've been holding myself back around you for too long, I can't do it anymore. Bear with it…" He gritted his teeth, breath hitching for an instant. "Michi… Michi…!"

"You can… go faster… if you want. Just a little more." I groaned when he complied, feeling my expression twisting. "Don't look…"

"It's okay… I want to see you right now. I want to see what kinds of faces you make… They're mine to have," Toma murmured. "I love you so much…"

"Toma…" I reached out to him and he pressed close to me, rolling us over onto our sides as we pulsed together, desperately clinging to and dragging each other as close as possible. I threw my leg over his hip as he dug his fingers into my back and sank his teeth into my shoulder. It felt as if we couldn't get close enough even as we were pressed together infinitely.

"You're getting close, aren't you…?"

"I… I don't know…" It was about to boil over. I clung to Toma's back, feeling helplessly unsteady. In the rushing that soon overtook my body and mind I didn't care anymore what expressions I was making or what was right and wrong; all that was left was feeling. Once it settled I was left lethargic and sensitive, while Toma was still moving harshly. "T-Toma," I squeaked.

"Just a little bit more." He pushed me onto my back again and went as hard and fast as he possibly could.

I keened out a sound somewhere between a moan and a scream, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes from the pain.

"Shit," Toma swore under his breath as he moved one hand to my neck and the other to cradle the back of my head. His hands tightened gradually, pulling on my hair and pressuring my neck until he fell still and buried his face into the pillow next to my head, squeezing so hard that I gasped for air. He started breathing again and let go after a few long moments.

I sucked in a breath and gasped and he leaned down to place gentle kisses on my shoulders and along my collarbone. "You okay?" He whispered as he rested his head on my shoulder.

I nodded, eyes drifting closed as I petted his hair. "Yeah…"

"Hey…" He murmured, nuzzling my neck and putting his arms around me, cuddling our bodies close together and pulling the blankets up. "I know this doesn't mean that you choose me… But I'm still happy."

I kissed the top of his head. "I do love you… It's just that –"

"It's okay," Toma interrupted as he dragged himself up lazily to be at my level, reaching over me to dispose of the condom in the bedside trashcan. "You don't have to justify anything to me."

"Thanks." I smiled and he kissed both of my cheeks and my lips before resting on the pillow with a sigh.

"Is this okay?" His arms flexed on my back as he shifted.

I was too contently tired to mind at all. "Mm." I just hugged his torso and settled in for sleep. "G'night."

Toma sighed and smiled. "You're such a child…"

"You're dumb…" I mumbled. After squeezing in one last insult I drifted off, finally resolved in the feeling that had overtaken me so many times with the one next to me.

 **~ Toma ~**

I tried to blink away the sun, groaning as light streaming in through slits on the blinds forced me awake. It would have been so much simpler to stay where I was forever, tangled up with Michi. Images had flashed through my dreams and were still present now; her hair thrown over her face, expression twisted with delighted pain.

I already wanted her again. Once this had been tasted, it would never be enough to only have it a singular time. I wanted to mess her up even more. She had no idea how much restraint I had shown, even as bites and bruises had solidified upon her while she slept. I heaved a sigh and ran my fingers delicately through her mussed hair, trying not to wake her.

I couldn't let go of her. The only thought left, the only option… "I have to make you mine, Michi…"

 **~ Musca ~**

I closed my eyes, listening quietly from my place hovering near the thin door of the kitchen. He had to make her his, he'd said. In that case, he would never succeed. Yet, if that was the condition for passing his pathway in time… I shook my head. "There's no way…" Michi would never stand for it. She wasn't going to commit before the pathways were each resolved, much less while her mother was still out there. She wouldn't do that to Toma either, being with him for such a reason. "I'm so sorry, Lady Faera… I've failed you." Because Michi and her will were now more important to me than anything else, even my own fate or the fate of the ones I had called family.


	51. Chapter Fifty-One: Farewell

**~ Michi ~**

"Wha' time is it?" I mumbled, stretching as I woke up.

Toma sighed, rolling over to face me and drawing his arms tighter around my back. "Almost eleven."

"I really slept in…" I was generally useless without an alarm clock. "Wait, don't you have work today?"

He shook his head. "I called out."

"What for?"

"I wanted to spend the day with you."

"Well that's irresponsible."

"You're so mean…" Toma sighed. "Can't we just stay here for the rest of the day…?"

I blushed, somewhat tempted. "Sorry, but no. We have to go out, and since you're not working you can come with me."

"Whyyy?" He groaned, flopping on top of me lazily.

"Hey! Cut that out!" I laughed. "We're out of shampoo. I have more hair than you, you know."

"Really? I didn't even notice. I'm used to only shopping for one person, I guess."

"I couldn't even wash my hair last night. Come on. Up!" I shoved him off and he rolled onto his back with a huff.

"Fine… But we can come back here after, right?"

I smirked. "Now who's acting like a child?"

He frowned, pouty, and moved to kiss me. "I could easily remind you which one of us is more childish, you know…"

"Eek!" I hopped out of bed before he could lure me into staying. "Get dressed, okay?" I grabbed my own outfit and claimed the bathroom. "Pain in the ass, trying to…" I frowned. What was Toma's ultimate goal? What did he want in the end, throughout the course of his entire life? Each moment he lived, what was he really trying to do? What was he aiming for?

"So…"

"AHH!" I jumped a foot in the air as Musca floated through the door.

"You seem happy. Little glowy face going on there…"

"Is not!" I pulled on my regular clothes, always feeling prettiest in plaid and checkers. "Geez…"

"Oh, well…" Musca smiled, rubbing at her palm.

I frowned at the sight of the diamond still there. "I… I don't know what else to do, Musca. I can't figure him out, how to solve this pathway."

She pressed her lips together. "Don't worry. Even if you end up going beyond the deadline… Everything will be fine."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Trust me; you don't need to concern yourself too much. Just focus on living happily in your everyday life."

"But Ukyo said that the deadline was important before, and up until just now you've been so worried…" I frowned, made uneasy by her sudden change of heart.

"Ukyo is just a human. He doesn't know the Spirit World like I do. Trust me." Musca smiled, but it didn't reach her weary eyes.

"… Okay. If you say so." There had been a strange twinge in my gut since waking up this morning, but I'd pushed it away. Now it was in the forefront, an almost nauseous stirring. I didn't have a good feeling about today; not one bit.

 **~ Toma ~**

I watched Michi as she stared at the assortment of shampoos lining a shelf at the store. "Do you always take this long to decide…?"

"No, usually I just get the cheapest one. Comes in the two-pack." She pointed to it, a nondescript off-brand. "But since you're paying… I was wondering if I should try something new?" She tugged on her hair. "Might make it softer, or smell nice."

I smiled. Despite everything, she could still be a bit girly when she wanted to be. Rather, deep down she cared about these sorts of things even though she pretended not to. "Just pick what you want."

"Cool." She picked a floral-scented brand, expensive for her norm but less than what I usually paid.

"You really deserve someone to spoil you…" I murmured without thinking.

"Eh?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing. Nothing!" I cleared my throat. "Remember when you used to come to my house to shower?"

"Yeah… It was yours and Shin's alternating, but once we started dating I never went to Shin's." She shrugged. "That would've been waaay too awkward…"

"I never really realized what kind of life you had," I murmured. "How lucky I was to have had both my parents, at least for a while." Everything had gone wrong, but I'd been better off than Michi.

"You make it sound like I had a horrible time growing up," she laughed. "I did alright. We got by just fine. I have you guys, so everything turned out. I'm happy now."

I nodded, only able to offer a halfway sincere smile. She kept blossoming as time went on while I remained the same, stagnant. Sooner or later she might end up leaving me, drifting past as she forged ahead for herself. I couldn't handle that, so I had to be strong enough to hold her back.

"I'm gonna go and get one more thing for myself, okay? Be right back."

"Okay…" I heaved a sigh.

"What are you thinking about?" Musca asked quietly.

"Nothing."

"Don't even try lying to me. Come on, talk."

"I can't really imagine life without her. That's my problem."

Musca tilted her head thoughtfully. "I understand. It's a difficult thing for me to fathom as well. But sometimes separation is inevitable and we simply have to accept it."

I hesitated. "You can't stay with Michi forever, can you?"

Musca looked away, remaining silent for a few long beats. "Of course not. I'm a spirit and she's a human. Our worlds, the places we belong, are different."

"When do you have to go?"

"Ah, looking forward to getting rid of me?" She smirked mirthlessly.

"… Michi will be sad."

"Yeah. I don't know how to tell her. I… I can't just say goodbye. There's never going to be a right time. But I don't have a choice."

"You know exactly how I feel, don't you? I have the choice and the chance to stay with her, so why shouldn't I take it?" I murmured.

"I don't know. Why shouldn't you?" She gazed at me evenly.

"Don't do that, trying to act mysterious."

"I can't give you the answer, since I'm not you and I'm obviously biased. Figure out your life for yourself."

"Whatever, Musca…"

"Whatever, Toma…" She mimicked my grumping.

"What's taking Michi so long?"

"How should I know? I'm here with you, in your wonderful company…"

I rolled my eyes, browsing aisles in search of her. "What are you doing?" I found Michi crouching in front of hair accessories.

"So, I figured that!" She hopped up. "Maybe I should look some kind of nice for the firework thing. No reason! Just, uh… I dunno. I'm probably just being stupid. Stupid ideas. Anyways!" She shook her head. "Uh… Yeah."

"But you already have this." I tapped the flower pin already pinning some of her bangs back.

"Yeah, I know, but…" She shrugged. "Oh well." She nervously toyed with a silver pin in the shape of an arrow. "I'm gonna get this. Treat myself."

"You're funny." Seeing how easy she was to please was endearing in a way.

"Anyways… Are we done? Is that all we need?"

"I think so. Should we plan meals for this week?" I found myself easily getting lost in the sense of a steady domestic life.

"Oh." Michi shrugged. "I dunno…" She frowned, then shook it off to smile a bit. "I think we're fine. Let's just get back, okay?"

"Cool." I just agreed, choosing not to question her uncomfortableness as all I really wanted was to get home too. Still, her silence on the way back was unnerving, and her expression was tight as if she was deep in thought. When we got back she sat down on the edge of the bed and crossed her arms, staring at the wall. "What's the matter?" I asked reluctantly, sitting next to her.

"I'm gonna go home now, Toma."

"What, but…" I shook my head. "That's dangerous."

"Nothing's happened at all after the one incident."

"You got _stabbed_. Don't just call it an incident."

"Look… Staying here isn't helping at all. I… I can't just run and hide anymore. I hate it. So, I'm going home now. If my mom finds me, then that's fine."

"No, it's not! What if you die this time? This isn't a joke, Michi."

"Look, Toma…" She flinched when I grabbed her wrist.

"I can't… I can't just let you go like this. If anything happened to you…"

She took a breath. "I'm going home. That's that; it's my decision." She pulled away and started gathering her things, frowning.

"Why, all of a sudden, are you doing this…?" It didn't make any sense to me.

"… I don't know much about this world, or this life I'm in. Half of the time I just stumble around. I'd have lost my way completely by now if it hadn't been for Musca and all of you guys. The one thing I'm sure of is that…" She sighed and came back to sit next to me. "In this life at least, I've spent it all learning how to take care of myself and how to fight on my own. That's gotten me to this point; that's why I was able to fight for other people too. This thing with my mom… I guess it's destiny, as much as everything else was. Fate's gonna fuck with me one last time, and I'm not going to back down here. That would go against everything it means to be the me who wants nothing more than to be in this world." She clenched her hands into fists. "I want to fight. I'm never going to lose again."

I put my head in my hands, hopelessly lost. I couldn't understand. Her words, the tenacity of the meaning behind them, were lost on me. "That's it," I murmured.

"Toma…" Musca stared at me warily, obvious in her fear of what I was going to do next.

"I think I get it now." I looked into Michi's eyes and she regarded me silently with the same determination she'd always had. "Something you have… that I could never find in myself. The will to fight. I've never… I don't have that in me, Michi. So I needed you; I thought I did. I wanted to take that fight from you all for myself. I don't know what it means for me to live in this world. You can get by with saying you'll fight whatever comes at you, but the thought I have is always, why fight? I just… I don't have the answer, Michi. I thought you were the answer, but… That can't be true, can it? You're something outside of me, not within me."

"Yeah," Michi murmured. "You're gonna have to find your own reason."

"I don't know if I can," I whispered, holding her hand tightly.

"Do it anyways."

"It's… really scary," I laughed weakly.

"Say fuck you to fear and just do it. That much will take you somewhere, probably." Michi shrugged. "I'm not really sure if there's any meaning to life at all. But still, I have a desire to be here that's a part of me. I think that that part of yourself is something you have to forge on your own."

I let go of her hand even though it felt like it would kill me to do it. "Go, Michi. I think… that we have to be on separate pathways now."

"Yeah." She nodded. "I'm reaching the end of mine. Good luck as you start yours."

"Thanks." After that I didn't really trust myself to speak. She left unceremoniously, waving and turning away with her shoulders back and head high, the door clicking shut behind her.

What did it mean to love someone? What was the meaning of life? Was there a good reason for me to be here other than living to eventually die? I wanted to hold the answers to these intangible questions in my hands, but they had always flown from my grasp. The only thing I knew now that had changed me was that trying to hold on to someone who had their own answers wouldn't actually help me find mine. I had to go in alone. I had to let go, no matter how much it hurt to release control.

I stood shakily, wiping wayward tears off my face and not really knowing who I was without her in my thoughts. Just like she was walking towards her own fate, I had to find mine.

 **~ Michi ~**

"This really wasn't how I expected my day to go when I woke up this morning," I mused, feeling paradoxically weighed down and lightened by what had just transpired.

"… How'd you do it?" Musca murmured.

"Eh?"

"You solved it. Toma's pathway. The diamond's gone." She showed me her hand, now devoid of symbols.

"I did? Seriously? Sweet!"

"… You had no idea, did you? What you just did wasn't even an attempt to resolve things."

"It was too! I'm resolving my own shit."

She shook her head and laughed. "I don't know why I'm surprised at all. This is so like you… But I think I understand."

"Hm?"

"Toma's pathway was different from the others. It was never going to be solved by forging love between the two of you; he'd always felt that from the beginning. With the others, you had to get them to hold on to something: Shin and his ambitions and his father, Ikki and his right to happiness, and Kent with his emotions. They all had to learn to take for themselves. Toma does too; he has to learn to grasp his own sense of self and purpose. But the key here, the thing I never thought of, was that in order to win… Toma had to let go of you. That was the key here."

"Damn. No wonder this was so complicated."

"But you did it anyways. Now there's just one more pathway…"

"What?! I thought there were four! What the actual fuck?!"

"Calm down," Musca laughed. "I'm talking about yours. There were five pathways originally, and you're in place of the final one. The Joker pathway."

"Oh…" I nodded. "Well, I guess that makes sense. So I'm the Joker… I guess Ukyo was the last one?"

"Correct. This is the finale of sorts. It's up to you."

"No pressure…" I shrugged. "I think I know what I have to do anyways."

"Yes." Musca took my hand and held it tightly. "You have to take your place in this world once and for all." She sighed. "I thought I could do more to help you. I thought I could get Toma to help too… I wanted to do something to help you, anything. But in the end, this is something you have and want to do on your own. I understand that now. It's never been up to me. The choices you've made, getting here and fighting hard, that's all been you. I'm… I'm so glad to have gotten to join you on this journey. I'm so glad to have met you."

"Yeah." I smiled. "You're the most precious person to me, you know that Musca?"

She smiled back up at me, eyes watery and pained. "And you as well, Michi."

Fate was waiting when I got back to my apartment in the form of my mother curled up in front of my door. When she saw me coming she stood and bounced down the stairs. "I've always had a feeling, you know!" She announced, stopping a few feet away from where I stood after dropping my bags on the ground and crossing my arms. "A feeling that maybe I wasn't supposed to be in this world."

"Me too." I felt sorry for this woman who wasn't supposed to exist. The truth that I was meant to be without a blood family in any world I was in was a hard but necessary one. "But I belong here. I have to… I want to, and I'm going to stand by that. No matter what."

"I… won't release my hold on this existence. I know I'm incorrect… I know we both can't live on at the same time. The spirits all told me. The world they come from has always been close to both of our hearts, Michi. But I… I was labelled insane and sent far away from you. Locked up like that, I forgot everything, all except for your face and your name and the knowledge that I couldn't properly exist while you lived. So I decided… I decided to live."

"Then you'll have to kill me, once and for all. Aim your knife towards my heart this time. Strike honestly. At least try. But last time was the only time I'm going down without a fight. I had doubts then, but… I belong here. Everything I've done and the bonds I've made don't mean nothing. I always knew I wasn't really from this world, and so I didn't know if I actually belonged. I wasn't sure if anything I was doing was real, or if it had meaning even while I was struggling to figure things out. But now, I… I want so badly to live on, just as I am. I'm so happy to be alive. I'm taking my place here, once and for all." I smiled helplessly. "I'm gonna live."

"Michi…" Musca floated out from behind me, joining my side. "Michi will not die today. You…" She pointed to my mother. "You are an anomaly. You are the final test sent here by the rulers of the Spirit World to question the legitimacy of our intervention into the world of humans. And you will not win. I would never allow such a thing. Besides… Michi has made her choice. She has chosen to live on in this world. You… Nothing will stop her. I know this better than anyone."

"What happened to me doing this on my own?" I flicked the back of her head.

"Sorry… I couldn't help myself. Knowing that this is our last day together… I can't stand by and do nothing."

My heart squeezed painfully. "I get it."

"So this is what it is." My mother nodded, her voice changing suddenly; the sound was now of many voices but flowing as one sound at the same time. "We understand now."

"What's going on…?" I stared, instantly losing all comprehension.

"We took this form to best see into your hearts for ourselves. The worlds of spirts and humans were never meant to collide, we had always thought. Yet with his interventions the spirit Nhil sent his vassal Orion and a bond was formed between the spirit child and the one called the Heroine. We were perplexed and angered all at once, and wanted to see it again for ourselves, so we introduced this anomaly into the world. What would the newest Heroine and her spirit partner do if threatened with death, we wondered?"

"So…" I grasped for words. "In short, you bastards from the Spirit World decided to interfere with my very own pathway…? By, uh, trying to kill me?"

"How dare you!" Musca snapped. "How dare you endanger Michi's life just to satisfy your own curiosities!"

"We found the answer, regardless. When faced with threat, the spirit Musca decided to do anything in order to protect the human Michi, even at cost to herself and compromising her morals. The human Michi in the end decided to live. We understand now. These worlds of ours are not so disparate."

"That's little consolation," Musca muttered.

"We know this, and so listen well, although this is not an apology for you and your master also defied the rules of the Spirit World, spirit Musca. The deadline established has been met, and so… the wish you hold most dear to your own heart will be granted."

Musca's eyes widened. "Wait… You mean…?"

"The journey is over; the Joker may smile now, picking up whichever card it may like." And with that my mother, or rather the husk of her that had been used by the rulers of the Spirit World in one last challenge, turned and walked away.

"I feel like… I just got… I dunno." I shook my head. Musca was speechless as well. "Let's just get back home, okay?" I sighed, lugging my things back into my apartment. "It's different now. Comparing the beginning of this ride to the end… I feel like something… I gained something important." I plopped on my bed, exhausted.

"… Just like you, I have to go home too, Michi."

"… I…" With that tears started streaming down my cheeks. "I know that, of course. We both… know that. It wasn't like you could stay with me forever… We're still from different worlds."

"Yes." Musca hiccupped with sobs and struggled to speak through them. "Listen to me… After this you won't remember anything about the Spirit World, or about… about me."

"What?!" I leaped up, grabbing onto both of her hands as if that could anchor her here with me. "But you… You're…!" I sobbed. "You're a part of me! Everything that's happened, you were there by my side all along! All of these memories with Shin and Ikki and Kent and Toma and everyone else, every single moment, they won't be the same without you!"

"Michi… I treasure every second. I always will. And I… I pray that we'll meet again. But you simply won't be able to remember me. You've become a part of this world. The spirits don't need to guide you anymore. You fought hard enough to earn a sure place here, so go and live, okay? Follow your heart towards whatever path you decide. I want you to be happy; the happiest person in the world."

"Don't…!" She was fading away, shimmering softly. It felt like something was being ripped out of my chest. "You're my best friend, please don't go! I don't know if I can do any of this shit without you!"

"You did so much on your own. Have faith." She touched her forehead to mine. "Farewell, Michi."

"Musca!" Then she was gone, disappearing in a brief glitter of light, and I fell onto my knees, sobbing. I would treasure it for as long as I could, all of these precious moments.

* * *

I woke up the next morning looking like I had cried myself to sleep ferociously but couldn't quite remember why. "Eh… Whatever." I shrugged it off, nagged with a strange feeling throughout my morning routine. Normally being alone wouldn't bother me, but there was a slight sense that something was off.

Even so, this feeling faded throughout the day as I reestablished my work schedule and then took a day to just walk around town. There were so many memories here; for some reason I was going around feeling all sentimental.

The lake where Shin and I had become friends. The stairs of my former apartment, where Ikki had confessed to me twice. The karaoke joint where Kent and I had destroyed a love ballad. Toma's apartment, so close and far from mine. All of these places and these people were so important, and yet…

Something was missing. Something would just always be missing.

I smiled and sighed at the feeling. Despite it all, it was so warm and hopeful. It was like I was carrying a wish in my heart, a wish that was my own and someone else's as well. I would bear it with me always.

* * *

I dialed on my phone, pacing my room anxiously and jumping when the other end picked up. "Sawa!"

"Yeah? Mine and I are literally on our way over, Michi, you didn't have to call."

"GUESS WHAT FUCKING DAY IT IS!"

"It's the fireworks festival."

"I'M FREAKING OUT!"

"Okay, well, we're here."

I hung up and ran out to let them in. "Welcome, to my humble abode!"

"Geez… You're more excited for this than I thought you'd be," Sawa laughed, grinning at me.

"Yeah, well…" I shrugged. "It's for reasons of plan."

"What?" Mine raised her eyebrows. The two of them were already dolled up in yukata and while I had at least dressed in the red autumn leaf patterned one I had gotten while with Sawa what seemed ages ago, I desperately needed help in the departments of hair and makeup.

"Nothing… Well, I'll tell you guys. But first please help meeee!"

"I'll have you sparkling in two seconds." Mine smiled confidently and made me sit. "Now don't you dare even blink."

"How do you do this every day?" She was always so perfect in her makeup while I was usually too lazy to even bother despite their lessons.

"All it takes is a little dedication, you know." She wiped my face off a few times, changing colors of lip and eyelid color, but finished at last. "Nice. Subtle really works on you. Sawa, your turn."

"Alright!" Sawa cracked her fingers and ran them through my hair. I'm keeping your braid theme, but putting your hair up, okay?"

"I trust you guys." I forced myself to sit completely still despite the constant urge to fidget nervously. "So, uh… Something you said, Sawa, made me want to do something."

"Oh, really? What was it?"

"You said that… Um, that you were going to confess to Kent tonight. No matter what, for the sake of your own feelings. I really admire the fortitude it takes to just do it, you know, so… Well, I figured… I'd do the same thing. Tonight, I'll, uh… make a confession too."

Mine squealed, hopping excitedly. "To who?!"

"Whom," I corrected.

" _Now_ you care about grammar? Just tell us!"

"Well, uh…"

Sawa sighed as she finished my hair. "You have no idea, do you?"

I laughed. "Not a fucking clue!"

* * *

Heyy, Muffintops here. So I'm going to do an individual ending for Shin, Ikki, Kent and Toma because after all of this I can't NOT do that you know? Then there will be a so-called "True" ending and that's that. Thanks for coming this far and please stick with me for a little longer!

Also I just figured out the horizontal line button and I freaking wish I'd been smart enough to find it earlier MAN I AM SUCH A DINGUS


	52. Chapter Fifty-Two: Shin

**~ Michi**

Everyone went their own ways while waiting for the fireworks to begin. Scenes like Sawa taking Kent to the side nervously or Mine chasing Ikki with a lit sparkler because why not flitted in my vision but I couldn't focus on any of it.

Maybe it was because he was the one I had started with, the first one here to gain a place deeply rooted in my heart, but even so… The sight of him sitting there looking mildly amused at everything was enough to freak me out.

"H… Hey, Shin. Can I sit here?"

"It's not like I'm going to stop you." He blinked when I made a point of sitting very close to him but didn't question it.

"… Hm…" I stared at him for a long time.

"You're creepy. Stop that."

"Sorry, you just… Look so nice." I fidgeted. Seriously? That was how I started? Damn it all.

His eyes widened and he glanced down at himself in a simple black yukata. "Oh. Well… okay. You're, uh…" He blushed. "Yeah. You know." He frowned and averted his eyes.

"Uh-huh." I looked at my lap. There was a feeling that somehow a blockage had been in place that explained why I hadn't confessed to anyone up until now, but I couldn't really remember why. With it gone now I was still just as clueless as before but more than ready to move on. "Buck up! Act like you really want it! Goooosh!" I yelled, meaning for the words to be internal but saying them out loud instead.

"Uh…" Shin sighed. "You know, I won't even ask. This almost seems normal for you."

"I! I, uh… Shit. Lemme start over, okay?" I stood up, turned in a circle and sat back down. "So… You're going far away sooner rather than later, Shin."

He sensed my sudden seriousness and nodded, expression falling. "Yeah. It's what's best for me, I think. You know… I probably wouldn't have done it without you. Accepted admittance into a college across the ocean."

"What do you mean?"

"You just… You never let anything stand in your way. You're headstrong, sometimes violent, and you generally don't care about other people's opinions…"

"Geez, Shin, is this supposed to be a compliment?"

"But," he qualified after flicking my cheek, "Somehow that inspired me to think for myself too. If I had let everyone else's opinions of me and my dad get to me, I wouldn't be here. I would have stopped dreaming a long time ago. But you helped me hold on, and that's why I'm able to go." He laughed softly. "Whatever. Thanks for everything."

We'd definitely been through a lot together. Even so, the entire time and even now I wanted more. "… Remember when you said…" I took a breath. "That maybe… I could wait for you…?"

His gaze snapped to mine, searching and almost scared. "Yeah…?"

"I mean, no way will I do that, that's lame. It's four whole years."

"What the actual hell, Michi…" He shook his head and looked away. "That's just cruel."

"What if I…" I trailed off because my voice had begun to shake with nerves. I just wasn't too good at the sappy stuff, so this was all a stretch.

"Michi?" Shin leaned over to peer at my face. "Seriously, what is it? You're killing me."

"What if, instead of saying "Wait for me", you said… "Come with me"…?"

"… _What_?"

I looked at him expectantly.

"Are you insane? How could I ever say that? Your life is here… isn't it?" He wavered, uncertain and confused.

"I mean yeah I'm insane but I've been trying to study my English lately and my grades weren't that bad, and I've been filling out the application a bit, so…" I shook my head. "I just can't give up without trying."

"So what you're saying is…" His eyes widened further with disbelief.

"I'm saying that I don't want to give up on you without us not even having tried at least! Okay? I don't know how many other ways I can say it or how many times I need to for you to understand, but…" I trailed off as he started laughing.

"I get it... Don't be upset, okay? I'm just surprised is all. This is impulsive, even for you."

"I don't need anyone to tell me that. I'm well aware."

"Look… Maybe think this through a little bit more," Shin said hesitantly. "It's a huge step to make."

"Damn, Shin! Stop making things complicated!" I huffed.

"You've been making it complicated this entire time too!" He retorted.

"Just date me, dammit!"

He opened his mouth but no words came out.

"Uh." I blinked, clearing my throat. "I know… I know that every word coming out of my mouth is completely nonsensical, but… In the time that's left before you leave, I want to see what's possible. Just… I'm saying that I love you so much. So, at least for now, will you date me?"

He released a slow breath, shaking his head. "I can't keep up with you. But yeah, Michi. I've loved you for a while now. Let's give it a shot."

I grinned. "I thought I was about to die, honestly." It had felt almost impossible to do it alone. The absence of a wingman had felt crucial somehow.

"Me too…" He chuckled and placed his hand over mine, shifting to have our arms touching. Even such a small touch felt electric and although I reminded myself to be cautious and not put too much stock into the future I still imagined that a time would come when such casual touches would become warmly commonplace. "Hm." He frowned.

"What?" I would've thought he'd be happy at least a little bit.

"It still feels tenuous."

"Explain." I frowned back at him when he tilted his head to look at me.

"Well… Up until now we've been going back and forth a lot. I was expecting to have to work a lot harder for a lot longer to win you over. So, to suddenly be dating just like that… It's weird. Anticlimactic."

"Did you want me to make it more climactic? Because I totally could."

"That sounds terrifying actually, so no."

I laughed. "Again, I'm not promising forever… But I love you, so I'll try my hardest here. We'll see where it goes?"

He nodded. "Okay. No worries…"

I grinned. "You're spazzing right now, aren't you?"

"No. Shut up."

"Haha… Dork."

He pinched my cheeks and pulled on them. "Stop."

"Wahwahwah! You stahp dat!" I rubbed my face when he let go. "Ow…"

"It's not like you minded, though…" He glanced away. "Is that right?"

"Er…" I'd completely forgotten that I'd sort of told him about my… proclivities. "Well, that's… probably a private discussion. For later. Muuuch later…" I coughed. I wasn't quite certain he was ready or even able to embrace it. To each their own.

"Later, then." He nodded. "That's fine by me…" He kissed my cheek and the corner of my mouth in quick succession. "I'm just happy that there is a later, if that makes sense," he murmured against my skin.

"Me too." I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my head, blindly finding his lips. I didn't want to ever let him go again, no matter what I said. Distance, even death; they weren't enough to tear us apart. I pulled away to whisper. "I love you so much."

He answered with a firm kiss and his arms around me. For the life of us, neither could remember at any point after that what the fireworks had actually looked like; just how they felt.

* * *

 **~ First Date ~**

"Okay… Okay…" I took deep breaths and nearly panted them out, one hand against my heart and the other holding onto Shin's fingers tightly. "Fuck! I'm freaking out."

"I can tell," he sighed. "Calm down. It's just a dinner with my dad."

"The last time I saw him I basically barged into his house and told him how to run his life. Now I'm dating his son, and like… the dynamic has changed, you know? I can't not be nervous."

"I get it, but just calm down."

I sighed. "Okay. Calming… Do I at least look presentable?"

"Yeah. I see you shaved your legs for the occasion." He glanced down and let out a chuckle.

"I'm wearing a bra too." Although that was only because the dress I was wearing was white.

"Wait, what?" He blinked.

"What do you mean, what?"

"You don't…"

"No, not usually. Did you never even look, dude?"

"Of course not!"

"Now I know you're lying."

"Shut up. We're going to talk to my dad. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"But you're the one who just said… Ugh. Fine." I nervously buttoned and unbuttoned the top of my jean jacket. "But honestly… Is this fine?" I'd tried to tone it down.

"It's nice." He shrugged. "Well…" He reached out and brushed my bangs out of my face. "You're not wearing it up today."

"Well, I uh…" I frowned. "I can't really wear my old clip anymore, you know…?"

"Why not?"

I cleared my throat. "No reason. Don't worry about it. And I accidentally broke the other one I bought, so… Ahaha."

"You've been acting weird all day…"

"Just don't expect it to stop."

"I really wasn't." He kissed my cheek just outside the door to his house. "Don't worry. Just be yourself."

"That's pretty dangerous, don't you think?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Come on." He tugged me inside and I ducked, hiding behind him. The house distinctly smelled like burning. "Dad?" Shin found him in the kitchen.

"Hey… I made chicken." The man looked down at a pan filled with barbecue sauce and a hunk of black meat. "Uh. Takeout?"

"L-let's cook together," I suggested. FATHER DAUGHTER BONDING TIME. Shin squeezed my hand encouragingly and nodded.

"That would be nice." His dad smiled tremulously and scraped his attempt into the trashcan.

"So, uh, sir, what do you have here?"

"Please call me Shinnosuke."

I laughed. "Shin and Shinnosuke, that's cute… Ehehe." I cleared my throat. "Um, I'm an okay cook. Between the three of us we can definitely make something passable. Right?" I looked to Shin for help in my awkwardness.

"Definitely." He nodded and started pulling random things out of cupboards.

I dashed to the fridge and pulled out a jar of salsa. "Shin. Shin. It has mangoes in it, Shin."

"Yeah?"

"So we have to use it."

"… Okay," he sighed. "Nachos. Dad, nachos?"

"I feel lucky enough to have a kitchen that's not on fire."

"That's a yes."

I pulled out vegetables and seized the largest knife possible before starting to dice them. "These will be fancy nachos! These nachos will have peppers and onions."

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard," Shin sighed at me again from his place standing in front of the stove browning ground beef. "This was a little freezer burned but it's fine."

"Whatever, dude. Don't judge my nachos lifestyle."

"Um… What can I do?" Shinnosuke held up his hands.

"Sit," Shin ordered. "You've probably done enough cooking today."

The man slumped. "Um," I began hesitantly, "You can come peel the skins of the onions before I cut them…"

"I'll do that!" He took one and instantly dropped it into the trash. "… Oh."

"It's fine! Just get another." I laughed and he smiled almost shyly. We were both working around the situation in the same way, I realized, attempting small steps towards a friendly relationship.

In the end nacho was accomplished with little to no bloodshed and/or fire and we were able to sit at the table in a triangle with me between the two of them. "So…" My hands were almost shaking. As a person Shinnosuke wasn't intimidating whatsoever but now that his identity included the title of father to my boyfriend I was unnerved. "I'll just say it, you must be a little weirded out by this!"

"Michi…" Shin stared at me and my face flamed up but I still raised my head and continued.

"Well, it's true, right? I don't imagine that you saw this coming or that it's what you wanted… That out of all the people in the world I'm the one you would have wanted Shin to be with. But, uh… I promise. I want to treasure him absolutely. And… Everything's gonna be okay. That's all." I crunched loudly on a chip, ducking my head again to hide behind my bangs.

"I'll be candid as well since you're being this honest." Shinnosuke folded his hands. "The thought of the two of you together felt like the worst possible thing to me before. It felt… wrong, somehow. Like an offense against how things should be, considering our situation. That being said…" He let out a breath and offered a tired yet contented smile. "It's not my place to put my happiness before my son's especially after everything I've done."

"Dad… Just know that I didn't take this lightly. I imagined all the sorts of ways you might react and I was prepared to accept any of it," Shin murmured seriously.

"I'm prepared as well. And… I wish the two of you luck."

I nodded. "We don't need luck. Just… Y-your blessing, please."

Shinnosuke nodded. "You've got it."

I smiled. "Good… I was so nervous I'd almost lost my appetite… But I'm better now!" I laughed.

"Glad to see that your world is spinning properly again." Shin ruffled my hair.

"Ahaha... Phew." It felt like I could finally breathe again. The rest of dinner passed with light conversation, meaningless but overall pleasant.

"Well… I should get to bed. I work the early shift." Shinnosuke shook my hand. "It was good to see you again." He paused and look at Shin. "Uh… A little bit of fathering here…" He shuffled his feet. "No having her in your room with the door closed at any point, okay?"

"Dad! I'm seventeen!" Shin blushed furiously. "Don't worry about it… Whatever."

Shinnosuke held his hands up innocently and went into his own room. "Good night, you two…"

"Um… That could have been worse," I mumbled. Any awkwardness I had shed throughout the evening had been built back up in that singular moment.

"It went better than I thought it would." Shin took my hand. "Want to go somewhere else before I walk you home?"

"Yeah." I was permanently greedy for some time with just the two of us. "… Dessert?" I suggested in a mumble.

"Sure." We made a trip into the main plaza of town, going for the reliable standard of ice cream cones so we could still meander around and talk. "I could tell Dad was trying hard," Shin noted.

"Me too. It was kind of cute… So is that what you're going to look like when you're older?"

"What? I don't know. Why do you care?"

"I dunno." I grinned. "Anyways… I still feel really happy. He gave his blessing."

"It's not like we're getting married… You didn't have to ask for it like that."

"It feels important, okay?"

"Fine…"

"Does your dad not cook a lot?"

"Nah. He was never great but after Mom left he sort of just gave up." Shin blinked. "Geez… I guess I should introduce you to her."

"I met her a few times, back then. It was a sort of like a hi nice to meet you okay I'm gonna go use your shower type thing."

"Yeah, but it's been such a long time. Or at least it feels like it has."

"I feel like that too. I've lost track of the days I spent just wallowing… I never would have imagined we'd be here now." I sighed and rested my cheek briefly on his shoulder. "If you ever need any help at home, just tell me, okay? I can come over anytime, even if it's just to help make dinner."

"… Thanks. I will." He pressed his mouth into my hair.

"So can I have a bite of your ice cream?"

He sighed. "I knew you'd ask that sooner or later. Trade with me."

"Haha… Indirect kiss. This is fun."

"Please just stop…"

"Om… This is good."

"Uh-huh." Shin swooped in to touch his lips to mine before standing up straight.

I blushed. "Things are… different now, huh…?"

"Yup."

"I… um, don't laugh. But I used to imagine dating you a lot… What it would be like."

"Oh." He looked away. "So… What did you think about, exactly?"

"Well… I never thought you'd actually start being nicer to me. And you haven't, which is fine. Fits expectations."

"Seriously…?"

"And, well… I thought that you'd be more hesitant about things. Like holding hands, or… and other stuff. You know."

"I already know that hesitating with you gets me nowhere." He sighed. "If I'd hesitated any more we definitely wouldn't be together now, don't you think?"

"Maybe not." It was strange to consider. "Probably not, no." If he hadn't acted first I would have assumed in the end that he wasn't willing to attempt at all. "You kept me on my toes right up until the last second, it felt like…"

He heaved a sigh but leaned in again to whisper. "I'm glad you chose me."

The red dusting his cheeks made my heart squeeze. "Me too." I leaned up the short distance between our heights to kiss him, longer this time.

He stepped away after a while. "You're sticky." His cheeks were redder now and he looked at my mouth before jerking his gaze away.

I laughed but stopped when his expression changed, tensing as his gaze flicked around at passersby. "What is it?"

"Come on." He tugged on my wrist and set off at a quick pace, letting go to walk ahead of me.

"Shin, seriously. What's wrong?" I grabbed his arm and wouldn't let go, staying rooted in place stubbornly.

"We should get out of here," he hissed under his breath.

"What?" I looked around us with confusion and was met with stares and pointing. "Uh… Oh." Realization finally hit. "… This is what your dad meant. It's…" When they looked at us people saw the daughter of a dead man and the son of a murderer together in some unnatural union. It hadn't been that long in the eyes of the public. Ideally I should have still been in mourning. Part of me had no clue why I wasn't. It simply wasn't acceptable yet for me to be up and about; it was like a widower marrying too soon after the death of a spouse. Shin and I weren't supposed to be like this. The looks of nothing less than horror on some people's faces conveyed that perfectly.

"… I wanted to leave before you noticed," Shin murmured gently. I felt my legs shaking and he noticed too. "Come on."

"Why… Hey!" I tore my wrist away from his leading grip. "Why the fuck should I care what everyone else thinks of my life? They can shove their opinions up their asses! I mean, come on, Shin!"

He sighed and then smiled. "If it's okay with you, then it's fine with me too."

"Well that's that." I shook my head to try and shake off my soured mood. "There aren't many people who I care at all what they think. Like, even if your dad had disapproved, I'd still do whatever I wanted. I guess... The only one that matters is you. I can sustain myself with that much, whatever comes at us. Besides… You're going overseas. To a place where no one's going to look at you like this ever again." I touched his cheek. "All of this is going to fly away, I hope."

He blinked a few times before closing his eyes and leaning into my touch. "I hope so… I'm so tired of this."

"You're a lot more than the son of a murderer." The whole time he'd been bearing the weight of other people's actions, those of his father, my father, and even mine. "You don't have to bear it alone ever again, okay?"

"Thanks to you," he whispered. "Damn." He reached up to wipe at his eyes. "Let's just go anyways…"

"Don't cry. If you cry then you'll set me off and everything will just be a big mess."

"I'm not going to cry!" He scoffed. "Not over something this stupid."

I shook my head. "Forget what I said… It's totally fine to cry."

"Honestly though." Shin took my hand again and leaned his forehead against mine. "It's just that I'm relieved. I'm used to this much, the looks. That doesn't bother me. But this… having someone to lean on. It's completely new. Kind of overwhelming." He pressed his lips to mine, slipping a hand to the back of my neck and keeping contact until I lost track of seconds and happily slipped off into my own fabricated corner of reality where it was just the two of us, all that was needed.

I only pulled away when I felt wetness on my hand. "Da ice cream!" I started licking precious sugar off my wrist. "Aw man… I won't lose to confectionaries!"

Shin laughed. "You never do let a moment go to waste, do you?"

"I never joke about food, my man."

He pinched my cheek. "Uh-huh. I know."

I sighed once the crisis was averted. "I guess I have to go home at some point, huh?"

"Hm." Shin frowned faintly. "I guess so."

I smirked. "Your dad… He really said it. Not to have the doors closed…"

"Shut up."

"Have you never brought a girl over?"

"Only you, really. There were a few girls before the, uh, incident, but… Nothing serious. And it's not as if anyone would want to date me after what happened. Except you, for some strange cosmic reason," he muttered sarcastically.

"Oh…" I frowned. "Poor lonely Shin!"

"I wasn't lonely!" He pinched my cheek harder this time.

"Ow…"

"Toma was there the whole time. I think he wasn't fazed at all just because of the kind of person he is. Or at least what he thinks he is." Shin paused. "And you came back… So it turned out fine. So I was never completely alone. A little lonely, maybe. Just a bit."

"You just assaulted me for calling you lonely, and then you admit it."

"Whatever."

"Apologize," I mumbled, faking grumpiness at him.

He kissed my cheek. "Better now?"

"Yep." I grinned and he smiled back.

"So how's the application going?"

"Slow, but I'm doing okay…" I frowned. "I'm scared of going overseas. I've been in this town for such a long time."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"No… Just like what you're doing, I like the idea of a fresh start." Besides that, I didn't want to lose him. I was taking every moment we had seriously because it wasn't just a fling to me. "I might need help with English though…"

"You always were better at math and science than languages. I'll help you study."

"Thanks…" I heaved a sigh when we arrived back at my apartment. "Well… Bye, I guess."

"Don't give me that face. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"That feels like a long time."

"Don't be ridiculous." He gave me a quick kiss. "Goodnight."

"G'night." I laughed and called after him once he had gotten some distance away from me. "I promise to have dirty dreams of you tonight!"

He stumbled, regained balance and then crouched for a minute before getting to his feet and shooting me a look over his shoulder "You're an idiot! A complete idiot!"

"What, it's not like I was lying…" I mumbled, shrugging as I went into what felt like a very empty room. It was moments like these when I was by myself that I felt it most poignantly; a sense that something was off, or rather a plaguing loneliness. It made me look forward to the days ahead even more.

* * *

 **~ Proposal ~**

"Alright." Shin sat cross-legged across from me on his bed. "Go. Introduce yourself in English."

"Okay…" I gulped and took a breath. " _Hello. My name is… Michi Ohayashi. Very nice… meeting."_ I shook my head. "I mean, _very nice to meet you."_

"Stiff, but better. You know, you'd have an easier time at this if you just relaxed. You've been studying hard but you just freak yourself out."

"I know… I just get so nervous worrying about what kind of people I'm going to meet or what kinds of new foods I might discover."

"Of course that's your main concern… _You're such an idiot."_

"What? What was that?" I raised my eyebrows.

" _You'd know if you studied a bit more."_

"You're starting to piss me off…" I mumbled.

" _I love you."_

I blushed. "That one I know. Um… _I love you too."_

" _Let's get married over there once I turn eighteen."_

"What?" I'd only understood a few words out of the sentence.

"Nothing."

"Come on, what'd you say?"

"I didn't say anything serious. Come on. Keep practicing."

"I will if you stop teasing me," I huffed. "Okay then…" By some miracle or another I'd been accepted into the same college as Shin. Part of me, not believing I would be, had put off my studies in English and so now I had to buckle down and study twice as hard as I would have had to if I hadn't procrastinated.

In December we moved to the United States to a state where the people actually did wear shoes despite a popular stereotype. The most disappointing aspect was that there weren't really a lot of new foods for me to try as most of them had been available back in Japan anyhow. Interestingly enough there were a lot of other international students at the school so I was able to form a study group for English practice and make some friends to boot. Overall I settled into a far more peaceful lifestyle, especially because if I started any fights I was certain to be expelled. That put a damper on my tradition of ass-kickings but was a fair enough tradeoff.

November 30th of our freshman year was Shin's eighteenth birthday. I sat at my desk gripping the sides of my chair for dear life while Sawa stared at me from the other end on a Skype call. "I… I haven't found anything for him."

"Michi… His birthday is tomorrow."

"I know! He just never wants anything! All he ever buys for himself is socks! I can't get him socks!"

"I mean, you could…"

"That's not a girlfriend gift! I mean, we've been together for over a year now and I still have no idea what to do for his birthday… What does that say about me?"

"All it says is that Shin is hard to shop for. You can work around this, okay? Let's brainstorm." She swiveled in her chair on her end. "Kent, come here!"

"Hm? Oh, good evening, Michi." Kent peered into the camera and waved. "What seems to be the problem? I heard you yelling from the other room."

"It's Shin's birthday tomorrow and she doesn't know what to get him. Can you help us think of something?"

"Hmm…" He tilted his head this way and that. "Since I do not know Shin, I can't be of much help. However… A gift does not have to be tangible."

"Eh?" I raised my eyebrows.

"For example, on my birthday Sawa simply spent the day with me. Such a menial thing is more than enough. It's certainly better than receiving a gift with no functionality to it."

"But is that really enough?" I asked doubtfully.

"It will have to be unless you can think of a better idea." Kent shrugged. "Best of luck to you." He drifted away, most likely back onto work towards his thesis project.

"Well, he's not exactly wrong. If Shin doesn't want anything then you don't have to force it. It's his fault, too, for not telling you something he might want." Sawa shrugged.

"Maybe…" I sighed. "Thanks for your help. I'm calmer now, at least."

"Hey, what are friends for?" She smiled.

"So… How's it going with Kent?" They'd been dating for a few months now so I'd see him flitting around in the background sometimes during these calls.

"It's going pretty well. He's less awkward than he used to be, but I wish he'd loosen up a little." Sawa giggled. "We'll get there."

"I bet." I smiled. "Happy for ya."

"You too, Michi. Make sure to come visit me on Christmas break, okay? You're coming home, right?"

"Eh, Shin and I are still budgeting plane tickets. Attempting to at least… I'll let you know asap. Cool?"

"Fingers crossed! Anyways, if nothing else works you can just get him a gift card or something. Never a bad last resort."

"Maybe…" I heard the door open behind me and screamed as I slammed my laptop shut.

"… Hi?" Shin shook his head as he came inside.

"Haaaahhhh…" I started breathing again after the shock. "How was work?"

"Fine… What are you up to?" He eyed me with suspicion.

"It definitely has nothing to do with your birthday." I blinked. "Shit. Well…" I collapsed next to him on the couch. We'd opted to split the cost for an apartment rather than staying in on-campus housing and so lived in our own peaceful little rickety corner. "What do you even want, Shin? I mean, I've got nothing here."

He slipped out of his jacket and slung it over the back of the couch before putting an arm over my shoulders. "I'd like…" He hesitated. "A yes."

"A what?"

"A yes."

"I heard you, but that makes no sense."

"It will. Trust me." He shook his head and rubbed his hands together.

"Geez… It's cold out there and you're not even dressing properly… Dumbass." I hugged him. "Share in my body warmth."

"You're dumb." Even though he said that he closed his eyes and let me cuddle him. "I'm tired."

"Go to sleep then."

"Gotta shower."

"Go shower then."

"Too comfortable."

"Then we'll sleep here."

"Okay…" Once I felt him actually start to doze off I shook him. "Hey. Shin, come on. Shower and bed."

"No." He tried to roll over.

"… Shower together?"

"What?" He jerked and sat up.

"Haha, just kidding. Get your ass in gear." I grinned as he scowled at me but complied. Once he was gone I rushed to my chair, grabbed my jacket, slung on my boots and sprinted out the door. No time for second thoughts or an online order. I had an idea and had to get out and get it asap even if I looked absolutely crazy running around town in search of it.

By the time I got back it was past ten o'clock and Shin was fast asleep. I spent some time wrapping the gift, calling Sawa again to update her and apologize for hanging up suddenly and finally showering before creeping into the bedroom we shared and using as much stealth power as I could muster to get in beside him.

Despite these efforts he still stirred and rolled over onto his back. "It's almost midnight... What were you doing?"

"Nothing… nothing at all." I giggled softly and sighed as I rubbed my cheek against the welcome smoothness of a pillow. "But I'm tired now too… Let's just get to sleep, okay?"

"Talk to me for a while first?"

"Okay." I blinked at him sleepily when despite saying that he took a while to speak again.

"What's your opinion of sex before marriage?"

"Eh?" I coughed, fully awake now. "… Wait, is this you trying to get me back for earlier? It worked. Congrats."

"No, I'm being serious."

"What's my opinion? Well…" I considered it briefly. "I don't see the harm in it. Sex is an important part of a relationship and I think it's better to know if you're compatible before marriage… Besides, it's just a normal thing for people to do. As long as you trust each other. I mean, I've already had sex before so I guess I don't care all that much…"

"… What?" Shin rolled over to face me, eyes widened slightly.

"Er… Um… I didn't mean to say that. Sorry."

"… Oh." He sighed. "I'm not going to say I don't care, but it's not something that matters to me that much." A frown still etched into his face. "But it's pretty easy to guess who it was with… That's the part I kind of hate."

"Please don't be mad."

"I know it was before we were dating. It's fine."

"I just…" I shook my head. "It… At the time, I just… Ugh. Sorry." After so long I couldn't explain anymore how I'd felt back then.

"Sometimes I really hate it when he has to come up," Shin murmured, rolling onto his other side to have his back to me.

"… I know." Neither of us had seen or heard from Toma since the night of the fireworks festival. Apparently he had quit his job that night and taken off to who knows where. Despite his long absence he was still a part of both of our lives because he had been so influential in our pasts. It felt like longer than it had actually been, but thoughts of Toma were unavoidable somehow. In this case it felt like he was being brought up in the worst way possible.

"… I'm sorry," I said again. "But… I'm not sorry. I really don't want to apologize for it, and I shouldn't feel like I have to." Shit. I was just ruining things more with every word. "Whatever…" I hugged myself and perched near the edge of the bed to put distance between us. Mostly I was scared of his reaction; the truth of it was that I really just wanted to hug him. Of course at this point Shin was the only one I would ever have such thoughts towards.

"It's okay," Shin said after a few minutes. "Just… I've never been this jealous before. It's not a good feeling."

"That, I'll apologize for. I've done this to you a few times, huh…"

"Yeah. Back then you nearly drove me crazy. I could never tell who out of the four of us you were leaning towards. It got to the point where I could hardly stand the sight of any of them." He shifted and tugged on my arm. "Come here."

"You scared me just now," I mumbled as he pulled me to him. "I thought you were honestly angry, like maybe you wouldn't forgive me or something."

"It'd take a lot more than that, Michi."

"Mm." I nodded. "I feel kinda stupid… But it's trivial and not trivial at the same time. How am I supposed to feel about it? I hate knowing that it bothers you."

"Don't worry." He held me tighter. "We'll both forget it by morning."

I wanted to kiss him but couldn't bring myself to. There was a foulness in my mouth and I was afraid he'd catch it, some sort of contagious impurity. "Fuck this shit, man… So what if I'm not a virgin, so what if I didn't save myself, that doesn't mean I love you any less… But I still feel so bad, just because I'm supposed to have done that, somehow… Right?"

"Shut up about it, will you?" Shin sighed. "I really don't care. I don't want it to bother you either. So you slept with Toma once. Whatever. You're mine right now, and you'll be mine…" He trailed off. "We're acting like children," he suddenly laughed.

"I know!" I squealed into his chest. "So stupid."

"Sorry… I didn't know how to handle that at first."

"Me either… But I guess it doesn't matter."

"Not one bit." Shin shook his head.

"I don't even remember what we were talking about before this…"

"Sleep. We were talking about sleep." He sighed and loosened his hold on me as I squirmed.

"Um… Here." I basically threw his birthday present at him. Now that it was barely past midnight it felt like as good a time as any to give it to him within the weirdness of the night we were having. "Happy Birthday."

He sat up with a yawn and picked at the tape holding the tissue paper together. "Did you really have to wrap it so… thoroughly?"

"It's fine! Just rip it apart." I knelt beside him in anticipation.

"Fine…" He blinked when something slipped into his lap. "Oh." He held up a red scarf in his hands.

I held my breath as a few moments passed with no further response. "It's just!" I huffed, impatient. "You're always underdressing for the cold, trying to act all cool… Cool, get it? Because it's cold outside. Anyways, I figured that if I got this, you might feel obligated to wear it. So stay warm!"

He put it around his neck and rubbed the fabric against his cheek. "… Feels nice." He blushed slightly and mumbled. "Thanks… I won't even comment on that terrible pun."

I flopped onto my back, relieved. "Glad you like it. Sorry it's not the present you wanted, I guess? Just become easier to shop for in the future."

"I still want a yes from you."

"Yes to what…" I trailed off in thought. He'd just asked me about what I thought on sex before marriage… Oh. OH. "Wh-what?!" I blushed. We'd been together for a while now, so it wasn't that surprising, but… "I-I mean… I guess so… It's fine with me… if you really want to…"

"What?" He turned red as I started to lift my shirt. "I-I! That's not it, idiot!" He grabbed my wrists to halt progress.

"Huh? But you just…" My face turned red with mortified embarrassment. "I, uh… misread the situation…? Erk…" I looked away and squeezed my eyes shut even as he twined his hands with mine.

"Look at me please? It's sort of awkward if you don't."

"Okay…?" I looked at him quizzically as he reached into our bedside desk, pulled out a small box and handed it to me. Opening it revealed that there were two silver rings inside, one with a small diamond on it and the other a simple, slightly wider band.

"Marry me?"

"… Oh! So thaaat's what you meant. Okay." I nodded slowly and then burst into tears. "Waaahhh…"

"Wait, what? What the hell? Uh…" Shin held his arms out, not knowing what else to do, and I tackled him in a hug.

"It's just… that… was so lame! We're so lame! This is the most awkward proposal in human history."

"I doubt that's true. It'll only be the worst if you say no." Shin looked at me with mixed nervousness and hope.

I sniffed. "True… But of course it's a yes." I blinked. "Ohhh! So that's what you meant when you said you wanted a yes."

"Yup." He patted my head.

"That was almost romantic, even."

"I figured that with you things wouldn't go quite as planned."

"All's well that ends well." He lay back down with a huff. "Now I'm officially exhausted."

"Yeah… I'm sort of spent too." We both donned our rings and held our hands out. "I sorta figured I'd get yours for you…"

"It was cheaper in the combo pack." Shin sighed. "Someday I'll be able to afford a better one."

"Cheap doesn't mean bad, you know. I'm perfectly happy with this." I smiled and huddled under the sheets. "Alright… I'm… engaged. So happy…"

"I'll always make you happy. I'll also always call you an idiot, but you'll be happy."

"The way you say it makes it sound questionable at best… But I know I will be. You'll be happy too… I'll make sure." That's what I had fought for in that long August; that was the dream we had forged.

* * *

 **~ Gratuitous Sex Scene ~**

Even though we agreed not to get married until at least completing undergraduate studies, I was still impatient for a lot of things. One of the roughest parts was that Shin and I still hadn't slept together.

It simply ended up being a situation where most of my work hours were in the morning and his were in night shifts, so neither of us were ever in the mood, tired or not tired at the exact same time. Weekends were for homework and catching up on sleep. But working hard and making it through were still the most important things to do.

Childishly so, though, it made me feel unwanted almost, for it not to have happened yet. I would get strangely bitter at times, but then I'd see how tired Shin looked and I'd chastise myself. What I did to push these feelings away was work harder myself, occupying my mind and body so my attentions wouldn't wander.

Friday nights when we were both off the following Saturday were arguably the most peaceful times. During these rare occasions we set homework and real-world concerns aside for a date night, usually just staying in and watching YouTube or messing around on Shin's old guitar.

"Anything interesting happen today?" He asked while the playthrough of an indie video game rattled on in the background.

"Mm… Not so much. I tried a pot brownie though."

"You what?"

"It was only five bucks and I was curious. It wasn't bad though, and all of the stuff I ate after it was super good. Like, best peanut butter I've ever tasted."

"When even was this?"

"During my lunchbreak. The rest of the shift was very… uh, tilty? I don't think the managers noticed though. Even if they did, it's fine… we even use hemp in our recipes." With food service experience I'd gotten a job in a local store known for hemp chocolates. It had made me curious to try the real thing, so I'd made a small purchase form a coworker. "Relax. I'm not going to become a pothead."

"Somehow I feel as if we're having very different college experiences…"

"Oh yeah, and my other coworker was telling me all about how she got an STD this one time but she's completely fine now, and how one time she got drunk and told this guy during sex that she'd had chlamydia before, but that ended up fine too." I laughed. "I like her. She's interesting."

"That's, uh… Uh." Shin shook his head.

"But I get what you mean. Lots of people are leading different sorts of lives than we are right now." I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

He twirled some of my hair in his fingers and pursed his lips in thought. "… Are you happy with how we are right now?"

"Yeah. It's not exactly easy, but I've never minded a little hard work."

"I sort of meant…" He waved his other hand around, trying to urge his thoughts to come forward. "You and I as a couple."

"I mean, we're engaged. Of course I'm happy."

Shin frowned. "I just want to let you know that it won't always be like this, you know? We're both from low-income families, but someday I do want to be able to take care of both of us."

"I want that too. I've always wanted to be able to fend for myself financially. I have complete faith that we're going to get there, you know? So just relax." I kissed his cheek. "Don't stress yourself out. You worry way too much."

He laughed softly. "Maybe I do."

"You need to take a class on the art of relaxation and doing nothing." I paused then, sitting up and looking at him nervously until the nerves started to show in his own expression as well.

"What is it?"

"There is, uh, something I'm not happy with."

"Tell me. We'll work on it," he said openly.

"You, uh… I'm not trying to accuse you or anything, but… You don't seem to be interested in having sex with me."

His lips parted but no words flew out; rather, his face turned red and he clamped a hand over his mouth.

"And, you know…" I continued, trying to see if continuing to talk would paradoxically make things less awkward. "That, uh… We sleep in the same bed and everything, and I try to dress cuter when I'm home now, and…" My voice slowly got quieter as I stumbled on. "It's lonely, you know? I want to do these sorts of things with the one I love."

"I just…" He looked away. "I'm not sure that I'll be able to… satisfy you."

"What?" I tilted my head.

"Of course I think about it a lot too… But what I realized is that…" He shook his head and looked at me again, frowning. "I know what your preferences are. But I don't think I'm capable of hurting you in that kind of situation even if I know you don't mind it. I just… can't."

"Aw, Shin!" I leaned forward to bump my head against his chest. "Why didn't you just talk to me about this earlier…?"

"How was I supposed to tell you that?" He murmured.

"I mean, I could've explained myself to you. It would've been so much easier. We… maybe we should've talked about this before."

"Explain yourself?" He echoed.

"You got the wrong idea, I think. I'm masochistic, yeah…" I blushed hotly and sat up straight again. "Ahem. But that's not an exclusive interest. I'm capable of feeling attraction without pain if it's with someone I'm very emotionally attached to. Uh… Did you seriously think I wasn't…?"

"I mean…" He shrugged.

"Shin?"

"Hm…?" He looked at me almost grumpily.

"You are a complete idiot. Your awful habit of hesitating with things almost doomed us to celibacy."

"That's going a bit too far, don't you think?" He grabbed my wrist and tugged me to my feet after he had jumped up. "Come on. I'm also a complete idiot who wants to make up for lost time."

"Eh? Now?"

"What, you're not up for it?"

"Why are you issuing it like a challenge?"

"Just get undressed." He slung his shirt off before we had even gone into our bedroom so I stumbled out of my shorts, laughing.

"Haha!" I hugged him from behind. "This makes me really happy."

He sighed good-naturedly. "That's good… So you're the one with experience here, huh?"

"It's been a while, so… I think we're both basically doomed to be a couple of awkward idiots."

"Well, whatever."

"You know you're lucky I didn't just jump you before now. I was seriously considering it."

"Huh… Maybe next time." He started to lift my shirt up but stopped halfway.

"What, you've seen before," I teased. "No need to be shy."

"You're insufferable. And that one time, we should never again speak of it." He pulled my shirt over my head before hugging me and flopping onto the bed.

I felt myself shaking a little. "… This is new." He was so warm; almost unbearably so. Shin just nodded and held me tighter. I ran my hands over and down his back, elated just to be touching him this way. I was halfway tempted to say that even this was enough, but knowing that this was a prelude was equally pleasing. "… But I really could just hold you like this forever," I mumbled. One hand drifted over his ribs and up onto his chest to touch the coolness of the piercing there. "What's the story behind this, exactly…?"

"Well," he began quietly as he let his fingers drift and skim over my back, "After Dad shut down, Mom left and you were out of my life forever it looked like, I just decided one day, to hell with it. Yeah… All that happened was I got angry and blew a whole lot of money." He shook his head.

"Did it hurt?"

"A lot."

"Do you regret getting it?"

"Not really. I wouldn't have gotten it in the first place if I didn't like it at all."

"I like it too."

"Well… good." He rolled over on top of me, not seeming to know what to say.

"Hehe…" I laughed softly and put my arms around his neck.

"What's funny?" He tilted his head and smiled halfway.

"I'm just happy." Finally. This was finally happening.

He blushed and frowned at me instead. "I hardly know what to do with you right now."

"Hm… I'm nervous."

"Are you now?" He kissed me gently a few times before sealing my lips with firmer pressure. We finished undressing midst this contact, halfway removing clothes off ourselves and halfway getting tangled in getting them off each other. His hands fumbled and shook at times and I just couldn't help but laugh. "Just shut up…" He mumbled.

"Sorry. You're just too cute. But it's nice in a way to know that you're just as nervous as I am." It was a good feeling in the end to be this aflutter about him and what we were doing, the way it would bond us closer.

"You won't be happy until I admit it, will you?" He muttered. "Fine. I'm nervous too." He gave me a glare when I laughed again but smiled begrudgingly moments later before leaning down for another kiss. One of his hands trailed down my side and slipped over my thigh, and I twitched reflexively. "… This okay?" He murmured as he moved his fingers slowly between my legs.

"Y-yeah." I nodded and scrambled into the bedside desk to fumble in it and grab a condom. There didn't seem to be much other purpose for these sorts of desks.

Shin blinked when I held it out to him. "When did you get those?"

"Unlike you, I was prepared." I'd bought them wishfully quite a while ago, hoping to drop a hint.

"Okay…" He let out a short laugh before taking it and shifting around. "… Well… You ready?" He leaned over me and brushed hair out of my face.

I just nodded again, biting back a sassy reply along the lines of how I'd been ready for loooong time. But Shin had always been slow to the punch in terms of romance and come through when things felt most dire. This was no exception. "Eek!" Still, considering how things had been going it caught me off guard when he wasn't gentle at all in initially pushing inside.

"You okay?" He froze immediately after I cried out.

"Just surprised… It's been a while. Just not used to this, so…" Having a one to zero ratio in experience really made no difference at all in the end. I put my arms around his back. "… Um, gentle please. At least to start out with."

"Alright." He moved with his brow furrowed in concentration, watching me for reaction.

I turned my head away, shy under his gaze especially when he was so serious. "T-that's fine…"

"Before you were teasing me and now you're like this…" Shin sighed.

"Situation's changed a bit, don't you think?" I looked back up at him after he kissed my temple and put a hand to my cheek to urge me to face him again. He nodded slowly, thinking something I couldn't be privy to.

"I kind of see it now."

"See what?"

"How you're a submissive."

"Sh-shut up! And you can move faster also," I added. "But mostly shut up."

He smirked. "Just saying."

I grumbled incoherently under my breath and pouted at him but gave instant forgiveness as he kissed the side of my nose, my cheeks and then my lips. I wound my hands in his hair, keeping him where he was until we were forced to part for air. Even then I bit at his lip as he pulled away and he flinched, eyes widening slightly.

"I really wanna eat you up," I breathed. "Next time I will."

"Shit, Michi, why are you like this?" He halfway gasped, pushing his face into the pillow next to my head for a moment before coming back up to look at me red-faced.

"Haha… Every time you think you've turned the tables, I come back! Ah!" I squeaked at the end of a triumphant decree because he'd pushed particularly hard and my hips had jerked all on their own. I wasn't sure if it was because of not being touched for a while or simply because I was so excited to be doing it with him but I was almost uncomfortably sensitive. I couldn't figure out whether I wanted him to be more or less gentle so I just leaned my head back and let myself tremble.

"You okay?" Shin smoothed my hair again.

"Uh-huh…" I squirmed against him. "Getting closer."

He tilted his head over mine, bangs hanging down onto my forehead. "Me too."

I kissed him, running my hands over his back to feel the ways his body flexed as he shifted. His arms went tight around my back and a tremble ran up his spine soon enough, sounds of almost distress leaking from his throat. He broke away for a moment as his body jerked and a strangled moan tore out of his mouth before he kissed me again with crushing force.

His excitement pushed me over as well, and the second he pulled back from me I acted without thinking, biting into his shoulder and clinging onto his shoulder blades even as he jerked in my grip and let out a grunt of protest.

I didn't and couldn't let go until I was finished. At that time I collapsed back, throwing my arms over my face. "… Sorry," I mumbled, afraid to look but moving my arms to cross them over my chest since I knew I'd have to face him anyways. "I just… It just… happened."

He touched the bite mark gingerly and flinched. "No, it's fine. Don't worry." He offered a reassuring smile. "It's something you like, so I won't say that at least this much is off limits. It's something I can get used to."

"Thanks…" I smiled warmly as he cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead. "Next time I promise not to bite you."

"I'd, uh, hope not." He cracked a smile that started out amused and halfway chagrinned before it turned gentle and fond. "… Love you."

"I love you too." A new start for the rest of our lives.

* * *

 **~ Wedding Time, Yay ~**

"Hey…" I peeked into Shin's dressing room, not even bothering to knock. "You ready?"

"More or less." He turned to me, straightening a red bowtie. "I feel a little stupid."

"No, you look cute." I'd probably never get to see his hair slicked back like this in person again so I was savoring the moment. A few waved strands refused to be kept down and were sticking out perfectly.

"We're technically not supposed to see each other, you know." Even as he said that he came over and took my hands.

"Oh, please…" I smiled. "Whatever. You're the one I want to see the most, especially today."

"… Hm." He blushed faintly. "You look nice."

"That's all?" I'd gone all out and made the dress myself, choosing a sweetheart neckline and a red rose decorations made of satin scattered in swirls over the garment. I raised my eyebrows when he hesitated.

"Whatever. You're gorgeous."

"Uh-huh." I leaned my head against his chest. "I hope your dad takes lots and lots of pictures of you so I can stare at them."

"You're so weird." He sighed and jumped when we heard screaming from down the hallway.

"Michi you idiot get back here!" Sawa yelled. "We still have to do your hair!"

"Oops. They found out."

Shin sighed and Mine and Sawa burst into the room. "Privacy is a myth," he muttered, stepping away from me.

"See, I told you she'd be in here." Mine took my arm. "Come on! You're only halfway done."

"Agh," I groaned. "I can't take all that sitting still!"

"Just deal with it!" She huffed. "We're turning you into a dream. Just you wait, Shin."

"Uh, okay." He held his hands up when I looked at him imploringly. "You're on your own here."

"I see how it is," I muttered as I let myself be dragged away. "Doesn't he just look so great…?" I sighed when we got back to my separate dressing room.

"Yeah, whatever," Mine huffed. "It's you I'm worried about right now." She ran her hands through my hair. "It's been a while, huh… Four years. All grown back now." She spoke almost fondly, doubtless going through memories of the events surrounding the start of our friendship.

"It's funny how it works, huh? That in the end you're the one to do my hair on my wedding day." I laughed.

"The funniest part is how you're still too incompetent to do it yourself," Sawa teased as she bent in front of me. "Now don't you dare blink, okay?"

"Yeah…" I battled with the forces of nature to keep my eyes open as she applied makeup. "So, any chance of you and Kent tying the knot soon?"

"Hm…" She shrugged. "I don't know. If he proposes, you'll be the first to know."

"Better be," I laughed.

"I'm glad you came back to Japan for the wedding," Mine noted. "It feels so nostalgic with everyone here in the town we all grew up in."

"Yeah…" I blinked several times as Sawa drew back from me, nodding to herself. "Not much has changed, and yet…" Being back here brought wonderful memories but it also strengthened a feeling of heavy nostalgia I got sometimes, as if I had forgotten something important but was powerless to reach it no matter how close I got. "Whatever. It's good to be back." Shin and I had been considering moving back to Japan to support his dad, but that part of the future was still up in the air for now. The largest thing on our minds for a while had been today, this warm early-August afternoon.

"It's as if it all happened yesterday, but we've changed so much since then," Mine agreed. The back of my neck got colder as she pinned my hair up with multiple floral barrettes.

"Eh…" I felt my eyes starting to water and wasn't quite sure why.

"Don't you dare!" Sawa fanned my face with one hand while applying pink lip color with another. "You're done, so don't you dare cry!"

"Eeeehhhh!" I restrained myself and breathed deeply until I'd calmed down. "Eh. Okay, I feel good now. But, gotta do one thing before I feel great, so, if you'll excuse me…"

"No! You're not going to see Shin again. He's already seen your dress, so he can't see the finished look until the moment," Mine said stubbornly.

"Says who?" I asked grumpily.

"Says _me_."

I backed down at the threat in her voice, not fully doubting that they would tie me to a chair if they had to. "Okay… Fine. But just let me breathe on my own for a second."

"Okay… But we'll sense it if you sneak off to forbidden places!' Sawa warned.

I didn't doubt that either. "Yeah, yeah…" I ambled down the hallway. The actual wedding was being held at the lakeside where Shin and I had first met in childhood, but of course we'd had to get ready somewhere else and Waka, our old manager at the maid café, had gladly let us use his place for the occasion. It wasn't glamorous by any means but suited us just fine.

I stood in the kitchen for a while, trying to sort out my feelings. The space behind and beside me felt empty and the longer I was standing here in this place of memories the feeling became more and more disconcerting and heartbreaking. Something was missing, even on a day as perfect as this one. Tears came to my eyes yet again and I sniffled.

"You shouldn't be crying on today of all days."

I froze at the voice that drifted over from the doorway to the kitchen. It had been so long, and yet I'd remembered it every day. Its presence didn't fill the void I felt, but it was impactful all the same.

"… Toma," I said dumbly.

He smiled. "Been a while." The expression turned sheepish. "Four years, actually."

"Been a while," I echoed. "Yeah." A few moments ticked by.

"… Michi," he began softly. "I'm sorry –"

"HELL YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I snapped, taking three large steps and rearing back before punching him in the face. "You come in here all nonchalant and you're the one who didn't even say goodbye!" I huffed, chest heaving. "And you show up here, not even having responded to either of our invitations, and…" I trailed off when I saw Shin rushing towards us.

"Michi!" He stepped over Toma, who was still lying winded on the floor. "It's fine. He and I had a talk while you were getting ready."

"Eh… Well I just had a good talk with him too. And you're not supposed to be looking at me."

He tilted his head down at me. "I don't really want to look away right now. I get how you feel… Lots of pictures."

"You're such a cheesy couple…" Toma rubbed his cheek as he stood.

"Come at me, bro." I took a step forward but Shin held me back.

"Easy…" He rubbed my shoulders consolingly. "The three of us can talk later."

"Yeah…" I sighed, turning back to Shin. "Having him here really makes you happy, doesn't it?"

He hesitated before nodding seriously.

"Alright… Then I'm happy too." I frowned, lowering my voice to a mutter. "It's not like I'm not happy to see you, Toma. You just… have a lot of explaining to do."

He nodded. "I'll tell you everything. But there more important things going on." He brushed himself off. "Well… I'll see you two out there." He exited and I watched him go, conflicting emotions playing out in my chest.

"He's trying to make amends," Shin murmured.

"Yeah." I laughed wryly. "Better late than never I guess."

He sighed and took my hand. "Come on. Let's go get married."

I smiled warmly. "Yeah." We walked over to the lake, taking our time because it wasn't as if the event would start without us. It was a small wedding with as few people as possible in attendance since Shin and I hadn't really wanted a huge scene or ordeal about the whole thing.

I'd long since made the decision to walk myself down the aisle, unable to pick just one person because the ones who had helped me through, who had changed me and whom I'd changed in turn, were all beside me as I strode forward.

Waka, who had given me a fresh start. Sawa, who had been my friend through every moment. Mine, who had stood up for me with everything she had and stayed by me since. Ikki, who had taught me to love myself a bit more as well as about how precious truly loving someone was. Kent, who had taught me the value of human emotion and in seeing the world for its complexities. Toma, who had taught me about who I really was and how to fight no matter what was at stake. Shinnosuke, who had let go of his self-hatred to allow a better future for his son and I, smiled brightly at me as I reached the makeshift altar, the bank of the lake.

I took a nervous breath as my feet sunk slightly into sand. Shin smiled softly and we twined hands. "Almost there," he whispered.

Shin, who had taught me to follow my heart always, no matter how difficult it seemed.

"I became an ordained minister just for this day," Waka said, sounding mighty pleased with himself. I barked out a laugh and Shin chuckled, shaking his head. "But I'm only here to make it official. Your vows will say all that's necessary."

"Um," I squeaked, then cleared my throat. "I… There was a time when I thought I'd lost you forever. Right after I'd started to fall for you, we were torn apart. It was something neither of us had blame in, but we couldn't change it. We both… we broke. But… We found a way to make room in our hearts, for forgiveness, and even to love each other. That feeling, we've been able to heal each other through it. No matter what… I want to be with you forever. However long our forever's are, that is…" I held onto his hands tighter. "Every time I look at you I know that we can weather anything as long as we're together, that when it really counts, we won't ever let go. I'm so happy… I'm so happy to have finally found that. I want to make you feel safe too. I'll always protect your heart, and…I just love you. I love you so much." I resisted the urge to throw my arms around him for the sake of ceremony.

Shin blinked and tears slid down his cheeks. He jumped and wiped his face as a mixture of "awwww" and laughs rose up from the crows. "Shut the hell up, Toma," he snapped, specifically singling out the loudest laughter. I just smiled as his cheeks turned red. "… Michi… Thank you. Thank you for saving me. Both of us." He tilted his head at his father. "I don't know where… or if… we'd be without you." He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Besides your hand to hold you've given me so much, and I can't ever give you back enough to make up for it. Nothing can equal what you've done. But all I can do, and all I want to do for the rest of my life, is to make you happy." He lifted my hands and pressed his lips to them. "I love you."

"And with that," Waka announced. "I pronounce you married. You may now…" He trailed off with a laugh as Shin and I threw our arms around each other and kissed while smiling uncontrollably.

No sense of emptiness or moment of doubt would come between us in this happiness; nothing would ever unbind our hearts.

* * *

 **A/N**

So, some notes on this chapter…

Thanks for waiting so long. I've been working 40 hours a week and taking summer classes, so I've been trying my best but… Yeah. It's been slow-going. (Also I am lazy.)

I know that I wrote in the A/N's like twice that I would post the last chapters all at once, but I realized that was taking way too long and it's not fair to keep people waiting. Whatever. I am not a person who has any idea what they are doing. Meh. Like Mikan Tsumiki, please forgive me.

I had my friend read some of the chapter before posting and she said that Michi has more balls than half of the Swedish army. So there you have it, folks. #BallsOfTheSwedishArmy

Interestingly enough, I can't look at sex scenes while I'm writing them. I get too embarrassed…! I have to tilt the laptop screen down and edit for typos afterwards. But after chapter fifty happened I can't just not give the other guys a scene in their final chapters… So now it's like this, me sitting here typing while not looking at how bad of a typist I am. Ugh.

Hope you liked this cheese. Prepare for more in the next chapters!


	53. Chapter Fifty-Three: Ikki

**~ Michi ~**

I took a slow breath, pulling on my clothes nervously. My hand trailed up to the hairclip that had become so natural for me to wear and tugged it out, letting my bangs flop into my face. It felt so strange; incorrect, almost. Touching it and looking at it closely in that moment made me realize again how much meticulous care had gone into it. For that reason what I was about to do felt even more shitty.

"I… Ikki." I approached him with my hands hidden behind my back, gripping the clip in a sweaty palm.

He grinned. "Michi! Wow."

"Wow what?" I raised my eyebrows as I sat next to him on the park bench he had cozied himself up on.

"Everything." He leaned closer and lifted my bangs from my face. "You're so gorgeous, I have no idea why you're hiding behind your hair right now."

I blushed. I had thought these compliments were careless at first, but now I knew how genuinely he meant them towards me. "That's um… kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Huh?" He stared at the pin when I held it out to him.

"Will you… take this back…? I can't keep it," I murmured.

"… Oh." He blinked a few times and hurt flashed across his expression but he quickly smothered it with a smile. "It was something made especially for you. Keep it."

"It's more than just a hairpin, Ikki. It… It has all of your feelings in it, and I can't… I can't just keep it like this."

"Even if you can't accept those feelings… My feelings… I can't take it back, and I don't want to. What would I do with it anyways? I could never give it to someone else."

"Good, then!" I pushed it against his chest. "Just take it!"

His hands curled around the bottom of the bench. "No."

"I want… I want to earn it back from you," I said, dropping it into his lap.

"What?" His eyes widened.

"I… I um, rejected you before. I just… I wasn't ready." I couldn't quite figure out why, since I clearly remembered wanting to say yes to him. There must have been a reason back then, but it was foggy now. "But I do, I really do like you! I want to earn your feelings back, and if you can accept me, if you're willing to like me again, then I'd like that pin back. If you don't want to, then it's fine. But I can't keep it to remind me of you all the time if we can't… be together."

"Michi," he began quietly.

I held my hands up. "Sorry! I know I'm being selfish. I just… I just wish… I'd said yes back then! I don't even get why I didn't, there was so much, and I…" I trailed off as he leaned in to kiss me. After a short burst of contact he leaned back and smiled.

"I love you."

"Wh…" My face heated up considerably. "J-just like that?"

"My feelings for you never went away. All it takes from you is a word, Michi."

"What word? I'll totally say any word."

"Just tell me that you'll date me. That I can hold your hand, finally." He blushed a bit, excitement lighting up his eyes.

"Y-yeah. Yes. I like you so much," I mumbled as he leaned in again only to move my hair out of my face.

"Ha…" He laughed softly as he put the hairpin back in place. "Feels so ceremonial."

"Dork…" I fidgeted as his hand drifted down to caress my cheek.

"I do believe there's a touch of tsundere in your blood, Michi."

"If that's the case then I have made my ancestors proud. Also, screw you, I am not."

He laughed. "You've made my point.

"Whatever…" I glanced away, embarrassed, and caught sight of Sawa and Kent. Her arms were moving in wide motions as her back was turned to me. I could imagine how excitably she must be confessing her feelings. I couldn't clearly see Kent's expression, however, to see how he was reacting to this. "Do you think… that it'll work out for them?"

"Who knows?" Ikki shrugged.

"You sound like you don't even care at all." I raised my eyebrows.

"I really can't right now. I'm too happy for myself." He blinked. "That really does sound horrible."

"Slightly, but it's not like I don't feel the same way, just a little bit…"

"We'll ask them later."

"Later," I affirmed, and we just looked at each other.

"Sorry," Ikki murmured eventually. "I do hope he says yes to her, but only because it would make me feel better."

"Eh?"

"If we're together now, it would make me feel better about it for Kent to be happy too."

"Hey, it's rude to feel bad for the loser. That's what we were always told in the judo club."

"Judo…? That makes a lot of sense, actually…"

"You and Kent were engaged in a battle of wills and affections! An epic saga of who's it gonna be! Nah, don't feel sorry for him. It's good to wish for him to be happy. I get that since he's your best friend, but pity makes things worse sometimes."

"Huh. I never thought I'd be getting lectured by you so soon into our relationship."

"Well, you earned that lecture, buddy."

"But thanks. That makes me feel better." He smiled. "So when's our first date?"

"This doesn't count? Fireworks and yukatas feel very date-like."

"True…" He took my hand. "I guess I'm just excited for the future."

"Me too." I looked up as the fireworks began. My favorites were the ones that spiraled up and then popped in an understated manner, both because they were cuter and quieter than the other, regular fireworks. "They… look like sprinkles."

Ikki laughed. "I take it that you're hungry."

"Yeah… I was so nervous about tonight I skipped dinner."

"You were nervous?'

"Well, yeah. I was pretty convinced you were going to be super mad at me, either that or you'd reject me flat."

"What have I done lately that made you think that would happen?"

"Uh…" He had a point. In fact, he hadn't really seemed to give up that much at all even after I'd rejected him in the first place. "I don't know. I think I just freaked myself out. Now that you mention it, you are a bit pushy, aren't you?"

"It's gotten me this far." He smiled and put an arm around my waist to get closer.

"… No more flirting with other girls," I mumbled.

"Don't worry, Michi. You're the only one I see."

"G-good." I blushed. "You too. For me. You know what I mean."

"Yeah… I think you're the last person who can call me a womanizer, now that I think about it…"

"Wh-what are you implying?"

"Nothing at all…" He snickered.

"You jerkwad, I'll mess you up!" I punched his shoulder, and he grabbed my wrist before kissing me quickly.

"Are we even now?"

"Sure… It's not like you don't have a point."

"I wasn't really trying to tease you."

"Oh suuuure…" I rolled my eyes.

"But it does feel good to know I beat out three other guys for you," he murmured.

"And how many girls did I beat out?" This, of course, was bound to be a nagging question.

"None."

"Eh? Now I know you're lying."

"You didn't have to beat anyone out, since you're the only girl I've ever loved."

I blushed. "I meant… How many other girls have you been with?"

"Ah. Well…" He bit his lip sheepishly. "It's about –"

"Don't answer that! You don't have to answer that question. Never mind," I interrupted. "It… really doesn't matter in the end. I just want to be with you from now on and not worry about anyone else. I trust you."

He smiled warmly. "Thanks, Michi. And I promise…" He took some of my hair in his fingers and kissed it. "You won't have to worry ever again."

"Thanks." I rested my head on his shoulder. "I could watch these fireworks forever…" To cap that statement, my stomach growled loudly to remind me of why this wasn't a possibility. "Ugh…"

"Come on. Let's go get something to eat." Ikki took my hand and pulled me up. "It'll be nice to have it just the two of us anyways."

"Sure…" I wrapped my fingers around his tightly, stomach empty but heart full.

* * *

 **~ First Date ~**

"Hngaaaah! HYAAAAHHH!" I was yelling so loudly that I failed to hear the knocks on my apartment door or the knob turning and the aperture opening.

"Michi!" Ikki burst into the room breathlessly.

"Eh?" I looked up at him from my place on the floor midway through an agonizing series of cross-crunches. "Hey, don't just burst into other people's residences."

"You're the one who gave me a spare key in case of emergency… That's not important." He crouched next to me. "I heard you yelling from down the hall and got worried. Your neighbors are pretty concerned too. And annoyed."

"Oops…" I sat up with a grunt. "I was just… you know. Exercising."

"Huh?"

"Awful, I know." I nodded sagely. "So what's up?" It had only been a week and a half since we had started dating but it felt longer than that, probably because we had already been so close before making a relationship official.

"Well, I was going to ask you out tonight. Kind of as a favor, since it won't be just the two of us if you want to come."

"What, like a double-date or something?"

"Yeah. Kent agreed to go out with Sawa but he's too nervous to be alone with her right now. So, he asked me to come along and I figured it would be less awkward if I invited you."

"Aww, nervous little Kent! Yeah, I'll totally come. When's it gonna happen?"

"We were planning on eating dinner at seven and then going bowling."

"I suck at that," I laughed. "But it sounds like fun." I checked my phone for the time. "It's only 3:30. Why'd you come over so early?"

He shrugged. "I guess I just wanted to see you."

I cleared my throat as my face heated up from embarrassment rather than exertion. "Well, uh… Let me just finish this, and then I'll take a shower and get ready. No rush."

"How much more do you have to do?"

"I have like 60 more reps on each side, then I have to do lower back exercises because you're not supposed to skip that apparently… Eh." I flopped back down onto my back. "Here we go… And, uh, could you go away until I'm done? I… want my privacy," I said awkwardly. It was more along the lines of me not wanting him to see me while I was red and sweaty, but I didn't want to state that clearly.

"Oh, sure." He trailed into the kitchen, respecting my wishes without question.

I effectively kept my battle cries down from that point forward and finished quite painfully but proudly as well. "Hyaaah…" I sighed. Around 4:00 now, so I still had a lot of time to get cleaned up, but part of me was ready for a three-hour nap at the same time. "Okay…" I peeked into the kitchen to find Ikki working on a math problem, several sheets of paper spread out in front of him. "Another one from Kent?" I asked, laughing.

"Yeah. He's been pretty brutal lately, but it's nothing I can't solve in the end."

"So confident." I bent to peer at the numbers. "It makes no sense at all to me."

"It really shouldn't, since you're not a math major."

"Uh-huh… That reminds me, I've been thinking about future careers, and there's something I'd sort of like to do…"

"What's that?"

"Uh… Never mind. I'm gonna go shower."

"Hey, you're the one that brought it up, and now you're running away?"

I shrugged with a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth and fled the room. It was just too cheesy and embarrassing to tell him, and way too soon into our relationship for me to be having these kinds of fantasies about the future.

Still, thoughts of ways I could tell him fluttered through my mind as I went through the motions of showering, taking my sweet time to prolong having to see him again and hoping he wouldn't pester me about it. In terms of outfits since we were going to be slightly active I settled on boots, thigh-high socks, shorts, and a jacket with a flouncy blue shirt underneath, one that tapered in a sweetheart neckline and extended with sheer fabric up to my neck. I added a pink ribbon choker and my hairpin, satisfied with my attempt to be feminine yet ready to hurl balls likely straight into the gutter.

"Hey…" I blinked to see Ikki sprawled out on the couch instead of in the kitchen this time. "You tired?" I bent over him and blushed when he raised a hand to twirl my hair in his fingers.

"Mentally. My mind needed a break." He sighed, aggravated. "This one's really hard."

"Aw. Maybe after having fun tonight your mind will be ready for more hard work. Just relax until then, you know?"

"You're right." He smiled. "You look cute."

"Thanks." I said it easily as if choosing an outfit totally hadn't been enough stress to make me want to bang my head against a wall. "We have a little over an hour and a half… What should we do until then?"

"Hmm…" He smiled mischievously at first but it faded into a normal smile quickly. "Nah, that wouldn't do. You just spent all this time getting dressed, so…"

"Wait, what are you even thinking of?"

"Nothing at all." He sat up, an invitation for me to join him. I did so, keeping a suspicious cushion worth of distance between us.

"You were thinking something dirty, weren't you?"

"Yep." He wasn't even a little bit ashamed.

"Urk… I don't even know how to respond to that…"

"There are a number of ways."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Look, I know I said before that this didn't matter, but… How many girls have you been with? Um… Like that. You know."

Ikki frowned, moving closer to me carefully. "Are you okay?"

"Er…" My neck and face were flushing red unstoppably. "I just… I've only ever been with one person. So… The thought of all your experience makes me nervous. This is only my second relationship, too. I'm not so good at this stuff." I looked at him with mixed worry and earnestness. "Does that make sense?"

He sighed. "You're still so insecure… Didn't I tell you this before, that you're basically the most amazing human being on the planet to me?"

"That's not exactly what you said…" It was flattering nonetheless.

"When you love someone, you're blind to their flaws. Rather, you love them so much that their flaws aren't a problem. That's how I am with you. But, Michi, all of these things that you see in yourself as flaws aren't really big problems. It's definitely nothing to worry about." He frowned. "Even with the exercise… Don't keep worrying about that stuff."

"I mean…" I sighed. "It's not like I don't enjoy being healthy and exercising. Kinda. I did that stuff for myself before. But you are someone I feel like I need to catch up with. I mean, you're _perfect_. And this is just how I am." I shrugged helplessly. "I'm insecure, so I do what I have to so I can cover it. I want to work hard to love myself even more… because I feel like the more I love myself, the more I can love you, too."

"I'm far from perfect, Michi. There's no standard to aspire to here."

"You're perfect to me."

"Well don't you think I feel the exact same way?"

I opened my mouth and closed it again. "You've got me on that one."

"Will you believe me on everything I'm telling you?"

"I'll try. It's a work in progress."

He kissed my cheek. "And I'll be here. So stop worrying."

I blushed. "Sorry. That got heavier than I meant it to."

"I don't mind lecturing you back now and then."

"I promise to pay you back for it," I teased lightly, spirits lifted.

"… And I don't mind a full-figured woman, you know. All sorts of women are objectively beautiful."

"St-stop, please." His sexual energy plus the overall mushiness of the whole thing was too much for me. It was embarrassing, albeit slightly in a nice way, but still.

"Okay, okay. What was that anime you were watching? We can squeeze in a few episodes before we have to go."

"My Hero Academia. It's so good… So gooood. You remind me of Kaminari… or Mineta. I have no idea why…"

"Eh… I liked One-Punch Man Better."

"You heathen… Hey. Hey, Ikki. Guess what?"

He looked at me suspiciously and with tolerance. "What is it?"

"The day has come, Ikki. The day has COOOOOOOME!"

"Of course it has…"

After a few episodes with many outbursts from me at Ikki's expense, we headed out. Kent and Sawa were waiting by the entrance of the building.

"Heyyy, Michi!" Sawa grinned brightly, a newfound pep in her step and sparkle in her eyes. It was obvious she was floating on some distant cloud.

"Good day." Kent smiled as well but was obviously more grounded.

"Good to see you." I gently bumped his shoulder with a fist, trying to read his expression. Somehow his smile didn't seem fully genuine.

He turned away before I could discern anything. "Let us be off, then."

"Hm…" I looked at his back as, true to his habit, he strode ahead of us. "Does he seem okay to you?" I whispered to Ikki while watching Sawa keep up surprisingly well.

"I don't know. Something seems off." He frowned and shook his head.

"You have an idea?"

"Yes, but I'll keep it to myself. It's probably wrong anyways."

"Okay then… Maybe that's just what Kent is like, even as a boyfriend?" Ikki and I were holding hands almost without even noticing it, but Kent wasn't doing that. He didn't even seem to be making conversation.

"He did say he was nervous."

"Alright! We will help our little cinnamon roll grow into a full loaf of bread!"

Ikki laughed. "Whatever you say."

"Where are we going to eat again?"

"Sawa requested we go to the café. Apparently she said she wants to see what it's like when she's not the one doing the maid act."

"So who's working today? Shin and Mine, I guess?" Toma had apparently sent in his job resignation the night of the fireworks festival. "That'll be interesting." I couldn't decide who would be more fun to tease as our server.

"I don't really care either way." Ikki shrugged.

"Eh, that's no fun." I sighed. "'Scuze me." I slipped off one of my shoes, reeled back and hurled right at Kent's head. "Slow down, you asshole!"

He jumped and turned around slowly after bending to pick up the shoe, giving us a chance to catch up with him. "… That hurt a surprising amount."

"You're being rude." I cut a glance at Sawa, who was at this point huffing slightly. "Get out of your own head." I snatched my shoe back and glared at Ikki, who was trying hard to smother laughter.

"I am sorry," Kent mumbled to Sawa.

"It's fine." She took his hand. "Just relax, okay?"

He nodded, cheeks reddening slightly.

"Phew…" I sighed. "I think that got rid of some of the tension."

"You think so?" Ikki snickered.

"Oh, shut up. Let's get a move on." The café wasn't particularly crowded at this time since it was less than an hour away from closing, the Friday hours being just a bit longer than the rest of the days. "Haha, Shinny boy!" I waved to him once I caught sight of his figure dashing around in the kitchen.

"Oh please," he muttered as he came over to seat our group. "Why would you come here on your day off?"

"Don't question my lifestyle choices." I grinned.

He rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his face. "Whatever." He drifted away after we placed our orders, and it was left with Sawa and I on one side of the table and Kent and Ikki on the other.

"So, tell me." I stared at Sawa excitedly.

She smiled brightly, knowing exactly what I meant. "Okay, so what happened was, I just went up to him and asked him to come talk to me. It was obvious he had no idea what was about to happen."

"As expected."

"I know, right? So then after I confessed he just stared at me for the longest time. I thought he was about to faint or something. But then, finally, he said, "Why?" and I said, "Why what?" and he said "Why do you have feelings for someone like me?" and so I explained to him all of the things I like."

"It's really good that you're so forward, because he's a bit useless. In a cute puppy kind of way, you know what I mean."

"Right!?" She squealed happily. "So then he just stood there nodding for a while, and then he gave me a calculated list of my good qualities too."

I laughed. It was just so very like him. "That's adorable."

"And then he accepted! And now we're on our very first date!"

"You look so freaking happy," I informed her. "Seriously. I can see it all over your face. It's pretty charming."

"Really?" Sawa blushed.

"Don't go trying to seduce other people's girlfriends, Michi," Ikki chimed in.

"I can't help it if I'm debonair." I winked at him. "But hey, Kent. Hearing about your love story is nice. Sort of like the ending of a tame teenage lifetime network movie."

"Is that supposed to be a good thing?" He raised his eyebrows as he asked.

"Yeah, sure." I bounced with excitement as Shin came back with food. "Yayyyy…"

"Stop yelling like that," he ordered Sawa and I flatly. "You're distracting. Mine almost ran out here to join in. Could barely restrain her…"

"You wouldn't understand the mysteries of a maiden's heart." I shrugged.

"Clearly…" He glanced at Ikki before sighing. "See you later, then."

"Thanks. Bye."

"You got tiramisu?" Ikki asked.

"Yup." I nodded.

"I thought you hated coffee."

"I do. I hate drinking coffee. But I love coffee-flavored items."

"How does that even make sense?"

"It just does, okay? Until you have tasted the mystery of a chocolate-covered coffee bean, you would never understand someone like me."

"Okay? Is it good?"

"Have you never tried it?"

"We only get to eat the food that gets messed up, and since I never mess up on my shift I don't get to try anything."

"Eh… That's what you get for being too perfect. No food for you, sir." Even so I got a small bit in my spoon and held it out across the table. "Here."

"Oh, thanks." He leaned forward and took it, chewing thoughtfully afterwards. "It's not bad… I'm honored that you would share food with me." He smiled.

"You should be. Only my favorite people receive such gifts."

"Oh man…" Sawa muttered beside me.

"What?"

"I never thought that you would be in one of those couples that's all mushy and gross together…"

"What? We're not mushy and gross!"

"You totally are."

"Eh, fine then! I am a mushy and gross human being and the rest of the world can deal with it," I harrumphed, crossing my arms.

"Don't pout. Here," Ikki offered me a bit of his food and I took it. It was just a sign that we were comfortable with each other was the way I thought about it.

"Kent? You're being quiet," Sawa worried over him.

"I'm just observing the proper rites of behavior. As a couple Ikkyu and Michi do such things as feeding each other, and yet you, Sawa, seem to find this kind of behavior disagreeable. This means that different couples have different standards, and that I must come to know your standards. For example, I must not feed you because you find it… mushy, and gross. Correct?"

Sawa blushed. "I-I didn't mean… I wouldn't be upset if you… Er…"

"Ahaha, it's only mushy and gross if someone else does it, huh, Sawa? It's fine if it's you?" I teased. "That's so cute."

"Er…" She blushed harder and slouched.

"Is that so?" Kent tilted his head and held out a bite of his food. "Here you are, then."

"Wh-wh-wh…" Sawa jumped out of her seat. "M-Michi! Bathroom with me!"

"Huh? Hey!" I stumbled as she yanked me out of my chair and towards the restrooms. "Dude…" I sighed after she had burst inside. "What's the deal?"

"I-I can't keep up with him! One second he's all stony and the other second he does something like that! Waah, I can't figure out which side is cuter."

"They're both pretty cute, right?"

Sawa frowned. "Can I ask you something?"

"What's up?"

"Do you still have any feelings for Kent?"

"Huh?" I just blinked at her, too surprised.

"I'm asking you if you like my boyfriend. At all."

"Well, no. I'm dating Ikki, and he's the only one I like now."

"Good…" Even after that she still looked troubled.

"Sawa?" I patted her head. "Come on… Talk to me."

"It's really not you I'm worried about. Kent, he… he still looks at you like…"

"I…" Saying sorry to that really wouldn't help a thing.

"And I can't get mad at him for it, I just can't… So then I just get mad at you. Sorry. I feel a bit messed up right now."

"Really… I don't know what to tell you except that… I think loving someone means looking at only them, unless you know multiple people is your thing… But if it's not, and if you want to be with only one person, that person needs to be the one light in your eyes. I dunno."

"… Why did he even say yes? He told me the things he liked about me, but if he liked you still, he could have told me and maybe we could have waited and I wouldn't be feeling like this!"

"Hey. Calm down." I took her shoulders. "You're asking the wrong person these questions."

"I… What if he breaks up with me?"

"Then I'll buy you all the ice cream you want. It's fine, Sawa." It just showed how young we were, getting so wrapped up in stuff like this. At the same time, it was one of the pleasures of youth to be able to do so.

"Thanks, Michi. And I'm sorry. Don't worry about me."

"Whatever, dude. Just text or call me if you need me. I can always kick Kent's ass too."

She laughed. "Come on, let's go."

"Alright." I made up my mind to watch them carefully for the rest of the night and hope for the best. This of course led to questions about why I was staring so intently during dinner but that was resolved by me telling them to shut up and act natural.

"Are you really okay?" Ikki didn't seem to be sure whether to be concerned or amused as we started making our way toward the bowling alley.

"I'm just doing my duty of protecting a fellow maiden's heart. No problems here."

"Okay." He nodded. "I understand. You and Sawa must do stuff like that for each other."

"We're best friends, so of course."

"Best friends, huh?" Ikki frowned.

"What's up?" I asked, concerned slightly.

"Nothing."

"Huh." I didn't believe him but opted to ask about later and just focus on Kent and Sawa for now. Geez. It felt more like babysitting than a date, but then again that was entirely my fault for choosing to act like I was. "Whatever…" I sighed as we all payed for shoes that were appropriate for the floor.

"Let's do versus teams!" Sawa declared. "Kent and me against you and Ikki, Michi. We won't lose!"

"Oh yeah? Bring it on. I'll show you my… SPECIAL MOVE." I cracked my knuckles and grinned.

"You have one?" Kent raised his eyebrows, seeming to believe me.

"Haha. You shall see, worm."

"I thought you said you were a terrible bowler," Ikki whispered to me, confused.

"Like I said. You'll see."

"I don't know whether to be anticipatory or scared."

"Both, probably." I snickered as we entered our names into the machine. Ikki and I were up first.

"You go," he urged.

"Okay…" I grabbed a fifteen pound ball and stood before the lane, gathering my energy. "Ommm… Nommm… Ommmm…"

"I'm shivering…" Sawa whispered behind me. "This is intense…"

"RASHOWAH!" The ball skidded down the lane, bouncing once before skittering into the gutter. "SPECIAL MOVE! ROLLING ROCKET!" I yelled, attracting the stares of the remainder of the people in the establishment.

"… That was very special indeed." Ikki tried to look solemn as he came up beside me but he failed and broke out into laughter. "I should have known it would be something like that."

"I can see that fact that you've accepted our defeat written on your face."

"Yeah…" He shrugged and of course got a strike in one easy swing.

"Wah… Not fair." I crossed my arms as we sat back down and Sawa leaped up for her turn. "But good job redeeming our team."

"Care to reward me?" He leaned forward, teasing.

"Not really…" I muttered. "But fine, since you were classy enough to admire my special move." I pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Ha…" he smiled. "I didn't think you'd actually do it."

"I have nothing against public affection or public violence."

"Noted."

"Spare! Nice." Sawa grinned triumphantly as she sat back down.

"Good…" Kent looked at the floor and back at her a few times. "Good job." He stood, still bent over slightly, and placed a clumsy kiss to her forehead before moving to take his turn.

"Wah…" Smoke basically came out of Sawa's ears as her face turned red.

"Ah. He's learning… He's evolving. Hahaha! Wonderful!" I grinned.

"Never underestimate his powers of observation." Ikki nodded.

Despite Ikki's best efforts, Kent and Sawa more than doubled our score due to the fact that my special attack was nothing more than a guaranteed gutter ball.

"You did good, son." I clapped him on the shoulder.

"I think you hit a pin or two there at the end."

"Aww… That's nice of you to say. I own my ineptitude though."

"Good…" He laughed.

"We won!" Sawa hugged Kent's neck. "But even if we hadn't, that was a lot of fun."

"Yes, it was." He hugged her back awkwardly but sweetly.

"Eh…" I yawned. "I guess it's time to go home." We had played three games, right up about until the lanes were closing down. "Kent and I live in the same building, so I guess we can go back together."

"Hm…" Ikki frowned.

"Would you mind walking Sawa back as far as you can? Please?"

He sighed at the genuine concern crinkling my brow. "Alright. But you be careful too." He spoke pointedly before turning to Sawa. Then he paused and spun back around before pushing a hard kiss on my mouth. "Careful, okay?" He whispered before leaving with Sawa for good.

"Good night, Michi!" She called, waving happily.

"Looks like she feels better…" I sighed. "Good."

"Was she ill?" Kent frowned as we started ambling down the sidewalk outside.

"Emotionally ill, I guess." I shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to decide whether or not to confront him about what Sawa had said earlier.

"Michi… May I be candid?"

"Of course. You know you always can."

He smiled slightly, but it was a smile filled with hurt all the same. "You are still very special to me."

"… I see. This… That's what Sawa was so worried about earlier, you know."

"I understand." He nodded, looking at the ground in front of us. "It's very perplexing. My feelings… But I can tell you this for the sake of reassurance. My feelings of wanting to make Sawa happy are coming from a genuine place. Her genuine feelings swayed mine. Everything I'm doing right now… It's not false."

"Good… But still. Try to be a bit nicer to her, okay? She's seriously head over heels for you."

"I understand, and I will. At the same time, it will take me a moment… A moment to recover from this strange tearing."

"Strange tearing?" I echoed, puzzled.

"… My first love… is in turn in love with my closest friend. This… This is the first time I've experienced this sort of loss. Saying it, the sound is so trivial. Yet… To have this feeling at all is both precious and bittersweet." He smiled with less pain now. "You taught me this."

"Kent…" I smiled back. "That means a lot to me. And… I'm really rooting for you guys." Even so, I couldn't apologize for causing him pain. I had made my choice; that wasn't something to be sorry for. It was an insult for a victor to apologize to the one who felt that they had lost.

"Thank you." He bowed his head and took a deep breath of fresh night air. "Ikkyu is surprisingly a worrier. He knows deep down that I would never do anything so uncouth to you in this circumstance…"

"Eh. It's endearing." I shrugged. "Anyways… If you do anything bad to Sawa… I'll come after you with one of my special attacks. Although I know you better than that too… But still. It's fair to give warning."

"I understand." He almost laughed but looked nervous at the same time.

"But seriously… I trust you to treat my best friend like she deserves."

"I will, Michi. I'll treat her just like…" He shook his head, deciding not to finish whatever he had been going to say. "I will treat her well."

"Good." Then we were at the apartment building. "I'll see you later."

"Farewell for now." Kent paused. "And thank you. For everything."

"Yeah…" I waved to his back as he vanished up the stairs. "Man…" I muttered to my empty apartment. "I feel bad."

"About what?" A voice drifted from the darkness, so I grabbed my purse and hurled it in the direction of the sound before flipping on the lights. "Ow." Ikki was rubbing his head as he stooped to pick up my belongings.

"Why are you here?" I snapped. "You scared me!"

"I just… wanted to make sure." He blushed and looked away as he held my purse out.

I sighed. "There's nothing to worry about. We just talked, and everything is fine. He's an honest, good guy."

"I know. But still… I couldn't stop worrying."

"And now you're here…" I heaved another sigh. "Well… It's late. Take the couch. I don't want you to walk back home in the dark alone."

"I still can't sleep in the bed with you?"

"No way." That spot felt a bit precious, somehow. As if it was already occupied by something or someone intangible. Not a lover, but… I couldn't quite place it. "Don't try sneaking in either."

"Fine, fine…" He laughed.

"Hmph." I frowned and headed to my room to change into more comfortable clothes, a tank top and baggy plaid pants. What was this feeling? This sense of something missing. "Whatever…" When I went back out into the living room Ikki was settling down, shaking his hair out after removing his own hair pin and slipping out of his shirt. I looked away, embarrassed despite myself. "You can use my toothbrush… But I don't have any spares."

"I don't mind if you don't." He shrugged.

"You go on first, then… I'll get blankets, and stuff." I shut my eyes as he walked past me. Geez. I had a major thing for his hair being down, for some reason. When he returned I wordlessly threw a blanket at his chest and then ducked into the bathroom to brush my own teeth.

And it was there again. The feeling that someone… was supposed to be there. As if… "The narrator to my life is missing…? No, that's stupid. That's not it. Eh…" I groaned, unable to come to a conclusion. Best to discard it, then, so it wouldn't keep confusing me. "Are you gonna sleep in your jeans?" I asked once heading to check on Ikki one last time. "That'll be uncomfortable."

"No. Once you go to bed I'll just take them off."

"Ah. Eek!" I jumped back at the thought. "O-okay then. You have a good night." I hesitated. I was his girlfriend, right? Even if it felt weird to think about it… Maybe, just like I'd told Kent, I could try to be a bit nicer. Try my best to do these sorts of couple-y things. "Um!" I spun back around and he raised his eyebrows at me.

"What?" He flapped a blanket open, laying it over the couch to sleep on.

"Um…" Sleeping in the same bed was still a bit too soon I felt, but… "Can… can we like… cuddle, or something?"

Ikki looked surprised at first but started smiling. "Of course."

"So... What now?"

He laughed and sat down with the back to the arm of the couch. "Come here."

"O-kay…" I awkwardly got between his legs and leaned on him, resting my head on his chest. I jumped a bit when his arms went around me but made myself relax, stretching out my legs and getting my body to be less stiff. "… This okay?" I carefully wrapped my arms around his back, hands shaking slightly as they slid along his smooth skin.

"Of course." He sighed lightly and closed his eyes.

I just couldn't help but by shyer around him as compared to the others. He was experienced, and lovely, and so many other things that I couldn't compare to. "How are you so calm?" I murmured.

"What? I'm not calm at all."

"Liar…"

He laughed. "But seriously… Is everything okay between you and Kent?"

"Yeah. It's gonna be fine."

"Good… I'm happy to be with you. Even so, I hate the thought of him being depressed about it."

"Same. But he and Sawa are gonna be fine. They're the cutest couple, aren't they?"

"Second, behind us."

"Eh." I shrugged. "We're a bit mismatched, I think."

"Come on, Michi," Ikki chastised.

"That's just what I think. I mean, like… You wear blue all the time. And I wear a bunch of red. It's like… Naw, dude. Not always great."

"So it's just color coordination that bothers you…? That's better than the alternative, I guess."

"Sawa and Kent even both wear clovers… It's so precious."

"Hey, I have a question. What were you saying earlier? About a dream you had."

"Uh. It's nothing. I was just sleepy, and talking out of my ass, you know how that happens…"

"You're lying, but I won't push you."

"… Now you make me feel bad. Okay, well… I was thinking that I could… Maybe, um… I have a lot of dreams, you know. I thought it would be a lot of fun if one day I opened my own bakery."

"A bakery?"

"Y-yeah! Kind of like the café, but with less fetishism. I just… I have a lot of fun doing this sort of stuff, you know. I'm good with my hands, and I think I could handle culinary school… and the loans. But I just… I dunno. I was thinking about it."

"I see…" Ikki said thoughtfully. "You know… That's something I can help you with. Affording college."

"N-no! I mean, not that I don't appreciate it, but I want to do this myself. Even if it's hard… It's my dream. Not yours. I'll forge it on my own."

He frowned. "But still…"

"I just… We haven't been together long. I can't assume anything about the future, even if that would be nice… Sorry. Eek!" I squeaked when he tightened his hold on me enough to hurt.

"Just assume things. Go ahead and fantasize things, even if they feel stupid."

"Er…" I felt my face heating up with embarrassment already but slid my body upward to be able to look at him more comfortably. "I-I want to live above a bakery, and you could teach me the accounting and how to deal with the people because I suck at that shit and I could open in the morning and close in the late or middle afternoons and then it'd be cool to spend time together then and I could visit you at your job, like bring you lunch and stuff because I'm such a better cook than you are…" I took a deep breath. "And then…" I blushed harder when he put a finger to my lips.

"First of all…"

My heart skipped a beat fearfully. "I-I'm sorry… I know it's weird."

"No way you're a better cook than I am. I demand a contest. Second, you don't suck at dealing with people. You're just fine. Accounting is simple. I can definitely teach you. Last… Why were you so embarrassed about this? It's adorable."

"I just… All of my dreams… You're in them now… Isn't that weird…?"

"I don't think so, personally. I'm glad, to be honest." He smiled warmly and tucked hair behind my ear. "It makes me happy to know you think like this."

"You're just… You're so…" I shook my head and slid up a bit more to kiss him hard, changing my hold to his shoulders in order to steady myself. His hands on my back bunched up my shirt at first but then slid downwards to go under it and trailing back up my spine. I twitched at his touch but pressed against him, looping my arms around his neck to get closer now that I trusted myself not to fall over. "Mm…" I let out a soft utterance when I felt my top slipping down from what movements I had made. "W-w-w-wait," I gasped, jerking away to yank my neckline back up and letting my head fall against his collarbone to catch my breath. "… Cuddling, huh?" I muttered, feeling the draft on my back.

"You started it," Ikki murmured, pulling my shirt back down from where he had pushed it upwards almost to my shoulder blades.

"… But thanks. For saying that. I'm happy." I smiled shyly at him before looking away.

"Seriously…" Ikki groaned. "Are you sure I can't sleep in the same bed with you tonight?"

"I'm sure."

"Agh." He sighed. "Fine…"

I kissed his cheek. "Goodnight…"

"Yeah. Sleep well." He smiled but still seemed to be pouting a little.

I laughed. "See you in the morning."

"I might be awake to go to work before you get up. I'll be quiet if you're asleep."

"No, just wake me up when you do so I can say bye."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Okay. Sleep well." I went back to my room. This empty feeling… Even now, it wouldn't go away. It was severely tempting to let Ikki sleep next to me in order to abate it, but there was no telling what he would try. For now I just wrapped myself in a fluffy blanket and curled up for sleep, out like a light for more of these sweet ridiculous dreams.

I slept deeply and was woken up softly, with nudges to my shoulders and whispers. "Michi… Hey. You told me to get you up."

"Hnn…" I groaned, blinking up at Ikki. "But… Nn… Eh."

"You were sleeping so well that I couldn't. I've got to go."

"But… Wait…" I sat up and yawned. "Just… gimme a minute… come back to bed…"

"I can't," Ikki laughed. "I'll be late."

"But you said you'd wake me up when you got up," I said, starting to become coherent.

"I just couldn't. You were too cute." Ikki bent down to kiss my forehead. "But I said goodbye, at least."

"No, you don't get any partial credit."

"Hm. Too bad." He smiled. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you later."

"Uh…" I took his wrist. "Will… will you come see me again?" Leftover feelings of loneliness still plagued me in these early hours. "I mean, will you come back…? Bring, um… clothes… overnight bag… something…" I dropped my hand. "You don't have to."

He blushed, eyes lighting up with excitement. "Of course. Bye for now, Michi." He snuck a kiss to my lips before departing.

I flopped back down, groaning. "Oh my gosh, I'm such an idiot…" But I loved him. It was an almost unbearably sweet kind of love, one that made me feel delicate and aflutter constantly. "… Hope he comes back soon…"

* * *

 **~ An Epic Contest, as well as... Yet Another Gratuitous Sex Scene, Ohoho! ~**

"Alright!" Sawa raised her arms.

"Alright," Kent echoed her.

"The dishes served will be a dinner entrée and a dessert. The judges will be Kent and I, and the competitors are Michi and Ikki." She grinned. "Let the cooking contest begin!"

"Bring it on!" I dashed and started chopping vegetables.

"No way I'm going to lose…" Ikki murmured, all concentration.

"We're on the edges of our seats, folks!"

"Why are you announcing? Who are you announcing to?" Ikki raised his eyebrows at Sawa.

"And clearly Michi is going to win just based on coolness!"

"Hey!" He laughed.

"Lalala, bread pudding, lalala…" I sang under my breath. "Goooonna kick Ikki's ass."

"Why do I feel like I've already lost?" He shook his head.

"Onions!" I started chopping them and had watery eyes very soon into the process.

"You okay?" Ikki stopped what he was doing.

"You concentrate on what you're doing!" I sniffed. "I am the ninja cutting onions coming right at you!"

"Okay…"

"But thanks…" I was secretly pleased at his concern.

"Of course." Ikki smiled.

"Stop flirting, competitors! This is a contest!" Sawa declared.

"Ah! She's right! I have to destroy you!" I declared.

"And this isn't even Michi's scary side, folks!" Sawa laughed.

We both rushed around the kitchen, untimed yet feeling the fire and trying to do it in the shortest amount of time possible.

"Done!" I gasped, slamming my hands on the table.

"Wha…" Ikki sighed, finishing less than two minutes later.

"And now the judges sit with anticipation, ready to taste the best the chefs have to offer…!" Sawa bounced with excitement. "Chef Michi, please present your dish!"

"Present? Uh. Spaghetti. Bread pudding." I pointed to each in turn. "I'm so freakin' hungry, you guys."

"You basically just made the things you were currently craving, didn't you?" Ikki laughed.

"Eh? So what?"

"No, I respect it."

"Chef Ikki, what slop did you make?" Sawa asked.

"I'm sensing some definite favoritism." Ikki sighed, not even getting help from Kent who just shrugged at him. "London broil with asparagus, onion, mushroom, and red potatoes. Strawberry shortcake for dessert."

"Damn…" I bit my lip. He hadn't pulled his punches. We watched as Sawa and Kent tried the food and then whispered to each other, laughing intermittently.

"Okay… Judge Kent will now present the scores in the categories of taste, presentation, and unity! Ta-da!"

"Ahem…" Kent waved his hands in the air, trying to match Sawa's enthusiasm. "On taste, a ten for each competitor. On presentation, a nine for Ikkyu and an eight point five for Michi. On unity, a nine for Ikkyu and a seven for Michi. And so, Ikkyu is unfortunately the winner."

"Aww…" I sighed.

"Want me to console you?" Ikki teased. "And seriously? I'm _unfortunately_ the winner?"

"No way! I just wanna eat!" I plopped down at the table and made a mixed plate of the things we had made. "Damn, Ikki… This is good. But you won't beat me next time!"

"We'll see."

"That was so fun! Ooh, can we do me against Kent next time?" Sawa asked.

"Sure! I'll be the announcer in that case. It'll be awesome," I laughed.

"Oh yeah! Drinks!" Sawa jumped up and lugged a few boxes of wine coolers to the table. "Come on, let's make this a real party!"

"You got these, Kent?"

He nodded. "Sawa requested them, so I did not mind."

"Are they good?"

"Yeah, try this one, Michi!" Sawa slid a bottle across the table.

"Okay…" I'd never drank before, so it was a bit of an adventure. "It's… fizzy?"

"Do you like it?" Sawa asked once I had finished sipping the drink down.

"Yeah…" It was a bit… tingly.

"Have another, then!"

"Eh…" As dinner continued, things just seemed to get funnier, even things that weren't jokes.

Eventually they all were looking at me and slowly realizing what they had done. "Uh, Michi? How many was that?" Ikki put his hands on my shoulders to steady my slight swaying.

"Thrrrree!" I giggled. "Plus four!"

"Dear God she's trashed," Sawa breathed.

"Why didn't we notice?" Ikki groaned.

"Because she was exhibiting her typical behaviors…" Kent murmured. "I believe that we should depart…" He suggested. "Michi seems to… need rest?"

"Aw, sorry Michi! But this is funny to watch," Sawa laughed.

"I'll watch her tonight. See you later, you two." Ikki pulled me to my feet after they had left, Sawa holding her hands together in apology. "Why didn't you stop?"

"Everything was so funny… Hehehe…" I giggled as he sighed and picked me up. "You're so strong… Am I not heavy?"

"Not all that heavy." He placed me on my bed and kept an arm around my back to keep me sitting up.

"Everything's all spinny…" I buried my head in his shoulder and squeezed my eyes shut. "Hnn… Now I'm so sleepy…"

"Was that your first time drinking?"

"Uh-huh…"

"No wonder… Sorry, Michi. I should have watched you more carefully."

"'S okay," I murmured.

"Listen… Can I stay here just until you fall asleep? I want to watch you, but I'll leave when you're settled."

"You… were drunk that night, weren't you?" I murmured. "I remember that…"

"Huh?"

"The night you gave me this…" I touched my hairpin. "You told me you were a little bit drunk. You really surprised me… But I kind of understand now. I just want to hold onto something warm and sleep… Hyaaah…" I sighed. "My tummy hurts… I drank too much."

"Oh, you think so?" Ikki laughed softly.

"Slosh, slosh…" I mumbled.

"Come on. Get into your pajamas." He handed me the clothes that had been tossed onto the corner of my bed that morning.

"Ehh… Nooo… Sleepy…"

He pursed his lips, then bent down and started unlacing my boots. "Don't lay down yet, okay?"

"Okay…" I sat there and swayed, laughing faintly as he pulled my shoes and socks off. "It was just like… Uhh…" I tilted my head as he slid his hands under my dress to start tugging my leggings down. "I tried one of each flavor… And then there were a few flavors I really really liked… So I just kinda drank them…"

"Okay, put these on," Ikki said gently as he pulled my pajama pants up my legs. I lifted my hips so he could get them on properly, then flopped down onto my back. "Not done yet, Michi…"

"What?" I frowned. "But…"

"Just a little bit longer. Sit back up."

"I don't want to… It feels better when I lay down like this."

"Oh come on… Think of the situation…" Ikki sighed. "Okay then…" He took my hands and pulled me back up. "Why are you like this, huh?"

"You know…" I yawned as he started to unbutton my dress. "I never wanted you to sleep in here because I always figured you'd try something… Because you're a total deviant…"

"Seriously?" He sighed, slipping my dress down my arms. "You're not totally wrong, but… Hey, lift your arms for a second." Once I obeyed he tugged my pajama shirt over my head.

"Bedtime?" I mumbled.

"Just a second…" He undid the messy bun my hair was tied in and took out my hairpin. "There we go…" He sighed and rubbed at his red cheeks as I settled on my side, curling into a ball. "I can't believe this is how you act when you're drunk… Such a kid."

"Hey… Don't… meh." I didn't have the energy or the mental faculties to retort. "Will you stay until I fall asleep?" I mumbled as he pulled the blankets up to my shoulders.

"Of course." He sat on the edge of the bed and alternately rubbed my back and stroked my hair.

"Hm…" I wriggled over to rest my head on his lap. "Will you stay after that too?"

He sighed, seeming to just give in. "Whatever you want, Michi."

"Stay here," I mumbled. "Right here…"

"Oh, come on…" He groaned. "Fine…" From the previous occasion he had learned to keep some of his possessions here just in case, so he changed his clothes in the bathroom and then came back out to get next to me in bed. "You're driving me insane right now, you know that? Not even reacting…"

"Hey hey…" I cuddled up to his chest. "You're the best… You're the nicest… But you beat me at cooking, you meanie…"

"You'll win next time, I bet."

"You're the sweetest and I love you…" I mumbled.

"I love you too, sweetheart." He put his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "But seriously… I hope you have amnesia by the morning… Just don't remember any of this, okay?"

"Why not?"

"There's a strong chance you'll punch me for it."

"I swear I won't…"

"Again, whatever you say," he sighed.

"Hmm… Goodnight…" I smiled contentedly, slipping off into hazy rest.

"Goodnight, sweet girl."

Sleeping was good, but my head was slammed with a shattering headache from the moment I woke up. "Fucking shit…" I groaned, rolling over and hitting something solid. "… Huh?"

Ikki was sleeping peacefully, hair strewn over his face in spider webs of silver and chest rising and falling evenly. One of his arms was still thrown over me, the other curled under a pillow.

"Wh…" I bolted up as memories from the night before punched me in the face. "HOLY SHIIIIIIT!" I leaped off the bed screaming and slammed myself shut in the bathroom. "Ow, dammit…" I was only making my own headache worse. I brushed my teeth furiously, trying to fix my hair too. What must he have been thinking? I yelped when faint knocks came against the door.

"Michi…? Are you okay?" Ikki still sounded bleary with sleep. I'd probably woken him up with my outburst.

"Y-yeah… I mean, no! How embarrassing…!"

"Oh, so you remember… Damn."

I threw the door open, hiding my face. "U-um… Excuse me…" I skirted around him so he could have a turn in the bathroom and promptly sat on my bed with the blankets over my head to hide myself in a lump.

"Michi?" Ikki came up to poke me. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to die a peaceful heat death."

"Come on. Come out from under there." He yanked the covers off.

"But…!" I was left looking at his amused expression. "I-I'm sorry!" I bowed ceremoniously, hands on the bed and head against my fingertips.

"Huh?"

I sat back up and grabbed his hands tightly. "I'm so sorry for making you take care of me like that! I don't even know what I was thinking..." He'd even undressed me without flinching. "You were such a gentleman, and I…"

"Honestly, Michi, I don't mind. Something like that just brings us closer. Besides, you were completely adorable. And bonus, I finally got to sleep in the same bed with you." He winked.

"Geez…" I still smiled, relieved. "Thanks… for dealing with that."

"And I didn't try anything, see? I'm totally not that much of a deviant."

"Sorry for calling you that," I laughed. "… But I still think it's slightly true."

"Oh come on, go easy on me just this once."

"No way." I leaned forward to place a lingering kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, really. Let me know if I can make it up to you, okay?"

"Sure." He smiled. "You were so cute, though… I wouldn't mind taking care of you again. Anytime."

"You…" I blushed. "Sorry. You even had to change my clothes. I don't believe that…"

"Your ears are red," Ikki laughed.

"Because it's mortifying! I mean… I imagined it'd be different."

"Oh?" Ikki smiled slowly. "What, exactly, have you been imagining?"

"Wh… That's not important."

"No no no…" He took my cheeks in his hands to stop me from looking away. "Talk to me."

"I mean, you seeing me without any clothes on, that's supposed to be, like… a different kind of occasion, right?"

"Maybe. Why don't you tell me exactly what's on your mind, hm?"

"I swear…" I shook my head, then frowned. "You must be pretty frustrated with me by now, huh?"

"What?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"Girls in the past… They'd probably give you their bodies quickly, right?" I murmured. "So then, waiting so long with me. Well, comparatively long. It must be like… angering. Or something."

"I'm not angry. Of course I want to be with you, but at the same time it's not my place to push you. It happens when it happens."

"You were pretty frustrated at me last night, though…"

"I won't lie. That was pretty difficult," he mumbled.

"Sorry." I touched his cheek. "Really."

"Don't worry."

"… Honestly…" I sighed. "Come here... Touch me."

"What?"

"… I meant what I said, you know?" I muttered. "You're the sweetest… and I love you. So… Come here already. Help distract me from this headache."

"I can't believe you…" Ikki sighed. "It's impossible to keep up. But you know what? This is completely fine." He pushed me onto my back, caging me between his legs. "… I honestly did think I was going to go insane."

"Feel free to. I won't mind at all…" I trailed off as he pressed his mouth to mine. He kissed me slowly, weaving his tongue around mine while running his hands up my body gradually from the thighs upwards. I moaned and squirmed underneath him by the time he started kneading my breasts. "Wai… hn… t…" I could barely get anything intelligible out while I was still wrapped up in his kiss. It was only when he broke away that I gasped, trembling hands grasping and wrenching on the back of his shirt. "I'm… sen… sensitive… there."

"That's the kind of thing I want to know." Ikki smiled. "Even though you already let me know that without saying anything."

"Y-you…" I shivered as he pulled my shirt over my head. "Ikki…" I bit my lip and put my hands in his hair, pulling on it, as he lowered himself to my chest, gently teasing with his tongue and lips. "… Hey… Will you…" I let out a squeak as a tremor ran down my spine. "Bite down, just a little bit…?"

He looked up at me, hands stilling from where they had been steadying my hips. "I really wish you could see your expression right now," he murmured. "It's so… lovely."

I closed my eyes as his teeth gently scraped on my flesh. He was the lovely one here. His eyes were sparkling, positively on fire. And to have him looking at me like this… A whimper floated broken into the air when teeth tugged, and then my shorts and underwear were down to my knees.

"Thanks…" I whispered, kicking them off the rest of the way.

"Direct me any way you want." Ikki moved to kneel between my legs, pushing them apart by nudging my knees. "I want to pleasure you as much as possible."

Shit, he was killing me here. "What are you…?" I watched with confusion as he leaned down and started kissing along my inner thighs.

"Do you not want to be touched here, like this?"

"I… I don't know. I don't know what it's going to be like." I hadn't been dealt with so gently or so thoroughly before.

"Just let me know, then."

"Okay…" I flinched when he started licking between my legs, increasing fervor when I didn't protest. I hadn't thought it was something he would do. The whole exchange had been attention being lavished onto me. He honestly seemed to mean it, that his main goal was to take care of my feelings. This was the way he chose to direct his experience. "I-I love you," I gasped. "S-so much…" I clamped my hands over my mouth as an orgasm wracked my body but still let out a string of moans. "That… was…" I covered my face with my hands but peeked at him from between my fingers.

Ikki laughed softly, coming up licking his lips and wiping the corner of his mouth. "You're so cute."

I got up so we were both on our knees facing each other and lifted his shirt. "Th-thank you," I murmured, placing kisses to his collarbone and neck. "For treasuring me like this."

"I meant it, you know. I just want to make you feel as good as possible."

I put my hands on his waist, fingers hooking on the waistband of his pants. "S-so… Do you have one?"

"Have one of what?"

"A condom. Obviously. I certainly don't have one laying around."

His eyes widened. "… Oh. Shit."

"So… You don't…" I frowned, disappointed. "Then…"

"Wait here!" He jumped off the bed and was out the door to the apartment before I could ask him what the hell he was thinking.

"Um… What?" I wrapped myself in a blanket, conscious of being naked now that I was alone. Seriously, what was he doing? I yelped when, about five minutes later, he came huffing back into the apartment and slammed the door shut behind him. "Ikki? What just happened, exactly?"

"Yeah…" He held up a small square wrapper, pushing hair out of his face as he sat back on the bed. "I just… went up and grabbed one from Kent. He's cautious like that."

"Seriously…? Now he knows what's going on in here!"

"Sawa was there too."

"Now they _both_ know!" I blushed furiously. "You ran up there without even putting your shirt back on!"

"Can you blame me?"

"You honestly didn't have to do that. I was drafting a backup plan."

"What kind of plan?" He seemed both guarded and mildly interested.

"You know what, never mind." I shook my head. "How am I even going to look at them normally again?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, will you come back out from there?" He smiled at my blanket cocoon.

"I dunno if I want to," I mumbled begrudgingly.

"Come on, darling…" He laughed and kissed my cheeks.

"Fine…" I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed at my temples.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I nuzzled his hand as he placed his palm against my cheek. "Can we stay in bed all day?"

"Fine by me." He laughed as I flopped onto my back.

"Okay…" I shrugged the blanket off finally. "I-I'm ready." He finished undressing and took care of the condom before lifting one of my knees. I squeaked as he went deep inside with a single push, helped by how wet I already was. "A-ah, that's…" He moved in circles, creating unfamiliar sensations.

"Your expressions tell me a lot, you know," he murmured, reaching out to push my hair away from my face.

"Like what…?" I shifted my hips to push against him.

"What you like, or if you're in pain."

"What's it telling you right now?"

"Both of those things at the same time."

I laughed softly. It was unsurprising. Those things didn't have to be separate, necessarily. "It doesn't hurt that much…" His movements were slow, yet strong, giving me time to work around any pain that did come up. "You can hurt me even more…"

He tilted his head, seeming to consider something. "So that's how it is," he murmured. "You're the first in multiple senses, you know."

"Mm?" I looked away shyly as he smiled at me. "First, what are you talking about?"

"You're the first person I've done this with that I love… and the first who seems to like being hurt. Both of these things… I feel completely different. Better than I ever have."

"Ikki…" True feelings. He finally found them. "Haha!" I opened my arms. "Let me hug you, come here."

"What's funny?" He came down to me to let me wrap my arms around his back.

I shifted to accommodate the change in position. "I'm just so happy… That you've come so far. That we're here together."

He smiled gently and warmly, embarrassment and vulnerable emotion touching his expression. "The person I was. That person who didn't trust himself to feel anything real. Thank you for helping me get rid of him."

I leaned up to brush my lips against his. "I love you."

"I love you so much, Michi." He kissed me firmly, one arm moving to wrap around my lower back and the other hand cradling the back of my neck.

I shyly licked at his lips and he chuckled low in the back of his throat before taking over to play his tongue around mine. The hand that was on my neck slid downwards to tease at my chest, rougher than he had been earlier. He had learned quickly exactly where to push me in a way that was both delightful and infuriating since I had no idea how to push back.

"Damn," I moaned when he pulled back to start kissing my neck and let me breathe. "Again…" I dug my nails into his back and scraped at his skin as I was shaken through another orgasm. Before I stopped crying out he crushed his lips to mine again, hands twining and pulling in my hair. His movements became erratic and then he stilled at the end, me left clinging to him until his hold on me loosened and he pulled away slowly.

He rolled over to lay at my side, getting his breathing back into proper order as well. "Wow…"

"Hey, let me see your back." I examined him once he rolled over. "I scratched you some. Sorry."

"I barely even felt it, but now that you point it out…" He shrugged. "It's no big deal."

I placed kisses on the cuts, then hugged his chest from behind, pressing against his back. "All better…"

"How's your head feeling?"

"Not great, but it's fine." After everything I was right back to being pleasantly lethargic, just as I had been the night before. "I wanna go back to sleep."

"Do it then."

"Mm…" I rolled over as my phone beeped only because the ringtone was the one assigned to Sawa. It was a text that read:

Hey, Michi… So did you have fun? ; )

"I'm going to fucking kill her. Kent too. No witnesses."

"I can drive the getaway car," Ikki offered.

"Deal. Let's do this. But not right now. I don't feel like it." I stretched out luxuriously before curling back up.

"Rest well." Ikki gently kissed my forehead.

"Hey…" I took his hand. "I like having you here."

"See?" He smiled.

"… Wanna move in?"

"Huh?"

"I like my apartment better than yours," I sighed. "So why don't you just move in with me?"

"Are you still drunk?"

"Oh, shut up. Just think about it."

"No need." He laughed and kissed me quickly, drawing me into his arms. "Sounds like a plan."

It wasn't so scary anymore, trying to imagine some kind of future with him. Not when each and every moment was so precious.

* * *

 **~ Proposal ~**

"Who'd have thought, huh?" I stared at the ring adorning Sawa's finger. "That you'd be getting married after just six months…" Ikki and I had moved in together but were otherwise taking it slow, and here Sawa and Kent were tying the knot.

"What can I say? Kent has good taste."

"I won't argue with that." He'd picked my best friend, after all. No one better.

"Thanks for this, by the way, Michi. It's your best design yet." Sawa swirled in her dress, a lacy yet modest number that hugged her down to the hips before flaring out like a princess' ball gown.

"Haha… It was for you, so I worked extra hard."

"Stay still! I'm almost done," Mine huffed from her place standing before Sawa doing her hair. "And… There." She finished it off by sliding Sawa's clover hairpins into the base of a French braid.

"Dude… You look gorgeous." I was honestly awed.

Sawa blushed and laughed. "I can't believe this is happening." She offered me her arm with joking gallantry. "Come on, maid of honor. I'll escort you."

I in turn offered my arm to Mine. "Come on, you. I'll escort ya."

"Why am I just "you?" I'm a bridesmaid, you know…" Mine muttered but still smiled and hooked her elbow around my arm. The three of us made an awkward and giggling procession out to the lawn; the wedding was being held as a lavish garden party, Kent's parents having been unable to tolerate any less. Sawa had been able to impress them in the end, at least.

"Hey!" Ikki came up to us with Kent trailing after him. "It's almost time. Are you finally ready?"

"Hey! Don't you dare try to rush a bride on her big day!" Mine huffed at him.

"She's got a point. You can't do that sort of beauty in just a few minutes." I pinched his cheek. "We're not all as lucky as you are."

"Oh come on. Half the time you barely spend twenty minutes."

"Well today is special!" I extracted myself from Sawa and Mine and took Ikki's arm. We were Sawa and Kent's respective maid of honor and best man, so we were the first to walk down the aisle and take place at the altar for the ceremony.

"I saw Kent's parents glaring at you earlier…" Ikki murmured as we got into place.

"Yeah, they kind of hate me. It… It was just a small thing. Ehehe. Long time ago, but first impressions can be like that…"

"I can't imagine what you did…" Ikki sighed. "What do you think of all this?" He gestured to the crowd and decorations.

"Eh. I'd rather have a small ceremony. Less hectic."

"I think that's better," he agreed. "You know, I can't wait for the after party."

"Of course that's what you're excited about…" I sighed. "But it'll be fun to relax." Weddings were unexpectedly hard work. Between both designing the dress and baking the grand cake I had almost strangled someone.

"Music started… That's our cue."

"Yay…" I sighed. Really I was only here for Sawa and Kent. The rest of the people being there made me want to go hide in a corner and eat cheesecake.

"Come on. Smile."

I laughed. "Easy for you to say. You've got that fake smile down pat."

"It's not fake. At least not right now."

"Of course." We parted ways at the end of the aisle and I zoned out for a minute until Kent and Sawa were standing there ready to say their vows.

Sawa's were bubbly and excited, getting a lot of laughs from the audience, and sweet and loving until the end. Kent ambled a lot, going off on a few tangents, but got to the point of his desire to be with her and make her happy forever in a somewhat timely and definitely loving manner.

Midway through I looked over to Ikki and our eyes met while he was laughing. I grinned and winked before smiling warmly, affected by the love of the main couple despite my whole attitude towards the fanfare of the wedding. Ikki blinked at me from across before I turned my attention back to the couple.

At the end, they kissed passionately, smiling and clearly overjoyed. Sawa yelled with joy and spun around to leap and throw her arms around my neck.

I swung her around, laughing. "I might just run off with your bride, Kent!"

"I would prefer that you not, Michi, although I don't doubt that you could make a clean getaway…" He smiled and took Sawa from my arms, carrying her away while she laughed.

"Damn… they're so friggin' cute!" I sighed. "I think they'll be super happy together." I smoothed my dress, a grey knee-length with a green bow at the waist, and stretched. "But now I'm tired. Do we really have to stay for cleanup after?" I pouted at Ikki even though I knew we definitely did.

"Don't worry about that right now." He held his hand out. "Come on."

I laughed, grabbed his hand and ran out onto the lawn where couples had gathered to dance. The number of times I stepped on his feet did not need to be mentioned.

"It would be easier if we were able to decide who leads," Ikki sighed.

"I just dunno which step to put where," I mumbled. "Your feet okay?"

"It's no big deal." Ikki smiled. "I didn't tell you, but you look gorgeous today."

"Heh. You too." I smiled, pleased.

"Your hair is long again…" Nostalgia glimmered briefly in his eyes.

"It grows back fast. Do you like long hair better?"

"Hm." He tilted his head and tucked hair behind my ears. "The lengths of a woman's hair give off different vibes."

"Huh? Do tell?"

"Short hair can be professional and severe as well as light and cute. Long hair can also be professional, but also wild and sexy when it's messy… On you at least."

"So your answer is, you just don't care what length my hair is?"

"Basically."

"Eh. I'll keep it long for now."

"Hey, Michi?" He pulled me in closer to sway slowly even though the song was fast.

"What is it?" I closed my eyes and breathed in the faint cologne wafting about him mixing with my flowery perfume.

"Will you marry me?"

"What?!" I leaped back to stare at him. "Wh…" I trailed off as he stood there looking at me earnestly.

"I don't have a ring yet. I just looked at you while they were doing their vows and realized that I'd like to be with you forever."

"I… Me too. I mean, of course." I laughed and flew back into his arms. "Yeah!"

Ikki kissed the top of my head as he spun me around, then tilted my head up for a kiss to my mouth after he set me down. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

"Huh. I guess you should meet my family now."

"Wait, what? You have a family?"

"How do you think I got onto the planet?"

"But you have white hair."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"White-haired characters aren't supposed to have whole families. It's an unspoken rule. They're tragic."

"Uh, no. I have parents and a sister. Completely normal stuff."

"Seriously…? How disappointing." I frowned.

"You're disappointed…?"

"Just kidding!"

"No you're not."

"I was thirty percent not kidding."

"That still feels like a very large number."

"Aw, take a joke!" I laughed. "Really, I'm excited to meet them."

"They'll absolutely love you." He looked over my head. "I think they're cutting the cake now."

"Hey! I wanna watch!" I grabbed his hand and ran off. I was headed off to culinary school in the fall, so I wanted to watch everyone's impressions carefully.

"I hope you're this excited at our wedding," Ikki laughed.

"Just you wait." I winked and hugged him as we watched Sawa and Kent clumsily feed each other bites of cake and break into laughter. "I'm absolutely going to love you forever."

"Me too. I love you more than anyone else in the world, Michi."

Neither of us had been so happy before, and this was only the start.

* * *

 **A/N**

Hyaa! That's the Ikster's ending. It was unexpectedly fun to write this. I'm a lot fonder of Ikki's character now that I've spent some time writing him. We all love a suave bastard with a sweet side, eh?

White-haired anime characters usually are the tragic ones. I guess Ikki counts…? But not really.

I didn't add this scene since it was a bit boring (if not sweet) and just dragging the chapter on, but I do imagine that Michi kicks culinary school and the ass and gets her bakery while Ikki works at his dad's company like he plans to do in the game. They spend their lunchbreaks together and all that good stuff. Michi makes him his favorite cupcakes for his birthday.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for reading! Kent's ending next.


	54. Chapter Fifty-Four: Kent

**~ Michi ~**

I watched Sawa confessing to Kent while partially hidden behind a tree, fully knowing how creepy it was but unable to care. I was just too worried to give heed to what was socially acceptable. The worry itself was both unselfish and completely conceited. I was worried for Sawa's feelings if Kent rejected her, but I was also worried about myself. What if he ended up saying yes?

"Argh!" I shook my head, dragging my hands through unpinned hair. I was a mess and it felt beyond stupid, so I left where I was before I could make a further fool of myself. At the very least Sawa deserved privacy.

I settled myself on a park bench and gazed glumly up at the fireworks. They were pretty, but I couldn't bring myself to be excited about them.

"… You've sighed no less then fourteen times. Are you quite alright?"

"Eh… Hey, Kent…" I sighed again after looking behind me towards the voice. "I'm fine…" His presence slowly registered, and then I leaped up with a brief screech. "Kent! Wh-wh… What are you doing here?"

"All employees were invited to come and see the fireworks. Hence, my presence should not come as a surprise."

"No, I mean here. Next to me and this bench. Like, right now. Here."

"Ah. I saw you sitting, and you looked… lonely. Why don't you join the others?" He skirted around the bench to sit, so I plopped back down too.

"I will in a minute. I guess."

"What's the matter? Do you feel like discussing it with me?"

I shook my head. "S-so… How'd it go…?" I asked quietly.

"What are you referring to?"

"What do you think I'm talking about, dumbass?" I snapped. "Er… Sorry. I'm a little… on edge right now."

"… I told Sawa that I would think about it."

"Ah." Shit. Damn it all to hell. Fuuuuuck. "Okay. But don't keep her waiting for too long, okay?" I hopped to my feet. "That'd be rude. Well, I'll see you later."

"Michi…" He grasped my sleeve gently. "Are you truly alright?"

"Fine!" I forced a laugh. "Fine. I'm just… gonna go light a sparkler." I tugged away and fled. Geez… It just had to be him. It just had to be Sawa.

With that I crouched in a sad little huddle in front of a bush and just watched the sparkler in my hands fizzle.

"Hey…" Sawa bent next to me after tapping my shoulder. "Why are you over here moping?"

"I'm not moping," I muttered.

"You totally are." She paused. "He told me he'd think about it…"

"Yeah."

"Don't you think that's basically the same thing as a rejection?" She shifted from foot to foot.

"Not necessarily. He's just slow, you know that."

Sawa frowned at me. "Come on, stop pulling this, Michi…"

"Huh? What am I pulling, exactly?" I turned to her and raised my eyebrows.

"You're acting like this because you want to confess to him too."

"No, I'm not, and no, I don't. I mean, come on…"

"You don't have to worry about me, you know," Sawa said quietly. "I already told you that it won't affect our friendship."

"I know, I know. I'm just trying not to be selfish here, okay? It's fine. You be the one not to worry about me."

"I mean, that might be possible if you weren't acting like this. It's honestly creeping me out."

"I'm sad, okay?" I pouted.

Sawa laughed. "So just do it! I'm not going to be upset, no matter what happens."

"I don't want you to be just not upset. I want you to be happy."

"Still. I'd like that for you too." She sighed. "I think you guys have a real chance. For like… something serious. Really, really serious. I don't know if he'll be that serious about me."

"Geez… I'm sorry, Sawa."

"Don't be." She shook her head. "Just do it, okay? It's like ripping off a band-aid."

"Let's laugh about how we're acting right now when we're like seventy, okay?" I laughed.

"Sure thing." She pushed me forward after I'd stood. "Go! Go go go!"

"I'm going!" I laughed, then went on a hunt for Kent. I searched most of the park in a frenzy before finding him at the same park bench where I'd left him. "Seriously…?" I huffed as I sat back down next to him. "Why are you still here?"

"After you left I realized that this was a good place to think quietly."

"Well good, because I'm going to give you something else to think about."

"Oh?" He looked at me quizzically.

"… Huh. Well… How to put this?" I chewed on my lip for a few moments. "I'd like to be able to talk to you about everything."

"I assure you that you can. I'll always listen."

"But like, forever. And at any time."

"Excuse me?" His brow wrinkled with confusion.

"You, you're just… You're fascinating, and you're smart, and so much fun to talk to… And I really like you. So… Will you go out with me?" I turned my gaze to see his shocked expression before going back to staring up at the sky. Silence was only broken between us by the blazing booms of fireworks for a while.

"I'd…" Kent finally spoke up with a slow, still surprised murmur. "I would appreciate some time to consider."

"O-oh. Yeah, sure…" Sawa had been right. It felt akin to a rejection, that request. But still, what else could I do? I'd want the same thing if I received two confessions in one night.

"Thank you."

"Yeah… Well… Later, then." I spent the rest of the night basically ranting with Mine about the general problems with having any romantic feelings ever, and we concluded by promising to buy a cake and watch movies in complete solitude the following day.

"I'll text you later!" Mine waved to me as we all departed at the end of the night. "About what kind of cake we should get!"

"Okaaaay!" I waved back, greatly looking forward to it.

"Ahem…" Kent floated up beside me, and I jumped.

"Geez… What is it?" I couldn't help but pout a little.

"I assumed we would be walking home together… Is it inappropriate?"

"No, it's fine." It wasn't as if I'd turn down spending time with him.

He looked immensely relieved. "Then…" He ambled beside me, staring at our feet as he took care to match my stride. "Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

"I mean… Yeah. Sure."

"… I am sorry, for what it's worth."

"Come on. Don't be worried, okay? No matter what I'll still treat you the same."

"I see. Thank you." He paused. "Why me, exactly…?"

"Huh?"

"Why me instead of Ikkyu or someone else?"

"Well because… Hey, hey, lemme tell you. I just wanna know what you're gonna look llike when you're old. Like, super old. With your glasses, and I bet you'll wear green socks all the time, and you'll still sound smart even when you're past the age of logic… What?" I looked at him when he let out a few quiet noises and put a hand to his mouth.

After a few moments he dropped his hand and started laughing in earnest. "H-Honestly? Is that your reason?"

"One of them… Geez, stop laughing!" I hit his shoulder.

"You never cease to surprise me." His smile faded into a frown. "I'm in a situation where regardless of what action I make someone is going to get hurt. I can't help but be indecisive, trying to find the solution that results in the least amount of offense."

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "But I don't know what to tell you. It's sort of all on your shoulders at this point. But," I added, "The way that you think like this is another reason why I like you so much."

"Hm?"

"You're just so nice. People don't give niceness enough credit, you know? But I love it about you."

"I… I see." He pushed his glasses up on his nose and blushed while opening the front entrance to the apartment building. "Let's use the elevator… You've been tottering a bit."

"Eh…" Mine had insisted on tall shoes for tonight. I'd thought I was doing well, but apparently not. "They just hurt a little bit. I'm fine for the stairs." It was only the second floor, after all.

"I insist."

"Fine…" I looked up at him as he hummed along to the instrumental tune that played softly through hidden speakers in the elevator. "Hehe… Hey, come down here. I wanna tell you something."

"Yes?" He bent down to my level and flinched when I snuck a kiss to his cheek. "… But what did you want to tell me?" He gave me a confused look.

"Nothing at all!" I laughed. "I just wanted to kiss you since you were being so cute."

"Er…" His face turned red again and he coughed as he straightened back up.

"You're so freakishly tall… But maybe I'm just short," I mused as I fished for my keys once the elevator dinged on the correct floor.

"You are of average height." Kent walked me to the door, still fidgeting slightly out of shyness.

"If you say so." Once I nudged the door open I turned to him. "Well… Goodnight. Thanks for walking me back."

"Of course."

"I'll, uh… talk to you later. And, no pressure to answer too fast, okay? Don't worry. I know that you want to give it so much thought simply out of kindness, so… Yeah." I smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you, Michi." He smiled back warmly. "Rest well tonight."

I waved and shut the door behind me. I just wanted to hug him so much it felt ridiculous. "… Huh?" I looked around. For a moment it had felt like I wasn't alone in the apartment, but that was stupid. Of course I was alone. The feeling hadn't even been frightening, but comforting. Still, it was strange. "So I had a pretty good day…" I murmured, feeling more than stupid but doing it anyways. "Um… I really hope he says yes. Even if that's selfish, I…" I cleared my throat. "I love him, I think… At least it's very very strong like…" Damn, what was I even doing? Maybe I was just tired, or lonely, or a bit sad about how the confession had gone. "Well… Goodnight." Even so, it felt better to talk through the day; natural, as if it was just what I was supposed to do or used to. It seemed like I didn't understand much these days.

I heaved a sigh and pulled out my phone to text Mine:

Carrot cake. Or Boston Crème cake. Or both? Yeah let's just do both.

She texted back within a minute:

Yes! I want to order pizza first though.

I grinned and typed:

You are a girl after my own heart. See you tomorrow!

One last ping came from her before I shut my phone off:

So excited!

"Eh…" I sighed and curled up in a ball. "At least pizza is there for me, right…?" Who the hell was I talking to? It had to be myself, but… "Whatever."

The next day I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep from excitement. That being said I put on my most comfortable clothes and went ahead to get the cakes before heading to Mine's house. She answered the door to find me holding out the bag. "Hey. I got the goods." I grinned.

"Haha! You're here early."

"Michi!" Sawa bounded up behind her and waved at me.

"Why're you here?" I asked, surprised.

"Well…"

"She needed some cheering up after last night," Mine explained.

"Y-yeah. So… How'd it go?" Sawa asked nervously.

"Eh… He said to give him some time to think."

"Oh… So, both of us got told the same thing."

"Yep." We started laughing and hugged each other.

"Am I missing something here?" Mine looked between us.

"Yeah, we both confessed to Kent last night and he said he needed time to think." I shrugged.

"Wha… Seriously?! Why am I just finding this out now! That guy… He should be so lucky! And then he can't even… Ahhhh!" Mine pulled at her hair, feeling our frustration secondhand.

"Hence the cake." I promptly cut myself a slice of each kind and munched while Sawa and Mine hashed out pizza toppings and what movie to watch first. "You guys should hurry before I just eat all of this by myself…" I seemed to be more upset about it than I'd first thought.

"No you don't!" Mine made herself a plate while glaring at me. "You'd better leave some for me…"

"I don't know if I want to watch a romantic comedy right now… Will it cheer me up or will it make me more depressed?" Sawa frowned.

"We could play one and if I punch the TV then we'll know it wasn't a good idea," I suggested.

"Neither of those things are good ideas," Mine sighed. "Executive decision." She picked up a film about a war between vampires and werewolves. "Time for some good old-fashioned violence to make us feel better."

"Let's do this!" I cheered. I was able to take my thoughts off him, mostly. The three of us girls spent the rest of the day and well into the evening within our food-based camaraderie until Mine started getting tired around ten at night.

"I guess I should go…" I stretched and frowned, hoping the loneliness wouldn't come back once I was at home and alone.

"Will you be alright by yourself?" Mine asked. "You could spend the night if you want."

"Nah, I don't have anything with me… It's cool. I'll keep my phone out just in case, okay?"

"Alright… Stay safe on your way back." They waved as I exited, graciously leaving them with what remained of the cakes.

"… Fine!" I dialed on my phone after walking less than a block. "Yo!"

"Michi?" Kent said my name slowly. "Why are you calling me this late? If you need anything you know you can simply come to see me."

"I'm walking back from Mine's house. Wanted someone to talk to 'cuz I just left and I'm bored already. That okay?"

He was silent for a while. "Please stay exactly where you are until I get there."

"Wait, what? Hey!" I stared at the phone as he hung up. "Seriously…?" Wait. Wait. I wasn't even dressed cutely today. Was there cake on my face? There was probably cake on my face. "Shiiiiit…" I waited in paranoia until I saw Kent running towards me. "… You, uh… You have a car, right?" I raised my eyebrows. "Why'd you run all the way over here?"

He held up a finger as he caught his breath. "I may have… panicked… slightly," he huffed. "Ever… so… slightly."

"Oh, come on. You didn't need to worry about a thing."

"I can't help it." He took my hand and grasped it tightly. "I can't help it when you are concerned."

"Oh, come on…" I mumbled again, embarrassed now. "You know I can handle myself."

"I'm aware, but that still doesn't comfort me enough." He tugged on my arm slightly before letting go. "Let me escort you home."

"It's not as if you're giving me a choice in the matter," I muttered, trying to hide how pleased I was.

"So… What brought you to Mine's residence today?"

"That's…" It was his fault, basically… "Just a girl's day. Mine and Sawa are having a sleepover, but I didn't bring any clothes so I just decided to go home. I kind of like having my own bubble to myself anyways. Wait, how'd you know where Mine lives?"

"I've dropped Sawa off here after tutoring sessions. I know where both of them live."

"Oh… Yay." And there came another bout of irrational jealousy.

"Your relationship is amicable, then? You and Sawa?"

"Well duh. We're best friends. It's totally cool."

"I'm glad…"

"Hey…" I peered up at him. "Did you not sleep well?"

"How could you tell?"

"Your eyes just look strained."

"I was deeply immersed in thought and lost track of time, so…" He cleared his throat. "But it's really not an issue."

"Ah… So you really were giving it a lot of thought, huh? Sawa and I."

"Of course… I respect the both of you and this deserves proper consideration." He frowned.

"It wasn't the idea here to make you upset, you know." Now I felt bad. "You're almost too sweet." I bumped my shoulder against his arm. "Don't go losing sleep over it."

"I am a ridiculous man," Kent muttered.

"Oh, come on. Don't be hard on yourself."

"No, I'm simply being honest. My choice was obvious from the start, but I've just been avoiding it because I don't want to hurt anyone. It needs to be done either way in the end, so I should get to business. Isn't that right?"

"I mean, I can't tell you what to do… But you're taking a mature stance on this." I couldn't help but chuckle. It was just so like him.

"… I thought you would at least react to what I said…"

"I-I mean, of course I heard you… Your choice is obvious, huh…?" It made me panic instantly. He's spent a lot more time with Sawa than with me, and Kent and I hadn't even been friends until recently, much less bringing the idea of dating into the equation. "C-cool."

"Y-yes." He reached out to hook his pinkie around mine, wrapping my hand up in his when I didn't pull away. "I… Well…"

"Just say it! I'm freaking out…" I laughed nervously.

"I-I love you very much, Michi."

"S-so, it's me?" It was obvious from what he had just said, but part of me was still in disbelief.

"Yes." He fiddled with his glasses nervously.

"Yay!" I jumped up and threw my arms around his neck, waving my legs in the air as he stumbled and put his arms around my back. "Thanks, Kent…"

"Y-you're welcome…" He mumbled as he awkwardly bent to plant my feet back on the ground.

"You're way too tall." I hopped up to swipe at his hair, trying to ruffle it.

"I'm sorry?"

"Hehe." I took his hand again, giddy. "Let's get home."

"Please refrain from walking alone at night on all future occasions," Kent murmured.

"I will, if it makes you worry that much."

He blushed. "It does."

"Did you know that I was in both judo and kendo club in high school?"

"Not both… I knew one."

"I am a beast, sir. I just don't look it."

"Even so." Kent sighed, then cleared his throat and glanced down at me shyly. "It's a strange thought, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"Living so close to you."

"What, you're still not used to it?"

"No, it's just… different now. Living in such close proximity to…" He looked away to mumble. "My girlfriend."

"Oh…" I laughed. "I didn't realize you were this shy… It makes me nervous too."

"Did I ever apologize?" He asked quietly.

"For what?"

"For the night I was intoxicated."

"Ohh… That." I shrugged. "It was certainly different." Not that I'd hated it or anything.

"I am sorry for my untoward behavior." His mixed seriousness and shyness made his face look slightly puppyish.

"Oh, come on… You're too cute." I got the urge to kiss his cheek again but the height difference was too much. "It's fine. Seriously. I know you were just… letting off some steam, so to speak."

"That still doesn't excuse it. I didn't have your permission."

"You have old-fashioned values, huh?" It was kind of nice in its own way.

"I don't see them as outdated, just… rarer, these days."

"That's definitely true." I bit back a laugh as he made sure to open the door to the apartment building for me. "… Walk me to my door?" Really I just didn't want to part with him yet.

"Of course." He trailed behind me up the stairs and to the corner of the hall.

I leaned against my door reluctantly. "Well… Thanks."

"Rest well, Michi." He dipped his head and spun around.

"H-hey!" I took a few steps towards him. "Can I have a goodnight kiss?"

He froze and then turned back around before approaching me stiffly. "In that case, please close your eyes," he mumbled.

I did so, standing on my tiptoes for good measure. I felt his fingers wrap around my upper arms before he pushed his lips on mine for just a second before pulling away.

"Was that satisfactory?" He murmured, breath warm on my face.

I dropped back onto my heels. "Yeah." Strangely enough, the purity of all his actions warmed my heart enough to make any small gesture feel significant. The embarrassing thought made me blush and take a step back. "Geez… G-goodnight, then."

He smiled faintly. "Once again, rest well."

"You too." I went back into my apartment and sighed. "So… I have a boyfriend now." No response from the emptiness. "That's... an embarrassing word, isn't it?" I still couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation.

No response.

"Hey, do I need therapy or something?" I muttered as I went to the freezer and pulled out a tub of ice cream to thaw some. "It's whatever." Nothing but some temporary loneliness.

I was knocked away from these thoughts by the pinging of my phone as I sat in bed eating ice cream pensively. It read:

Goodnight.

I laughed and texted back:

Kent you already told me goodnight

It pinged a few minutes later:

I was under the impression that a goodnight text was customary.

I sent one final message:

You're a dork. I'm going to bed.

As long as I had this, the loneliness would never catch up to me.

* * *

 **~ First Date ~**

A gentle tap came at my door, and I ended up accidentally stabbing myself from surprise despite the fact that I probably shouldn't have been all that shocked.

"Ehhh!" I withdrew a small needle from my finger and answered the door glaring balefully with my digit in my mouth.

Kent blinked at me. "Are you quite alright?"

"Yeah… Just poked myself sewing." I wiped my hand on my shorts. "What's up?"

He ran a hand through his hair while the other hand rummaged in his pocket. "Here you are. I'd forgotten to give this to you in the excitement."

I peered at the small square of paper he offered. "A business card?"

"Yes. You remember the party I took you to? The one where you… made quite the splash, so to speak?"

"Well, yeah," I snickered. "Kind of hard to forget."

"Well, during the spectacle a woman took an interest in what you were wearing and gave my mother her business card to get back to you. My mother giving this to me to deliver to you… She stated that this was her way of becoming even for what you did to help mend things slightly."

"Ah." I frowned and inspected it. "So, what… I just… call her?"

"That is the idea, yes."

"… No way."

"What? Why not?" He frowned and tilted his head, confused.

"I'm just… not good at associating with people from that… circle. You know that… Thanks anyways."

"Will you just give it some thought? It has the potential to be quite lucrative for you."

"Oh, please…" I muttered, starting to feel guilty from his hopeful expression. He had gone to the trouble to get this to me, after all… "I-I'll call, then."

His face lit up and he offered a small smile. "I'm glad, Michi."

"Sure…" I sighed heavily when he began to look at me expectantly. "Fine…" With that I pulled my phone out and dialed number by agonizing number slowly until I was forced to hit the call button.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this…" I peered at the card. "Junko Ashido?"

"This is she. May I ask whom I am speaking to?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm Michi Ohayashi… An acquaintance of, uh…"

"Oh, yes. I was hoping my card would make its way to you. Let me lay out the terms simply. I think you have talent as a designer. If you'd like to take advantage of this opportunity, then show me that you can do even more that what I saw you wearing the night of the party. Show me, say, a twelve-piece collection."

"Twelve… collection…" What. Whaaaat. Damn.

"So? What'll it be?"

The way she said it like a challenge snapped me out of it. "Alright, bring it on."

"Excellent. I'd prefer something by the end of the month, assuming you already have some pieces ready."

"End of the month… Yeah, that's doable." Assuming I used a lot of what I already had, of course.

"Good. You have my email, correct?"

"Yeah, it's on the card…"

"Contact me via that medium to make any future appointments, then. I look forward to hearing from you."

I didn't have time to say anything before the phone clicked. "Oooookay."

Kent blinked at me. "So?"

"She wants twelve garments by the end of the month, thematically organized into a collection."

"Can you do that?"

"Yeah, but I won't have much time for anything else between sewing and work." I frowned up at him. "And I do mean that."

"You're referring to the two of us?"

"Yeah… Sorry."

"It's fine. I understand completely that there are times when a person has to throw themselves into their work. Just… You'll let me know if there is anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah. Thank you." I hugged him tightly. "Geez, I don't even know where to start… But I do need to get my thoughts together. So…"

"I understand. I'll leave you to it."

"Thanks." I took a deep breath once he was gone. We'd barely started dating and he was doing amazing things for me already. I'd have to make it up to him later. But, emphasis on the later. I basically spent the rest of the month in my apartment when I wasn't at work, sewing things together and tearing them apart, going through my old stuff and trying to make something worthy for this mysterious woman who was trying to afford me a chance I had never thought I'd get.

Towards the end of this cycle I received a knock on my apartment door. "Hyaaah!" I ran to it and threw it open violently. "What?!"

Kent raised a hand in greeting. "Good day, Michi."

"Hold on!" I ran to get my phone, tapping on it before going back to the door. "Look at this!"

"It's our text messages," Kent observed.

"The date, look at the date!"

"Eight days ago since your last message."

"I am a terrible girlfriend!" He'd still sent me a goodnight text, no matter what.

His eyes widened. "No, not at all."

"Ahh, don't try to comfort me… I can even be bothered to text you…"

"That's part of why I came to see you in person. Also, here." He held out a bag. "Lunch. I've noticed that you skip meals when you've become too deeply involved in your tasks."

"S-sorry. I'm really sorry. I just… I'm so close! So freaking close."

"That leads me to the third reason I've come." He showed me the display on his own phone. "Junko Ashido emailed me because you've apparently been unresponsive in your own email… Read."

"Eh… Has been unresponsive, blah blah blah… Holding a party, would like to see samples… Oh, that's tonight… Okay… Wait, what?"

"In short, would you like to come out with me tonight? Miss Ashido will be at the party, and my parents as well… The latter wasn't worth mentioning, I suppose. But, you could use a chance to get out of the apartment."

"O-Okay… The email says I should bring maybe three to six sample pieces… Can we pack those in your car?"

"Of course."

I sighed and smiled at him helplessly. "You're always doing stuff for me. I really appreciate you. Please don't think I don't."

"I've never thought that. I told you from the beginning that I understood, didn't I?"

"But still. I'll… try harder."

He smiled. "Alright."

"Now let's do this!" I scrambled around the apartment, getting things together. "Okay, let's go."

"Michi… Not to be rude but, what about your attire?"

"Eh?" At that point I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I showered probably because I hadn't even slept for two days and I felt like a big ball of scum. "Excuse me, pardon me, give me like half an hour…"

I hurriedly pinned my hair up with red rosettes after scrubbing down with inhuman fervor and was surprised by a dress laying across my bed when I emerged. It was simple but not terrible in my opinion, a dark gray knee-length with no sleeves and a plunging neckline with a tie at the waist. "Hey, Kent?" I walked out while wrapping myself in a transparent cream-colored shawl. "Did you do this?"

He blushed from his place waiting on my couch. "I… like that dress very much. It's one of my favorites that you've made, so I thought that the best way for you to show it to Miss Ashido would be to wear it yourself… I think. And since your other pieces are ostentatious, in a good way, you should show your simpler tastes… I can't seem to stop talking. Sorry."

I laughed. "You're the cutest… Just the best." I bent down in front of him. "Um… Can I kiss you?"

"What?" He blushed, averting his eyes downward and then turning redder before looking up at the ceiling.

I took the opportunity to kiss and then nuzzle his neck. "Thanks so much."

He took my shoulders and pushed me back so he could stand up. "Ahem…" He adjusted his glasses and drew his arm across his face as if his blush was erasable. "We should depart soon."

"Right." I followed him out, smiling to myself when we got into the elevator. "Is this our first date?"

"Didn't we go on one before?"

"Yeah, but we weren't officially together yet. Is this, you know… Our first date-date."

"I suppose so, if you put it that way. Belated, isn't it?"

"I'll take you out on a hundred dates if you want." I squeezed his hand. I really did just want to be a girlfriend worthy of him.

"Tomorrow, then. A date with just the two of us," Kent mumbled.

I leaned against his shoulder. "Okay." Then we piled into the car and drove to the same place where, incidentally, I had first kissed him smack dab in the middle of an event his parents had been holding. Good times.

"You've been tapping away at your phone… What has Miss Ashido been saying?" Kent glanced at me.

"She says she wants to meet me and chat before she comes to see the samples… Is she sizing me up or something?"

"Quite possibly. She's taking quite a chance on you, having given you that living stipend while you completed your work."

"I know. I could buy like, a ton of ramen with it." I took a deep breath. "Everything's okay? I look like I'll blend in."

"You're going to stand out in the best of ways." He offered his arm and I took it, once more pressing to his side for warmth and the stability of his solid presence. "That said, please stay by my side."

"Of course I will. No need to worry."

"At least be clear that you're taken…" He almost whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

"I can be very, very clear if you want. Care for a demonstration?"

"You're liable to give me a heart attack before I'm fifty, Michi."

"A heart attack in the best of ways?"

Kent shook his head, trying not to smile. "There she is."

Junko Ashido was standing next to the fountain, a tall glass of alcohol in a gloved hand. She wore bright red lipstick and round glasses, a bright silver dress hugging a full figure. Blonde curls were piled atop her head, elegant in their messiness. A furred shawl swished on the ground as she spotted us and parted the crowd effortlessly in sparkling pink heels.

"It's good to see you in person again." She shook my hand firmly and clapped Kent on the back. "Finally got a good woman, huh? Not bad, kid. Not bad at all. You know lots of people were starting to think you were on a different swingset, so to speak."

"Uh, well," Kent stuttered before he cleared his throat. "Thank you."

"And by swingset I mean lot of us were beginning to think he was gay. But who wouldn't go gay for that friend of his? I mean, one could do far worse."

"We both got what you meant the first time. And you're talking about Ikki? He's not so bad, I guess." I shrugged. "… Actually, that would make some beautiful yaoi."

Junko laughed. "I see you still don't have a filter. I like that! For better or worse at least it makes things interesting. Well, let's see them." She marched off towards the outside.

"Oh man… Can you let me do this alone?" I looked up at Kent pleadingly. "I don't want to cut you out of this, but…"

"I understand." He smiled gently. "You want to see this through all on your own efforts."

I jumped up to hug his neck. "I love you." Then I ran out after Junko, almost unable to breathe with anticipation.

An hour later I came back in to see Kent pacing the back wall. Once he noticed me he bounded to me almost like a puppy who'd found its owner again, grabbing my arms and looking at me intently. "What happened? How did it go?"

"Well, Junko had some pointers on the pieces but she seemed to like them. Then she just wanted to talk about life. My life, and what I want for the future. She noticed that I have a tendency to go grand, and we sort of decided… Well…" I started smiling, unable to contain my joy.

"Michi, just tell me already!"

"She offered me a job. She wants me to do a line of wedding dresses."

Kent stared at me for a few seconds before letting out a yell and grabbing me, spinning me in a tight hug. "I knew it. I absolutely knew it," he whispered into my hair. "You're so amazing… I love you too."

"You're the best boyfriend in the history of the world," I said after he put me back down. "So… Are we staying, or…?"

"I suppose we'll have to stay for a moment." Kent's expression turned neutral and I followed his gaze to see his parents approaching us.

"Fucking awesome," I muttered.

"Mother, Father. Good evening." Kent put his arm tightly around my waist and I blushed at his fingers digging so hard into my hip.

"Congratulations." Kent's mom dipped her head. "Miss Ashido sent me pictures of your work. I was… fairly impressed."

"Thank you." I nodded, knowing that she was making an honest effort to be cordial. They loved their son and were trying harder to be normal for him, I knew, treat him better and look past their own business interests. They just hated his choice in girlfriend.

"So, son… How long has this fling been going on again?" His father asked.

"I won't dignify that with a proper answer." Kent frowned. "I won't ask for your approval, but I expect your manners."

"It was only a jest, son. And yes, congratulations to you, Miss Ohayashi. Have a good rest of the night, then."

I sighed once they were gone. "They, uh… They won't ever like me, will they?"

"I'm not sure," Kent said honestly. "Shall we leave, then?"

"Huh? You want to?"

"Let's have our date tonight. I'd rather not wait for tomorrow."

"I thought coming here was a date."

"Not truly. Not for us. Come." He took my hand and marched outside, me following willingly but without a clue. "Wait here." He stopped into a store for a moment and came out slipping a bag into his jacket.

"Should I be scared?" I smiled.

"Of course not." He led me to the park where we had all attended the fireworks festival as employees of the café.

"It feels like forever ago the last time I was here," I sighed, smoothing my dress underneath me before sitting on a bench.

Kent fished around in his jacket and withdrew a box of sparklers and a lighter. "I thought about it, how I may have ruined that night for you."

"No, that's not true..."

"Wrong."

"Did you just… use my own thing against me?"

"I know well enough now to understand that a girl wants an answer immediately when she confesses. And I knew the instant you did that I wanted to be with you. I'm sorry for hesitating." He handed me a sparkler. "I'd rather have you remember that night as a good one than one filled with stress."

"It is a good memory for me. I finally got to say how I felt. Sure, it was stressful… But it felt good to tell you."

"Well… To another good memory, then."

I put my head on his shoulder as I watched the sparkler fizzle out. "It's kind of like watching a shooting star fall down in slow motion."

"It's more like aluminum, charcoal, potassium nitrate, and nitrocellulose."

"… Please stop." I laughed and stood up to stretch and then do a few spins, watching the light blur in my vision until it disappeared. "You know…" I got my balance back, giggling. "It's always been enough for me to just sit and talk with you. I'd like to be able to be like this forever."

Kent stood, dropping his finished sparkler on the ground and coming close to me. He bent down and put his hands gently to my cheeks. "I adore you," he murmured, his mouth brushing mine. "I like you. I love you. I treasure you absolutely…" Between each statement he gave another small and sweet kiss until I stood on my tiptoes and pulled on his shoulders to keep him there.

"Hey," I breathed when I finally let him go. "I don't want to leave your side tonight."

His eyes widened and his whole face flushed red. "I, erm…"

"J-just… being in the same apartment is fine. If you don't mind, but if you don't want to that's also fine. Heh." I laughed awkwardly.

"No… It's been a while since you came up to my place. It's a good idea. I think." He shook his head, still looking flustered. "Let's… go home." On the way back he slipped into old habits and walked ahead of me, probably due to nerves. I was content with it this time though, just watching him, how he always stood so inhumanly straight and yet ducked his head when he was nervous. Even things like this I loved about him.

"I'm stupid," I whispered to myself. Someone like him, I definitely needed to hold on to. "Kent!" I ran after him and hugged him tightly from behind. "Don't leave, okay?"

"Ah, my apologies… I was just… getting my thoughts in order."

"It's okay. I caught you." I took his hand and didn't let go until I had to, since we needed to part ways for me to get some things from my apartment and him to clean some things up, so he said. It was perfectly fine, though, since it gave me time to change into the cutest pajamas I had and freshen up, making sure my hair wasn't messy and I didn't look as tired as I felt.

I waited outside his door until he came to let me in. "Hey…" I mumbled. "So… Please take good care of me."

He gulped nervously and looked away. "You don't have to be so formal. You're welcome here at any time."

"So… I'll just, uh, come in." It felt tense now that I was overly conscious again of how much I liked him.

"You look very tired… You can take my bed, and I'll –"

"We won't sleep together?"

He opened his mouth but couldn't seem to get any words out.

"… Is that okay? Just to sleep next to each other."

"I-Is it?"

"I think so…"

"Sleeping. Nothing else. I swear."

"Shouldn't I be the one making that promise to you?" Kent looked at me earnestly.

"I dunno!" I looked at him helplessly, and we slowly cracked smiles. "Let's just go to sleep… I'm exhausted."

"How long has it been since you slept?"

"The last two days are kind of a blur, and then today felt long even though it was kind of easier…"

"I won't lecture you, even if I really want to, but you shouldn't skip sleep."

"And you've never pulled an all-nighter?"

"I generally finish my tasks and am in bed by eleven o'clock."

"… I hate you." I took a small running start and leaped onto his bed. "This feels so good!" I sighed, hugging the pillow. "If I end up stealing the blankets away from you in the middle of the night, just tug 'em back."

"Noted." Kent settled next to me gingerly.

"You look… different." Seeing him in a simple v-neck shirt and flannel pants was completely new and adorably casual.

"Is different in this case a compliment?"

"You're so cute…" I shimmied closer to wrap my arms around his chest. "I want to treasure you, too… So I'll work hard to make up for being a bad girlfriend over the past month."

"How many times do I have to tell you I understand perfectly that you had to put your work first?"

"I don't want you to have to understand," I murmured. I wanted him to feel as safe as I did when I was with him. "I absolutely swear, I'm going to be the best girlfriend you've ever had."

"You're the only girlfriend I've ever had."

"That too." I relaxed quickly into a state between wakefulness and sleep, needing rest but wanting to keep feeling the moment. "I get really lonely," I murmured.

"Lonely?" Kent echoed softly.

"Yeah. Being alone at night. Or during the day, sometimes. I dunno why. It's hard."

"I understand." He put his arms gently around my back. "But even if you don't have a lot of precious people in your life, having just a few that are dear to you can be enough. Trust me on that."

I nodded. "Okay." He couldn't understand it because I couldn't either, this feeling that I was being haunted by something I couldn't even see, feel, or hear. It was just there, this feeling that something was missing. Still, as long as Kent was there, it would all be fine. That feeling could be kept at bay, if just barely.

* * *

 **~ Proposal ~**

"Kent, let me make it up to you with a date today!" I leaned over his desk after slapping my palms down on it.

His lifted his gaze from his laptop. "You've been making up for it, as you say, for three months."

"As long as I still feel bad, this behavior shall continue." I skirted around the desk to loop my arms around his neck from behind. "Come on. Break time."

He sighed and leaned into me. "You're probably right." He was working almost nonstop on his dissertation. I knew perfectly now why he was so understanding when I was so immersed in my work. For him, it was a part of life. A dissertation was seriously consuming endeavor, so now it was more or less my turn to make sure Kent took care of himself.

"Come on then!" I tugged him to his feet and he laughed, letting me pull him back towards the outside world.

"Where are we going?"

"A place I think will be very relaxing." I winked and he only looked halfway nervous about what I could mean. "Do you, uh, like stars and stuff?"

"I like them as much as the next person, I suppose. I took an astronomy class for an elective once."

"Good enough." I led him through town to a white building that had a black, rounded roof. "Ta-da! Planetarium."

"You had me worried, but this does seem like it will be relaxing."

"Haha, I had a good idea." We were led into a room with a projector covering the ceiling, nothing special while the lights were still on. "Did you know that there are movie theaters with seats that recline back like this? They're more expensive though," I rattled on as we sat back in the chairs, arms touching.

"Are you…. Nervous?"

"No. No way. You're imagining things and/or are completely wrong." I looked away from him, mumbling. "What makes you think that…?"

"You have a tendency to go on about unrelated subjects when you feel nervous. My suspicions have been more or less confirmed."

"It's just that… you're really close."

"This is a very selective time for that to bother you."

"We're in public! With other people. The elderly and children. I immediately feel indecent. Like someone's gonna be like, damn whippersnappers, bringing their fornication into the planetarium."

"… I don't understand anything you're saying…" Kent blushed. "However, being that this is a date, I feel as if our current closeness is acceptable."

"O-okay." I shifted closer to him and he put his arm around my shoulders. "The only constellations I know are the big and little dippers. Why isn't there a medium dipper?"

"I don't know. I'll point out what I can if you like."

"Sure." It felt more comfortable once the lights went out. The other people and seats around us didn't feel quite so present. In moments to projector lit with images of space. It almost felt as if I could rearrange the stars if I reached up. "Dude," I whispered. "Planetariums are fucking cool."

Kent pressed his lips into my hair to smother a laugh. Then he shifted slightly to whisper in my ear. "That's Cygnus."

"Which one?" I murmured, leaning my head towards his.

"The cross… Right there." He pointed, tracing the shape with his finger. As the screen changed, he quickly caught another one. "Canis Major. There."

"It looks like a headless stick figure throwing a ball." A lot of them did.

"… Perhaps it does… Ah, that one's Orion. I think it's one of the most well-known."

"Giant headless stick figure shooting an arrow. Why do you think we imagine a bunch of stick figures in the sky?"

"I think it's normal to want to understand the things that fascinate us. Giving name to them helps."

"Oh… That makes sense." I nestled my head on his chest to get more comfortable.

He idly ran his fingers through my hair. "You see that one? It looks a bit like a parasol but it's actually a fly."

"Yeah? I see it."

"It's called Musca. Lesser known… I think it's charming."

I couldn't seem to speak all of a sudden, nor could I understand the sudden heartache that tore through my chest. All I could do was hide my face and sink my teeth into my lip to hold in any sounds that might betray the fact that I was crying.

Even so, Kent eventually noticed as he continued to point out formations in the stars without receiving a response from me. "Michi?" He whispered, tilting my chin up when I tried to bury further into his jacket. "What's the matter?" His eyes widened instantly with shock and panic.

I shook my head and wiped at my face, angry that these selfish emotions were ruining what was supposed to be a good time. "Nothing," I was eventually able to mumble.

"Let's go." He took my hand and pulled me outside despite my protests. Once we were back into the sunlight, squinting from the transition out of darkness, Kent took my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Please tell me. Why are you crying? I can't figure this one out on my own."

"I don't know. I don't know! I can't understand these weird feelings I keep getting." The sadness and loneliness that kept hitting me didn't have a clear reason for being there.

Kent's brow wrinkled with confusion as he thought. "… Let's go home."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry, this was supposed to be relaxing for you." I let out a weak laugh. "I'm pretty pathetic right now."

"Don't say that. Everything is alright, I promise." He put his arm around my shoulder again but it seemed like more of a protective gesture this time.

For a time we were both silent. It was hard to know what to say, and I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts trying to put name to this confusion.

"Will talking about it help? I don't know," Kent said after a time.

"Let's just change the subject for now."

"Whatever you like. Then…" He tilted his head. "Your collection. How is it coming along? I haven't asked you about it in a while."

"It's coming along. I never know what Junko's going to like, but I feel really good about it. You know when you just know in your gut that something's going to turn out well as long as you put the effort in? That's what I feel like."

"I know the feeling very well, yes." He smiled. "I'm happy for you."

"Do… Do you want to see one when we get back? If I tried to read your dissertation I'd never understand, but I can share my work with you." I didn't even understand when he tried to explain the subject matter to me, so reading it was out of the question.

"I'd love to see what you're working on." His eyes lit up, but worry still hung at the edges of his expression.

"Okay… I'll show you then." Even in the drama it still made me excited to see what he would think. When we got home I ducked quickly into my room. "Wait a minute!" Of course I had to pick my favorite, and… Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try it on, right? Just… Just to see how it looked… felt… No ulterior motives whatsoever, like him thinking I'm pretty or something... Of course not.

"I'm stupid, right? … Right?" I closed my eyes. There would never be any response. I knew that very well. These feelings… I had to let them go so I could treat what was in front of me properly with all I had. I couldn't let it get to me, ever again. "Right, then." I peeked around the door before going out, dress swishing around my bare feet. I smoothed the fabric down, standing there awkwardly. It was the only one I'd made that wasn't white so far, cream-colored instead. Pearls formed floral designs on the bodice and acted as a belt of sorts to break the line around the waist where the skirt fluffed out in layers of tulle. "H… Hi."

"… Oh." Kent sat on the couch blinking at me.

"I-I figured that it'd be easier for you to say whether you liked it if you saw it on someone, is all…" A complete and utter lie. More like I was indulging myself. No harm in it, though… "That's all!"

"You want… my, uh…" He coughed. "Objective… opinion?"

"Whatever kind of opinion you have, I guess." I shrugged.

"It's… lovely," he said quietly, putting his face in his hands.

"That was underwhelming, but I'll take it as a compliment."

"No, that's…!" He looked up at me earnestly, face bright red. "It's quite overwhelming, rather…"

"I can just go take it off, if you want."

"No." He stood and approached me. "It's fine."

"Kent?" I caught my breath when he stopped standing close to me, bent down closer towards my level.

"It's difficult to give an objective opinion when it's you wearing it. But it's beautiful."

I blushed. "You're really close."

"So I gathered."

"Did you just… sass me? You had sass in you this whole time?" I teased softly.

"The longer we are together, the more new things we'll learn about each other."

"Yeah…" I felt my face fall. "I… I'm sorry. I turned out to be a weaker person than you could have expected. I don't think you're ever going to have a perfect or calm life with me around."

"I don't think that feeling lonely means you're weak. I don't think that not comprehending your own feeling means you are weak. If it does, then I've been weak for almost my entire life, before we became close. So, please don't say those things about yourself. Besides, it won't change how much I love you."

I opened my mouth to respond, but Kent had leaned in to touch his lips to mine almost before I could get my thoughts together. He pulled away for a moment, looking into my eyes with so much seriousness that I squeezed my own eyes shut out of shyness.

"Michi."

"Eh?" I flinched, having been expecting another kiss.

"I…"

"What's up?" I opened my eyes, confused and heart beating erratically.

"You said once that you'd be content to be with me forever, right?"

"Well, more than just content. But yeah, something along those lines…" I mumbled.

"I'd be happy, too. I… I would like to keep learning new things about you. I want us to continue taking care of each other. I don't want you to feel lonely again, ever. I… want to know what you think about that."

A hot blush crept up from my neck to my ears. "W-well… I… like… it."

"Shall we marry, then?"

"… What? What?!"

"Will you marry me?"

"W-will _you_ marry _me_ , though?" I blurted.

Kent blinked but then laughed. "Of course."

"Then I'll marry you too."

"Okay." I cracked a grin. "Your parents are gonna freak. We've only been dating four months."

"It feels a lot longer than that… But I suppose it is impulsive." Kent smiled. "I'm willing to make a bet, however, that we'll have a good life together. The rest of our lives." He laughed softly. "I've never been quite so happy."

"Me either." I blushed as he leaned down to kiss my shoulders and collarbone, arms going tight around my waist. Then before I knew it he had scooped me up easily. I laughed. "Your parents are gonna freak."

"Most definitely." He nudged the door to the bedroom with his foot and carried me in there, keeping a hold on me even as he sat on the bed. "It's a tradition for a groom to carry his bride over the precipice… I think to symbolize a new start of their lives together."

"Huh. How about I carry you instead next time?"

"You can certainly try, but…"

"Wow. I can feel your doubt like so heavily eight now."

"Well…"

"It's fine, you can carry me if you want. Just as long as you don't get tired for the wedding night."

"The night?" His face slowly reddened. "Ah. Yes."

"That's the best part, right?"

"Arguably?"

"Will be for me I think. Sawa and Mine are probably gonna doll me up, and that's going to be torture but at least I'll look good… When should we get married? I don't want to be cold, but I don't want to sweat either…" I stopped rambling when Kent laughed softly. "What?"

"It's just cute that you're so excited… I am too, but still. I'm glad to see you are too. Although…" He looked away and coughed. "Certain things don't necessarily need to wait for the night of a wedding, right?"

"… Can I count this as a proposition?" I mumbled.

"Perhaps."

I grinned, throwing my arms around him and tackling him onto his back. "Come here, you."

There would always be those inexplicable times when I felt lonely, when I felt the urge to go back to that planetarium and confront the name and shape that had made me break inexplicably. Even so, there would also always be this person next to me, solid and dependable and teddy-bear sweet. That light, that voice, were all that I needed.

* * *

 **A/N**

You may have noticed a certain gratuitous absence from this chapter. That's right. No sex scene. I… I couldn't think of anything besides sweet tender missionary lovemaking for this couple and that would have been boring to write. I tried, and that's why this update took a while… But nothing worked. So… Sorry if you feel jipped, reader.

This also turned out to be more somber than I thought it'd be. But such is the way with overarching plotlines. Hyuk hyuk hyuk.

Two chapters left. I am so freakishly close. So… freakishly tempted to start new fanfictions. Ahhhhh. Just let me be in peace, my precious anime trash mind.


	55. Chapter Fifty-Five: True Ending

Well, something weird happened… I guess this is the final chapter. I mean, it definitely is.

See, a sneaking suspicion of mine came to fruition. You know how most otome games have a so-called "true ending" with one guy, like how Ukyo is that guy in the original Amnesia game (even though our Shinny boy claims the front cover)? Fruity suspicions bore that for this story, Toma is Michi's "true ending". That being said, this is it.

Don't get me wrong. I ship her with all the guys and I have my biases. But… Read and maybe you'll see where I'm coming from? Anyways.

Thank you so much for reading. I've appreciated so much everyone that reviewed and otherwise showed support. Despite all of the mistakes I made you guys read until the end and again, I appreciate it so very much.

Enjoy the story!

* * *

 **~ Confession (Woo-hoo) ~**

 **~ Michi ~**

I waited.

Hours passed. The blaze of fireworks came and went, and so did the people who came to talk to me from my stationary place standing near the entrance of the park.

Finally, towards the end of the night where all that was left to us was a half-empty box of sparklers, Shin approached me.

"Hey." He paused to look me over. "You look good."

I couldn't bring myself to respond to the compliment. "Hey."

He sighed. "What are you waiting here for? He's not coming."

"I know that by now." But somewhere deep down I was still stuck pretending.

"Shit," Shin muttered. "Toma told me not to tell you this, but… You deserve to know."

Dread lurched up in my throat and I had to swallow it down. "… What is it?"

"Toma quit his job and moved out of his apartment. He's leaving tonight. I don't know to where. But –" Shin ducked as one of my shoes came flying at his head. "Shit. Hey –" He fell down completely as I chucked the other one.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?!"

"Like I said, he asked me not to."

"Why?!" I repeated in a snap.

"You know why."

"Dammit," I breathed, hiking my yukata up my thighs before breaking out in a sprint. I was the only one. The only one who could convince him to stay. That was why he hadn't said anything.

People stared, but it didn't matter. My feet got scraped up by the gravel of sidewalks and the road, but I didn't care. I could only breathe, feel properly, once Toma's apartment building came into view. I hated and loved this place so much.

I stumbled through front where all of the mailboxes in starkly anonymous silver rows were stacked and up the stairs to the second floor and where I'd known Toma to live. Banging on the door yielded no results, but the knob turned easily when I jerked at it.

I stepped into darkness. The blue and gray blanket on his bed that he'd never bothered to fix in the morning was gone. It was all so completely bare and… so lonely.

"Seriously…!" My feet led me in a panic back outside. He couldn't have left yet. It was impossible to accept it, or any of this. Where could he have gone? The café? Shin's house? No, he already had said goodbye to Shin and quit his job. Then… Maybe, just maybe…

It wasn't far to my own apartment. I was in the middle of punching the up button on the elevator and realizing that it would have been way faster to take the stairs when I saw a flash of yellow in the corner of my eye.

"Hey!" I spun around and saw Toma already halfway out the door. "HEY!" I chased him out. "Wait! I said wait!" I grabbed his shoulder roughly and yanked him around to face me. He had his eyes squeezed shut tightly. "What are you doing?"

"I can't look at you right now." He shook his head. "So if you want to talk… This is how it's going to be."

"Whatever. As long as you can hear me it's fine." There were so many questions I had, but since I was probably going to be confused no matter he told me I figured I should just say what I had gone to the fireworks show to say in the first place. "Toma, I love you."

His hands clapped to his mouth and he turned around abruptly.

"I love you," I repeated. "I don't need you, but I love you. I can live without you, but I don't want to. I want you by my side. I want to support you."

A tremble seemed to run down his entire body. "I… I _can't_ , Michi."

"Why not?" I asked quietly.

"I need you. I don't feel like I can live without you. I want to hold you… Just for me."

"That's fine. I only want to be with you anyways."

"That's not what I meant! It's… I want to keep you to myself. I don't want any of the others to look at you ever again. I'm scared to let you escape. If it goes on like this… If I let myself sink further into this… I'm going to hurt you someday, Michi. Hurt you badly."

"I won't let that happen. I'll protect you, fight you, whatever it takes."

He hesitated and was silent for a while so I carefully approached him and tugged at the back of his shirt. "So don't go, Toma."

He turned around slowly and took a few steps back, revealing wet eyes and an expression weighted with pain and regret. "I'm not going to make you live that way. I have to do this."

"Toma…" I started after him.

"Don't! Just don't." He took a deep breath after his voice started to tremble. "I already deleted your contact info, blocked you and changed my number. I… I want nothing to do with you."

"But… W-wait…" I stuttered, dumbfounded. "I thought…"

"I don't love you. It's not love."

"What is it, then? What was all of this to you?"

"Bye, Michi."

"Toma!" No matter how many times I called after him, he didn't turn back.

* * *

 **~ Two Years Later ~**

"Hey master, what the fuck can I do for ya today?"

"I'll have the maid special, please."

"Sure." I scrawled it and went back into the kitchen. "Maid special for table four, Sawa."

"A shocking number of people still request you, even after you came up with that special greeting of yours…"

"Hey. Who am I to deny to the masses what they crave the most?"

She laughed. "Seriously… It's a bit creepy, don't you think?"

"Some people like being taken down a peg, you know." I winked and helped her to pull out ingredients.

"You've been pulling more shifts lately, huh?"

I gritted my teeth at the faint pity lacing her tone. "Can you blame me? The manager's so particular he hasn't hired any new people since Shin went to college and… yeah." The other absence usually remained unspoken in my presence."

"Yeah."

"Imma go take more orders, then I'll be back to help you."

The cafe was more tolerable with my new technique for the whole maid act, but I still found myself generally floating through things at work and the curriculum at Myouga University, doing enough to be considered above average but never quite exceptional. Still, I was luckier than a lot of people. No monthly rent, a manager willing to work with a tight schedule. Life could definitely be worse.

At first I had cried myself to sleep too often to admit, missing Toma desperately all while some other strange emptiness carved at my heart. It was humiliating and infuriating at first, and then it eventually faded to embarrassing, and then to stupid, and then I stopped crying and turned my face towards the future. A college education wasn't something I'd been sure I could handle paying for by myself, but I guessed that was just what loans and scholarships and never going to bed before hours past midnight were for.

It wasn't as if I didn't miss him or think of him from time to time. It wasn't as if there wasn't a pit hiding somewhere in me I couldn't find. Toma wouldn't fill it. I knew that very well. Maybe it was just meant to be there. I was reminded that there were still precious things to be gained, in a way. Something… Something would heal me in this way. Until then… Until then.

"Whaaaaatever." This is what I usually said by the time I plopped down into bed after work, homework, and a shower. It had been recommended to me by Mine that I start journaling my feelings, but I'd given up on that after three attempts. It had felt far too unnatural. Instead I talked about my day to the space around me, letting the experiences flow out and around to vanish in peace.

"So…" I began. "Got up. Good start. Had oatmeal for breakfast. It was too watery, but I was too lazy to heat it up more. Then my first class. Then work at food service. College dining halls are not places for the weak. Then my second class, then my third class, then work at the café until close, then homework. Shit. I forgot lunch again. Anyways. Oatmeal redemption for dinner. Not so watery this time. Like I said. REDEMPTION ACHIEVED. Homework. Shower. Bed. Talk. The new toothpaste is working out. Minty. All in all, a normal day. Overly oatmealy… But not so bad."

The silence made no reply, but I liked to think that it accepted my commentary. I normally drifted off to sleep not long after completing this process, but the chime of the doorbell resounding through the space just barely managed to motivate me to get out of bed. Thank the stars it was Friday.

"What can I do for ya…?" I saw him and processed that he was actually here while I was talking, so after the question I just stared uselessly.

"Hey, Michi." Toma smiled at me. "I'm back."

I promptly slammed the door in his face but returned a few moments later. "So I went in to look for something that would be great to bash your head in but then I realized that MY FISTS ARE THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT HYAAAAH!" I leaped at him, fist connecting with his face while I swept his legs out from underneath him. "BASTARD WHO DIDN'T EVEN SEND A POSTCARD! A POST! CARD!"

"Shit, Michi! Stop!"

"NOT UNTIL I'M DONE! I'm done." I slid down against the wall while he wiped at his bloody nose. "So. You're back. Been a while."

"Yeah."

"So where were you all this time?"

"Backpacking across Europe."

"That's so fucking cliché."

"Whatever…" He sat up and leaned against the opposite wall. "What about you?"

"College. Work. Adulting."

"What's your major?"

"Psychology."

"Really? I never knew you were interested in that kind of thing."

"Yeah. Thinking about the ways people think and why… It's interesting. People like you, and my mom."

"Oh." His expression softened. "Michi… This must be sudden for you."

"Of course it is. I thought you'd left forever. I was generally prepared for that."

"Since when did I say I'd never come back?"

"Well that goodbye felt pretty damn final!" I snapped. "You told me you didn't care about me!"

"Yeah, well… I lied."

"Say what now?"

"I lied! You were trying to get me not to leave and I almost gave in."

"So you said something incredibly hurtful to confuse me and leave me crying an unspecified number of time. Cool."

"Oh."

"It's whatever! So explain it to me. I'm not seriously angry at you anymore… Just blowing off some steam. I had a long time to stop being mad. So just let me understand."

"Well… I just needed a long time. I needed you so much I wanted to hurt you. I think it was important to save both of us from that. So I left for Europe. I'd gone there on study abroad before, so it made sense. So I just sort of went around. I met a weird German guy who called himself Noize. Also a French guy literally named France. He was very stereotypical. Well… I waited until a day came where I didn't think about you so much it felt crippling. Eventually I stopped dreaming about you too. You weren't the first and last thing I thought of every day. In the end I was able to think about you being with someone else without feeling crazy. So I decided to come back just to let you know that… I just want you to be happy."

"That all?" I sighed and stood. "Alright. Message received. Look… You didn't have to come back. I'm fine." I grinned. "But you too. Hope you're happy, Toma."

"I am." He offered the most sincere smile I'd ever seen from him.

"So what now?" I pulled him to his feet.

"I'm not sure."

"Wanna come in?"

"Yeah." He looked around as he followed me in. "Nice place…"

"Right?" I went into my room and grabbed my phone before throwing it at his face. "Your contact info."

He laughed. "Sure."

I sighed and crossed my arms. "I'll be honest. The only reason I'm so calm right now is because I don't know how to react. A large percent of me wants to continue kicking your ass. But I'll refrain, at least for now. So…" I swiped my phone from him once he held it out. "Let's just start over. Everything that's happened up until now is definitely a part of us, but… I think moving on will benefit us a lot more than me holding everything against you."

"Thanks, Michi. Really..." I could almost feel his relief. "Thank you."

"So."

"So…" He shifted, looking like the big puppy I had missed so much.

"You wanna go get drunk?"

"Heck yeah. I haven't had sake in such a long time… I miss it."

"Okay. We get drinks, we bring 'em back here, and we watch abridged anime. Let's do this." I marched out the door.

"You're not wearing pants."

"What the fuck ever."

"Put on some pants. I will never ask anything of you again if you just put on some pants."

"Fine." I marched into my room and pulled on sweatpants before heading back out. "You're paying, because you were a negligent asshole."

"I thought you weren't going to be mad at me…"

"I've earned the right to hold it over your head at least three times, I think."

"Sounds fair…" Being that he was foolish enough to accept I took full advantage and had him get a copious amount of wine coolers.

"So, what's the appeal of taking shots?" I asked once we were back inside the pantsless safety of my apartment.

"I think it just lets you get drunk easier to drink in fast small amounts."

"I'd rather just drink in fast large amounts if I wanna get drunk."

"So which abridged are we watching?"

"All property rights belong to Tite Kubo. Time to Bleach it up, bitch. Time to… uh… Blitch it."

"Neat?"

Twenty-three episodes and two movie specials later, we were both generally incoherent.

"Lemme tell you what I'm a gonna do," I drawled, legs in the air as I rested my head in Toma's lap.

"What you gon' do?" He ran his hands through my hair.

"Imma gonna write… a FANFICTION."

"Oh my gosh you're such traaaaash. Such beautiful wonderful sexy traaaaash. You're the kind of trash someone looks at and they're like, shouldn't that be recycling?"

"Lemme tell you about this fanfiction though. Because, let's be honest, that's all that matters. That. Is. Aaaaall."

"Okay, that's legit."

"I'm gonna write a Bleach fanfiction. With an OC."

"What's an OC though?"

"It's an Occupied Cactus. IT'S AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER YOU IDIOT!"

"Okaaaay… Don't get mad just 'cuz I'm not trash like you…"

"Whateeeever. So I'm gonna write a Bleach fanfiction and there's gonna be an OC and she's gonna be like WHAAM POW I'M SO STRONG BUT ALSO HAVE REALISTIC CHARACTER FLAWS and then she's gonna like get with the little snowflake guy so HARD like yeaaaaaah!"

"Isn't he like a kid though? That's daaaangerous."

"That's the thing! Nobody knows! Nobody knows how old any of them are! IT'S PERFECT."

"Okay then."

"Or maybe she'll get with someone else… There are so many choices…"

"You're drooling. Stop drooling."

"Or maybe I'll write a My Hero Academia fanfiction. But there's even mroe confusion there... Shoto. He's just peerfect. Perfect terrible backstory for a sweet lady to come in and comfort him with ehr own awesomely terrible backstory. But he ahs Momo. I JUST CAN'T SHIP IT! i CAN'T SHIP HIM WITH ANYONE BUT MEEEE! WHY CAN'T I JUST HOP ON THE SHOTOMOMO TRAIN?! DEAR ALL MIGHT I JUST CAAAAAAAN'T! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT SHINZO GUY WALKING IN ALL SEXY AND PURPLE?!"

"You're not okay! You! Are not! Okay!"

"I can't heeeelp it. I can't help aaanything. You just don't understand the never-ending appeal of 2-D men and their sexy bishounen ways. You'll never understand…"

"I don't think I want to."

"Heyyy, Toma?"

"Mm?"

"I'm glad you're back. Like, really glad you're back."

"Me too… Also, I have nowhere to live."

"Duuude. Your fault for giving up your apartment. But you can take my couch."

"Cool. This is a really comfortable couch. Like, an awesome couch."

"It's my couch. Not yours," I muttered.

"Okay."

"I'm gonna sleep now."

"Okay, cool. I'll be here."

"Cool beeeeans." I didn't know if I forgave him or if I loved him in that moment, but from the bottom of my heart it meant everything just to have him next to me again.

* * *

 **~ Toma ~**

That night started my days of trying everything in my power to keep an honest and pure love for her. I'd never stopped, of course. Ending my affections had been impossible from the start. But my love had been toxic and dangerous, so I'd kept away and forced myself to become a person worthy of her until I was able to come back wanting nothing but her happiness, even if that happiness had nothing to do with me.

She fell asleep on my lap, likely dreaming of the 2D men she seemed so fond of. I was able to get up without waking her to go to the bathroom and didn't even really try to resist the temptation to go into her room what with the door being ajar.

"Are you in here?" I whispered. "Thanks for giving us privacy."

Where was Musca? It was downright weird that she hadn't bothered me yet. Normally she'd have bothered the shit out of me already but at the same time been kind in that way she was. No wonder Michi loved her so much. Yet, even as I searched the expanse of the apartment, I found no sign of her.

"Seriously…?" She couldn't be in the hallway? That made no sense. I drifted back into Michi's room and noticed a journal on her bedside table. Having never known her to journal before, I opened it.

The first entry, second, and third entries were the only passages written, as if Michi had just stopped randomly.

 _So I guess I write my feelings. Well, I feel like shit, paper. That's what I feel like. Toma's gone, and on top of that, I can't shake this loneliness. Shin's leaving too, but strangely enough I don't think it has much to do with either of them. Sure, I thought Toma leaving at first was gonna mess me up for good. But I got over it, just like I got over Mom and Dad leaving me in the end. Time passes. You find more precious things to live for that make you happy and you can make happy too. But even so. Something else is gone. I feel like there's something inside me that can't be filled by anything else, no matter what. I've tried. There are four empty tubs of ice cream in the trash can. Going to go to the gym tomorrow, probably. Not. But I don't get it. I'll write again tomorrow. Too tired for this._

 _Nothing's helping. I can't think. Something in my heart is breaking. I don't care that it makes no sense or that it's melodramatic. I can't even breathe sometimes. It's not something I'm sad about losing. It's something I need. I don't understand. I wish Toma was here. I think he'd understand if I tried to talk to him about it. He's the only one who'd understand what this feels like. Is this what I make him feel like? No wonder her left._

 _Yeah, so journaling isn't helping. I quit._

I caught my breath and tried to swallow past a lump in my throat. Musca was gone and Michi didn't remember her. But I did. I was the only one who knew that the thing causing Michi this shattering loneliness and grief was the fact that her closest friend was missing. I didn't understand the circumstances or even why. But somehow, deep inside I understood the reason I remembered.

My purpose, my only purpose, as Musca had always intended. Protect Michi's happiness. And now, finally, I was ready to do that properly. I nodded to myself and placed the journal where I'd found it. "I swear, Musca… You don't have to worry. I'll take care of her."

"What are you doing?"

"Wah!" I jumped when Michi came up behind me soundlessly. "N-nothing. I was just…" I couldn't very well inform her that I was looking for the departed spirit friend she didn't even remember. "I was reading your journal. I'm sorry, I just… I wanted to know that you were okay while I was gone." That was truer than anything at the same time.

She smiled and laughed softly. "Honestly, I'm fine. It's been a hard two years." She blinked as if surprised at herself. "It's been… a really hard two years. How come I haven't been able to say that to anyone else?"

"Michi…" I didn't know what to do to comfort her.

She smiled again, tiredly, and stepped forward to bury herself into my chest, arms tight around me. "It's been hard," she whispered one last time.

"I'm here," I murmured, holding her back with all my strength. "I'm always going to be here." She had saved me by giving me the power and motivation to save myself. Now, I'd return the favor. "I understand. I know exactly how you feel. But I promise, it won't break you. It'll never break you as long as you hold onto something and cherish it properly." Things would have been different two years ago if I'd been able to cherish her like I said. But now, I had a much bigger purpose than that.

"Toma…" Her voice cracked. "Toma." She trembled slightly and let out a soft sob before muffling her sounds into my shirt.

"You're not alone." Never again would this girl be alone.

* * *

 **~ Michi ~**

Once again, I waited.

I wasn't waiting consciously for anything, but over time all of the old feelings returned. There was an edge to them, new and profound. I'd known even back then that Toma had loved me, but I'd never known he had the potential to outright treasure me.

He sort of just ended up staying after his promise to be by my side, taking up residence on my couch and doing most of the cooking since I had become a bit of a lazy takeout slob ever since entering college. Eventually I'd started to notice the softness in the way he looked at me whereas before there had always been a glint in his eyes, hard and dangerous. He had been right all along, of course. Him staying back then would have destroyed us and any hope of a real relationship. My power alone wouldn't have been enough to save him. It took the both of us.

"Michi," Toma startled me out of these thoughts by placing a plate in front of me. "Take a break from homework and eat."

"Thanks, Mom." I put my textbook to the side.

"Yeah, whatever." He smiled.

"How was work today?" Toma had applied to the counseling program at Myouga University and had gotten unconventionally hired due to a kickass application and generally amazing life story of self-discovery and ability to psychoanalyze. We ran into each other on campus at times but were both usually too busy running around to stop and chat.

"It went well. I can't say much, because confidentiality, you know. But one of the regulars seems to be feeling a lot better lately."

"That's good…" I smiled warmly. "I'd like to be able to help people like you someday. But I want to focus specifically on mental illness."

He smiled warmly. "I think that suits you. You've been studying like crazy, haven't you?"

"Yup. Exams coming up… I'll be damned if I let multiple choice questions defeat me."

"They won't," Toma laughed. "Not with how hard you work."

"Thanks." I smiled and put down my fork after only taking one bite. "Look. I know you've been searching for apartments lately..."

"Yeah. Not right for me to keep mooching off you, you know?"

"You've been paying rent and cooking. That's definitely not mooching. It's like, anti-mooching."

"Still…" He shrugged, looking away.

"Why do you want to leave, so suddenly?" I murmured.

"Honestly?' He smiled slightly. "I've been here for around seven months, right?"

"Yeah."

"About how long do you think it took for me to want to hold you again?"

"Uh." I blushed hotly. So he'd finally acknowledged it. "Um…"

"I'll just say that it wasn't a long time."

"Oh."

"I want to be there for you, and I always will be. But maybe it'd be better for me to do that while leaving you in peace, you know?"

"Er… Maybe just don't make that choice by yourself? Maybe, like, let me chime in?"

"What?" Toma blinked at me dumbly.

"I love you. So, yeah? Maybe like, rethink, if you're so inclined?"

"Oh. W-wait, since when?"

"Well, there was the whole thing before you left where I literally confessed to you… But it took you leaving and then coming back and showing this new side of yourself for me to realize something, Toma."

"What?" His hands shook slightly.

"You were willing to give up a lot for my sake. Even your feelings for me. I know they were deep back then, if not healthy. And they're just as deep now, but they're so beautiful. I love those feelings. I love you. I want to love you just as tenderly as you seem to love me, Toma."

He smiled tremulously. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Hey…" He came over and knelt in front of me, taking my hand and putting it to his chest. "I think I'm having a heart attack or something…"

"You're definitely not. You'd be on the ground by now if you were."

He laughed. "I love you so much. Thank you… Thank you for everything."

"I love you." I leaned forward to hug him, resting my cheek to the top of his head as his hair tickled my collarbone. "I want to love you gently and painfully again. Let's start gently."

"Okay. Anything you want." He tilted his head up and I leaned down to kiss him. It was long and lingering, sweeter than a summer twilight's breeze.

He'd told me before that it would be okay if I never felt whole again, that it was fine for loneliness to be a part of me. That didn't mean that I couldn't find happiness. And I had; all of us had, in the end.

* * *

 **~ Wedding, but with a Question mark ~**

Toma and I had a quick wedding a few months into resuming our romantic relationship. It seemed fine to have it just between the two of us, even though we received endless curses from our friends because of it and were forced to hold the longest after party in existence a few days later so we could be properly reprimanded.

"I really don't get what the problem is," I sighed.

Sawa slapped me over the head. "I had a goal, you know! I was supposed to do your makeup for you just like I always used to!"

"I did fine."

"You didn't wear any at all. Don't think I didn't inspect those pictures."

"Like I said. I did fine."

"I'm with Sawa," Mine muttered. "I don't know if I can forgive you easily."

"I'll let you have the first piece of cake." We'd bought a special cake since there hadn't been one to share with everyone on the actual night of the wedding.

Mine paused to consider. "All is well. Come on, Ikki." She dragged her boyfriend off towards the cake.

Ikki turned back to wink at me. "Congrats, Michi."

"Don't give in so easily, Mine!" Sawa scolded her before turning to her own husband. "Tell her, Kent!"

"It is proper for you to feel slighted." He shrugged when I scowled at him.

"I can't believe I flew in for this…" Shin sighed.

Toma slung an arm over his shoulders. "Come on, you know it's more fun here than it is in the States."

"Maybe." He glanced at me. "Happy for you."

I smiled. "Thank you."

"So… Tell me something honestly." Shin looked into Toma's eyes with unblinking seriousness. "Are you going to treat her right?"

"Yeah. I've changed a lot since then, Shin."

Shin sighed. "I know. Just making sure. Long as you're happy, Michi."

"I am, Shin. Really, truly happy." I squeezed his arm reassuringly.

"Well…" He stood. "I'll leave you guys to it."

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Your overt joy is gross. I'm taking a break from it."

I smiled and watched him go outside. "He hasn't changed a bit."

"I think we all have, in the end. Thanks to you."

"Say what?" I laughed. "What're you talking about?"

"You haven't forgotten, right? Everything you did for us."

"I mean no, I didn't forget. It's not like I have amnesia or anything."

"Ahahaha…" Toma shifted in his seat. "Anyways. Really. You did so much to help all of us. Shin, Ikki, Kent and me. You're the most amazing person." He took my hand. "Thanks for marrying me."

"W-well, you're welcome." I blushed, embarrassed. I'd never done anything remarkable besides just living, but it still meant a lot to hear him say that.

"You're special to a lot of people… More special than you even know," Toma murmured as he kissed my cheek.

"Cut that out…"

He laughed. "Too late now. I'm going to tease you for the rest of our lives."

"Fine," I sighed. "Sounds like a good deal to me."

Once the anger-induced fanfare faded, we all went our separate ways. Shin ended up dragging Toma to his hotel for some reason or another, so I went home by myself. Figuring I had time, I made a few pit stops on the way, not fully knowing why but content to follow wherever my feet led me.

My old apartment, its beautiful creaking staircase. The karaoke joint where one of the worst duets in human history had occurred. The hospital where I'd learned that a certain someone wasn't quite so terrible and womanizing. The café, and its awfully convenient side alley. The lake, its peace and memories. All of these places were things I had shared with someone, and they were so special that it made my heart ache with how full it was.

One person tied all of these memories together, I felt. Something was there, something too far away to see. It hurt, knowing that I might never be aware of it again. But even so…

"I'm happy!" I spread my arms out and looked out over the lake. "I'm happy." My life was finally tying up neatly, allowing for real, true peace. "So don't worry about me."

* * *

 **~ Toma ~**

"Alright, so…" Shin yawned before continuing after having basically forced me to come talk to him instead of going home with my wife. "I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you going to make her happy?"

"It's not like I have any other purpose in my life."

Shin barked out a laugh but still narrowed his eyes. "I'm being serious."

"Me too. I'm not taking this as a joke. I know you're asking me honestly. I honestly think that's why I'm here. To make sure that Michi is happy, with or without me. It's just luck on my part that she chose me, I think."

"Maybe so." Shin shrugged. "You caused her a lot of pain after you left. Maybe I still wasn't ready to forgive you for that. But still… I believe you. I believe you more than I ever have. Keep your word."

I smiled. "That a threat?"

"I'm not even sure myself. But still… I know you'll do it."

"I swear."

"Good." He sighed. "Okay, you can go now."

"Shin? Do you still love her?" I was fully aware that he could have made her happy too.

He paused to consider. "I do. But it's not the kind of love you have, where you're married now and are going to start a family someday. It's the kind of love where you want someone who's precious to you to have a good life."

I nodded. "That's a good place to be. It's not like I don't think about that, even now. If one of you guys would have been able to make her happier than me. Michi would kick my ass for even suggesting it… But still."

"Just do your job and you'll be fine. It's not like you guys will never fight or have bad days… But like I said. You'll do just fine."

"Michi doesn't have a father, so… I guess this is the closest thing to a blessing I'm going to get."

Shin shrugged and smirked. "Maybe. Now get out. I'm tired."

"Yeah. Thanks, Shin."

"Whatever… Congratulations, Toma. Have a good life."

"Bye." I left, deep in thought. If even Shin was willing to say those things to me, maybe I could fulfill my purpose. Maybe I could make Michi happy. I laughed. "Never thought I'd get here…"

I liked to think that Musca would have approved, too.

* * *

 **~ Michi ~**

"Oh… You got back before me." I laughed as I went into the apartment.

"Yeah." Toma shook his head, sitting up on the bed where he'd been sitting and reading. "You just felt like walking?"

"Just thinking for a while. But it's good to be home."

"It's weird… I think we had the most anticlimactic proposal and wedding ever."

"Pretty much." We'd just sort of agreed to get married while watching abridged anime again one night and the wedding had been small and simple, shotgun style. "I'm gonna get comfortable." I started unbuttoning my dress.

"Alright." Toma stood to leave.

"Where are you even going?"

"Giving you privacy?"

"We're married now, so you literally don't have to do that anymore. I mean, we agreed to start sharing a bed and room once we got married too, so…"

"Somehow I feel like we've done a few things out of order…"

I laughed and changed into my pajamas. "This is a lot more comfortable…" I snuggled up to Toma's side and peeked over his shoulder at the book, joining in progress. Toma finished one more chapter before putting the book down.

"You done?" I asked.

He almost seemed to gaze off into space as he ran his fingers through my hair. "It's getting long again."

"Yeah. I dunno whether to cut it off again or no. What do you think?"

He paused for a while. "… Do you think you'll ever wear pigtails again?"

"Eh? I mean, probably not. Why?"

"… Nothing."

"Really?" I said skeptically.

"Well, it, uh… would make things interesting. You know."

"… Oh." I frowned. "Well, I don't mind a little bit of hair pulling, but I think that would actually hurt too much, and not in a good way."

"Okay then."

"Sorry to kill your fantasy."

"Oh come on, I wasn't…" He blushed and coughed. "Well. I guess this is a good point though. We should probably set up boundaries, maybe a safe word…"

"You think so?"

"Yeah. The first time we did it I realized that I wasn't very good to you at all. I just did whatever I wanted and didn't make sure you were really okay afterwards. I want to be better about that from now on."

I blushed, smiling at him. "It's kind of cute how you're taking this so seriously…"

"I take my future with you seriously." Toma looked at me intently and I twitched under his gaze.

"O-okay. So… Boundaries, you said."

"Yeah… Like, what sorts of things do you absolutely not want me to do?"

I crossed my arms and frowned, going into the possibly deepest moment of thought in my entire life. "If you touch my feet… I will kick your ass. Literally."

"Noted." He paused. "Why your feet? I never really considered that anyways."

"That is my private area. Off limits completely."

Toma tried to bite back a laugh but grinned anyways. "That sounded so wrong… In reference to your feet of all places."

"Whatever, dude. How about you?"

He paused. "I really prefer to be on top. It's not mandatory or anything, but…" He shrugged.

"Okay then." I nodded. "What else?"

"Hm. I can't think of anything right now…"

"It'll come to us as we go along, then. Alright… Now for the hard part. Agreeing on a safe word…"

"It's gotta be short and sweet, and it should stand out a bit, right?"

"Alright. I've got it."

"What?"

"Wait for it." I paused for effect. "Meatloaf."

"No."

"Why not?"

"The absolute last thing I want is to have you yell out meatloaf in the middle of sex. That. Would. Not. Be. Fun."

"Okay then, nix the meatloaf…"

"Let's just outlaw anything food related,"

"Literally all of my ideas were food related."

"That's unfortunate."

"You make a suggestion then!"

He blushed. "What about… pretty please?"

"… You. Are such. A top."

"I know, right?"

"Okay…" I tilted my head back and forth. "You know what, why not? I'll try it."

"S-seriously?" His face got even redder.

"Good luck making me say it, though."

"That's definitely a challenge." He put his arms around me and buried his face in my neck, pressing his lips to my skin hard.

I slipped my hands under his shirt to clutch at his back and nuzzled his hair as he brushed his lips to my shoulder before biting down. "I love you," I whispered.

It was a while before he responded as he took his time undressing me and lacing my body with bite marks. When he raised himself back up to my level I reached up to wipe blood from the corner of his mouth. He took my hand and pushed his mouth to my palm. "I love you too."

I smirked. "Pretty please."

"Doesn't count." He put his hands in my hair. "I'd rather have you begging me to stop." He hesitated, even now. "Are you sure? You don't mind me hurting you like this. It's been a long time for both of us, right?"

"Yeah, so? My preferences have already been established."

Toma laughed. "You know, when I imagined treasuring you, I didn't think this would be a part of it. But it's a part of us, I think."

"Definitely." I pulled him closer.

There were many ways in which two people in love could make each other happy. We just had our own particular ways, and always would.

* * *

 **~ Musca ~**

Sometimes loneliness was the price we had to pay for such beautiful memories.

The price we paid in the Spirit World was this: Faera, Nhil, Orion and I would be outcasts. It came as no surprise whatsoever. We had interfered in the affairs of the human world without permission, after all. But it did cause shifts in the Spirit World's system of judgement in that reconsiderations began to be made in how we dealt with humans. They weren't so inferior in the end, with their endless capacities for bravery and love and so many other indescribable feelings and actions.

A girl named Michi Ohayashi had proven that.

In the end, out of respect for Michi, we were given a choice. The reason we had received such strict deadlines in terms of timing was because we were all required to be present for the verdict of our trial. We were then given a choice that we had to answer quickly, with no time for deliberation.

Would we be reincarnated within the Spirit World as new members within its ranks, or would we go to the human world and live out our lives as mortals?

None of us needed to give it very much thought after everything we had witnessed.

Somewhere in the human world, close to those whom fate had touched, a family of a husband and wife and two children can be met. Their names are strange, the husband Nhil, the wife Faera, and the children Orion and Musca.

Orion and I both had the same reason for coming back, just for the sake of different souls. We just wanted to be close again to those people who had become so dear to us, more dear than anything else.

My most precious person.

Michi.

* * *

 **~ Michi ~**

The first thing I said to Toma after our first child was born was this:

"Dude, that fucking hurt…"

He laughed, placing light kisses all over my face. "You're okay though. You sure you're okay with the name I picked?"

"You seemed pretty insistent on it, so…" I shrugged and smiled. "No, it's a great name. It's precious."

Our daughter was named Miyu Asuka Ohayashi.

Coming from the kinds of homes we had, Toma and I took care to spoil her and at the same time teach her to kick as much ass as she needed to. She was generally well-adjusted, what with both of her parents being psychologists.

Whenever we walked her to school she refused to let go of our hands as we swung her in the air between us. The small and cozy suburban house we lived in was only a few blocks from the school, Toma and I having been determined to see her off every day rather than subjecting her to the den of depravity that was a daily bus ride.

"What'd I tell you to remember no matter what, Miyu?" I said. She'd started a little while ago, but school still made her nervous.

"To kick ass before taking names because taking names wastes punching time."

"Good! But not that thing. The other thing."

Miyu grinned up at me, blonde pigtails tied with red bows. "That I'm completely amazing."

"Right, kid. So don't you worry about kindergarten. You're going to be great. You'll make friends and learn new things, and life will just be the most exciting thing from now on. You're already reading your own stories before bed!" I smiled warmly, lifting her up to hug her tight. "Time's gonna go by so fast…. I want you to enjoy it."

Toma leaned over to kiss the side of my head before tapping Miyu on the nose. "And what did I tell you?"

"To never resort to beating people up first because the things Mommy does aren't acceptable in most places."

"Exactly."

I shrugged. Unfortunate and slightly offensive, but oh so true. "Alright, we're here." Kids streamed in, waving goodbye to their parents from the drop off at the front of the school. "Miyu." I crouched in front of her. "If you're ever gonna remember anything, then you keep this in mind. You listening?"

"Yeah!" She looked at me with her father's golden eyes, wide and expectant.

"Never, ever doubt that you're loved or think that you're alone."

"Duh, Mommy!" She laughed and hugged my neck before running inside without looking back.

I sighed and stood. "So…" I leaned against Toma's side and took his hand. "You wanna have sex when we get home?"

"Yep." He nodded. "Time for some you and me time."

I laughed as he kissed my cheek. "You know, one of the other moms asked me if I needed help the other day."

"Really? What for?"

I pointed to my neck, where a set of bruises had just now started to really fade. "Guess my scarf slipped."

Toma blushed hotly and cleared his throat. "Oh… Sorry. Guess I need to hold off on that…"

"Don't worry. I told her."

"T-told her what?!"

"Nothing too bad! I just went into a detailed explanation of the different possibilities for S and M couples."

"You… still don't know how to handle conflict… After all this time." Toma looked about ready to fall over.

"Excuse me…" A couple with two children approached us. "Would you mind helping us with directions?"

"Oh, sure." I blinked at the family despite myself. They all seemed almost too beautiful and picturesque for words.

"We just moved here and were looking for the elementary school. We ended up at the junior high and were told that our children needed to spend one more year here… Are we at the correct place?" The mother asked sheepishly.

"Yeah. Our daughter just started a few weeks ago, so I get that it's definitely weird to have to come to a new place. Anyways, yeah. For a transfer you'll just want to take a left and go to the first big doors you'll see, and then go down to the end of a hall. The principal will be there and she'll help you with the paperwork."

The woman smiled brightly. "Thank you!"

"No problem. Oh, I'm Michi and this is Toma."

"I'm Faera, and this is my husband Nhil and our children Orion and Musca."

"Hi there…" I trailed off when I realized that their daughter was blatantly staring at me. The son was looking at Toma with a mixture of unnatural suspicion and anger in his eyes. Woah? "So... Are you guys European?"

"Yes. I suppose it's obvious that we're foreign from the way we carry ourselves," Nhil laughed.

I shrugged. "Once you spend enough time in one place you'll start to feel more comfortable. Trust me."

"Thank you, again." Nhil bowed his head to us.

"No big deal…" They were strange, but not in a bad way. Just… My chest tightened at the sight of them.

"If you ever need anything else, call us." Toma pulled out his phone. "Here. Let's trade contact information."

"Thank you."

I frowned up at Toma. He'd stated to me that he wasn't particularly interested in making friends with other parents, so why was he being so forward now? Well, no complaints.

"We'll see you around, perhaps." Faera smiled and waved to me as the family departed.

I looked away quickly when I saw the daughter still looking at me as her parents pulled her onwards. "Hey, Toma? What do you think? They're a bit… strange, don't you think?"

He squeezed my hand hard. "Strange how?" He asked softly.

"I'm not sure."

"Maybe," he whispered.

I pulled my hand away from his and wiped it on my skirt, finding it clammy all of a sudden. "Why are you being so weird?"

"Why are you so panicked right now?" Despite sounding concerned there was excitement in his expression, almost goading.

"Shut up. Just shut up. Let's go home."

"Michi." He grabbed my arm. "Just… Talk with me."

"Here? Seriously? In other words, hereiously?"

"Yes… Hereiously."

"What is it?"

"What do you think the nature of memory is?"

"What do I think about it…? Not much. Never thought about it. But if I had to answer right now, I guess I'd say that… Well, we forget things naturally. Just not the most important things."

"Right. But say you did forget something important. What do you think would bring it back?"

"I dunno. I just wouldn't forget it in the first place."

Toma sighed. "That's not how memory works." He shook his head and put his fingertip to my temple. "A trigger."

"That's not how memory works either."

"Okay, new tactic… Hey. Mind if I tell you a story? Fictional story. Something… Something I heard in Europe."

"You're acting weird, still… But fine."

He took my hand. "I always told you that it was fine to just deal with the feelings, with forgetting, but maybe that was the wrong thing to do."

"So what's your story?" I asked, deciding to humor him. He dealt with my weirdness every day, so it was only natural to be weird together.

"It's about a girl who gets joined by a spirit and goes on an adventure saving people who need her help."

"Sounds like the plotline to a moe anime."

"Not in this case. Other cases, maybe. I'll tell it to you on the way home."

By the time he finished, it having taken a lot longer than just our walk home, I was lying in bed next to him thoroughly confused. "Okay, I'm going to be honest. That sounds like a thinly veiled metaphor for my life."

"Does it now?" He laughed quietly.

"That was years ago…" I sighed. "It's been such a long time. So what's the point of your story?"

"Uh-uh." He shook his head and leaned over to kiss my nose. "You figure that out for yourself."

"Asshole…" I rolled over. "I'll sleep on it."

"It's been this long, but I can still remember everything so vividly," Toma said softly.

"Me too." I kept all of those experiences locked tightly in my heart. Although, now that I thought about it this deeply, there seemed to be something missing, a shimmering hole in my memories. Everything I'd done… I hadn't been alone. I'd never had the feeling of loneliness back then.

Just as I had almost drifted into rest, my mind started to split apart. That was what it felt like. Toma became alerted when I let out a screech and fell off the bed after jerking violently from the pain.

"Michi?!" He jumped off the bed to kneel and cradle me to his chest while I trembled.

I sank my teeth into my hand to keep from screaming again.

"Do I need to take you to the hospital?"

I shook my head, clutching at his shirt with my free hand to communicate that all he needed to do was stay where he was and let me recover. He stayed silent and held me painfully tight until I released my hand from my mouth, blood dripping onto the carpet.

"Hey," I whispered. "Call them."

"Alright." He helped me up and sat me on the bed, returning after dialing the number.

"Let me talk to them."

"Hello?"

"Nhil, hey. This is Michi. We met this morning." I recognized his voice as if I'd been hearing it for a long time, somehow.

"Yes." He sounded gravely serious but not upset. "What can I do for you?"

"Are your kids in school?"

"No. They'll start tomorrow."

"Mind if we all meet up, then? Like, now?" Even though it was only one of them I really wanted to see. "I'd, uh… like some parental advice." As good an excuse as any.

"Of course. Where can we meet?"

"Er… There's a park across from the school. A white bench there… Between two sakura trees." What could I say? I had a thing for benches.

"That will be fine."

"Alright… I'm leaving now. See you soon."

"Soon, yes."

I hung up and closed my eyes tightly.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Toma asked.

"Yeah… You're a part of this too, after all. A big part."

"Alright… Let's clean you up first, though." He took care to sterilize and wrap my hand.

"It's fine…" I bounced impatiently.

"It's not fine. I don't like seeing you hurt yourself."

I relented, forcing myself to be still. "I still don't know what to feel. I'm… close to something here. I feel it."

Toma pressed his mouth gently to my palm. "Whatever you choose, I'll respect it."

"Let's go."

We arrived at the park earlier than the strange family we'd met earlier and sat on the bench in the midday heat, assuaged by a steady light breeze. I stood when I saw them approaching from a distance and Toma remained behind me, hands reassuring on my shoulders.

"Thanks for coming," I greeted them as they stopped walking about seven feet from us.

"You sounded as if you were in great need," Nhil said. "We couldn't turn you away."

I looked upwards out of fear of turning my gaze to the person of most concern. "So, uh, you're not European, are you?"

"You could say we come from somewhere too far away to comprehend," Faera supplied.

"Yeah…" I nodded. "My head's been spinning since this morning. Actually, no. It's been that way ever since that singular August... I love my husband and my daughter. I love my life, I love living… So explain to me why something still feels like it's missing." I finally trained my eyes on her, their young daughter with her silver hair and wide eyes.

She took a few hesitant steps forward. "If you had kept those memories of the Spirit World and everything they had done in your life, you'd always know it and feel it. That in truth, you don't actually belong in this world even though you've earned your place. I thought that maybe loneliness was a less desolate feeling than knowing that. Besides… I had to go. Your memories couldn't survive easily after I was ripped away from you. I was still a spirit back then... But not anymore."

"I have a way of messing up the Spirit World's plans, I feel like…" I muttered. "Everyone feels lonely at some point in their lives. Every single person has moments when they feel like they don't belong anywhere. But I can live strong with mountains of those feelings each second of every day if you're there too." I dropped to my knees and spread my arms out. "I love you, Musca."

She smiled as rivers of tears started streaming down her face. "Michi… Michi!" She sobbed as she flew into my arms and we held tightly, never to let go of one another again.

My most precious person.

 **~ End ~**


End file.
